This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/AITH by user TAgamerson. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Generally concluded with open for more

Trigger Warnings: Loss of a child, Discrimination of LGBTQ+ people

Original

October 18, 2026

Hello everyone long time lurker first time poster on a throwaway.

I (39M) and my (38F) wife have a son who I'll refer to as Austin(17M). My son is a great kid. He is a straight A student (all AP classes), works part time and does all his chores around the house and sometimes extras and rarely complains. Austin is really into MMOs and spends a lot of his free time playing them with his friends. I don't mind this as like I stated above he does everything he's supposed to do and then some.

My wife on the other hand is very nit picky with him. She doesn't understand why he wants to play videos games instrad of hanging out with girls or go to the movies, mall, etc. Austin has told her before he's just not interested in all of that and he has time before he goes to college and maybe dates a girl. She doesn't get it and always tells me in private that she hopes he's not gay. (For the record we are a very progressive household) she says this cause he is our only child and she wants grandkids.(even though gay couples can adopt and I've told her this many times) She's always hounding him over this and even offered to introduce him to some daughters for her friends/coworkers. I can tell this bothers him.

A couple days ago my son came to me and told me he needed to tell me something. He said he isnt gay but he doesnt have feelings for girls or boys. That he is Asexual/Aromantic. I told him I didnt care cause hes my son and all I want is for him to be happy and comfortable. He told me he wanted me to tell his mom this cause he doesn't wanna deal with her and what she could possibly say. I said okay I will

Fast forward today. My son was at work and I told my wife. Needless to say she exploded. Saying he's just confused. How does he know if he never dated a girl. And that she was gonna talk to him and how she's hurt he didn't tell her.

I told her point blank: this is why. This is why he doesn't tell you anything. Every single thing is about you and what makes you happy. You've been on his ass for years about the lack of partner and never once thought for a second about him. That the reason he doesn't talk to her is cause all she does is complain and be judgmental. She doesn't want to understand him. She wants to control him in that way. I told her to leave him alone and if I find out she tries to "convince" him he just hasn't given love a chance I'm gonna be really upset with her.

She got angry and called me an asshole and said I coddle him and now we will never have grandkids. She hasn't talked much to my son since he's been home and giving me the cold shoulder. AITAH? I just want to support my son. I don't care what his sexuality is or lack there of. I just want him to be happy.

Edit: I know this is a very long post but my son TOLD me to tell her. I did NOT go behind his back.

Edit again: I do have an update but can't post it for the next couple days since it keeps getting removed. Will update Wednesday.

Update

October 21, 2026, 3 days later

Hello everyone. A couple days ago I made a post talking about my wife hounding my son about not having a a partner. He came out to me days before as ACE and my wife exploded when I told her.
I just want to have some things be cleared up that I saw in the comments:

1. My son told me to tell my wife he is ACE. He trusted me to handle it and I did. I did not go behind his back and tell her.
2. My wife can no longer have kids due to a medical problem that happened a couple years after a pretty traumatic miscarriage of our daughter.
3. I have stuck up for my son in the past and had talked to her about her comments to him. That being said of course I could've done more and apologized to him for that.

The update:
My wife and I had a very long conversation about a lot of things. The first being she is still grieving the loss of our daughter and she thinks having a grandbaby will help that. I told her that I understand but that isn't our son's job to have a child with someone because we lost a baby. That is very wrong and not gonna lie weird as all hell. She needs to enjoy the child we do have rather than mourn what could've been because Austin is right in front of us and needs us and us him. We are a family and if she keeps this up he's going to never speak to her again.

When I told her that she needs to respect our son and how he identifies. She got seemingly annoyed. She said she support LGBTQ+ community but doesn't understand how our son is not attracted to anyone and now she wishes he was gay (???) I told her that is extremely ignorant and offensive to people in the LGBTQ+ community and you can't say you support them if you say things like that. She said she'll try to be more open minded when it comes to him but she won't call him any "silly pronouns". My son goes by he/him. I told her to knock it the fuck off and she told me she won't allow me to police her and her words.

You guys are right she is not as progressive as she claimed to be, which is insane considering we've been married since we were 19/18 respectively. She holds some progressive stances but as been leaning more into conservatism as of late (she is not a fan of Trump she claims at least). She has been watching a lot of Charlie Kirk's old videos and some other pretty far right conservative point talkers. I was unaware of this since I don't monitor my wife's online viewing habits. I told her I do love her but I cannot stay with someone who holds those views as well as how she's been treating our son. They go against everything I myself stand for and I do understand that some things you can agree to disagree but the things she is watching I cannot stand by. I feel very off putted by all this because we do discuss politics and she always said progressive/left leaning points. Clearly she was lying about how she felt with certain things and it's pretty mind numbing.

My son and I went out to lunch and talked a lot. I'm not going to get into the specifics of what was said but I told him I was sorry and I support him 100%. He said he knows and he loves his mom but he can't ignore the person he is and he has felt this way since he was 15. She will just have to deal with it.

My wife and him have talked but not about him being ACE. She's decided to go stay with her sister for the week to give us all space. I told her when she comes back we all need to sit down and talk. I told her I love her but I will put my son before her any day because I OWE him that. He owes me NOTHING. He's here because we made him and it's our job to love and support him and if she can't do that we have to go our separate ways. She didn't say anything, packed and left. I fear my marriage is over. I can't get over how she treated Austin and how she basically lied about how political views.

Thank you all for reading. I may update eventually. Thank you for all the advice and even the call outs of me needing to do better. I am not above criticism especially when it comes to being a father.

I'm not the original poster.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/AmbitiousFail42

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 29, 2026

• Update: September 03, 2026

• Final Update: September 06, 2026

Main Post

^{August 29, 2026}

AITA for telling my DIL and son that if they plan to do the whole SAHP thing they can start paying us rent?

So we let our son and his wife live in one of our properties rent free, they are only responsible for gas and electric. We cover everything else including maintenance and repairs. They recently announced that they are having a child and we sre extremely excited and happy for them, issue is they told us they wish to have his wife stay home with the child.

Which makes no sense cause she makes more than my son, so if they want one of them to stay home it makes more sense for my son to do it. Though I would still be against it cause either way they cannot afford to have only one person work. Only reason in theory it would work is because they don't have the major living expense of rent to worry about. ​

My son and DIL are acting like I am ruining their time as parents. They feel I am holding them to an unreasonable standard. I told them the reason we have let them live rent free because we wanted to give them an opportunity to max out their 401(k) and save for a house. It was done to give them a leg up, it was never met to be a forever thing.

Right now my son and his wife are threatening to cut us off, and force us to go through eviction to remove them. More or less they are telling us we have to suck it up or they will cut iur grandchild out of our lives. My wife was on board but does not want to be cut from our only grandchild. So she wants us to continue the current agreement but I don't, they have no right to leverage visitation ​

I understand my wife's stance but I think what my son qne DIL are doing is 100% manipulative and wrong.

NOTE: There were 80+ replies from the OOP, including arguments, general discussions, and additional information and context. I’ve selected the most relevant comments and converted them into a Q&A format to fit everything into a single post.

COMMENTS

What were the terms of the agreement when your son and DIL moved in? Why does it matter to you that they asked before making their plans around your support?

Yes, the agreement was simple. Max out 401(k)'s, save, don't leave outside their means, and don't expect this to be a forever thing.

I mean I did not hound them or remind them if the agreement. I trusted them. I can see how maybe after five years they could see how I may have changed my mind. Though I don't by that excuse cause my son could have asked me if the original agreement was in effect.

For what it is worth I will have told them, I do not care what they do with their money or how they live. I may disagree but not my place. When they makes plans around us offering indefinite support without asking us, that is where I draw the line. They don't have a right to dictate how we spend our money nor should they assume we would be okay with a plan. They should have asked us.

That is what we are upset about, they told us their plan they did not ask if we were okay with offering that level of support.

I get why, it is simple math they need us to make their plan work, but they knew how we would feel so they were in a rock and a hard place.

Did they know the arrangement was temporary and that saving was part of the agreement?

Yes, we made our intentions clear when they moved in. An argument could be made though after five years maybe they thought we were not serious.

Why did you originally let them live there rent-free?

The intention was to give them a means to save and establish themselves first so they can stand on their own two feet. I wanted to give them that chance.

This was never meant to be a forever living situation. Our hope was when they did start a family they would be established enough to sustain themselves, not need us to cover their housing expenses.

Why are you so concerned about them relying on your support indefinitely?

For what it is worth I will have told them, I do not care what they do with their money or how they live. I may disagree but not my place. When they makes plans around us offering indefinite support without asking us, that is where I draw the line. They don't have a right to dictate how we spend our money nor should they assume we would be okay with a plan. They should have asked us.

That is what we are upset about, they told us their plan they did not ask if we were okay with offering that level of support.

Why do you think your DIL should continue working instead of your son?

My son works as an HHA he is pretty much capped at what he can earn. She has the better growth potentia, higher overall income potential, and better benefits.

Yes she absolutely hates her job, and is deeply unhappy as it stands they have no intention for her to go back to work. She wants to be a SAHM.

What is your son's current job and earning situation?

Not jobless, have a construction company, that is how I got into real estate. We have tried and offered to help him by paying for his schooling to become a nurse. He works as an HHA for an agency that specializes in dementia care. He enjoys working with the elderly.

He did ask if I knew anyone that needed a caregiver, thus the contact in west texas they were looking for a caregiver for his mother and was paying a premium but they did not want to move. Mention this in the comments.

No he does not want to work construction.

Why do you believe their plan to have your DIL stay home is financially unrealistic?

If they must have someone stay home, the lower income person should be the one stays home. They should not expect us to make up the cost difference especially when they did not even ask if we were okay with providing that level of support.

What do you think would happen if they had to support themselves on your son's income?

Cause it is not extra time they want. Harsh reality is witbout both their incomes they have a snowballs chance at getting an mortgage. Renting would be possible but only with both their incomes and that is probably without childcare thrown into the mix. As people have said.

On my son's income he probably could barely afford to provide for them, and they are definitely not saving for retirement at that point. Which i feel into today's age should be considered an mandatory expense..

So only realistic option to make this work is we cover all the housing expenses indefinitely. Those they are living in a single family home, with room to grow. They really have no reason to move, and they know I cannot evict them my wife also owns the property she would never let me do tbat.

Why not simply let them stay there indefinitely if you can afford to do so?

This was never meant to be a permanent living arrangement. We never wanted our son to feel because we have, means he has or is entitled to what we have.

Maybe this would have been different had they asked us if we were okay supporting them indefinitely instead of assuming.

Everything starts with a solid foundation, starting a family while technically not being able to support themselves is not a solid foundation. We can take ownership of that, maybe we should have pushed him to get a degree with an actual ROI. He was always talented, and he does use his art talents to with his clients and also teaches some classes at the JCC during the summer.

