Finally met after 8 months of video calls.

Definitely worth the wait

My boyfriend is giving short responses and won't really engage with conversations, is this normal when not much is going in their lifes or should I be worried?

Hello my long distance people!

What do you guys think about sharing locations in a long-distance relationship? Personally, I feel like I’d end up obsessively checking their location all the time, and I don’t want to put myself in a position where I feel the need to constantly monitor what my partner is doing or where they are. That’s why we’ve opted not to share locations. I feel like part of being in an LDR is learning to trust each other even when you can’t physically see what the other person is doing. I’d rather practice trusting my partner without having access to their every move than rely on their location to feel reassured. What do you guys think?

Hi everyone,

I’m reaching out because I’m feeling completely lost and emotionally exhausted. I really need some external perspective from people who understand the unique challenges of long-distance relationships and mental health struggles.

Here is the full background: We have been talking for a year now. In the beginning, it started with me teaching her French, but over time, we developed deep feelings for each other. To give you some context, she has been battling severe clinical depression for the last three years and is currently on medical treatment. When she first fell into depression, her ex-boyfriend abandoned her and broke up with her. Because of that trauma, she completely stopped trusting men. However, she chose to trust me, which is why she takes her time and moves cautiously in our relationship.

This summer, we finally met in person and spent a beautiful 2-week vacation together in Montenegro. During the trip, I officially asked her to be my girlfriend. She replied "probably yes," but told me she needed some time to think about it.

When she returned home to Saint Petersburg, Russia, everything became incredibly hard for her. She had to manage a stressful move into a new apartment with her mother, and she is facing severe financial problems. Because of this, she has to work constantly, doing a lot of babysitting shifts on top of her regular schedule. All this pressure made her relapse heavily into her depression.

About a month ago, she broke the news to me: she told me she just wanted to be alone right now and that she didn't want a "romantic" relationship for the time being. Despite this heavy blow, we decided to keep our daily rituals of texting each other "good morning" and "goodnight" to maintain a connection.

However, lately, our communication has completely stalled. We haven't had a real, deep conversation in about a month. Her messages have become very short, dry, and rare. When I ask her about making plans to talk or do something together, she often replies with evasive answers like "I can't today" or "I'll think about it."

The hardest part for me is managing the mixed signals. I know she has the energy to be on her phone and talks to other people (family, friends, or work), but it feels like I am no longer a priority, even though her Instagram activity shows she is still deeply nostalgic about our summer.

I am completely torn. On one hand, I love her deeply and the only option I accept is for us to fix this and end up together. I know depression is a monster that paralyzes people and makes them isolate themselves from the ones they love most because of guilt, financial stress, and low energy. On the other hand, the constant checking of her online status, the dry responses, and the lack of initiative are hurting me, making me anxious, and draining my energy.

How should I navigate this? 

Thank you so much for reading and for your advice.

I (21F) am from Serbia and I want to meet my boyfriend (20M) from Egypt who I have been with for a year. We are both still full time students which means we are not in the best financial situation (only worked the odd summer job), plus we are not from first world countries. The original plan was for him to visit me, however after doing the math and logistics we realized that for him to visit me he needs a visa and it would all be much more expensive. First I suggested helping him with the costs but for the visa they check bank statements and even if I help out they might not approve it because he doesnt have a stable monthly income, and it would cost two times as much for him to come here, where as if i visit him where i only need a cheap e-visa. So our option is either wait a few years until he finishes school and gets a job, or just me visit him first until he has the funds to visit me. We decided I can pay for the flight, we can split the hotel and he will pay for all the food and activates so it is fair.

Now, I have the funds to visit but I live in a typical balkan household where I live with my conservative parents (it's normal to live with your parents until you get married) and I know they would never understand and be rightfully worried and would 100% be against it, and i cant go fully against them as I financially rely on them. All my friends know about this relationship, they also know his face, his address and legal name, so i'm thinking of not telling my parents but still being constantly in contact with my friends in case of any danger, as well as not going to his house but booking a hotel for extra safety. I plan to go to Hurghada, which is a tourist city as I also know not all of Egypt is safe and after doing research it seemed the most solo-traveller friendly.

My question is are there any more tips on being safe and is what i am doing stupid? If i lived alone and was fully independent i would tell my parents the truth, but in this case i know they would not approve and would forbid it. Is it enough for my friends to know my true location at all times or am i being stupid?

