the ultimate escapism is death, but this is close enough

The title, basically.

I don't want to have a job. I'm not even good at anything or have any hobbies. I don't like individual responsibilities. I don't give a fvck about a credit score. I don't want to find my purpose (I don't even believe I have one). The most evil people are running everything in the world. "The cost of living" I was not given a choice in whether I wanted to be born or not and now I have to struggle. I don't want to think about having to save up for my own house.

Anything and everything you can tell me sounds like too much, too far-fetched, too unattainable. A whole bunch of stuff not made for me and not making me interested enough to even want to try.

I don't even know how to explain this feeling. I haven't stopped thinking about ending it since I was like 12 and I'm 28 now, nothing has gotten better. The struggles just become bigger somehow no matter how much I try.

I wish I were alone in thinking this because I really wouldn't wish this on anyone.

The title. Nothing got better and my brain is ruined forever now. I got mental breakdown today. I can't remember anything and if I try my head starts to hurt. I feel like this is it. I have a brain of an old person.

I tried to quit my medication twice before but then I cried all day and couldn't eat. I am so sick of everything and I want out. I am sick of pills and this mental illness. There is no way out. I can't function without meds at all and when I take them I can barely function. I am just a zombie at this point. I feel my body is shutting down from so much. I am so tired all the time I just want to rest.

If I don't get a job by the end of the year I am going to off myself.

At the moment, I do not have someone to hold close to me nor someone to comfort me.

I need to feel a hug, a cuddle or just warmth from someone, but that is not feasible so please drop your tips and tricks on how to feel human warmth alone and by myself, because honestly I have been thinking of letting go.

Please do not focus much on the leaving the world thing, I just need to how to be hugged again, alone and without anyone.

I’m sure you can guess the kind of predicament I am in, so do not say that ‘reach out to someone’ or ‘love yourself and stop hating the face in the mirror’. If that is all that you have to say, I would suggest you to use your valuable time elsewhere.

I don’t know what has compelled me to speak here. I don’t know if this is even an appropriate forum to discuss my problems. Sometimes it feels good to be vulnerable for a minute.

I lost my job just over a month ago. I’m an American Farmer from the Midwest. I’ve spent over a decade living paycheck to paycheck helping to put food on the tables of people around the world. I had two dogs, an English bulldog named Ellie and a Goldendoodle named Cosmo. My bulldog passed from cancer, I lost my job, I lost my relationship all within a month. I lost my apartment because my lease was ending and I had no money for rent.

I’m living in my truck with my dog and it’s starting to get cold outside. I live in a desolate area of the Midwest with not much opportunity. It’s getting harder and harder to be optimistic about my future. My phone line will be turned off soon and my insurance on my vehicle has expired. I’ve spent my last bit of money on food for the dog, because it’s more important that he eats than myself.

I’m scared. I just wanted to be comfortable. I just want to be successful. I just want money to not be a constant worry in my life.

If anyone out there is reading this and are struggling, know you’re not alone. Know that even though I’m at rock bottom in my life, I’ve lost everything and living in my vehicle, I’m still fighting.

I want you to know that I love you, that you’re significant and that you’ll find a way.

I do not care if we survived the darkest ages in human history and got better. I do not care that we balanced and regulated  the industrial revolution or if we ended the AIDS crisis that was supposed to kill us all by the year 2000. I do not care if we haven't nuked each other for 81 years (yet) , although it was safe to assume back then that by the 1960s we would all be dead. I do not care that we most likely will regulate the AI hysteria in the future ( after it gets drastically worse ofc and causes millions of deaths)  or find a "cure" for the global loneliness epidemic and cognitive decline, just like we eventually realised that eating McDonald's and drinking coca cola every single day will shorten your lifespan. I do not care that we are just few decades away from some major destructive event that will to equate the elite with the middle class , just like it gets every time when the gap between the 1% and the majority is cosmically impossible to close. I have zero [ 0 ] reasons to stay here. This is not the world I want to live in. What doesn't kill you does not always make you stronger. My therapist told me that the only way to survive in a world that is changing so fast is to adapt. But what's the point of adapting if you have no energy left for anything else? What's the point of adapting in a world that i hate?. There are a lot of people who want to live and will make this world a better place. I believe it will get better eventually, but i will not be there to witness it, and that's okay. 

I wish I could just reincarnate into a house cat

I was trying to overdose and I wasn't able to drink anymore without puking, which is why I stopped, but will I die from this?

Life is js so ass that I geniunely js wish to be kidnapped, yeah that's how mentally insane I am

I attempted to kill myself for the first time today via hanging. I was in my bedroom with a belt tied around my neck. I used my closet door to hold the belt as I dropped my body. I chickened out as soon as I felt my brain heat up. My feet were still touching the floor so I was able to save myself.

During "suffocating part" I didn't hear any voices from God or relatives that had passed away. And I didn't see any happy memories. My mind was completely pitch black. All I could think of was how shitty my life is and how much I hate myself. Nothing will ever get better for me no matter how hard I try. I will always be judged and rejected as soon as people take one look at me.