Why do you believe they should have enough savings to move out?

They have been living in the house for nearly five years, market rent for a house that is 3b 2 bath in our area is around 3 of 3.5k. They should have over 100k by now, if they told us they were looking to get their own place cause they were looking to start a family.

I would have been more than happy to help them out. Since that shows planning. Not hey we are having a kid while living rent free knowing that was never the deal.

Why don't you simply give them the house or cover all their expenses?

I think just blanket sharing wealth is a bad idea, I think providing opportunities to gain wealth is smarter.

I could not kick them out which is why I never mentioned eviction, they did. My wife also owns the property she would not let me go through eviction process nor would I. I would be tied up in court for years. They knew this which is why they mentioned it.

Nothing is free, they are costing me money that much is certain, but it is not about the money. It is more so they came up with this entire plan but forgot to ask the people that the entire plan hinges on if they were okay with it.

They have no plan if we withdrew support.

Do you think a parent staying home with the child is inherently a bad idea?

We did not have the option to stop working when we had our son. No I do not think they are lazy, but I do think that it is financially unwise to put your eggs in one basket. I think it is unwise to let the person with a job that has growth potential to leave the workforce and keep the job that pays less and has the least amount of growth potential.

Also think it makes little sense to try and a raise a family when anything could happen to us at anytime. I think they got a tad too comfortable with the arrangement and made plans they cannot reasonably see through not without us helping then indefinitely.

Yes, if I keep working I don't actually need he revenue, even with retirement the loss of revenue would not kill us, would be annoying cause it is a net loss per year. They are not the best tenants in terms of keeping the house nice.

Why are you so focused on retirement savings?

Cause I think retirement should be considered an mandatory expense like rent or food. I feel too many kick it down the can for now moments but that is not how life works. I have many friends who are going to have to live solely on SS and that is sad.

I don't want that for my son, which is why I did my best to establish good financial habits early on. I wanted him to learn from my mistakes.

CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole POO Mode

Update - after 5 days

^{September 03, 2026}

AITA for telling my DIL and son that if they plan to do the whole SAHP thing they can start paying us rent?

Before anything did not think so many people would reply and I apologize I barely got through a quarter of the responses.

Had some long update to clarify some points and try to explain my rationale but I will keep it short.

My wife and I spoke and we have come to the agreement we don't agree with how they reacted to us asking them to pay rent if they wish to go forward with their plan. We are going to talk to them and treat this exactly how we did it with his first car. We will match whatever they have saved, and ask them to leave in 90 days. Over 5 years between the two of them they should at minimum have 100k saved up. We will determine what to do with the house later.

If they refuse or have not actually saved anything we both agree to sell the house at a loss and let the owner deal with them.

Second option is they pay rent, and we agree $1500 is fair you cannot find a house for rent in NYC for $1500, and the money will solely go towards maintenance and property taxes. Whatever is left over when they leave we will give to them. Though if they stay we have learned our lesson we will establish everything in writing and it will only be for two years no more.

We will tell them we are happy to help but it did greatly hurt us that they just assumed we would be okay with supporting them indefinitely without even having a conversation with us. They came and told us what was happening and just expected us to smile and be okay with it. That is not right.

Especially when they came at us trying to use their unborn child as leverage or state we will have to evict them. All because we asked them to pay rent.

We understand her desire to be with her child, but they also have to understand they need to have that conversation with us if they are building plans around us financially supporting them to make her goal a reality.

We shall see, we are going to give it a week or so to let everyone relax but that is our plan of attack.

COMMENTS

Tulipanzo

Read the update and honestly this might be the most YTA post I've seen on the subteddit

Sure OP, convincing your wife to evict your son was definitely the right move.

You frankly don't deserve to see your grandchild ever

OOP

If you read the update you would have seen that was the last resort option.

If they wish to stay and cannot afford $1500 rent what hope do they have raising a family of three?

If they have been saving for five years bare minimum they should have 100k saved, which means if we match they will have 200k. They can find a decent size condo in say Staten Island for 350k, which would be a decent starter place.

They have options, just telling them we are not going to be one of their options like they think we are. If they wish to cut us out because ae refuse to be taken advantage of so be it.

Final Update - after 8 days (after 3 days from last post)

^{September 06, 2026}

Final update: AITA for telling my DIL and son that if they plan to do the whole SAHP thing they can start paying us rent?

Hi, so we spoke with our son and our daughter-in-law (DIL). First my son did apologize for assuming we would he okay providing the degree of support required for their plan to be sustainable.

We then explained to them that our intention was not to pull the rug from them, but we also do not want to be taken advantage of. We asked if they remembered our agreement and my son said yes, but said since they were getting closer to 30, they felt now was the best time to have a child. They also want their child to have a relationship with us, and most importantly wish for their child to have a happy mother.

Our DIL explained that she is utterly miserable at her job, she has noticed very unhealthy habits forming, poor sleep, unhealthy eating, lack of energy, and depression. She is afraid if she continues to work she will be a shell of a mother. Thus why they want to have her quit her job and become a permanent stay at home parent (SAHP)We told her we understood but had some concerns with their plan. First was how do they plan to raise a child on my son's income? They showed us their budget, issue is their budget as we all knew requires us to pretty much take over all housing expenses including utilities. We asked about their retirement and savings, our DIL told us those would be on the back burner but not forgotten.

We asked our son does he have a plan to boost his income, like go to school again ans possibly become a nurse or something especially since he enjoys working with the elderly as an HHA. My son said he is not against the idea, and they did talk about the possibility but our DIL had reservations since when would he have time with his child, school and work is a lot. This is when we asked about their savings, my son said he has saved around 67k in a High yield savings account this was their house money. Unfortunately, his wife did not save much she has around 25k saved. It appears her masters was not cheap. We asked them is the SAHP a must have for them, and they said yes. My DIL said she cannot work anymore her job was destroying her.

Before we offered our suggestions mentioned in the other thread, my wife offered a new one. We agree to pay for our son's schooling, we will cover daycare costs and cover everything our son has currently been paying, but after our DIL's leave is done, she goes back to work. My wife explained we do want to give them them the best, but they have be able to stand on their own two feet.

My wife told our DIL during the time our son is in school her sole duty is to save, whatever they save we will match. We will cover our son's expenses so he can focus on just school and being a parent, just like she can focus on work and being a mom. Though the free ride ends when our son graduates but with the additional time she should be able to save enough to get then their own small space especially with our matching contribution.

My wife did sympathize with them especially our DIL. She said she understands they want what is best for their child, but she also told them they have to do so within their own means.

Asking us to cover everything is not that. They did ask for an early inheritance but we simply ignored that request. My wife and I feel they are banking on our inheritance as their retirement, and that they become extremely comfortable with their current arrangement.

Overall conversation went no where and they stated our ideas would not work. So we are selling the house. We acknowledge that this will forever destroy our relationship with them, but if we also acknowledge if we cave they will forever use access to their baby as a tool to get what they want.

They truly feel we should provide for them so their child our grandchild can have the best since we can afford it. They even brought up sending their child to private school.

For what it is worth I do not know if this is all my son's idea but he is going along with it so it is what it is.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Nuggetlov3

Published on: r/aitaweddings

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 27, 2026

• Update 1: August 29, 2026

• Update 2: September 04, 2026

Main Post

^{August 27, 2026}

AITAH for refusing to give my stepmother my late mom’s wedding dress after she altered it behind my back?

I (25F) lost my mom when I was 16. The most valuable thing she left me was her vintage wedding dress. It’s been sitting safely in a preserved garment bag in my closet for years, and I’ve always planned on wearing it when I get married.

My dad remarried "Karen" (48F) four years ago. Karen has a daughter, "Lily" (23F), who recently got engaged.

Last month, Karen offered to take my mom’s dress to a high-end specialty cleaner to "freshen it up" for me as a nice gesture. I thought it was sweet, so I handed it over.

Two weeks passed, and every time I asked Karen if the dress was ready to be picked up, she’d dodge the question or claim the cleaners were taking extra time.

Yesterday, I went over to my dad’s house unannounced to drop off some mail. I walked into the living room, and Lily was standing there in my mom’s dress.
Except it wasn't just my mom's dress anymore. Karen had taken it to a tailor and had the entire lace back ripped out, the long sleeves cut off into a strapless sweetheart neckline, and the train completely removed to fit Lily’s height and taste.

I froze, and Karen casually said, "Oh! We were going to surprise you. Lily fell in love with the silk fabric, and since you’re not even engaged yet, we figured it was silly to let good material go to waste."

I lost my absolute mind. I told Lily to take it off immediately. When she took it off, I grabbed the dress, packed it up, and locked it in my car. Karen started yelling that I was being completely irrational because "the cuts were already made" and the dress was tailored to Lily now anyway, so taking it back was just pure spite.

Lily is now sobbing because her fitting was ruined, and my dad called me last night begging me to just let Lily have the altered dress. He offered to buy me a brand-new dress when my time comes, saying, "What’s done is done, and you’re just ruining your sister’s wedding over a piece of cloth that doesn't even fit you anymore."

I told them all to go to hell, locked the butchered dress back in my closet, and told them they are d**d to me unless they pay to restore it to its original condition (if that’s even possible).

Now my whole extended family is blowing up my phone saying I’m being heartless, keeping a dress I can’t even wear in its current state just to punish a bride.
AITAH?

COMMENTS

GrowFlowersNotWeeds

“…Now my whole extended family is blowing up my phone saying I’m being heartless…”

What are your maternal grandparents saying??

NTAH

OOP

They’re on my side, the only people mad at me are my step sisters family

GrowFlowersNotWeeds

Your step-sister’s family, and your dad, are wrong. This was a massive overstep and not one you are likely to overlook. Did your dad know about this before alterations were made? Or did his wife do this behind his back, too?

OOP

I fully believe she went behind everyone’s back, once she got it tailored i don’t think my dad even could recognize it was my mothers dress:/

chatterbox2024

NTA - I really have a hard time believing a woman would want her own daughter to wear her husband’s dead wife’s dress. Especially, since it’s been boxed up and preserved in your own home. How did they even see the dress anyway? If this is all true you have every right to be furious and just block all the nasty family taking their side. How dare they !

OOP

She lied to me and said she wanted to get it dry cleaned and do something nice so I believed her. She went behind everyone’s back… honestly I don’t even know what my dad sees in her bc she’s a horrible person

nizzerp

fuck that whole family. yet another example of the kids from the first marriage being treated like fucking cinderella or worse.

