My boyfriend (35M) and I (30F) have been together for about a year and four months. I'm struggling with his relationship with his mother, and lately it's making me question our future together.

He still lives with his mom, and she's extremely dependent on him. She calls him frequently, including when he's at work or spending time with me, because she doesn't like being alone. There have been times when we've had to cancel plans or cut our time together short because she wanted him home.

He also feels responsible for making sure she's eating, has company, and is doing okay. It's not just that she constantly reaches out to him. He checks on her too.

But the thing that bothers me the most is that they still sleep in the same bed sometimes. His mother says she's scared or isn't feeling well, and he sleeps with her. This isn't a one-time thing. It's happened multiple times, sometimes a couple of nights a week.

Another thing I found really uncomfortable was when he told me that his mom wouldn't leave his room while he was getting dressed. He asked her for privacy, but she said she'd seen him naked since he was a baby, so he ended up having to cover himself with a towel.

She's also very against the idea of him moving out. He's told me that if he ever did, "all hell would break loose."

I want to be fair to him because he has made some efforts. There have been weekends when we've spent time together without interruptions. He's occasionally tried to set boundaries with her, and he has agreed to therapy. He never actually went to therapy, its been months.

For example, during one of my visits, his mother spent over 20 minutes talking to me about her problems. He actually told her that I hadn't come over to listen to all of that, which I appreciated. But when she pushed back, he didn't really maintain that boundary.

So it's not that he never tries. It's that he often ends up giving in anyway.

I don't want him to abandon his mother or stop caring about her. I understand that she's important to him. But I also don't think it's unreasonable to want a relationship where we can make plans without constantly worrying about whether his mother will need him.

And the sleeping situation has honestly started affecting my attraction to him. I know that might sound harsh, but it's how I feel.

I'm at a point where I want to think about living together and building a future, but I have a hard time imagining how that would work when he's still so involved in managing his mother's daily life.

I'm also finding it difficult to bring this up without making him feel like I'm judging him or attacking his relationship with his mother.

How can I talk to him about specific boundaries and expectations for our relationship without making him feel attacked? And what concrete changes would show that we're actually making progress toward having an independent life together?

TL;DR: My (30F) boyfriend (35M) is extremely involved in his mother's life, sometimes sleeps in the same bed as her, and often puts her needs ahead of our plans. He's made some efforts to set boundaries, but things haven't changed enough for me to feel comfortable about our future. I'm looking for advice on how to address this with him and what realistic progress would look like.

I was working on a tree on ancestry.com back in 2020 for my family to find out more about myself and my heritage, and it grew to be pretty large, something like 2000+ names across all of it, and because my parents and sisters were interested in learning more about our extended relatives and ancestors, I had it changed to public view back then not thinking anything of it. I got a pissed off text from my distant half sister who accosted me for putting personal information about her deceased sister on the tree but I didn't do that. Apparently she was angry that I had a photo of her face from the prayer card (at some point I was trying to have photos for just about everyone as markers for the tree because it grew so big), and it was the only picture I had of her, and I explained why and she said I was thoughtless and inconsiderate and how dare I and I had to right and it was just awful to be read to filth like this, I didn't mean to upset anyone. I did this six years ago and re-privated the tree and deleted any mention of their existence and now she's mad about that too. How do I navigate this?

My boyfriend (28M) makes $314,000 a year and I (27F) make $94,000 a year. His family lives in another country and he asked me to go with him to visit them and offered to buy my flight. This would be a 10 day trip and we aren’t seeming to agree on how to split things like a rental car/hotels, etc. in my opinion, splitting things based off proportion of our shared income seems most fair. He is a much more bougie fancy person than me and I am definitely more simple and don’t need nicer hotels/experiences.

Splitting expenses based off our combined income, would result in him paying 77% and me paying 23%.

He thinks splitting big purchases proportionately based off percentage of our shared income is unfair because he owns a house so he has a mortgage that is higher than what I pay and rent for my apartment. He is also working two jobs and says he’s worried he could lose one at any time so he shouldn’t have to pay so much.

When I brought up a splitting things proportionately, he also mentioned if we were to do that he would want to split absolutely everything including any dates we go on, getting takeout when we hang out, etc. Which I feel like would take the romance out of a date. If I ask him on a date or wanna take him somewhere, I would pay in full the same way he would taking me on a date.

I would love some advice here.

I know I must sound like such a grinch, but this has gotten to the point where I can’t say quite literally anything without him making a “joke” of some sort. I mean things like I’ll be driving to his place and ask if he wants anything from Taco Bell and he’ll say something like “I’ll taco your bell.” And a one off is fine, but it’s like the entire conversation everything I say he makes a bad joke. I’m on the spectrum, and I have to mask all day every day at work, and I’m just tired of having to mask with my partner too. I don’t want to have to fake laugh at 5 bad jokes during every 2 minute long conversation anymore. I used to laugh or giggle every time to make him happy, but I genuinely just don’t have the energy for it anymore for every conversation. When I don’t laugh, he says I’m angry, or I’m in a bad mood, etc. And then he becomes in a bad mood to “match” me, but I wasn’t in a bad mood, I just want to be able to have one conversation without constantly fake laughing at things I don’t think are funny. I asked him to please stop joking at everything I say, but that just came across as me being mean and he shut down and now I feel bad.

Obviously if it fits the conversation, or is an actual joke, then it’s fine and I think it’s funny and I laugh. But a lot of it is equivalent to the same corporate “humor” I deal with all day at work. I don’t know how to explain this to him without sounding like I’m calling him unfunny. He can be a funny person, it’s just that not everything has to be forced into a “joke.”

I'm looking for honest advice from people who have experienced something similar or have an outside perspective. I'm not looking for people to automatically tell me to divorce her or that everything is going to be okay. I want to understand my situation clearly and figure out what to do next.

My wife (24F) and I (26M) have been together for several years, and I love her deeply. I always imagined spending the rest of my life with her. We've had our share of relationship problems, but over the past several months, things have gotten significantly worse.

It started when she began spending time with coworkers, including a particular male coworker. Initially, I wasn't told the full truth about who would be there or what was happening. There were multiple occasions where I found out afterward that other men had been present when I'd been told it would just be her and her female friend. There were also nights when she drank more than she'd said she would, stopped answering her phone for hours, or gave me explanations that didn't add up.

I want to be clear that I understand my wife is an adult and can have friends of any gender. I'm not saying that being friends with men is automatically wrong, and I recognize that my anxiety and the way I've reacted during arguments haven't always helped our relationship. I've been working on communicating better, managing my temper, and trying not to let my fears control my reactions.

However, there has been a history of dishonesty in our relationship, including a previous incident involving another man. Because of that history, these new situations were particularly difficult for me.

The male coworker became a recurring source of conflict. I noticed deleted messages and conversations, and I eventually found out that my wife had messaged him about having a sexual dream involving him. She insisted nothing was going on between them.