It’s my birthday. I told him I was free all day until dinner time. I asked for a couple hours of his time to be with me, play a game together or hang out, and he disappears and messages back hours later “I fell asleep” “sowwy” like what???? And when I tell him im upset and sad that we didn’t get to spend time together, I said this is like the one day a year where it’s really shitty to fall asleep when you should be with your partner, he says “Ok next time I’ll peel my fucking eyes open” and hasn’t comforted me or felt nice to me at all. I’ve spent the day crying and trying to be happy around my family but this feels so horrible

Editing to add: I’ve read all your comments and they mean so much to me and I truly thank you. There is definitely going to be a conversation about this.

so, my boyfriend and I (23f and 23m) have been together for a year now and went long distance around 3 months ago. we knew we'd be apart for about 10 months due to him studying abroad this long (I'm studying abroad as well, but not that long)

he started talking about how he could possibly finish his degree over there, but kept saying that it's just an idea and it would probably not work out properly and also he's not even sure he wants to do it.

today he told me he had a chat with one of the people from his studies over there and my boyfriend told him that he's not sure what he wants and the guy replied that he does know, he just doesn't want to admit it.

he wants to stay longer. nothing's set in stone yet, but he definitely would like to stay longer and he will talk to someone over there to answer all his questions.

as a person who cares about him, I am so happy for him and I want him to do what's best for him. and I know how much he loves his studies over there in comparison to back at home.

as his girlfriend though, my heart broke a little and I might have teared up while trying to study for my upcoming exam. long distance sucks, we're not good at it and we both agree on that. we're working overtime to make this work, because we both want this to work.

and it was always okay, because it had a date where it ended and we'd reunite. but now it might get extended indefinitely.

he told me he doesn't know where he'll be once he graduates and there's a possibility he'd get a good career over there, meaning he'd stay even longer.

all of that is not sure, but suddenly 10 months might turn into 2+ years of long distance and I don't know how to deal with it.

he did say that there are some reasons why he wouldn't want to extend and extending our long distance relationship was one of it. but I also don't want to stand in the way of his educational and maybe even career success.

I'm just very sad right now and very unsure what to do. we will be completely different people. I feel like we already are and it hasn't been that long. I'm just scared and really sad. I want only the best for him but it's hurting so bad that the best for him might lead to us being apart even longer.

Right, so my boyfriend moved far away to start college this september which is why we are long distance. He has made so many new friends and has even been invited to join a band! (He is a very talented guitarist). I'm so happy for him truly but I guess I feel kind of left behind? He is always doing something cool and fun whenever we text and I kind of feel like he doesn't have time for me anymore. Don't get me wrong, he is lovely and so incredibly kind! We text all day but rarely call anymore, he never has the opportunity to. I'm ecstatic that he gets to live his own life and be independent, I'm enjoying the freedom too! But at the end of the day, I feel like I miss him so much more than he misses me. He is off living this exciting life, meeting tons of interesting people and getting countless new experiences, whilst I'm left in his old town with the same friends and job as before we met. I guess I'm just missing him a little extra today but I can't help but wonder if I'm holding him back?

Also please excuse my english, I'm not a native speaker and I'm quite tired :/

I have been in a LDR relationship for almost two years. My partner and I have a great relationship. It was difficult in the beginning, but as we both learned more about each other it became easier and we argued less. We met up pretty early into dating and it was magical and one of the best moments of my life. However, lately we just don't connect like we used to.

There are a lot of moments where I feel this is either the new normal or a sign of the beginning of the death of our relationship.

To give a few examples, we used to talk all the time, sleep on call, plan dates and hang out together, and of course we'd be intimate. However, all that has declined over a short period of time. We both have lives to live and she has become busier, but I feel like we don't make time for the things we used to. We are not intimate anymore almost ever. She doesn't flirt with me or send me pictures at all. I have to try really hard to the point it feels like forcing her to be intimate with me. We don't sleep on calls anymore like we used to. We don't call as much anymore, not even voice notes. When she has free time, usually she will sleep or spend it with someone else (family or friends) which really hurts. I don't expect her to be chronically online, but it's also the thought that matters most, right?

Due to all this, I've become nervous that our relationship is spiraling. I don't really know what to do. We haven't seen each other in a while and the distance is starting to affect both of us. When we do spend time together, it is great, but it ends quickly and then there's various bits of contact throughout the day. No goodnight just passing out, sometimes no good morning or updates when important things happen. I've had talks with her about it, but she's really focused on working hard and trying to make more money, which I'm not knocking since we want to close the distance but I just can't shut these feelings off. I've made some suggestions recently and we'll see if we can make something happen, I'm trying to be optimistic. I know she still loves me through some of her actions and her words.