OOP

Yeah they’re all blocked right now, my grandparents are also pissed off. As they should be

metatus

is this like what AI has learnt to put at the end of every story "Now my whole extended family is blowing up my phone saying I’m being heartless, keeping a dress I can’t even wear in its current state just to punish a bride."?

because im fed up of this crap

OOP

No my family on my step sisters side is pissed at me. But all good I’m talking to a lawyer about it later today. And all of them are currently blocked:)

Local_Depth9668

I cant even begin to imagine how you feel. You are NTA!!! Why would your Dad allow them to do that to your dress. I want to cry for you.

OOP

Yeah I honestly don’t think my dad knew it was my moms dress after all the things she did to it:/

Update 1 - after 2 days

^{August 29, 2026}

UPDATE

First off, thank you to everyone who commented. Honestly, reading through the replies was a huge reality check because I was so overwhelmed I wasn't even thinking about the legal side of this.

I took the dress to a local bridal restoration shop yesterday just to see what fixing it would actually look like. The news was bad. The tailor Karen used basically gutted the inner structure and cut away vintage lace panels that can't just be sewn back on. To get it anywhere near its original state with matching vintage lace, the owner estimated it’s going to cost around $3,500—and even then, it won't be 100% identical to what my mom wore.

I called my dad and Karen last night and told them they have until next Friday to put down the deposit with the restorer, or I'm taking the probate paperwork from my mom's estate and going to the police to file a report for theft and property damage, and then taking Karen to small claims court.

Karen immediately lost her mind and started screaming that I'm trying to put my “own family” (step family) in jail over "old fabric." My dad is in full panic mode begging me not to do it because he says it'll ruin Lily’s wedding and wreck them financially.

Lily actually texted me this morning claiming she "had no idea" Karen took the dress without asking and thought we had made some kind of deal, but she’s still refusing to help pay for the restoration because she says she's an innocent bystander in all of this.

I'm holding firm on next Friday at 5 PM. If the restorer doesn't have the deposit by then, I'm going straight to the station with the text receipts and the before/after photos.

I feel sick to my stomach about all of this, but I feel like if I don't set this boundary now, they're just going to walk all over me for the rest of my life.

COMMENTS

latelifetraveler

Does the tailor have the original fabric?

OOP

No they don’t sadly:/

mcindy28

Stand your ground! What they did was absolutely awful and once the dress is restored as best as possible, I'd never speak to any of them again!

OOP

Yeah after this I definitely won’t be speaking to them again

Update 2 - after 8 days (after 6 days from last post)

^{September 04, 2026}

UPDATE 2

Things have completely escalated, and honestly, reading through your comments made me realize waiting around for a deadline was pointless.

On Tuesday, my dad came over to my place to try and "reason with me." By "reason," I mean he spent an hour crying on my couch, telling me that paying $3,500 for the restoration would mean pulling money straight out of Lily’s wedding fund. He admitted Karen threatened to leave him if he paid for it, and he literally begged me to just accept $500 in cash and "let it go for the sake of the family." I told him absolutely not and showed him the door.

Then yesterday, things took an absolute turn. Lily’s fiancé, "Mark," reached out to me directly. Mark was furious because Lily had told him I willingly let Karen take the dress to get altered for her. When he saw how bad things were getting and realized Karen had tricked me into handing it over under the guise of "dry cleaning," they got into a massive fight. Mark told her he’s reconsidering the wedding if she doesn't take accountability and help fix this.
Karen lost her mind and sent me a string of unhinged voice notes accusing me of "destroying her daughter's relationship" and being evil and spiteful.

That was the final straw. I knew right then they were never going to pay a dime to fix the dress and were just trying to manipulate me.

Yesterday afternoon, I met with a local attorney who looked over my mom’s probate records, the before/after photos, and the texts where Karen admitted she took the dress to a tailor under false pretenses after I handed it to her for cleaning. My lawyer confirmed I have a rock-solid case for both civil litigation and grand larceny/property destruction given the dress's value and the damage done.

Directly after leaving my lawyer's office yesterday evening, I walked straight into the police station and filed an official report against Karen.

My dad has gone completely radio silent, and Karen is panicking now that law enforcement is actually involved. My hands are still shaking from the stress of it all, but I’m finally standing my ground. I’ll keep you guys posted on what happens next with the police and court.

COMMENTS

EvanRamsey

Congrats to you. This is a big step in showing your family you are not to be played. Do not let them ever convince you that you are the problem here or the reason for their consequences.

I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself, but also standing up for your mother and her wishes. I sincerely hope you are able to enjoy her dress in someway on someday yourself.

OOP

Yeah I might take apart the dress and make it into something so it doesn’t fully go to waste and I can still have a little part of her❤️

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Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Various-Baker1432

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: June 12, 2022

• Final Update: June 13, 2022

Main Post

^{June 12, 2022}

AITA for expecting GF to buy food she doesn't like and calling her my roommate?

Background info: I own my own home, and seven months ago GF moved in. We both agreed that it would be unfair for her to contribute to my mortgage, as I am gaining equity and she is not. The agreement that we came up with is that I am responsible for all house expenses (mortgage, HOA dues, taxes, insurance, maintenance) and she is responsible for living expenses (electric, water, internet, streaming, groceries). We had this all hashed out before she moved in.

Now, obviously I'm paying a lot more. I pay $2000 a month, not including regular maintenance. She pays about $500 a month. This is fine by me, as it is what we agreed to. On to the actual conflict.

GF has started getting annoyed about groceries. We keep a list on the fridge both can add too, and she goes shopping once every ten days or so. She says that I put too many "luxury items" on the list and it bothers her to buy expensive items she doesn't like. The main offenders are oils (olive, coconut, peanut, avocado), vegan yogurt (am lactose intolerant) and cashews. I admit that all of these things are expensive. However, I do not go through them very quickly. The large oil containers last over a month each. One large container of yogurt lasts over a week. A large container of cashews lasts about three weeks. Only the yogurt needs to be bought frequently, and the large container is just over $5. Furthermore, I do not eat the cheese or milk products she buys, some of which are more expensive (fancy ice cream bars and cheese dips) than what I like.

GF suggested I buy my own "luxury goods," since she doesn't benefit from them. She eats the dishes I cook the oils with, so this isn't necessarily true. Furthermore, this isn't our agreement. She pays no rent, and she'd be paying a lot more than $500 a month in any other roommate situation. When I pointed this out, she became frustrated, saying that's irrelevant since we aren't roommates. I argued that, in addition to being BF & GF, we are also roommates, and some of our conflicts are those that most roommates face. She hated this comparison and ended the discussion abruptly to leave for work, even though she had 20 minutes before she needed to leave.

AITA? Is there a rule I didn't know about calling SOs roommates? Is expecting our agreement to stay consistent an AH move? GF mentioned that these days everyone needs to tighten the belt. Should I be sacrificing more for our relationship?

Extra info:

Got back from work and there were too many comments to read all/answer all, so here's the answers to the questions I saw a bunch of before I got overwhelmed and stopped reading.

Oil: I don't drink oil or have high cholesterol. Olive oil and avocado oil are used for sauces, salad dressings, etc... Coconut oil I use for currys and stir fries. Peanut oil for sauces and stir fries. All are bought infrequently in large containers because it's cheaper. No more than one (sometimes none) needs to be replenished each month, as I said. They last a long time. I'm not fat or unhealthy.

Expenses: Utilities are not expensive where we live. We are both passionate about energy conservation and use very little electricity and water. The utilities are still in my name, she just logs into my account to pay them. I see exactly how much they are. It's $120 a month for water and electric. Internet is $60 a month. GF goes Shopping every ten days. She spends about $90 per shop. I've seen receipts. That's $270. IDK why so many of you spend $1000 a month on groceries. I recommend cooking homemade meals like I do. It's very inexpensive. Dried goods like rice, pasta, beans, cost pennies per serving. In season produce that grows in our region is affordable. I don't know how much she pays for streaming, as I didn't have it before she moved in. If it's more than $50 a month, then she should cancel one, because that's ridiculous.

My finances: I'm not house poor and can afford my mortgage. My mortgage is still cheaper than renting. I do not need my girlfriend to "subsidize" my house. I paid all of my own bills before she moved in and would be able to continue doing so without her.

COMMENTS

Tihocan

NTA. Does she earn enough to pay the $500 a month and have money to burn?

OOP

I don't know exactly how much my GF makes. She did mention during our argument that she needed to tighten the belt because of inflation and rising gas prices. GF does drive a lot because of her job.

janejohnson1989

NTA. She’s being greedy. And being nit picky with the term roommate. It seems like she feels like she’s expecting you to financially take care of her completely. Are you ok with that or no?

OOP

No, I would not be okay with taking care of her financially. I want things to be fair and equitable.

Ashland78

NTA- I would like to know both your ages. I am 44f answering... while that was your agreement initially it sounds like roommates. IF this was more than that you would have one main account, both have vested interest in home and one another...

OOP

I am 29 and she just turned 30. She is not vested in the home. We have completely separate finances. She has mentioned a shared account in the past, but I didn't want to do so.

Ashland78

I know she is not vested in the home. I am thinking it may have been a bit different if so. Here is another question without getting too personal - careers and salary are they similar or extreme ends of the scale? My husband and I did things probably different then most (married 22 yr atm), we 'trusted' each other and combined income right away when moving in together. I make a lot more now but initially we were pretty equal both not having completed college educations.

I know my story is odd we dated and were engaged a total of 6 months, 10 days before saying I do. We both wanted the same things in life though and it has worked so far.q

OOP

I am not sure how much she makes. I work in utility instillation and repair. I make a set hourly wage (aprox $600 a week) and also tips (varies, but usually $150-$250 a week).

She works on contract doing appraisals. Her income is based on her workload.

printncut (downvoted)

YTA for grossly underestimating what she is paying. Electric, water, internet, streaming, and groceries likely cost almost double your estimate.

OOP

We're both energy conscious and don't waste water/electric. For example, we open windows instead of turning on AC most of the year (heating isn't really a thing here). We keep blinds open instead of turning on lights, except at night or in the bathroom. We take quick showers. We just don't produce huge utility bills.

Candy_Venom

YTA. first. She's not your roommate. She's your partner. if my husband called me his roommate that means our relationship is in trouble because he views me as someone he shares space with and splits bills with and nothing more. I have had roommates. I didn't have the relationship I have with my husband that I had with my roommates.

Also, she is NOT spending $500 a month on ALL utilities, groceries, and then say her car payment and car insurance if she has those. You are assuming she spends $500 and that she spends less than your $2k a month.

My car payment alone is $350. Our electric this month was $125 and we are in a 2 bed apartment (we live in Miami and keep temp at 70). Our cable & internet is $250 (stupid Comcast) All our streaming stuff? lol That's another $75 easy. PLUS groceries for two people?! She is spending well over $500 a month and it sounds like she is struggling. How about looking into what the utilities cost for her each month and then any additional expenses she also has as well versus her income.