Over time, I tried repeatedly to explain that the issue wasn't simply her going out with friends. It was the dishonesty, the lack of communication, and the feeling that we would have serious conversations about rebuilding trust, only for similar situations to happen again shortly afterward.

We agreed that we needed to work on our marriage, communicate better, and give me time to rebuild trust. There were periods when things seemed to improve, and I genuinely believed we were making progress.

But our arguments followed a familiar pattern. I would explain how hurt and exhausted I felt, she would sometimes become defensive or threaten to leave, and eventually we would calm down, apologize generally, and move forward. Unfortunately, many of the underlying issues never seemed to get resolved.

There are other problems in our marriage, too. We struggle with sharing household responsibilities, spending intentional time together, and communicating without arguments escalating. During conflicts, she's said hurtful things, including that she hates me or wishes she had never been with me. Those statements have affected my sense of security in the relationship. I also recognize that I've contributed to our conflict and have things I need to work on myself.

Recently, things seemed to be getting better. We had started spending time with friends together, had several serious conversations, and agreed that we both wanted to improve our marriage.

Then she sat me down and confessed something I wasn't prepared for.

She told me that she has feelings for this male coworker. She said she had been confiding in him about everything while I was working night shifts and wasn't around. She told me that she cares about him and loves him.

She says nothing physical or sexual has happened and that she wants to stay married to me and work on our relationship. However, she hasn't been willing to tell me much more about the connection.

Given the previous dishonesty, I'm struggling to know what to believe. I don't want to accuse her of something I can't prove, but I also don't know how to trust her account when I've repeatedly learned important information after the fact.

What hurts the most is that I've spent months pouring my heart out to her, explaining how afraid I am of losing our marriage, and trying to figure out how we can fix things. I've questioned myself, changed my behavior, and tried to become a better partner. All the while, she was developing feelings for the very person I was worried about.

I understand that people don't always choose who they develop feelings for. I'm not necessarily blaming her for the initial feeling. What I struggle with is the emotional closeness, the secrecy, and the fact that this happened while we were supposedly trying to rebuild our relationship.

When she told me, I couldn't continue the conversation. I had to walk away and go for a walk just to clear my head.

Now I'm questioning everything.

I still love her. A huge part of me wants to save our marriage and build the future we always talked about. But another part of me is exhausted. I'm tired of feeling like I'm the one initiating the difficult conversations, trying to repair things, and asking for changes that don't seem to last.

I don't know whether I can rebuild trust with her again. I don't know whether I even want to try anymore, or whether I'm just terrified of losing the person I've spent so many years loving.

I also don't want to make a life-changing decision while I'm hurt and emotional. I want to be fair to both of us, but I need to be fair to myself, too.

For those who have experienced something similar, I'd appreciate honest answers to a few questions:

1. Would you consider this emotional infidelity, given what I've described? Or is there important context I'm missing?
2. If your spouse developed feelings for someone else while you were trying to repair your marriage, what would you need from them to consider rebuilding trust?
3. Is it reasonable to expect her to establish firm boundaries with this coworker if she genuinely wants to save our marriage, even if they still have to interact at work?
4. How do you distinguish between a marriage that is going through a difficult period and one where you're the only person consistently trying to fix things?
5. If you were in my position, would you try to rebuild the marriage, take some time apart, or seriously consider ending it?

I'm not looking for validation just because I'm the person writing this. If I'm handling parts of this poorly, I want to hear that, too. I know I have my own issues to work on.

I love my wife, and I never wanted our marriage to reach this point. But I also don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling anxious, questioning what's true, and wondering whether I'm enough for the person I'm married to.

How would you approach this situation, and what would you do next if you were in my position?

I’m 14 weeks pregnant. This is my first pregnancy. It wasn’t planned. The father is a friend who I’ve had sex with occasionally. We get along great and are compatible sexually but I don’t think we’re necessarily meant to be in a relationship.

After finding out I was pregnant, we did a lot of talking and thinking about it and decided to have the baby and co-parent. We’ve become pretty happy about it, actually. It’s definitely not how either of us envisioned becoming parents but we’ve both decided we want the baby.

We’ve told our friends and families over the past 1.5 weeks or so. Most think it’s a bad decision. Some people are supportive, but I’d say that most of the people I’m closest to, like my immediate family, aren’t quite on board with the idea yet.

My family thinks I’ll be left alone with a baby once he finds somebody he wants to settle down with. He has t really been the settling down type up to now. He’s very loyal to friends and family and those who are important to him, so I don’t question him committing to a child. He’s just not been ready to settle down with one woman for very long yet.

He and I are 5 years apart. I’ll be 39 by the time the baby is here and he’ll be 34. I think a lot of people mistake his very free spirited attitude toward life as immaturity, and he tends to sort of just jump head first into everything, is the type to say yes to things way more than no. He just does what he wants and doesn’t care so much about what others expect of him. I love that about him. I want my child to be more like that than like me. I’m somebody who always makes decisions based on what’s expected or what will cause the least amount of drama. He can be responsible. He has 2 degrees. He can be serious when he needs to be.

His family seems to think I have some sort of ulterior motive, plus why would he want to have a baby with me, a woman who is nearly 40?

We think it’ll be a good thing. Each of us have important qualities we want in another parent for a potential child. We’ve talked about it. There’s no drama between us.

We’ll continue to maintain separate homes, although he’ll stay with me for a while immediately after the baby is born so he can be fully involved.

I know it’s unconventional. I always thought I’d have a baby within a committed relationship, likely a marriage. I’ve never felt certain about having a baby with any man I’ve ever been in a real committed relationship with, but I feel good about this now.

He’s much less bothered by everyone’s opinions. Of course he’d like his family to be completely on board, but he’s not about to let their opinions change his mind.

I know having a baby is a huge decision, and I’m not pretending that being friends automatically makes us good co-parents or that this will all be easy.

I do think the lines of our relationship have started to become more blurry though. I feel
like I am sometimes thinking of him as being more than a co-parent. I’m not saying I think I’m in love with him. I mean it more like I think I’m starting to depend on him and treat him like he’s more than a friend and co-parent. We continue to have sex, more now than before. For the health and safety of the baby, we are not having sex with others during the pregnancy.

I think maybe we need to have something ground rules or an agreement on expectations of how this will all work moving forward to prevent it from getting messy. I’m finally starting to realize it might not be as simple as I thought it would be, but I also think we’re not about to back out of our decision either.

How do we create a stable co-parenting arrangement when we plan to live separately but expect to share a lot of emotional and practical responsibility?

I’ve been dating my gf for 3 years. Mostly relationship is good but there are big ups and downs (she has BPD, anxiety , depression) and I can be avoidant in the relationship when things get bad.

Things have mainly been good the last year. But the other day I was wfh and went to the bathroom and could hear my gf speaking with her best friend (they can speak hours a day on the phone and tell each other almost everything.) when I was about to open the door I stopped because I could hear them talking about me.