I'm still feeling suicidal. I still hate my life and the world. I'm going to try again in the near future.

I don’t enjoy any hobbies I don’t have any meaningful connections family or friends
I don’t have any career skills. I hate myself I’m not worth working 40+ hours a week for. Really reaching but any reasons someone can come up with I’m open to hearing but likely won’t agree with

Alguien también piensa que va a morir de suicidio ?o solo yo

Basically the title, I didn't know until after they did it, I wish I could've stopped it

Ive been planning this for a while. I have 3 close friends (formerly 4 but she betrayed my trust and thats kinda pushed me further) and all of them are at a point in they're life where they're mentally better/medicated. There's really no hope for me. Ive been told therapy wont fix this so my family prevented me from accessing it (I risk homelessness if I go behind their back). Im a burden on my family, I'm being fired from my job (higher paying for the area), im failing school, and i really doubt I would have ever meant anything to anyone. I have multiple means to do it. I have text messages sent to go out to my friends to say goodbye and explain its not their fault after I'll be (hopefully dead). One friend ill unfortunately have to text right before (i message him through facebook). Just any advice regarding the logistical stuff is appreciated. I dont want to burden people.

-All my pets will be taken care of

-I have enough money in my accounts to cover the funeral and cremation

-I don't have any dependents

-I wasnt involved in any community stuff

-notes are all ready to go

-Theres someone already lined up to fill my job position

I had a dream last night and it ended with me being discovered hanging from one of the trees at my house on Halloween. Some Trick or Treater's thinking it was a prop and laughing.

How vivd.

But not a nightmare. Almost like I'm wishing for it to actually occur. I've been woken up by nightmares, especially recently; but not this one. I remember this one vividly and I didn't wake up with any sort of panic attack. Seems the more time goes on, the more sympathetic my thoughts on death become. I'm getting less and less scared.

My mom said if I died, she would take herself out too.

Oh man all the hospital visits, times when she had to sleep on the chair overnight while I was attached to some wires. All the programs, research for the medications, she's worked so hard.

My aunt did something similar... disappearing... She moved so quickly and disappeared from EVERYONE and slowly we forgot she existed, maybe I can do the same?

Afterall, what's so much better than taking everyone down with me? I see a sunset 12 months from now, far away from home, no calls, no texts, just closing my eyes for the last time knowing I've left no traces.

(knowing my luck they'll prolly still find a way to call me selfish 🤣)

tonight one of those nights the pain is so unbearable. usually thinking about my family and the pain they will go through is enough to keep me grounded but idk. im in so much pain mental it is breaking me down more and more every day. i really wish i seen another way out. i know people here will just tell me what i've heard a thousand times now. i simply cant get better or see a life worth living. i know i will hurt my family but i dont know what else to do. i will never forgive myself for this decision but i guess it doesn't matter. i hope one day my family will forgive me and any others i hurt. if not i understand and cant be mad at them.

Just the title, venting before I do it. My soul can't take it anymore, I really really tried,but my best isn't good enough. I worked out, I tried eating healthy, I tried overcoming my social anxiety and go to events by myself,but I can't do it with my fucked up brain and there's no more "discipline" in me. Job that I went to university for also doesn't pay enough to own anything in my life so I'm living with my mother like a true fucking loser. Good luck everyone

im so fucking sick and tired of prolonging this way longer than i need to. i should have been dead so many years ago but i keep stalling and these reasons keep piling. for anyone who calls it selfish or weak, i truly cannot grasp that. it is one of the most hardest decisions to make because it means you have to accept that you are worth nothing to a life that you wished could take you in. i keep thinking to myself ill give it time, ill do it next month, ill do it after such and such. it was always there in the back of my mind and i just never had the fucking balls to do it. i have never been proud of myself in all 21 years, but the day i truly just do it. i think that is worth some form of acknowledgment. i had a rope around me, the stool had been there, and i was too much of a coward to go through with it. suicide just had to be the most consequential act for souls that already find life itself a crime. im sick of it. watching the time go by but the urge to do it will always call to me and i vow to myself that it will happen, other than the inevitable form of death just finding me regardless, i know one day i will do it.

Im so sick of it I cant even talk about it because it makes me so tired even typing it out. I have constant anxiety and paranoia, my hallucinations are getting worse, I bought new razors to cut myself with, I keep smoking weed which is a MASSIVE financial burden and I keep sweating because my anxiety is so bad. I’m just constantly on edge. My head hurts. I’m just tired

I don’t think I’ll live past 20.

I’m so tired. I just want to go. I feel like a loser living at home with my parents who baby me, I’ve never done chores in my life, or have made a meal, I don’t want to or have the energy to work, I have a useless degree, I’ve lost all my friends due to ghosting them. I feel so useless and I don’t have the energy to change my life. All I do is lay in bed.

When I think of recovery, I want to kill myself. But I don't actually want to kill myself quickly, just slowly, like how I was doing through the disorder. But my happiness through my obsessions has made me eat a bit more recently because I just don't care about the eating disorder, I just care about my obsessions like my hobbies and such. But then I think to myself fuck I'm recovering no I can't recover so I want to kill myself