Am I overreacting? Is this just a normal phase that happens with LDR when people get busy or am I valid in thinking things might be over? Additionally, are there any things that any of you have done to make your relationship more stable or consistent over long periods of time?

I(19m) and my gf(18f) have been dating for a little over a year, and the past 2.5 months have been long distance. I started college and she is a year younger then me. This is my first long term relationship so I'm trying to figure out what is natural for long term relationships and what is issues arising.

The long distance has sucked. I hate how little I get to see her (~ once a month), and overall the relationship just slightly worse/harder in every aspect as somewhat expected. The part that I'm starting to struggle with is how long distance is affecting me. I would say our honeymoon phase ended a little before long distance. So I know what it felt like to be with her not in honeymoon. It obviously was worse then during the honeymoon, but it was still good and enjoyable. The issue is now arising that the past 2ish weeks I have felt a significant decline in how much I enjoy time with her. Texting has become something that I don't enjoy as much and calling is the same. These past two weeks have been stressful with midterms and projects. While she used to be a place where I went during these stressful times, but now I found myself preferring time with friends and just being alone then time texting/calling her. Im trying to figure out whether this is this like a second honeymoon phase ending? Is LDR taking its toll? Or am I just loosing feelings? Im having a hard time sifting through my feelings and figuring this out. I still care about her and want the best for her, but I guess I'm not really enjoying time with her.

This leads to the larger issue. She is planning on going to college in a place that is slightly closer, but we will most likely keep that same timeline for seeing each other. The shitty part is that she wants to get her masters at this college, meaning that after this current year of long distance, we are looking at at least 6 more years of long distance. IDK if I can handle at minimum 6 years of distance. We would get to see each other during the summers, but it would still be a very long time. Not to mention well both be early into our professional lives, and wanting to take any opportunities leading to long distance being a possibility for even longer. I know thats really far into the future, but its something I want to consider when I'm investing so much time and effort. Am I looking too far ahead?

What I'm trying to navigate, and would appreciate advice upon if someones been in a similar situation, is A. Why am I feeling less comfort with my gf? Is this long distance or something else? and B. Is long distance like this sustainable? Can it work or should I cut it off sooner rather then later? Will slightly closer distance make a big enough difference where I should try before generalizing it to our current situation?

I appreciate any advice, sorry that this is kinda all over the place.

We spent 1 month together after 1 yr apart and it was geniunely so nice.

Ever since she left 2 months ago I just feel completely mentally drained. I have little motivation to do anything, I feel more tired and slower and have a difficult time focusing. I just binge eat as a form of comfort and waste all my time watching stupid short form content or playing useless online games. I always was a yapper but now I hardly want to talk to people about whatever stories I have to say. I lost interest in many of my hobbies and end up skipping class regularly because I just can't get myself out of bed.

And the worst in all is that I have no more energy for my gf. We are working on closing the distance shortly and naturally it stresses her out but I just have no emotional availability and it's as if she is talking to a wall, literally, I can't take any more weight on me for anything whatsoever. But I can't help it, I have no interest in literally anyone or anything.

I don't know if the semester starting again is the reason, as it started right after she left. Or perhaps both.

And winter is there, less sunlight, I fear it won't get any better...

I’ve been with my now boyfriend for 7 months. I live in the US and he lives on Canada. I have 2 children I share custody of so him moving out here is the only plausible decision. We joke here and there about the move. I don’t expect him to move in the next few months but I definitely want to have those conversations about what the future will be looking like what the next steps will be. Would this be unreasonable?

Backstory: My BF and I have known eachother for ten years. We were close friends and coworkers. I went to his house for dinner, he came to my house for dinner, we went out to restaurants and concerts together, I knew his wife and he knew my husband. 3 years ago, I moved to the other side of the country to accept a job offer from our company but I’ve since left and he’s about to leave. We didn’t talk much during those years, but we ended up both getting divorced at the same time and it naturally grew from there. Last summer, we texted almost everyday and really relied on eachother emotionally as we were both experiencing the same thing.

October comes around and we declared our feelings for eachother. That’s when we started calling eachother bf/gf. However, our first actual date wasn’t until December, when I flew out to see him.

I think our one year anniversary was on Monday, he thinks our one year anniversary is in December because that was our first date, our first kiss, and our first time having sex. I disagree because I think feelings matter more than the physical aspect of the relationship.

What do you think?