I overheard them talking about messages I had been speaking to my best friend about on Facebook. All of a sudden things clicked and I realised that she has been doing this for 2+ years. She must go through it every time I shower

Throughout the relationship she has had huge problems with friends of mine that are woman. And if I’m ever messaging them (nothing remotely flirty or sexual generally about work or maybe organising dinner with a group of mutual friends) she would bring up this girl and essentially quiz or test me, seeing if I would lie based off of why she read. I would of course be suspicious and sometimes I would purposely lie to make her tell the truth that she read messages but she would always gaslight me saying it was intuition or she could tell by the way I acted , or my face etc and although I was suspicious I would move on.

Anyway hearing how blatantly she was speaking about it with her friend was a slap in the face. Maybe I knew she would read the messages here and there in my gut but the huge extent of it blew me away. Like she has probably read all my messages on my Facebook and sms since they began, and obviously has found nothing sinister because I actually don’t have anything to hide (however that isn’t the point).

I feel a little sick about it all. I know it’s due to insecurity but to also be just spilling everything to her best friend about mine and my friends banter or gossip is so weird to me is so invasive, like my private convos are some type of amusement for them.

I’ve been avoiding her for about a week now and no idea what I should say, I’m scared if we get into a conversation about it I will end in us breaking up and honestly I do really love her.

Any advice is appreciated, if people have been on similar situations how did you resolve it, or if not resolution how did you break up ?

I’m 25F, and my boyfriend (27M) and I have been together for six years. Overall, we have a good relationship, and we don’t have many serious issues between us. However, I’ve been having a lot of anxiety about his family lately, and a recent argument has left me questioning how we move forward.

About 2.5 years ago, I had a falling-out with his sister (32F) and her husband (35M) after his graduation party.

For context, my mom is a Muslim immigrant who doesn’t condone dating. At the time, I was living with her and financially dependent on her, so I wasn’t comfortable telling her the full extent of my relationship. She had met my boyfriend and had her suspicions, but I wasn’t ready to have that conversation. My mom can also be violent, so I had legitimate reasons for being cautious. His family knew some of this.

After the graduation party, I found out that his sister had been talking about my relationship with my mom to other people who were still there. She apparently described our relationship as being like a teenager’s relationship and questioned why my boyfriend didn’t stand up to my mom.

I was embarrassed and hurt because these were people I had just met, and I felt like something very personal was being discussed behind my back. I sent his sister and her husband a long message explaining how I felt and saying I would have preferred that they speak to me directly if they had concerns.

The situation escalated into a big argument. I can admit that I was emotional and could have handled things differently. I eventually apologized for my reaction, and they apologized as well, but I never felt like the original issue was fully resolved. Their apologies seemed more focused on how I reacted than on what had upset me in the first place.
Since then, things have been civil. I’ve visited their house a couple of times, and we can be around each other without an obvious issue, but I’ve never felt completely comfortable around them again.

There have also been smaller incidents over the years that have contributed to my discomfort, including jokes about me converting to Catholicism and comments about my relationship with my mom.

One year, they told me they had gotten me a birthday gift but couldn’t find it because they were moving. They said they would give it to me once they settled in, but I never received it, despite having given them both gifts that year. I realize this is minor in the grand scheme of things, but it’s one of several interactions that have stuck with me.
Fast-forward to this past weekend. I went back to New York, and my boyfriend’s sister and her husband announced that they were pregnant. I genuinely congratulated them and was happy for them. I was trying to move forward and put the past behind us.

We have a group chat that has existed for about a year and a half. We don’t use it constantly, but we had been talking in it that weekend. I went to send a message thanking everyone for the weekend and asking whether people had received an invitation to another family member’s upcoming wedding. That’s when I realized his sister had removed me from the group chat.

When he asked her about it, she said she had removed me because they were discussing dinner plans that didn’t involve me. She also claimed she had just added me on Sunday. However, the group chat had existed since October, so I pointed that out to him. He then got upset on my behalf and told her to apologize to me or her wouldn’t speak to her.

She tried calling me, but I didn’t want to talk at that moment. It was late, I was upset, and I had studying to do. I also remembered the previous phone conversation where I felt like she and her husband had ganged up on me. I told my boyfriend I wanted to wait until I had calmed down because I didn’t want another argument.

My boyfriend told me that his sister wanted to talk right away, so I eventually joined the call even though I didn’t feel ready. They were all together in person and I was on a call as I came back home just yesterday across the country for classes I needed to attend.

The conversation lasted about an hour. Whenever I brought up something that had bothered me, I felt like it was dismissed, denied, or explained away. Her husband is a therapist, and he repeatedly told me that he felt sorry for me because what I was describing wasn’t reality. He also allegedly made hand gestures while I was speaking that made me feel like he wasn’t taking me seriously. This was according to comments I heard from my boyfriend telling him to not do that in the background of the call and him defending himself saying he “talks with his hands”.

At one point, I told him not to gaslight me. He responded that he wasn’t gaslighting me and that this was simply how he talked. I eventually made a snarky comment that I felt sorry for his patients. I recognize that this was disrespectful and didn’t help the conversation.

The argument continued to escalate, and in the middle of everything, her husband apparently put his hands on my boyfriend and told him to shut the fuck up. At one point I don’t even remember because everything was just so emotionally driven by all parties, everyone was yelling, and I eventually couldn’t make out what people were saying, so I hung up.

What has stayed with me is that throughout the entire hour-long phone call, neither his sister nor her husband apologized to me once. I left feeling like I had spent an hour explaining why I was hurt without getting anywhere.

Afterward, I texted his sister and said I was willing to continue the conversation if we could speak calmly. I explained that I was willing to believe they hadn’t intended to hurt me, but there had been a pattern of things that bothered me, and I couldn’t keep ignoring how I felt. I also said that if our relationship changed as a result, I could accept that. We could be civil without being involved in each other’s lives.
She never responded.

My boyfriend later spoke with them. He defended me and said he understood why I felt the way I did, but he also said I should have answered their calls instead of avoiding the conversation. I understand his perspective, although I had specifically told him I wasn’t ready to talk and was worried about things escalating.

Her husband apologized for putting his hands on my boyfriend, but I haven’t heard an apology for how I was treated or for the concerns I raised.
Right now, I don’t want to have a relationship with either of them. I don’t want to call his sister to reconcile, and I would prefer to go no contact personally. I don’t want another cycle of trying to explain my feelings and leaving the conversation more upset than when I started.

The difficult part is that my boyfriend is in a complicated position. His mom has passed away, his dad is getting older, and his sister is essentially his only immediate family. I know how important she is to him, and I feel terrible that this situation is hurting him.

I don’t think I can reasonably expect him to cut off his sister. However, I also don’t want him to maintain a friendship with her husband after what happened. They sometimes golf together when we’re back in New York, and the thought of that continuing bothers me.

I’m also worried about how this will affect my relationship with the extended family. I’m not married to my boyfriend yet, and I worry that his sister and her husband will share their version of events and that other relatives will see me as the girlfriend who is causing problems or trying to separate him from his family.