OOP

A bunch of people said I need to respond to more TA judgements and not just the others, but honestly I'm not sure how to respond without breaking the arguing rule. Most of the TA judgements seem to be based on the idea that I'm lying, and I'm not, so there's really no way to respond to that.

As for cars, we have nothing to do with each other's cars. I drive a company van that my boss lets me use as my personal vehicle in return for paying for gas (even when working :P but still works out for me because I don't have to pay insurance or maintenance). I have no clue what her car payment is, but yeah we don't pay for each other's transportation, unless we go somewhere on a date. Then I give her gas money because she hates being in my van (understandable, it's ugly).

Current_Fault7609

Why did you and your gf move in together? My bf and I have almost the same agreement but it was well established that I would pay less in bills because I am saving up to buy a secondary property for us. He built his house before he met me and the house is not in a town i want to live in or style I want. It is also a longer commute from my job. My apt used to be alot more convenient for me but I chose to move in with him because I enjoy his company and we want to get married someday. So as far as bills are concerned I pay the phone bill, internet, light, water. The rest he pays or we split. I cook but all the other chores we split them. If my bf called me his roommate I would probably feel bad because I wouldn’t want to think that I gave up my comfort and living alone to just be somebody’s roommate.

OOP

My girlfriend was spending the night almost every day and mentioned that it was stupid to keep paying for an apartment when she basically lived with me (true) and brought up the idea of moving in. I was unsure because we'd been together less than a year, but I really like her, and all of her points made sense to me like, we would get more quality time, she would not have to drive as much to my place, and I would never have to see her former roommate again (we hate each other).

Current_Fault7609

You guys were dating a short time before moving in together so maybe you’re just getting to know each other a little better. I think you should talk to her about her finances. Is she struggling? Does she want a partner who pays all the bills or someone that expects her to contribute to bills? If you do decide to get married or get more serious will you have joint finances?

OOP

Marriage and joint finances are both completely off the table.

Current_Fault7609 If you never want to get married make sure you are completely transparent with her and that she knows exactly what you want in a partner. I saw a lot of my friends spend years with men that where good men but just didn’t want the same things they wanted, they ended up wasting a lot of time. I don’t think you’re an asshole but I do think you and her probably have a lot to learn about each other.

OOP

She doesn't believe in marriage, like at all. She thinks marriage as an institution is detrimental to women and responsible for a lot of the problems in our country. I agree that it isn't for everyone (like me and her) but it's nice for people who believe in it (which we don't).

CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole

Final Update - after 1 day

^{June 13, 2022}

AITA for expecting GF to buy food she doesn't like and calling her my roommate?

After GF got back from her work thing and we had breakfast, we talked about finances as many suggested. Turns out she had a dispute (where she was 100% in the right) with the insurance agency that refers most of her clients. They haven't referred her to anyone since. So she's been making do with word of mouth referrals and had only been getting a fraction of the business she was before.

Apparently her parents have been paying her car payment/insurance as well as her phone for the last couple of months, but she's still not making enough. She didn't tell me because she was embarrassed and thought she could find a different insurance company to work with. However, the agent she was working with badmouthed her, so that didn't happen either.

I asked her to move out, since I don't feel comfortable financially supporting her, and she no longer has a stable income. Also, it sounds like she's going to have to move if she wants to keep doing the work she currently does. She agreed to leave by the end of the month. Thanks for all of the advice/perspective.

COMMENTS

Clytemenestra

NTA for the original story, but YTA for the update. You break up with her and ask her to move out because she lost stable income??? It doesn't sound like she was depending on you more than she was before. Her parents were helping her out and now she's going to struggle more moving to a new place.

OOP (downvoted)

But when her parents can no longer shoulder the extra expenses, will they fall on me? I'm not willing to take the risk.

Character_Range_6278

I agree, this was probably for the best. She can move on and find a partner who isn’t ice cold and actually cares about her.

OOP (downvoted)

I care, but no one besides me will take care of me, so I have to be my first priority. She has her parents as a safety net. I just have me. I have to be careful. Plus, her hiding her financial situation from me disturbs me. I don't really feel like I can trust her anymore.

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Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

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OOP: u/throwaway05232021a

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: Likely CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: May 26, 2021

• Final Update: July 05, 2021

Main Post

^{May 26, 2021}

AITA for taking away my wife's access to our money?

I have been married to my wife, Ashley, for 7 years. I am the only one that works. Ashley spends her time volunteering at a charity she started. I am fine with this as I make enough for both of us. In financial decisions we have equal say. I will admit that I am the numbers nerd of the relationship – so I do the budget and handle our investments. My wife has equal input into the budget – we both have to agree on it. Like many people we are saving for retirement and a couple of other financial goals.

Ashley’s sister and her family are going through a lot of financial issues at the moment. My BIL lost his job and my SIL is reaching out to my wife for help. They are asking for us to cover their monthly expenses. I said no – while we have some discretionary money, we don’t have that much. Both my wife and I get “fun money” to spend however we wish each month. I told my wife that I would match whatever amount of her fun money she wants to give her sister from my fun money. My wife doesn’t want to do that – she says that won’t be enough money. She wants us to reduce the amount we are saving each month to help her sister. I refused. I do not want to jeopardize my family’s future for her sister’s present. Ashley was very unhappy with my answer, but I refused to change my mind.

I found out last week that my wife gave her sister money out of our general savings account. I was furious – to me this is a complete betrayal of trust. I confronted her and her reply was that I “forced her to go behind my back by being unreasonable”. I was angry - I ended up going to the bank and opening up new accounts in my name only. I moved the balances to my new accounts. I left in enough money for the expenses that she typically pays according to our budget (things like groceries, her gas, etc) as well as her fun money. I did not leave her without access to any money. I did leave her with access only to money that she is supposed to spend according to the budget we both agreed to.

I went home and told her what I had done. She is accusing me of financially abusing her. I pointed out that she is the one that abused my trust, not the other way around. That is it is on her to prove to me that she is worthy of my trust because after what she did, I don’t trust her anymore. She said if that was the case, she should just leave. That she wasn’t going to be treated as a child. I told her to leave then because I wasn’t going to give her the opportunity to steal from me again when it is clear she isn’t even sorry for what she did. She left to stay with her sister.

I believe I am completely justified for what I have done. She is the one that broke our agreement. Did I take it too far though? This was the first time she ever did anything like this. Did I let anger get the best of me? AITA for taking away her access to the money?

NOTE: A lot of context was added in the comments by OOP, so it has been reformatted into a Q&A.

COMMENTS

Q: How much money was involved? How much do you save each month? How much is your "fun money"?

OOP:

She took $3,000.00 out of our savings..

We each get $800.00 per month for our personal spending.

We currently save roughly $2,500.00 a month,

So giving her sister $3,000.00 would mean not saving anything plus dipping into our actual savings.

I did "veto" her request to give her sister the money. We had agreed (before we were even married) - that we needed to agree on any changes to our budget. So I had the right to say No to her, just like she would have had the right to say No to me if the positions were reversed. Our agreement was "we both have to agree to spending money outside of the budget" - not "we both have to agree - unless you want it which in that case you should just ignore me and do what you want".

I did suggest a compromise - I proposed that I would match whatever amount of Ashley's fun money she wanted to give to her sister out of my own. Ashley was the one that refused that and was set on giving the whole $3,000.00. She didn't make any other suggestions, though I have to admit I did not either.

This was talked of as a gift - we never talked of it as a loan. We decided years ago that we don't loan money to family or friends - we either give it or not.

We have savings in place for emergencies... However, I do not consider paying her sister's bills as an emergency for my family.

Q: Why not just reduce savings for one month? Isn't that a reasonable compromise?

OOP:

Ashley wanted to give $3,000.00. I offered up a solution of up to $1,600.00 - yet that isn't a fair compromise? To me - compromise does not mean Ashley gets exactly what she wants no matter what I think.

We talked about finances extensively. We both said that we both needed to agree on any financial decisions. Yet Ashley went behind my back to do what she wanted.

And it is $3,000.00 this month. There is no indication that it will be any different in future months.

Yes - Ashley or I could have had a discussion about "we'll go negative this month, but next month we'll save x more to make up for it". Those discussions didn't happen. What did happen is that Ashley broke our agreement on how we do finances. You have those discussions before withdrawing money - not after.

Q: Why do you view this as such a serious betrayal?

OOP:

Ashley and I talked extensively before we were ever married about our finances. I watched my parents fight and eventually get divorced because of money fights and I didn't want that to happen to us.

We both made our wishes known. We worked together on a budget that we could both live with. For the last 7 years we have worked together to manage our money.

Ashley knows how important us working together on financial issues is to me. And yet she went behind my back to give our money to her sister.

I had suggested a way to give her sister and BIL some help... I suggested the compromise because it was important to Ashley and I do value her opinions. Unfortunately it does not appear that she values mine.

Q: Didn't your wife have equal say? Doesn't your "no" simply override her?

OOP:

Of course Ashley gets input on our finances. We do the budget together - we both have to agree to it.

Whenever anything changes (pay raise, new expense, whatever) - we decide together how to change things. We agreed before we were ever married that we would both have to agree to make changes.

That does not mean I am required to agree with her.

She wanted to make a change - I did not. I did offer a compromise... She didn't accept it, but she also didn't offer compromises of her own.

Q: Why not just have your wife get a paying job if helping her sister is so important?

OOP:

I suppose in theory, Ashley could get a paying job. She certainly has the skills and education to do so.

However the charity that she started and works at is her dream - and I don't think it would be possible for her to keep it going and work a paying job at the same time.

Q: Does your wife handle all the housework since she doesn't earn income?

OOP:

We pay for the yard to be done and to have someone come clean the house once a week.

Other household chores we split.

She tends to do the grocery shopping (she doesn't think I pick out produce correctly) but I do most of the other errands.

We switch off on who does laundry.

We both cook and actually enjoy cooking together.

Q: Why don't you want to help your in-laws? Were your in-laws facing homelessness or starvation?

OOP:

He has been out of work for 4 months. He was fired for cause - so he is not eligible for unemployment.

I know that my brother in law keeps saying that he is sure he will get a job "soon" with his extensive network.

I see no evidence this is actually going to happen any time soon.

He is doing absolutely nothing to bring money in.

If it were me I would be working fast food or delivering pizzas before I asked anyone else for money.

He is not doing that.

I have no interest in helping someone that isn't doing everything they can to help themselves.

However Ashley feels differently so I am willing to compromise.

Her sister becoming homeless was never mentioned. Nor was her going hungry or having a car repossessed.

I do not know the details of SIL/BIL's finances - but I am sure that if any of those things were happening Ashley would have mentioned it.

Q: Why move all the money into accounts only you control?