I am about to go back home after a three week visit with my partner and it’s always so hard. Looking for people to share positive reframes about distance:

My boyfriend says we get to travel the world together since we don’t live in the country. Anybody have anything else?

Met her last year during a trip. I have to go back to France and now I definitely move in Malaysia so we can stay together! 6 months feels sooo long. The distance is so hard and so many challenges. I was so afraid that we would lose this spark that I ended up coding a little shared voice alarm app just so we could wake each other up

Keep your hopes up, guys!

I'm ending a 2nd bachelor, and I have decided that to reach the career I want to reach, I need a master's in a specific country. I don't have another option.

My bf is an athlete; he trains almost every day and is trying to go to the 2028 Olympics.

Before starting the relationship, I told him my goal, and I warned him that I would not back down from this goal. Even if he tries to stop me, I will always put my education over anything. So he knew my goal from the start. Maybe it was not a master's, and it wasn't right next year, but things changed and my best chance to get the goal I want is going next year; it's also better for my future career.

His last relationship was an LDR (it was always him making the effort to see her, and he said we can not compare relationships, that the love between us is something he never felt :/ ). Right now we are also doing LDR, but I always make the effort to go to his city almost every weekend since I'm a student and have more free time, and he has a very busy schedule, even more than before with his past relationship. It's always me sacrificing my things, and he is very grateful for it. I also do it bc I love him, but also bc in the future, since he wants to go with me to that specific country, we will be switching roles.

He was happy about my decision to do the master's in the beginning, but since the first news, he has been very dry when I talk about which university to go to. I asked him, and he said that the thought of doing long-distance with me is causing him anxiety, and whenever I talk about my plans abroad, it makes him non-verbal or just shut down.

He does not give me the security I need that we will get through anything.... And it makes me upset. Because in my eyes, if I see a future with him, I will FOR SURE fight for us to work; there is no other way. Only cheating would break us - in my mindset.

Since I want his opinion about my future, I try to push him a little bit to tell me what he thinks, and to tell me what I want to hear: that we will get through everything, but he never does.

Today I told him what I felt about this whole thing, and when I told him that I don't want us to end the relationship some months after I get to that country to do the master's, bc he can't take the distance, he said, "I don't know".

This broke me.

I understand it's a big thing and has a heavy weight in his mind bc of past things, but to me, his questioning makes no sense. If the roles were reversed, I would 100% support him and wait for him. But feeling that he does not feel the same makes me wonder if I'm just wasting my time with him.

I understand people are different, and how we see the world as well. But if you love someone that deeply, I would say everything is possible. He is afraid... instead of fighting, he wants to give up? Then, in my head, it makes no sense to be together now. If you are not strong enough for that, will you be for other stuff in the future?

I know he loves me deeply; it's mutual, and it's a love I never felt, so I'm sure he is the one for me. But his questioning is making ME question.

IF you read till now, thank you. PS. I do have an anxious personality, and he is quite calm.

to preface, sorry for the long ass post, but genuinely at my wits end and i need someone to ask besides just repeatedly asking my mom about it.

i’m kind of losing my mind over the whole situation and i really want some outside perspectives, especially from people who’ve experienced something similar. my girlfriend and i have been in a long-distance relationship for over a year. we live in different countries (much like everyone here lol), but we were extremely close. we talked pretty much every day for a long time, shared so much of ourselves, and even got involved with each other’s families. she talked about me to her family (though she’s not out to her family), and she initiated asking to meet my mom over video call (which we ended up doing).

one thing that made our relationship especially meaningful was that she initiated a pact with me that we’d always be together, regardless of what happened. and i mean literally forever. she clarified that she meant until death. she told me she’d never made a pact like that with anyone else before.
she also said that even if we somehow lost romantic feelings, she’d still want me as her lifelong companion. she always talked about how different our connection was from her previous relationships, how comfortable she felt with me, how she’d never connected with anyone quite like me, etc. and i feel the exact same way, she’s GENUINELY my best friend, not just my girlfriend.

but this isn’t really a new thing! she has a history of disappearing when she’s emotionally overwhelmed. she admitted that she had ghosted pretty much every friend she’d ever had, but always emphasized that i was different.
back in august 2025, she disappeared for about five days and then came back extremely apologetic. she was genuinely distressed because she thought she’d ruined our relationship. she explained that she had a habit of withdrawing when overwhelmed, but that she never intended to leave me.
we worked through it. and she even brought it up** **that incident again and apologized for it. she specifically acknowledged that she should’ve at least warned me before going MIA.
so she KNEW how much unexplained silence affected me. there would be sporadic 2 weeks or a few days of silence in late 2025. but this year, we were basically talking everyday…. which leads me to the next part.