This has made me question what our future would look like. I’m 25, and I want to get married and have children someday. I think about holidays, birthdays, family gatherings, and whether I’ll always feel like an outsider. I imagine my future kids having an aunt and uncle with whom I have a strained or nonexistent relationship, and I wonder how that would affect our family dynamic.

Part of me thinks I could find someone whose family genuinely welcomed me and avoid this stress. Another part of me feels guilty for even thinking that way because my boyfriend hasn’t created this situation, and our relationship is otherwise good. I love him, and I believe he can support me and respect my boundaries. I don’t want him to lose his only sister, especially after losing his mom.

I also know I haven’t handled everything perfectly. I can be emotional when I’m hurt, my original message years ago was probably longer than it needed to be, and my comment about her husband’s patients was unnecessary. I’m willing to acknowledge my part, but I don’t know how to move forward when I feel like the underlying issues have never been resolved.

I’m not expecting everyone in a family to get along perfectly, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life dreading family gatherings or feeling like I have to defend myself.

I’m hoping to hear from people who have navigated difficult in-law relationships or been in a similar position.

How do you establish boundaries with a partner’s family without putting your partner in the middle? How do you handle it when you want distance from someone your partner considers immediate family? And how do you decide whether a family conflict is something you can work around long term or something that could eventually affect your relationship?

I’m trying to figure out what a healthy way forward would look like for both of us, because I love my boyfriend, but I’m struggling to picture what our future would look like with this unresolved tension.

TL;DR: My boyfriend (27M) and I (25F) have been together for six years, but I’ve had a strained relationship with his sister (32F) and her husband (35M) for about 2.5 years. After a recent disagreement about being removed from a family group chat, we had an hour-long phone call where I felt repeatedly dismissed, and neither of them apologized to me. During the argument, her husband put his hands on my boyfriend. I admittedly made a snarky comment that I could have handled better, but I left the conversation feeling like nothing was resolved. I now want to go no contact with both of them, but my boyfriend’s mom has passed away, his dad is getting older, and his sister is essentially his only immediate family. I don’t want to ask him to cut off his sister, but I also don’t want him maintaining a friendship with her husband. I love my boyfriend and our relationship is otherwise good, but I’m worried about what this means for marriage, future kids, and family gatherings. How do we navigate this without putting our relationship in the middle of a family conflict?

My (25M) wife (23W) of almost 3 years, (together for 5) has been a horrible person to me recently, and I'm unsure of how to heal.

Some time in early September, I was busy with a lot- working on a promotion, music/networking events, just life stuff, and she was busy too- she got closer with her friends at her fairly new job, her lexapro (anti-anxiety meds) started working at full effect, she was going to the gym more, going out to clubs and bars with her friends (this was new), all while also working towards her prerequisite courses to apply to university.

So there was some emotional distance between us (which I think personally is normal from time to time in a long-term relationship). But rather than work through it together (as we'd do in the past), she did a lot of disrespectful things over the last few months.

It started early September, I had this random feeling that I couldn't trust her. This was new- as she'd never given me that feeling before, nor had I ever had such a strong gut feeling like this. As far as I can tell there were no reasons for me to be feeling like this, but I was.

A lot happened, so I'll try to summarize the best I can.

We addressed the emotional distance, and with her past and how our lives developed (context: we met long distance, spent 2 years that way, I flew her here to visit, then moved her here, and now we have a house), she told me she wants more independence and to not depend on me as heavily as she always had. I figured that's understandable, but she also made clear she isn't sure who she is as a person yet, and to discover herself more. As we talked more I understood that she was questioning our relationship, thinking about leaving me, that sort of thing. She brushed it off as if it wasn't THAT serious, that she doesn't WANT to leave me, etc. Of course I was hurt but who am I to force her to stay if she doesn't want that? Anyways we kind of left the conversation open as to see how things go..

A few days later, that gut feeling of not trusting her reappeared. I went up to see her (just a check in while she was in her office working on her course), and I saw something on her macbook- on ChatGPT. This is kind of where things started. It was tips on flirting with coworkers. That's about all I could read before she forced the macbook closed saying it's nothing. I was heartbroken. She reassured me she's not cheating, nothing's actually happened between her and anyone, etc. She said it was a stupid unconscious fantasy and she doesn't know why she was looking it up- and that there was context beforehand but she never really gave me that. From there I told her my trust in her is broken, and she reassured me that she's being honest, and in hindsight I don't know why I believed her. We had a long talk about it again, I told her how this made me feel unconfortable, unstable, and betrayed in our relationship, and she told me she understands and apologized.

I did go back to snoop for what else she might be hiding, and she changed her password. She changed it on her phone too. I had other ways of accessing her social media as well, until she also changed those passwords too. Over the next few weeks, I tried to rebuild that trust in her, but she was giving me nothing. It felt as if I was the only one in this relationship who cared, who was giving love, effort, affection, anything. I'd take her out on dates, try to spend quality time, wanting to bring us closer to close that initial emotional distance. Bringing her flowers, being more affectionate, I even started therapy, and started exercising. I kept giving, and giving, and giving (that's what I do, I'm a hopeless romantic giver) and without expectation. But this was different...

Some time later I got into her google. I saw many search results like

"I don't love my husband"

"How to leave a good man"

"I don't find my husband attractive"

"I cheated on my husband"

And many other horrible things. The timestamps too, when I thought she was in her office working on her course, she was looking up how to leave me. And the next day, we were sexually intimate- that she initiated (I didn't realize the timestamps at the time). I had also got into her instagram. Inappropriate DMs from one of her coworkers. compliments, sexual passes, etc. DMs from other RANDOM MEN complimenting her and her acknowledging them without bringing me up. Telling another one of her older (female) coworkers that her "ex" and her broke up months ago. And I saw texts between her and another female coworker, about how we don't sleep in different beds, that we're separated, that I'm in denial, that she doesn't want me driving her to work because it's awkward. These things of the such were just each individual blades being fired into my heart.

How can the one person that I've spent so much time, energy, love, effort, and building a home with, do this to me? We had many many talks. How I'm feeling, how her actions affect me, how I'm worried that she's doing these sketchy things. She told me none of them are true, and it's just how anxiety is. Well until I found proof that all of my gut feelings were indeed validated. When I wanted to bring her a muffin at work because she hadn't eaten and I wanted to see her, she was telling her coworkers we weren't even together, and that she'd hide if I came around. Truly I was the only one in this marriage now, and I guess nobody told me. I had been pouring and pouring into a cup, but that cup had a hole at the bottom.

It got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. The disrespect against me, and to other people, the lies and manipulation, the emotional cheating, the inconsistency, the betrayal, the loneliness of an empty heart, and an empty lot where a home used to be.

I had booked expensive theme park tickets for us weeks ago, and I wasn't going to waste them tbh. The night before we would leave (And we would leave early AM), she decided to go to her friends to all play games. She assured me she'd keep me updated, she'd only be gone for a little bit, that I'd pick her up (and this is what I wanted, but ofc she tells people we're not together). And she comes home at 2am. Feeling disrespected for the last time, I figured our theme park trip would be our last hoorah, and I'd end things since I can't take this torment anymore.