OOP:

I moved the money to stop her from giving even more of our savings away.

To put it bluntly - I don't trust her after what she did.

However I still am abiding by our agreement - I am not spending a dime that is not in the budget.

Another poster came up with an excellent suggestion - seeing if it is possible to change our account so that it takes both of our signatures to withdraw any money.

I am fine with giving her the ability to stop me from unilaterally withdrawing funds, but I am not willing to give her the ability to unilaterally withdraw funds.

Q: If you divorce, what happens financially? Are you planning to hide assets if you divorce?

OOP:

I have a prenup and my state does not have alimony.

If we divorce, my wife would be entitled to a pretty decent sized payout - but not anywhere near half my assets.

She would be entitled to half of what we accrued during our marriage.

She will walk away with a pretty heft bank account.

If we do divorce over this I have absolutely no intention of hiding assets from her.

She would be entitled to half of what we accumulated during our marriage - and that includes a portion of the money I moved.

Q: Can you forgive her? Do you think your reaction was too extreme?

OOP:

I don't know.

I love her, but I can't see myself with someone I can't trust.

If she was sorry - apologized for what she did - it would still be hard to get over the breach of trust, but I would try.

Right now she is acting like I'm TA for objecting her giving away the money without my consent.

If my marriage ends - it will not be over $3k.

It will be because Ashley betrayed my trust by going behind my back to give her sister money without my consent.

If the amount was $3.00, $3,000.00 or $300,000.00 - my reaction would be the same.

CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole

Small update in comments

Ashley is still at her sisters and insisting I am the bad guy and she is completely blameless.

I called Ashley and told her that I would put the money back in our joint account if we changed it so that it took both our signatures to withdraw the money - giving her the same amount of control of the account that I currently have.

She refused - saying that meant that I don't trust her.

I told her the truth - I don't trust her.

She is refusing to go to the bank to make the change.

So right now I am still the only one with access to our savings.

We did agree to see a marriage counselor and have an appointment early next week.

Final Update - after 1 month, 9 days

^{July 05, 2021}

UPDATE: AITA for Taking Away my Wifes Access to Our Money

This has been approved by the moderators.

Well, it looks like the posters that commented that my marriage is doomed were correct.

First, after reading the posts I agreed that it was not fair that I had access to our savings and she did not – even though she gave some away without my consent. Following the advice of several posters, I contacted my bank and I found that the account could be changed so that while both of us could deposit money, it would take both our signatures to take money out of the account. ||

This would give her the same control over the accounts that I had by putting them under my name. I contacted Ashley to let her know that I would put the money back in the joint account if we switched the account to require both of our signatures. She said no – that that just showed that I didn’t trust her. I told her I didn’t – she had taken money without my consent. Of course I didn’t trust her. She refuses to change the account. I refuse to give her unrestricted access. So right now I am still the only with access to the money.

We also tried marriage counseling - another suggestion that posters brought up multiple times. The counselor asked both of us to say what we thought was wrong with our relationship. Ashley said that I had “abused her” by taking away her access to money. I said that Ashley had broken my trust by giving away money without my consent.

It took a few sessions but it because pretty clear that we just weren’t going to see things the same way. I wasn’t going to commit to supporting her sister’s family, and she refused to see giving them money without my consent as a breach of trust. The kicker came when it go be close to the end of the month and Ashley demanded (not asked – demanded) that I put $3,000.00 in the account for her to use pay her sister’s bills. Her reasoning was since she stayed there we “owed it” to them. I told her she was ridiculous and that if I wouldn’t do that while we were together, why in the world would I do it now? She walked out of the session and told me that she wouldn’t continue counseling until I agreed. I contacted a lawyer and filed for a legal separation and will be filing for divorce.

I found that I am legally obligated to pay “usual and ordinary bills of the household”, but I am not required to pay any bills for where she moved to since she left voluntarily. So I am doing what I am required to, including things like paying for her car insurance and her cell phone – but I am not giving her access to any other funds. She has asked (more like demanded) I give her money as she will be getting it when we divorce, but I don’t have a way of making sure whatever she is given comes out of the final settlement, so I am refusing.

COMMENTS

Q: About prenup, alimony and job:

I do have a prenup. My wife is entitled to half the assets that were accrued during our marriage. Everything that I had coming into the marriage (including my house) is protected.

My state does not have alimony. We do not have kids.

First of all - we don't have kids. Ashley quitting her paying job and working at her charity was what she wanted.

She will be entitled to half of what we saved during the marriage. She will get a significant amount of money as a divorce settlement.

Ashley has a degree and should be able to find work in her field. I imagine that she will be behind career-wise where she would have been if she had worked the entire time - but it was her idea to quit and work at her charity instead. While it wasn't paid work, her charity did give her it's own type of experience that can be utilized in a paying job.

We do not have kids. I didn't force her to quit her job, but I did tell her to follow her dream when she wanted to quit her paying job and start a charity. It was her decision to quit. If she wanted to go back to a paying job, I would have been good with that as well.

Q: About transferring money

My lawyer says that won't be an issue - I did ask about that. Since I can show that she gave that money to her sister I can show that I had reason to want to protect my interest in the asset. I will also be able to show that I didn't spend any money out of the account. As long as the accounts are disclosed (and they will be) during discovery there won't be an issue.

You get in trouble when you try to hide assets. That isn't what I am doing.

Q: About "stealing money

I am well aware that she legally had the right to give the money to her sister. While it felt like she stole from me - legally she did not. I never looked at taking away her access to the money as "punishing" or "manipulating" - I looked at it was protecting my assets. We had an agreement on how we would decide to spend money - but when I didn't agree to do what she wanted, she violated that agreement and broke my trust. I wasn't going to give her the access to allow her to do that again. I still considered myself bound by our agreement and would not have spent a dime without her permission. I tried to put that into practice and change the account to one that would have required both our signatures to withdraw money - giving her the same control I had. She refused. She said because it showed I didn't trust her (I don't). I believe because she planned on doing it again.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

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Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/throwaway_6030

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole & r/amiwrong

Story is: NO FURTHER UPDATES

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 10, 2021

• Update 1: October 14, 2021

• Update 2: December 02, 2021

• Update 3: June 29, 2022

• Final Update: September 01, 2023

Main Post

^{August 10, 2021}

AITA for calling my baby's mother petty for not letting me be in the delivery room?

My ex and I were engaged but broke it off early into her pregnancy. We had a lot of issues, but our breakup was precipitated by her catching me sexting people behind her back and a couple of flings. Overall, we have kept it amicable through her pregnancy but I definitely wouldn't call us friends.

I called to check on her since she is due within the next month and asked what the plan for delivery was. I guess I assumed I would be in the room when the baby is being born. She told me due to COVID precautions she is only allowed one person with her while she is in the hospital and she's going to have her best friend with her-that I could meet the baby once she gets home. I got angry and told her it was petty and vindictive to not allow me in the room to witness our child's birth. She snapped back and told me she needs someone who brings her comfort and she can be vulnerable with and that's not me. AITA for calling her petty in this situation?

Edit to add: Since these have been questioned in the comments

• I cheated on her. Yes some of it was before she was pregnant, she broke it off cause she caught me sexting when we were laying in bed one night and then found all the other stuff

• We ended on the note we would try to be friends for the baby. We were going to try to go to counseling and see if we could fix things and work it out for the baby but then she caught me in a lie (not cheating again but related to lying trying to minimize her hurt due to what I'd done) and she cut me off completely other than giving me updates after each appointment and inviting me to a 3D ultrasound. It's been entirely her choice to not be friends.

• Her best friend hasn't even been around for her pregnancy since she's been traveling for work. She's only coming back now to help with labor and recovery then leaving again.

• Last, part of why I feel it's pettiness motivating her choices is cause she is using COVID as a reason to keep my family from meeting the baby. She told me she thinks only my parents should meet her until she gets a bit older, and wants them to wear masks. But she's still working as a nurse getting exposed to COVID DAILY so how is it really that much of a concern to her. I feel like it's about control over the baby.

COMMENTS

SoullessCycle

YTA only the person with the new human coming out of their body gets a say in who is in the birthing room.

If you should have been the birthing room person, wouldn’t you have been asking about the birth plan sooner than “she’s due within the next month.” Have you been going to the Dr appointments? Lamaze classes? Preparing in any way to be the calming presence for the actual pregnant person during labor?

OOP (downvoted)

I couldn't go to any doctors appointments since they weren't allowing visitors. She paid for one of those 3D ultrasounds and invited me to go, which I did. I've been preparing for the baby, bought clothes and a crib.

If she needed me to support her during labor I'd do whatever she told me to. I even told her I wouldn't look down there when she's pushing if it made her more comfortable. I don't plan on any more kids so if I don't see my baby be born then I'll never have that opportunity again. The baby is just as much mine as it is hers.

centiscorch

YTA you absolutely destroyed that relationship by yourself. Of course she doesnt trust you and doesnt want you there she probably doesnt want anything from you but childsupport money. Get to work bud! Should have been loyal and worked on whatever you were upset with her for or just been honest and broke it off when you realized you werent satisfied instead of cheating on her and destroying her faith in you

OOP (downvoted)

No, she's told me several times she doesn't want or need any money from me and "I just want you to step up and keep your promises to our kid since you seem to have an issue keeping your word." That's part of why I feel like her decision comes from pettiness because she says shit like that sometimes

chi_lawyer (downvoted)

YTA for the delivery room specifically, but CTA (COVID is TA) once delivery is over. Your child will be an independent person, and it's reasonable to want to visit your child in the hospital as soon as their mother is no longer undergoing a medical procedure for which the child must be present.

OOP (downvoted)

That's the issue. The visitor isn't allowed to swap out, so I don't get to see the baby until she's discharged home due to her not wanting me there. I might not see the baby until it's 2 or 3 days old.

BaconEggAndCheeseSPK

Hahahahaha YTA. You don’t get to watch your baby be born when when you cheated on your baby’s mother. You’d have to be insane to think you’ve maintained that privilege.

I cannot imagine the mental gymnastics you are going through to actually think your ex is being petty for not choosing you to support her during labor instead of someone who actually gives a shit about her.

[deleted]

YTA you cheated and then expected to be there at her most vulnerable moment in her life. She wants someone who she can trust and you have clearly proven you aren't that person.

CONSENSUS: Asshole

Update 1 - after 2 months, 4 days

^{October 14, 2021}

AITA for refusing to cover part of my ex-fiance's hospital bills

My ex and I broke up early in her pregnancy, we've remained somewhat amicable, we had a couple fights about me not being in the delivery room but have been ok since. She had our baby about 4 weeks ago, and I told her to keep me updated on any hospital bills she might get because I would pay half.