fast forward to july 2026. she was dealing with a lot of personal changes and stress, including moving away from her family. her communication started getting inconsistent, and she disappeared for around 10 days before returning on july 23. she apologized, explained she’d been extremely tired and unable to interact, and mentioned that she’d started therapy.
but she was still affectionate toward me. she was complimenting me, joking around, and explicitly referring to us as being in a relationship.
then on july 27th, she sent me a completely normal, playful message about being productive that day.
and that was it. nothing since.
so now it’s been THREE months.
i did reach out to her mother in september, who told me she was okay (i mean i was starting to think she was dead at some point), which was reassuring regarding her wellbeing. but i still haven’t heard anything directly from my girlfriend.
i’ve sent messages expressing that i understand if she needs space (we’re both very introverted), but that i just want some kind of communication. most recently, i explained that i couldn’t keep obsessively checking her accounts and that she could reach me directly whenever she was ready.
i’m not necessarily even expecting her to immediately resume our relationship. i just genuinely cannot understand the idea of her permanently disappearing without ever saying another word. i also have OCD (ironically we both do but mine functions differently ), which makes the uncertainty especially difficult. i’ve caught myself rereading conversations and trying to find some kind of explanation in everything she said. it’s exhausting.

so i guess my questions are:
- has anyone experienced a partner withdrawing for months because of personal difficulties or avoidance, and eventually coming back?
- would you consider three months of silence an unspoken breakup, even if there was no indication of wanting to leave beforehand?
- how would you handle this situation without constantly waiting for an answer?

TLDR: my long-distance girlfriend of over a year suddenly stopped responding 3 months ago, despite being extremely committed to our relationship and initiating a pact that we’d be together forever. she has a history of withdrawing when overwhelmed, but always insisted i was different. she’d previously disappeared, returned apologetically, and even acknowledged months later that she should’ve warned me. she was still affectionate right before disappearing this time, with no indication of wanting to break up. her mom confirmed she’s okay, but i haven’t heard anything directly from her. i’m struggling to understand whether this is another period of emotional withdrawal or if i’m genuinely being ghosted permanently. has anyone experienced something similar?

I'm a 22 yo man from California. She's a 19 year old woman from Austria.

8 months.

And I know, it isn't long as some others here. But it was my first real relationship, my first relationship as an adult, and the first time I can confidently say I have deeply loved someone and felt at home.

We had a talk about 2 weeks ago concerning the sustainability of the relationship. She's 19, but still lives with her parents, which AFAIK is fairly common in Europe. But, her mother and oldest brother aren't exactly good people, and neither of her parents really believe in mental health issues. If she even dares oversleep or spend a day off to decompress, her mom gets mad at her.

So, our relationship was already somewhat strained by external factors beyond just us. I had hope it would work out, since she spoke about heading off to university and getting a dorm.

This would not materialize, pushing her plans for schooling out to next year. This also made the distance more unbearable since she desperately wanted someone to turn to, but couldn't.

We met in person back at the end of July, up to the middle of August. It was a 15 day stay if you count arrival and departure dates.

And maybe I'm too young to be saying this, but so far, those days were among some of the happiest in my life. In general the months we were together were some of the happiest.

When she was telling me about her decision to end things yesterday night, she told me that she was grateful to have met me, and that she agrees that those experiences and memories we shared were things that made her immensely happy.

She still thinks we are "soulmates" in the sense of how compatible we are as people. It was mostly her desire to focus on herself and put herself as priority that pushed her to make the decision she did, in addition to the conditions in which our relationship took place. And she wishes to stay in contact as friends if possible. I am fully intending to give it time for both of us to heal before we give being friends a shot. I still enjoy her company and her as a person, and we both agree that we don't want to lose each other.

There is still a chance, years down the line, that we could reconnect. But she doesn't want long distance. How I'd manage that isn't something I know of yet. Unless any of you have ideas. It isn't a guarantee though, and I plan to best focus on myself in the coming years.

Maybe it's just because she was my first love. But I believe that it was a case of meeting the right person at the wrong time. And part of me wonders if I'd meet someone else who is right for me, even when the circumstances are ideal.

She's smart, even if she doesn't see it. She's a big dreamer, and is true to her heart. And she's really funny.

I just want to share this with someone. Breakups are hard. And ever since she made her decision official, I have felt this near constant pit in my stomach.

And yet, I still believe that for a moment, I was home.