We go early, and genuinely have a great day together. Of course I constantly was in pain but it was bareable because it was with HER, ya know? Like nothing ever happened.. But of course I was still bleeding out on the inside. The next day, she stopped me in the hall and thanked me for the trip. She told me she felt closer, and that we needed that.

Something that I wasn't ready to hear as I was prepared for the hardest heartbreak of my life.

We spoke the next day. I told her that I know about the shady things she'd been doing. She broke down, she was embarassed, ashamed, and seemed genuinely upset with herself. She acknowledged she fucked up, that she hurt me, that it wasn't right. I confronted her that when I previously had fears of many of these things and she'd tell me they're not true, THEY WERE. I don't know how to rebuild that trust. ESPECIALLY she only came clean once I presented her with evidence. Is she hiding anything else? I have no idea. I want to trust her. But she broke it so often lately it's difficult.

It's been a few weeks since that talk. She apologized many times. I know she feels guilty, I know she hates how she acted, and hid everything. She justifies it as hating herself and her own insecurities. No excuse, I know it and she knows it. But she'd not been like this before, aside these last few months, or previous 5 years have been amazing. She wants us to be together. She choses me. She's tried to right the wrongs she caused. She set boundaries with others. She (I believe) is okay if I drop her off/pick her up from work now. I don't think she's any longer hiding our relationship, or looking for attention from other men. I don't think she's that kind of person truly, but whoever I was living with the past few months, I don't know if she'll come back or not.. so I'm afraid to open that door to my heart back open.

I want to move forward, and she does to.

The exact timelines of all these events are maybe 95% accurate. It's been a hazy few months. I'll admit I started drinking a lot, I also started daily dosing CBD and occasionally smoking THC when it gets really bad.

I don't know what I expect from this, if I'm ranting, looking for tips to move on, or what I/we need to do. FYI I'm not looking to end things because I believe she is past that previous behaviour (At least I want to believe). So any suggestions to just leave, are pointless. Ty in advance.. Just genuine guidance please I been goin thru it.

**I want to add, that everything that’s been replied so far, believe me I’ve already thought about it. Everything changed after our trip and that conversation, and I don’t believe the wife that’s been there fir the last few months is truly the same wife I’ve been with for 5 years. Completely 2 different people. And things HAVE changed. I just want advice to move forward (Ik I’m on reddit, ik who use reddit, but i’m looking for the helpful folks out there).

My gf 31 Fand I 30 Mhave been dating for three years. We just moved from the West Coast to the Northeast. We had been talking about getting married for a while and decided last weekend to finally go ring shopping.

The night before we had a date night and everything was great. After a few drinks we grabbed some pizza and began walking home. Within 5 minutes she brought up an issue she had with me from a month ago and began getting upset. I disagreed with her point, but said I’m happy to talk more about it bc I didn’t realize she was so upset. She hated that and then wound up and hit me in the heart (literally) as hard as possible. Shocked I walked to the other side of the street. She then began YELLING “don’t ever try to propose to me bc I will never say yes”.

We got home at different times and she was still livid. Screaming cruel things to me. I don’t yell back bc I know better and I tell her to go to bed.

She wakes up the next morning so apologetic, that she didn’t mean anything and she has no idea why she said those things.

For context. She’s hit me in the past (not as hard) and I’ve told her so many times how much I don’t like it. Shes a former D1 athlete and is pretty strong. I am not a small guy I just don’t like being hit regardless of intent (which I don’t think is that crazy). She’s told me I’m over reacting before and we brush it off until it happens again.

But this time was different. The look in her eye said she really wanted to inflict damage. Even as I’m writing this 4 days later my heart literally aches, I think she bruised a muscle.

I don’t know what to do. I love her but I’m just so scared this is going to happen again and I’ll feel like such an idiot for allowing it. She promises it won’t. She feels so upset with herself. She swears she’s going to minimize her drinking and work on it. It’s the most apologetic I’ve ever seen her with anything.

I added that we were going ring shopping the next day to see if anyone knows if it correlates. Is she self destructing? Or is this her real self trying to blow this up before we take the next step?

I am too embarrassed to ask my friends so I’m turning to Reddit. Has anyone had something like this happen to them? Whatd you do? If you stayed with them how do you rebuild that trust of safety you had?

I don’t want to leave her but there’s this voice that’s screaming, “This is a red flag”. Any advice would be great.

My (20m) bf (18m) got drunk and suddenly turned really rough during sex, vomiting on my bed afterwards. I really don't know what to think about it.

I'll try to keep it as short as possible. So my boyfriend and me went to a birthday party last weekend. On the way there he already stated that he wanted to get fucked up. Over the course of 4 or 5 hours he got pretty drunk. All was well and we went home. Eventually we ended up having sex, and he suddenly turned pretty rough. I have pretty long hair, so I had it tied up. He ripped the hairband out of my hair. He then proceeded to smack me in my face multiple times during the act. one time knocking out the hearing in my left ear. This is something we usually never do. He also started choking me so hard that I passed out. The choking is something we agreed upon, but we normally do it in a gentle way. This was a lot rougher than normal. He also bit me multiple times, in a way that was pretty painful.

I didn't know what to do in the moment, I was kinda speechless so I let it happen.

After we were done he proceeded to vomit all over my bed and floor, which I cleaned up for the most part.

I really don't know what to do with this. I told him the day after and made it clear I really didn't like what he did. The day after that I got a long text explaining how sorry he is, and that he feels extremely ashamed, yada yada.

Is this some warning sign? I've seen him drunk plenty of times over the course of almost 2 years, but never in a mood like this. Overall he was in a very weird mood, very unlike him. I don't think he wanted to actually hurt me, but I'm kinda lost...

tl:dr

Bf got drunk, went way past my boundaries and threw up on my bad. Now I'm not sure what next step to take.

Update: it's now day 3 of no contact from my bf (oct 25 we had a phone call he ended). He stopped replying to my texts and has posted IG stories of enjoying a day off camping yesterday.

Disagreement: he told me I should pay for him and I to go on a faraway vacation. He makes 10% of what I make (he lives in a poorer country), but I still dont make much. He keeps telling me how to spend my money: need to lend him thousands for his visa application to my country, ive paid for my flights & our accommodation for our last 2 visits. I think its fair I pay proportionately more for our visits to maintain our relationship. But feeling entitled to ask me for a luxury vacation when I wouldnt even send myself there anytime soon feels crazy to me? Made me feel like he sees me as a sugar mama, though he knows I'm not rich 🤣 It's about the entitled attitude.

I said this and he pulled back affection, and he has a pattern of hanging up, withdrawing affection, silent treatment when mad or when I dont do what he wants (sexually, or even when he felt entitled to a small object of mine). I pointed this out and thats when he ended the phone call and disappeared.

I cant tell if its punishment, shame, or he's done and afraid to say so.