I was visiting the baby and my ex brought out the bills, typical stuff, the baby's pediatrician and her delivery, after insurance it was going to cost us about $1000 each. Then she pulled out a bill for an anesthesiologist and when I asked what that was about, since she didn't have a c-section she said it was for her epidural during labor.

I kind of chuckled and told her she was on her own for that bill (which was $900 on its own, almost the cost of everything else). She asked me if I was being serious and I confirmed I wouldn't pay that portion, that is was her choice to get an epidural, it wasn't essential to her safely delivering the baby and plenty of women have given birth without one. She told me I was being ridiculous and that "if you could feel how being in labor felt you wouldn't be questioning getting pain relief at all". She stayed pretty silent and cold with me until I left.

I talked to my Mom after the fact and she thinks I'm in the right, she had me and my siblings without anything. I think I might be the asshole though because when I talked to my sister about it she said pain relief can make or break your experience.

So, AITA for refusing to pay this additional expense?

Update 2 - after 3 months, 22 days (after 1 month, 18 days from last post)

^{December 02, 2021}

AITA for telling my baby's mother she only breastfeeds to keep me from having visitation

My ex and I have a baby who is almost 3 months. I come and visit her at my ex's home for 3 hours at a time once or twice a week. I've been itching to get alone time with the baby so we can bond better, but she breastfeeds only, won't take a bottle and won't take formula. I've tried numerous times to get baby to eat the bottle so I can have visits at my place with her but she just screams. All through her pregnancy my ex said she might try breastfeeding but wasn't sure. Then covid got bad again and because of her job (she's a nurse) she freaked out and wanted baby to have antibodies since she's vaccinated and has also had covid before.

Right now the baby won't smile at me like she does for her Mom-in fact over the last few visits as soon as I hold her it's instant waterworks. My ex tries to stay out of our way or only come out of her room when the baby is hungry but that doesn't make any difference. Out of frustration I handed the baby back to my ex and raised my voice a bit, saying basically that our current arrangement isn't working and I want my visits with the baby at my place.

My ex asked how that would even work since she won't eat from me and I said to her "we both know you only breastfed to keep me from her in the first place, she'll figure it out". Part of the frustration also comes from the fact that none of my family has met my child yet-my ex offered to host them in her home but my Mom is a homebody and won't drive there in addition to them living an hour away. My ex started crying after I said that and told me she refuses to let our baby starve for my "fragile ego" and I'll have to fight her in court, which she was trying to avoid for the sake of the baby.

Part of why I think I'm the asshole is because if the baby truly won't eat for me she'll be miserable. But everyone in my family reassures me that if she gets hungry enough she'll eat, and I'm convinced my ex breastfed in the first place to make visitsharder for me. So AITA?

COMMENTS

mikokat

INFO: Is your ex not comfortable breastfeeding around you or are you the one not comfortable with it?

OOP (downvoted)

She'll breastfeed around me but uses a blanket to cover up

educatedvegetable (downvoted)

INFO: Is there a reason your ex can't pump for bottle feeding other then the perception "she doesn't want to"‽

OOP (downvoted)

She does pump and has a lot frozen for when she goes back to work. I try giving baby the bottle and she just screams and won't suck on it no matter what I try

Update 3 - after 10 months, 19 days (after 6 months, 27 days from last post)

^{June 29, 2022}

AITA for refusing to pay half of childcare

I have an infant child (almost 1) that I coparent with my ex, we went to a mediator rather than the courts to come up with our parenting plan. Our current arrangement is I take her for 4 hours 3 times a week. My ex has her the rest of the time. We went through mediation and agreed on no child support but that we would split 50/50 expenses for her.

The issue came up when my ex asked for half her childcare expenses. Her sister watches the baby on the nights she works (shes a nurse and works 3 nights a week) and when she sleeps. I don't always take the baby when my ex is sleeping from working the night before. So for the last month I guess it came out to $200. I told my ex that I wouldn't pay it-she was responsible for paying for the child care when she has the baby. She got upset and told me it was in the parenting plan for 50/50 and that this month was higher because I worked all the days she worked and that it fluctuates based on when I'm able to take the baby.

I then got upset and told her that I'd take her for 50/50 and I wanted to know every penny she made, what she spent on my child with receipts unless she agreed to a set amount in writing for how much I'm actually obligated each month. When I called the mediator and demanded a change on our paperwork she acted shocked because of all we had agreed on previously, so I'm wondering if I'm an asshole. I'm pissed because she's playing games with me and my kid.

TLDR baby mama wants half of childcare expenses even though I don't need childcare for my time with her

COMMENTS

dazedkatwoman

YTA. I don't know why you only get so few hours but you benefit from the childcare, too, because you aren't the one watching the child while she works. Plus, your plan stipulates splitting costs 50/50. This is a nad way to start a coparenting relationship.

OOP (downvoted)

I live with my parents and work a good amount of overtime so I don't have free time like her Mom does. Plus I don't have a lot of experience with kids so I want to work up to 50/50

PaintLicker_2022

YTA. If you weren’t available or unwilling to take the child when you both worked, that’s a necessary expense and subject to the 50/50 cost split. As long as the hourly rate is reasonable, and she can provide proof payment was made and a Tax ID so that you can claim that on your taxes, you need to pay up. These expenses should be known ahead of time so that you aren’t surprised when they are due though. That should be accomplished when she offers them to you when she works and needs help taking care of her.

I’d say taking her to court is a bad idea. You may end up a lot worse off than you are now and owe child support on top of splitting expenses…

OOP (downvoted)

She makes more than me so if I take her for 50/50 she'll be owing me child support

VioletSkyeDreams

Not if you only have the kid for 12 hours

OOP (downvoted)

I want 50/50 custody now that she's playing with me

Choice_Werewolf1259

YTA. Your delusional right now. 50/50 means half of all expenses. No if’s ands or buts. And the fact that she has primary custody means there will never be an instance where daily expenses don’t fall to her. I’m shocked it’s so low actually.

Get your head out of your ass and grow up or you will find out quickly what happens when you violate a legal contract.

OOP (downvoted)

I want 50/50 now that she's being petty

Substantial_Bench102

You have two issues going on here.

an understanding of what child care expenses are and whether babysitting when you cant take the child is a child care expense. (Hint. It is)

‘Is your ex actually incurring the expense or fabricating it? You don’t have the right to demand everything about her finances , but you do have the right to ask for and receive proof of payment along with any receipts. If she’s paying her sister and she can prove it, than you owe half the expense. I would only do this if it is work related. If it’s just her wanting a night off, that’s on her.

Has she been dishonest about finances in the past? Is that why you reacted so strongly? Or are finances so tight that unexpected increases causes you a lot of stress?

OOP (downvoted)

She showed me a log of the hours and I know her schedule since she works set days so it is for sure when she works or is sleeping from working.

I already pay half my daughters health insurance and so a random extra $200 or so a month adds up. I'm trying to save for my own place. When we were together she paid all the bills for our house and food. I don't know her exact salary because she handled all our expenses.

Final Update - after 2 years, 22 days (after 1 year, 2 months, 3 days from last post)

^{September 01, 2023}

Am I wrong for telling my ex that my daughter shouldn't have certain clothes restricted to her house?

My ex and I have a toddler together. We haven't been together since before she was born and we split all expenses 50/50. My ex usually buys whatever the baby needs, shows me the items she got and the receipt and I'll send her my portion of it. Most of her clothes are from target or similar stores.

My ex often sends me pictures of my daughter since she has her more. I've noticed since she was born that she's got some super cute clothes sometimes, in really pretty prints that I've never seen before and werent part of what we purchased. If I repost the picture to my social media people always ask where her clothes are from.

I asked my ex where they come from, and she said she buys some boutique type bamboo clothes that are like $40 an outfit. I asked her why the baby never comes over here with those clothes because I feel like the fact I split clothing costs is unfair since I don't have access to all her clothes. My ex said I've ruined countless clothes (because I don't baby her and put a Bib on, I let her be a kid) and she spends her own money on the clothing she likes for our daughter and I'm not entitled to clothes I haven't paid for.

I told my ex she's being a bad parent by restricting clothing to only her home and our daughter will feel bad about it. My ex then said "if you want her to have the same clothes I get you're welcome to purchase them yourself"

TLDR- ex buys toddler expensive clothes, won't let me have those clothes any my house I only get the cheap stuff

COMMENTS

OOP (downvoted)

So everyone keeps getting stuck on a couple things.

My daughter hates bibs. Just trying to get one on her is a pain in the ass. I'm not stripping her naked every time she eats that's ridiculous. Her favorite food is pasta with sauce, it's easy to make and I can't really cook so what she eats is what I give her. I'll do that or Mac and cheese usually. Again, it's what I can give her so that's what she eats happily.

Second, I don't keep clothes at my place. I don't do bed time, rarely do bath time, it doesn't really make sense for me to keep a whole wardrobe of wasted clothes here. It's much more logical to keep the clothes with her Mom who does all that stuff and it cuts costs so it works.

FriendlyMum

Yes. It feels like you trying to create drama with your child’s other parent. You’re going to be a parent of your child for life, please work harder at co-parenting with them for the best outcome for your precious little one. This is ultimately about you both raising your child to the best of your abilities, not creating issues with one another.

An example is that you’ve also got to focus on your own behaviour before picking on theirs. You’ve admitted that you are careless with the clothing that your child wears in your care by refusing to put a bib on. You hand them back ruined for the other parent to say you ruined them - perhaps launder them better.

Not protecting the clothes has a clearly foreseeable outcome of ruining them, so you’re creating an issue here.

I’m gonna take this a step further and tell you that if you ruin an outfit that was jointly paid for then be responsible enough to go out and 100% pay for the replacement. This would be the responsible and respectful thing to do.

Alternatively have a stash of clothes at your place that you out the baby in that you’ve purchased so you can ruin them and let your kid get messy. Nothing wrong with messy play, kids are made out of washable materials! Just be mindful! Eg my kids love to craft when they were little so I always used to buy the washable paints and washable markers and stuff, this way I didn’t have to worry about art smocks - cause it all washed out (including the furniture.)

But if this is something that is causing issues and not working for you both then there needs to be another way discussed to approach the clothes. Perhaps have a chat with a mediator or a therapist and work together as parents to come up with some alternative ideas. Also it’s a great way to build your problem solving skills with one another to get a third party to support the process when you’re having trouble. Parenthood is one of the most significant things, may as well do it right rather than spending the next two decades stirring up issues with one another.

You’re being controlling about this clothes issue. Just because you pay half the cost of the shared clothes doesn’t mean you get access to clothing that the other parent buys 100% for the child. Again, don’t worry about her behaviour, focus on yours. Of course the other parent can buy nice things for your child when your child’s in their care.