Hes also had some controlling and double standard patterns. He is highly defensive, blame shifts, has used contempt language (called me a joy killer, selfish, disgusting) when I've never called him names. He lied about being STI tested (and still refuses to do it!). He hung up on me when I wouldnt do what he wanted for a sex fantasy and only called me back when I agreed to comply (months later I brought it up and he said ya that was wrong).

I know I'm not selling him well, but we've had a strong connection and he's been like my best friend. I love him a lot.

But i also know the relationship is not healthy, I've self abandoned and excused his behavior too much.

He's never gone more than 4 hours without contact, so ghosting for 3 days is a new level of hurt and disrespect.

But it also makes me clearer I need to leave and less guilty about doing it. I think i feel numb right now. Ive spent over a year second guessing myself and whats normal.

So I don't know if I'm overreacting.

I've been with my BF for a year and a half. We are pretty serious and would like to get to a point of thinking about marriage.

I'm a very late bloomer, and I went back to college pretty late. After a lot of hard work, I got my first degree. But I just found out I was accepted into my dream school. It's a very famous school and it's a huge, huge deal.

But my boyfriend just said "congrats" and didn't say anything else. He told me to let him know what I wanted to fo. Then he went to go drink with a buddy.

How can I have a conversation about how disappointed I am?

Tl;dr boyfriend downplayed my accomplishment and went drinking with a buddy

TLDR at the bottom.

Hello everyone, please do not take this post too seriously, I am just curious what Reddit might do in my shoes as this has never happened to me before.

Some context, the person in question was my ex-girlfriend(F23) years ago when we were 15/16 respectively. We dated for a brief 3 months following about half a year of really solid friendship. We became friends due to seeing each other at recurring community events and our parents also knew each other from those. We were truly just good friends at first, but over time I developed feelings and asked her out. She ended things suddenly one day and I was confused as to why for years but stopped caring after about 6 months and we also stopped talking to each other. At one point 3 years ago, she had reached out to tell me she regrets how she handled things and for being the reason we were no longer friends. While I appreciated her message, I was also kindly hinting that I didn't necessarily care to continue talking beyond that, especially as I was just getting into a relationship with someone new.

Fast forward to this year(8 years later from the initial breakup). We cross paths again at a large annual conference in which she was speaking at one of the panels. I found that quite interesting and cool to be honest so I signed up for her talk. I didn't quite know if I cared to say hi to her or not, and as I had other friends with me, I left with them to do something else after the talk. She later messaged me with a bit of sass, claiming it was rude of me to not say hi. I found it funny and promised to chat with her sometime later(at this point I am single and not crossing any potential boundaries with a girlfriend). The chat was completely platonic(at least from my perspective and my own feelings) and it was honestly a lot of fun catching up after so many years and a lot of growth for the both of us.

Typically, my perspective on things like getting back with an ex, continuing to talk to an ex, meeting with them even if just for a single moment while in another relationship, has been pretty rigid and not something I'd ever want to do. After this talk, I realized that life is actually really nuanced and these conversations can be helpful in ways that are not romantic. Anyways, she hung out with me the next morning for the remainder of the conference before everybody, including us, went our separate ways(she lives on the West coast, myself on the East). I thought the interactions were cool, but did not feel like continuing anything like that with her in the future as I don't really see the point in trying to rekindle the friendship now. Similarly to what happened to me last week, my most recent ex(F22) of 2 years reached out to me offering to grab dinner and chat as she is finally moving back home and considered me the best part of her time here(her words). From that interaction, I again realized how nice it can be to catch up with an old friend as long as the feelings have faded(she is also dating somebody else now). But we do not have any plans to continue talking.

Fast forward to just a few days ago, she(F23) randomly messages me at 12am my time(9pm for her) asking if I was available. I honestly thought it was something urgent, because this is not normal behaviour and told her I was free as I was heading home from a movie. My phone is usually on silent, and I didn't expect her to call me, so I missed her call until I got home. By this point it was 2am and I was tired so I asked what it was about first. She claimed she just wanted to catch up since she was out with friends and not doing much but that she forgot it was late for me and we can do it another time. I agreed stating that it was late and if it isn't an emergency than I will get some rest. To be honest, the random call caught me way off guard and I didn't really appreciate that considering we never talk anymore and I'm not big on calling anyways. My last message was just a reaction to her last message and today she just said: "I'm genuinely not sure what to respond to that reaction".

Personally, I don't want to insinuate that I'd like to call her, but I also don't want to be rude. I get that this is my life and my choice as well so I can just tell her I wouldn't want to call, but at the same time part of me wants to accept it considering we are pretty chill with each other and maybe it's fine to have a chat again, so long as it doesn't become regular.

All I'm asking, is what would you guys do in this situation.

TLDR: Ex-gf/friend has reached out to me as if we are currently good friends and the situation irks me. Trying to navigate these types of relationships, and want to get Reddit's perspective.

My wife and I have been married for four years, and we’ve been together for almost ten years in total. Before getting married, we discussed having children, and it was something we both wanted. However, now she says that she doesn’t want to have kids and that it’s her body and her choice.
I feel like I’ve sacrificed a lot and made many compromises for our relationship, and now I’m struggling to process the possibility that one of the biggest things I’ve dreamed of in life may never happen. After spending almost ten years together and building a life around our shared plans for the future, I feel lost, disappointed, and hopeless. I don’t know what to do or how to move forward, because I love her, but I also have dreams and hopes for my own future that matter to me.

Should we part our ways because it’s a deal breaker for me?

My boyfriend (25m) and I (24f) have been together for a year and recenty moved in together. everything has been going great other than a few growing pains of moving in together. he treats me very kindly and this has been one of the healthiest relationships ive ever been in. the only problem is the sex. it’s very infrequent and not incredibly enjoyable for me, and he has a few habits that turn me off greatly. this has caused me to lose sexual interest in him and overall i have been losing my physical attraction. how do i fix this? i dont want to break up over something this superficial, especially since we live together.

Sorry for the attention grabbing headline, but I need some serious advice.

TL;DR: My brother moved in with my mom four months ago, and living with him has become unbearable. He repeatedly walks around naked in areas where I can see him, leaves sex toys out, is extremely unhygienic, refuses to clean up after himself, and constantly fights with my mom and me. My mom has cancer and is currently hospitalized, and I feel like I’ve become responsible for managing his behavior and cleaning up after him because she doesn’t have the energy to fight with him anymore.
I’m in college, working full time, and about to start nursing school. My mental health has deteriorated since he moved in, but I’m torn between moving out and taking on debt or staying rent-free so I can save money, keep my cats, and remain close to my mom while she undergoes treatment. He claims he’ll move out by the end of the year, but he has no savings and works part-time, so I’m skeptical.
How do I set boundaries and protect my mental health without abandoning my mom to deal with him alone? Is moving out the best option, even if it means taking on debt while I’m in nursing school?

For starters, I live with my mom. I’m in college currently and I’m about to start nursing school, and I’m working full time, but I don’t really want to go into debt by moving out right now. My brother moved in 4 months ago after he was kicked out of my grandmas house for telling my aunt he wanted to “gorilla fuck” his (now ex) girlfriend.

3 times now, he has had himself on full display when walking from his bedroom to his bathroom. I was very nice about it the first time and didn’t want to shame him since accidents happen, but I spend a lot of time in the living room or the kitchen (with clear views of the bathroom). It’s not like I’m silent, as I’ll usually have my iPad playing a show or music playing. I told him it’s inappropriate for him to risk us seeing him naked, even for the short walk from the bathroom to his bedroom. He leaves sex toys in the bathroom sometimes, and never puts anything away in a drawer in his bedroom so when I do need to speak to him, I inevitably see his personal items. I got really mad the last time, since there was not even an attempt to cover up, and I’m getting seriously creeped out by him and am wondering if this is some twisted exhibitionist thing going on.

He has a myriad of issues, and taking responsibility and being oppositional are the biggest two that I have to deal with. My mom also has a serious type of cancer, and is in the hospital currently for an unknown infection. He is just plain dirty. Leaving dishes in his room for weeks, having stuff piled 4’ tall in his bedroom (clothes, trinkets, crafts, etc), leaving pee and poop on the toilet seat to the point where I had a flair up of my HS and no longer use that bathroom at all. I try to keep his door closed when he isn’t here because the smell travels into my bedroom on the opposite side of the hallway (he has always had this smell, but it’s gotten worse since he moved in). He finally got a job at a vape shop after not working for 2 years, and he takes 2 classes at community college per semester, but constantly drops classes when his grades suffer because he never shows up. He refuses to put any money he gets from financial aid or from our dad toward his car that needs major mechanical work and is on its last leg, unless it’s to add fur to the interior or replace the radio/speakers, and when he does those projects, he leaves a mess everywhere. He eats out for every meal, yet asks our mom (who isn’t working) and our grandma for money and refuses to eat anything we cook.
**He is not diagnosed with anything besides ADHD and depression, and is on meds for depression but not ADHD.

My mental health has gone downhill since he moved in. He fights with our mom constantly and he fights with me constantly. My mom doesn’t want to make him homeless, but she doesn’t have the energy to fight with him anymore so it’s fallen on me to clean up after him constantly. He refuses to go to therapy because he’s “been and got all he can get” and thinks my mom and I should be his therapists, but we can’t say anything that doesn’t 100% agree with him without getting yelled and cursed at.

I’m at a loss of what to do.

My options are take out school loans so I can move out, but this leaves my mom stuck with him in the house and that just doesn’t sound good for her and her health. Rent is about $800 for a small one bedroom apartment. I make enough now to not have to take out loans, but come spring I will have to reduce my work hours. Roommates are an option, but I have 3 cats (they’re inside/outside cats) and while I could try to rehome 1, the other 2 are bonded and are somewhat of emotional support cats for me, and I just don’t know if Id be able to find a roommate that is okay with that. It would make rent about $600-700 if I were able to find a roommate. It would be about 10k I’d need to get me through the first year of being moved out.

Or I can stick it out and just deal with him since living rent free is best financially for me, and best for my cats. Plus, it allows me to be close to my mom and check in on her daily, and have easier access to her medical information and communications with her doctors. He swears he is going to move out by the end of the year, but has no savings and makes less than 14 an hour working part time. I would like my mom to sell her house so at least I won’t have to worry about him living with her and ruining her peace, but she is still receiving treatment in the area and renting doesn’t make sense for her since her mortgage is less than the rent for a nice 1 bedroom apartment.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few months, and I’m struggling to work out whether my concerns about his female neighbour are reasonable or whether my past is making me insecure.

For context, things were very intense at the beginning. He was talking about forever, calling me his girlfriend within a few weeks and talking about our future together. Then, he withdrew massively and ended up in a mental health crisis which I supported him through until he later said he needed to pause the relationship. He didn’t give me a timeframe or make it particularly clear where we stood, so I understood it as the relationship being over for the foreseeable future.

A few weeks later, he was feeling better and we started seeing each other again. He’s been affectionate and says he’s falling for me and ready to be in a relationship but the situation has left me struggling to trust that things won’t change again. I’m trying to take things slowly and work out whether I can feel secure again.

The thing I’m particularly struggling with at the moment is his relationship with his next-door neighbour.

In the last week he has:

• Given her a lift to and from another town when she was having a day out
• Helped her with a maintenance thing around her home
• Been in regular contact with her by text, (nothing inappropriate)
• spoke to her about his mental health.
• drove her to a medical appointment and back even though she can drive.

I know that alone, none of these things are really inappropriate and I don’t want to suggest that men and women can’t be friends.

However, there are a few things that make me question the dynamic.

He has joked that he thinks she’s into him, and she’s apparently said a few things like how she loves hearing him singing when they’re both home.

His most serious past relationship started with a neighbour who he had a similar dynamic with.

He’s also told me repeatedly that he doesn’t think friendships between men and women work because one person usually wants more. I don’t share this view, but I do think there should be boundaries.

I think part of what bothers me is that he seems very willing to go out of his way for her, whereas I don’t always feel that same level of thoughtfulness from him towards me.

Since we got back together, I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I enjoy being with him and feel close to him when we are together but afterwards I become anxious about whether things will change again. So I’m not sure if this is an actual issue or it’s me just finding reasons not to let myself get close again? Probably need to work that out in therapy if it continues 😂

I’m 28F and just found out I’m pregnant by my boyfriend (28M), who is my first sexual partner. We decided together that we’re not ready to keep it, since we’re not married and still settling into our careers. I’m still in shock and have been quieter than usual. From the start, all I asked was that he just be with me. The day I told him, he was already thinking about sex, and we had it that night. He left not long after because he had work in the morning. He lives 10 minutes away from me and all that would have been was him waking up 30 minutes earlier to get home in the morning. I shut down, and when he asked what was wrong, I told him how that made me feel. He apologized and then shut down on me in response for the rest of the day, and I felt even more alone. I told him I shouldn’t have to ask him to be there for me, and that his promises of support need to mean something. Nothing has really changed. My procedure is tomorrow, and he doesn’t know. He hasn’t asked. I’ve told myself that if he doesn’t step up by then, I’ll break up with him on Friday, but I don’t know if I’m overreacting or acting purely on emotion. He’s otherwise a great guy when times are better, and he’s still be checking in with me (bare minimum imo) but he keeps having this attitude of wanting to just leave me alone because I’ve been so sad. I just don’t feel that this is going to work anymore

TLDR - feeling unsupported by partner leading up to abortion and don’t know how to handle it.

Just celebrated my 3 (plus 10 years) wedding anniversary, spending the day with my husband and 11 month old baby. My husband didn’t initiate any hugs, kisses or hand holding and made me realize we have completely lost physical intimacy with each other. We frequently have sex but it also doesn’t feel very intimate and never realized these are separate things.