OOP (downvoted)

I agree we need to get along better. I think she intentionally pushes my buttons though. She knows j cant afford what she can, so it feels like a slap in the fsce.

Another thing she was saying during this conversation was that when clothes get ruined she goes and replaces them with her own money or has to scrub them a lot to try and fade the stains. I guess one time she did ask me to replace them and I told her no we had to make them last because i wasn't paying again so she took it upon herself to just do it.

yayayubsea

My ex then said "if you want her to have the same clothes I get you're welcome to purchase them yourself"

What is the issue with this? Explain how this is not fair

OOP (downvoted)

It's an underhanded comment cause she knows I can't afford it and have always been insecure about her making more money than me. It's like she's saying fuck you without coming right out to say it

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Throwaway7693200

Published on: r/AmIOverreacting

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 04, 2026

• Update: August 06, 2026

Main Post

^{August 04, 2026}

AIO for refusing to let my husband name our daughter after his "best friend"?

I (29F) gave birth to our daughter three days ago and somehow we're still arguing about her name. I'm writing this while she's asleep because I can't sleep anyway, and I honestly don't even know if I'm overreacting anymore. My husband (31M) has wanted to name her Claire for basically my entire pregnancy.

He told me it was the name of one of his closest friends who died a few years before we met. I said no almost immediately. Not because I dislike the name, I actually think it's pretty, but because I wasn't comfortable naming our first child after somebody I'd never met or even heard of until I got pregnant. I figured he'd be disappointed, we'd throw around a bunch of other names, and eventually we'd find one we both liked. That never happened.

Every few weeks he'd bring Claire up again, sometimes while we were already talking about names and sometimes completely out of nowhere. By the end of my pregnancy I was honestly tired of having the same conversation over and over.

The thing that's bothering me now isn't even the name. We've been together for over five years, married for two, and somehow I'd never heard this woman's name until I was pregnant. I've met his parents, his brothers, his college friends, people he's known forever, and nobody has ever mentioned a Claire.

I even asked one of his college friends at our baby shower because I thought maybe I'd somehow forgotten hearing about her, and he just looked confused and said he didn't know who I was talking about. Then, after our daughter was born while we were filling out the paperwork, my husband asked one last time if I'd reconsider. I said no, and that's when he told me he'd always imagined naming his daughter after her.

I asked why he'd never told me that before, and he just shrugged and said he didn't think it mattered. We've argued about it twice since we got home. He keeps saying I'm making this into something it isn't, but I just don't understand how somebody can matter enough that you picture naming your future daughter after them, yet somehow they never come up in five years together. My mom thinks I should let him have the name because it's obviously meant something to him for a long time. My sister thinks that's exactly why I shouldn't.

Maybe I'm just exhausted because I've barely slept since I gave birth, but I'm so tired of feeling like I'm missing part of the story. It's gotten to the point where I'm thinking about calling his mom and asking who Claire was because I don't know what else to do. It feels completely out of line, but so does finding out about somebody this important while I'm filling out our daughter's birth certificate.

Would I be overreacting if I called her?

COMMENTS

Glass-Hedgehog3940

NOR. Ask his mother about Claire.

Monday0987

Does he have any photos of him with Claire? A group photo with their friend group? NOR

Life_as_a_new_weeb

Tell him to get a fish and name it claire. The answer is no. Youve been saying no for months and if he's never mentioned her to anyone before now i almost gaurantee you it was some type of hidden romance thing. NOR at all.

Historical_Tart6731

NOR. Naming a child is two yeses, one no. And honestly, I’d want answers too. Before calling his mom, ask him directly how they met, when she died, and why none of his longtime friends seem to know her. The shrugging would bother me more than the name.

HiddenLife_36

NOR! This is how a child gets (unknowingly by one parent) named after the "one who got away" for the other parent.

pseudomutant

Yup. My ex named his daughter after me and told his wife that I was dead. That was gross all around.

Update - after 2 days

^{August 06, 2026}

Update: AIO for refusing to let my husband name our daughter after his "best friend"?

I wasn't expecting to update this two days later, but a lot happened really fast. First, thanks to everyone who commented. A bunch of you told me to talk to my mother-in-law because she'd probably know the answer. I went back and forth on it for a while because it felt weird to go around my husband like that, but eventually I did call her. She asked if I wanted to meet for coffee the next morning, so I did.

I honestly thought I was going to leave feeling embarrassed. I figured she'd tell me Claire really was just a close friend and I'd realize I'd let myself get carried away because I'm exhausted and emotional and just had a baby. The first thing she asked me was what my husband had already told me about Claire. I said that she'd been his best friend and he wanted to name our daughter after her. She just kind of looked at me for a second. Then she told me they'd been engaged.

The more we talked, the more names came up. His parents knew, his brother knew, and one of his old roommates knew because they'd lived together at the time. Funny enough it was the same friend who I'd asked at our baby shower, no one had told me anything.

Apparently most people just knew he'd been dating someone who got sick, his mom told me Claire was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer not long after they started dating. Things moved fast after that because they knew they probably didn't have years together, so he proposed. She died not long after. She also told me she'd assumed I'd known about all of this for years. When we got engaged she thought he'd already told me. Same thing when we got married. Same thing when I got pregnant. I call bullshit but maybe I'm just looking to point fingers.

I drove home after that and just waited for him to get back from work because there wasn't any chance I was going to act like everything was normal. I confronted him that night and it went awful, truly he acted like an entirely different person. At first he wanted to know why I'd gone to his mom. Then it became that I had no right to dig into his past. Then it became that Claire had nothing to do with our marriage. Then it was that I'd betrayed his trust by involving his family. It just kept changing.

I'd answer one thing and we'd somehow end up arguing about something else, I asked him when he planned on telling me he'd been engaged because we'd already been together for over five years, married for two, and now we had a daughter. He said he always meant to tell me. But he didn't, he never fucking told me and I'm so angry at how selfish it was.

I packed a bag that night and went to my sister's house with the baby. Before people assume we're getting divorced, that's not why I left, I still love this man and we have a child together, I couldn't imagine raising her split in two households. I left because we were both angry and I could tell the argument wasn't going anywhere. My sister's been helping with the baby. Yesterday she realized I hadn't eaten since breakfast and practically shoved a sandwich into my hands because I'd completely forgotten, this whole thing has been exhausting and I haven't slept at all.

A few people asked about the birth certificate. The hospital told us we had time to finish the paperwork after we left, so we weren't forced to pick a name before going home. We obviously aren't going to leave it forever, but right now neither of us is in any position to make that decision. My sister started calling her Ellie because she said she felt weird saying "the baby" all the time, and somewhere over the last day I've started doing it too. I don't know if that's going to end up being her name but its the working filler while the shitstorm is ongoing.

My husband has been calling and texting since I left. He wants to see our daughter, and we've made that happen because none of this has anything to do with her. Whatever is going on between us, she's still his daughter and he loves her. I don't want people getting the idea that I'm trying to keep her away from him because I'm not. I've seen a lot of comments saying the real issue is that he loved someone before me. It really isn't. If he'd told me about Claire years ago, I don't think we'd be here.

I would've felt awful for him. I probably would've cried hearing what happened but i wouldn't have held it against him. What really hurts is the lies and the manipulation. But then again can you even call it lying? It's not like I ever asked him "Oh were you married before" because who the hell asks that? Instead, I found out because he wanted our daughter to have her name, and then I found out from his mother that she'd been his fiancée. That's the part I can't look past.

I looked back on my other post and it feels like it was written by someone else. Two days ago I thought we were arguing about a name. God I was so naive. I suppose question has turned into, would I be overreacting to leave him over this? I'm certainly mad but I don't think we're too that point yet, and I don't want that for my baby either.

Anyway, that's where things are. thank you all so much for the support, this has really been a great place to be able to vent and get advice. A very special thanks to all of those who helped me realize I wasn't crazy.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Gold_Possibility7728

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 17, 2026

• Update: September 19, 2026

Main Post

^{September 17, 2026}

AITA for not buying my niece food when we went out cause she always wastes it?

I picked up my niece with my two boys after school, and sometimes we go out to get some food. My niece always orders food she never eats, and ends up asking for some of what is get. She is 6, my youngest is 5, and my oldest is 9.

This time around I told her that the two of us were going to share cause she all she ever does is pick at the food and does not eat it. She threw a fit, but I did not budge. We had our food, kept offering to share what I got, i told her even if I ordered her food she always just ends up wanting to get even if I order her the same exact dish, she claims it is different.

Yes, I have tried to order us the same dish, but she plays around with her food takes a few bites, same it is not the same then asks for some of mine. She eats it right up. I Just did not feel like going through all of that or eating her food after she picked around it for 10 min.

So we all eat and she refused to eat. She told my sister I refused to feed her, and let ​her go without food. I explained my to sister that was not how it went down. I explained the situation and she does the same to my sister I thought she would understand.

My sister lost it, said I should have spent the money on her own plate, let her do what she does then let her have some of mine. I told her that was a waste of money, and is silly. My sister then told me why go out to eat, I told her cause my kids asked, and I also had not eaten much that day cause I worked a double and was extremely busy.

My sister told me next time don't go out to eat if I refuse to feed her daughter. I once again told her I did not refuse to feed her, I just said we could share since that is what we always end up doing. My sister told me, she has tried that it does not work. She needs her own plate first and needs to realize she does not want her own plate then will ask for some of food to the person she feels closest with.

She claims I have ruined that bond, and I also risk giving her a poor relationship with food. I am torn on if I was an asshole or not. I know my niece does this, and maybe it was wrong of me to try and change it especially because this is the norm for her.

COMMENTS

Jusbuster

nta, your sister is coddling her daughter beyond reason

AghairreTenuous3

The niece was offered food and given the opportunity to share, so this wasn’t neglect.

rasalscan

NTA. You haven't denied her access to food, you've established boundaries. If your sister wants to throw her money down the toilet, that's her choice. If she doesn't agree with you, she can drive her own child.

bahahah2025 (downvoted)

Esh. Kids are tough. Picky eaters and eating disorders are common. I get not wanting to waste money but maybe play a bit nicer. Get one dish to share that she picks and literally split into separate plates or eat family style. Two dishes and everyone can take as much as they want into their own plate.

OOP

I did order something we could share she refused to eat it cause she did not get to order her own plate.

lunaticfringe078

Tell your sister that picking up the niece from school isn't your problem anymore.... she needs to pick up her own child. Problem solved.

OOP

I picked her up because my sister works an 11 to 7:30 shift, and the father is the embodiment of weapons grade incompetence.

Though after our last encounter I am seriously considering telling my sister she has until the end of September to find another arrangement.

Significant_Yak_5371 (downvoted)

The fact that she didn’t do this tells me that she’s being compensated for picking up the kid either monetarily, with reciprocal childcare or with some other benefit.