We talked a little at night and then later realized I think we lost this long before our child and have had a very successful roommate relationship.

I have been struggling a bit emotionally post partem and this revelation makes me deeply sad.

I would love advice from people experiencing something similar or from people who have restored lost intimacy.

TL; DR: Lack of intimacy apparent on anniversary

So my mother and father had a fight roughly 3 months ago and they haven't been talking since then.I honestly don't know the all the details and i would say that dad is/was kind of not taking care of his responsibilities like washing the dishes and such but this is tied to an earlier fight between them.

Earlier today,my little brother came to me crying and telling me that mom is chatting with a guy all lovey-dovey and asked me what to do.He saw a notification while talking to one of his friends (he doesn't have a phone of his own) and this is how we found about the situation.Then I sent him to go check again and she had deleted everything.After that,I installed her WhatsApp to another device of mine and currently I am waiting for more proof.I considered contacting relatives but then I thought that could make the situation much more complicated so I dropped that idea.

So that is the situation I don't know what to do.I am already on antidepressants and sleeping pills so this is making my life really hard.And on top of that I am studying for the university exams this year...

I greatly appreciate any help and apologize for bad english (not native)

She broke up with me almost 5 years ago almost 5 years into the relationship. We dated in college a some years after that.

Long story short; we moved in together after a few years of dating. We were both working full time by then, she asked it felt right so I agreed and we did.

Close to 1 year into living together she tells me that she thinks her parents are getting suspicious about our living situation, and that they were likely to “find out” that we were living together.

This caught me off guard, I was under the impression that they knew but had accepted it long ago. It had almost been a year and they had been over countless times by then

Moreover she told me they were coming over later that week and that her parents were likely going to ask me where I was living etc.

I told her I’m that I did not really want to lie to them but that I do not think they should be hearing this first from me considering they are very conservative/religious. She agrees and a few days later she tells them.

They are devastated, particularly her father. Mind you, at this point our families have meet and her older sister and older brother both went thru the same thing with their parents.

Her father asks her to tell me that he would like to have a talk with me 1 on 1. Of course I agree.

After work I go over to her parent’s house. Her mom greets me and they promptly leaves. I sit down in the living room with her father. He asks me some very normal questions like what is your intention with my daughter, do you see a serious future with her etc.

No problem, I tell him that I am crazy about her and don’t want anything more than for her to be successful in whatever it is she sets out to do in life. I have been rehearsing the scenario in my head beforehand like a madman so I thought it was goin well.

Then he asks me if I would be willing to marry her and accept god?!? I calmly tell him that I dream of marrying his daughter one day, but considering we both only really just became financially independent a year ago I was not confident I could give her everything she deserved for that special day . Completely ignoring the god question.

He says he understands and that financially that is good reasoning, but he makes it clear that I am condemning his daughter to hell by living under the same roof without getting married.

He tells me he can’t sleep since he found out and literally starts crying man. I tell him that I am not religious, but not opposed to it and furthermore have no interest in imposing my beliefs on his daughter.
He asks me to consider marrying her as soon as possible and asks me to join him in prayer, where he basically says that I am going to hell and taking his daughter with me and asks for help?!?

Conversations ends, I leave. Fast forward maybe a week later, I’m working from home and she comes up and asks if I have sometime to talk about something very important. I reply of course baby, what’s goin on?

She says has been doing a lot of thinking about what’s going on with her parents, who are basically not speaking to her for over a week now. After sometime she basically tells me that she think we should get married so that her relationship with her parents goes back to “normal”.

I’m not sure if it was the feeling that she only wanted to marry me because her parents are petty, or what but I said that I did not think that was a good idea. That I love her more than enough but I felt like the decision was being forced upon us and I did not want to be married under those circumstances.

She cried, I tried to reassure her. She said she understood where I was coming from. A few days later she broke up with me. I asked if there was someone else, she said no that it was because we did not share the same values and that she wanted to meet new people.

I was devastated, it still hurts me a little to this day. I still do not know if I can forgive her for breaking my heart, but it still belongs to her. I’m tired of meeting new people and want her back

I’ve seriously dated 3 women since we broke up almost 5 years ago. I can’t shake her and I’m tired of trying. I want to reach out to her, we exchange messages for birthdays and random occasions in between. I have seen her 3 times since we broke up, never anything sexual just light conversation and a few drinks. She asked to see me 2 of those times the other time I reached out.

I have decided that I want to make my feeling known to her. Not sure how to go about it but I am thinking I will ask to see her and if she agrees I will try my best to articulate that I want to win her back if that’s ok with her.

Anyways sorry for the rant, any advice would be much appreciate :)

In the last few years there are long periods of peace and quiet and then something dramatic happens, which by now is clear pattern to me... And it happened again, only this time it was very extreme as we were already planning our wedding, when to have kids, where to move next year, etc.

Recently I had my 28th birthday. I invited my gf(with whom I have been together for 10 years) to my mom's apartment to celebrate. And at first it all went well. At some point my gf stood up, said she had "problems" and that she needed to go. WE begged her to stay, but she refused. I tried to ask her multiple times what had happened, etc, but it didnt work - instead she just spoke to me with an angry tone.

Fast forward 1 week later I land in this foreign country we both live in. She meets me at the airport and tells me immediately that we aren't together anymore, that she gave her notice for her work and the apartment we live in(we have 2 separate contracts as it is divided in two) and that one month from now she is going back to our hometown to live with her parents(we were planning to move back to our hometown to live together from early 2027 - even though she claims she doesn't remember...). I can understand ending a relationship normally, but not the way she did it. I asked her for a reason, because it all started since my birthday party and why we didn't even have a conversation about this. The reason is that my mother called her a "guest" two times and that the dogs are more playful than usual when it is just me and my mom, because there is another person there. "Calling me a guest is one of the worst things she could have said about me"??? I told her that she didn't mean it this way and that I myself am a guest. She also spoke to her mom, who told her to leave her job, apartment and me out of the blue to live with her...

Since 2022 she has had these mentally unstable moments. I helped her because I knew that after that she would come back and even if she had broken up with me, I knew it wasn't really... her. And that happened after about one month. But then it happened again in 2025. I again told myself, full of hope, that this too shall pass and we will be better prepared next time. And it did... again after about one month. But now it happens again and is more extreme. I again saw the signs of very little sleep and being tired all the time. The last two days it has gotten even worse as she has started doing strange stuff like clearing the apartment from evil spirits and energies, changing stories from the past to fit her narrative. I am doing my best to help her reduce her stress so she can hopefully sleep better.

But I need advice on how to get over this. I need to take care of me. Any similar experiences you can share with me or any steps you can suggest? It hurts a lot, because of the way and why she broke up with me. I know if she approaches me again whenever she is normal it will be hard for me to say no, but I guess this will be the best for me in the long-term. I just need to accept that despite my best efforts (and I feel like I have done much more than is expected of me) it just cannot work out in the long run. My brain says that it is a cycle, which will repeat and I have already done evreything I could and need to move on.