OOP

I do it because they go to the same school and even on my worse shifts I get out early enough to pick them up.

tatelangdonlol

relevance?

Significant_Yak_5371 (downvoted)

If you are paying for childcare, you get to dictate the terms.  

OOP She does not pay me though.

Mission-Mango-3361 (downvoted)

Yes, YTA. Lots of kids that age barely eat, and there are better ways to deal with this, like going for pizza where everyone can take a slice of the pie and then eat it or not.

Telling her she doesn't get to order her own food and has to share yours is a punishment for pretty normal little-kid behavior that I don't think you get to mete out without talking to your sister first. Yes, your sister is overreacting, you're not going to ruin her relationship with food or with you in one meal, but if you're taking a kid out to eat, you're agreeing to pay for their meal, period.

OOP

Oh pizza does not work, she does not like pizza. We have tried that. It is not a punishment it is wa just removing the middle man cause she always ends up not eating her stuff after she plays with it then asks for mine.

False_Appointment_24 (downvoted)

YTA. You didn't buy food for a 6 year old.

The way to get the result you wanted without not buying food for a 6 year old was to buy the food she wanted, then not share your food. If she's hungry and has food, she'll eat it. If she isn't hungry, she won't, even if she has asked for yours. And in the end, when her parents come, you can point to the food she ordered but didn't eat and say, "We got food when out, but she hasn't eaten hers yet."

OOP

No she does not. We have done this many times. She will order her plate, play with her food for 10 to 15 min then push it aside asking for some of mine. I removed the middle man, but that did not allow her 10 to 15 min of playing with her food she does not eat.

Photography4me

NTA
How is this kid going to navigate lunchtime at school ?
This behavior will be entrenched by the time the kid goes to school. Sister needs to wake up and fix it now.

OOP

She does not eat lunch at school.

CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole

Update - after 2 days

^{September 19, 2026}

AITA for not buying my niece food when we went out cause she always wastes it?

I appreciate all the responses, and feedback. Before I give the update want to clarify a few things I noticed. I agree I have also enabled this behavior by playing along with it for so long. Thing is I finally saw how silly it was to get her a plate of her own food just for her to play with it.

I pick up and watch her until my sister gets home cause her husband is literally useless, and the school our kids go to do not play when it comes to pick up. It is five bucks per every minute a parent is late. They do have aftercare but only until 5:30. My sister gets out of work at 7:30. I was doing this as a favor and it was not really an inconvenience because I was already picking up my kids.

For those that asked why I did not just get her nuggets or something because she does not eat things like that. We were eating at restaurant we frequent. I order our usual we always share, and I did explain to her before hand that I was not going to order her a plate solely to play with, and since last time she played with her food and did not eat it her and I were just going to share like we eventually end up doing.

I also put the food aside from the start, just did not let her have it until she said she was not going to play with it. Yes, maybe she may have some food issues, it does seem like a ritual like thing for her. She does this at home also and family gatherings. I guess I finally had a enough, my son who is 5 does not play with his food, she is older and does which is weird.

I knew she was hungry because she does not eat lunch at school, she eats snacks but actual food no. She only eats what someone she is close with eats, and will only eat together with them. My sister refuses to get her evaluated for anything cause she does not want to put labels on her child.

I don't drop her off at home because no one is home to watch her, and it would he a solid five hours before her mom gets home.

All that aside I told my sister last time that she has until the end of this month to make new arrangements. I told her I don't appreciate her actually believing my niece that I refused to feed her. That was not the case, and ontop of that she expected me to cater to her wasteful behavior without any actual compensation. Even with compensation it is ridiculous to waste food like that.

My sister got upset and told me I was being unfair. I told her that her and husband will have to figure something out. She called our mom to complain, my mom said I was being unreasonable and should just watch my niece ​and accept her quirks. Told mom she could do it, and left it at that.

For the record our mom won't cause she also finds this behavior weird, and it part of the reason why she stopped baby sitting.

COMMENTS

NotSeenDaily (downvoted)

Your an ass.

She’s 5!!!!

OOP

My youngest is five, and he does not act this way. She is six.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/footinmouthugh posting in r/AmItheAsshole

Status: Concluded

Mood Spoiler: Optimistic

Original - July 26th 2026

Hi, I've had a pit in my stomach since yesterday and I want to know if I messed up here, and if so how badly. My husband and I will have been married two years next sunday, and our son turned a year old a couple of months ago. Our relationship has always been great, I've been proud of how good we've had it and so our argument yesterday has me bothered.

On Friday a couple of my friends visited just to meet up and have dinner. One of them has recently moved in with her boyfriend and they're going through a rough patch right now so she was complaining a bit. She was complaining about being treated like a maid, and having to repeat things multiple times and then doing it herself for it to be done and just stuff like that. While saying that she also on a few occasions generalized a bit, kind of projecting her issues with her boyfriend on men in general. My other friend and I were being supportive because she seemed like she was going through it, and just agreed with her and supported her. My husband was there too.

He's never been the kind to take these gendered criticisms personally which is why I really didn't think this would be an issue. On Saturday he was out with some friends, when I asked about when he'll be back for dinner, he didn't respond for a while then said he was eating out with his friends. When he was back too he was cold with me and just taking care of our son. This was all weird so I ended up asking what the problem was. He first said nothing was wrong, I pressed that he's been cold with me all day, what happened. He told me that if I was so unhappy in my marriage I should've told him honestly instead of surprising him like that in front of guests.

I genuinely was scrambling in my mind to understand what he was saying. I never said I was unhappy in our marriage, it wouldn't make sense to I'm happy with where we are. He brought up that I agreed with everything my friend was saying about how terrible partners men are, that that was me saying he was a bad husband and that I was unhappy. I was stunned at that insane leap of logic I promised that what I said had nothing to do with him, that he is not my friend's boyfriend I didn't have any of those complaints that she had, I never meant it to be an attack on him. He still was stuck that my agreement with her was a criticism of our marriage too and that I had joined in at parts. I might have messed up here because I said that those things were not things he does, I was just being general and said that those were just some things I'd seen before him , like with an ex. He felt even more attacked by that and asked how often I was thinking about my exes over these mundane things. I clarified thats not what I meant I don't think like that, I just had to search in my memory for some stuff to support my friend, especially because he doesn't. We dropped the argument then, but the cold shoulder is continuing today too. I can't believe this is happening a week before our anniversary AITA?

Relevant Comments:

Comment 1:

Info: what exactly were the comments you agreed with?

OP:

My other friend and I just agreed with her that guys have no respect for the work that goes behind making a house liveable, that they don't get that having to ask to do basic stuff Is itself her having to take on the load herself amongst other complaints she had. None if this applies to my husband. My friend was unhappy what was I supposed to do say actually no its just you? None of it applied to him.

Comment 2:

I think you're actually hurting your friend by doing this. You're basically saying it's normal for men to be like this because they're all that way, and that's not true. If her boyfriend sucks say that, reference how your husband is different. Stop giving lazy men a pass and lumping in normal men with them.

OP (downvoted):

I didnt think of that. I guess in the moment I just wanted to validate her, I don't know if she's at the point where I wanted to tell her to dump him so I just thought of being a good friend and supporting her.

Comment 3:

Going with YTA.

These kinds of posts always have the “I’d totally be fine if the tables were flipped (would not in fact be fine)” vibe.

Be honest OP, if your husband had had friends over and they were generally bashing women while you were RIGHT THERE, would you be unhappy? My guess is yes.

Comment 4:

Hard NTA. He took shit personally for no reason and instead of being an adult and asking you about it he turned into a petulant child. More and more I'm finding out that men in fact are not the "logical" ones like they want to believe 🙄

Comment 5:

Going against the grain with an ESH. It sounds like in trying to be supportive you may have inadvertently sounded like you were agreeing with the man-bashing and as others have said, there would have been ways to be supportive without agreeing with your friend.

However I am a little bit concerned that a grown adult thinks that the best way to approach a conversation about feeling hurt is by acting cold and giving you the silent treatment. Maybe it’s just the way that you’re relaying the information but it sounds like he is being quite passive aggressive when talking about it too.

Just maybe something to keep an eye out for OP. No matter what you may have said/done, someone trying to wrong foot you and make you scramble for answers isn’t nice.

Comment 6:

I find it hard to believe that if he and his friends were making generalized comments about women being gold diggers and constant complainers in front of you that you wouldn’t find it offensive. He of course would say “oh hey, I didn’t mean you”. You’re absolutely the asshole for thinking that your husband wouldn’t be impacted.

Comment 7:

NTA

Genuinely surprised by the level of insecurity shown by commenters here. It doesn't matter what she would think if the tables were flipped, if you're in a relationship and you can't differentiate between giving advice/being supportive and bashing your partner, then you're insecure. Period, end of story. You can work through those insecurities or continue to go through life feeling slighted when people gossip around you.

OOP was voted YTA

Update - October 1st 2026

I received a bunch of advice along with the verdict on my last post. I sincerely apologized to my husband and said that not only was I unfair to him, but I also did my friend a disservice by implying that this is just normal for men. He accepted my apology and we had an amazing second anniversary.

Since then I have been concertedly complimenting all he does for us when we're amongst friends or family and I feel like it has made our relationship better and stronger. My friends and I hung out last weekend too, my husband wasn't there. She really seems like she's on the brink now with her boyfriend, and was venting, and it did veer into a generalization like last time. I told her that there are good men who are truly partners in a relationship, and gave some examples of stuff my husband does. And that that's what she should have no reason to not expect from her partner. I hope that helped more than just agreeing with her, like a lot of the advice suggested. Thanks, and I'm glad I posted.

Relevant Comments:

Comment 1:

Being able to take constructive criticism is a sign of extreme maturity! Good on ya!

Comment 2:

I gotta be honest I think your husband was being a bit of a baby but I’m glad it’s worked out! Just cuz it isn’t hurtful to some doesn’t mean it won’t be hurtful to others.

Comment 3:

I'm glad it worked out. I briefly glanced at your last post and the responses...glad you were able to sort through the mess of conflicting opinions to get to something that worked for you and your husband.

I hope you continue having a great life together!

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Sea_Mouse9996

Published on: r/AITA_Relationships

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: June 22, 2026

• Update - 1: June 23, 2026

• Update - 2: Comments: June 26, 2026

Main Post

^{June 22, 2026}

AITA for saying "actions have consequences" to my daughter and wife?

I (48M) have a daughter (17F) and wife (47F). I also have a sister (45F). My sister was quite close to us and has gained considerable wealth through her career in medicine as well as through businesses she has started. When my daughter was 9, my sister told my wife and me that she had started college funds for my daughter as well as the rest of my brothers kids. My wife and I were very grateful.

Time skip until now, my daughter and wife (as well as my brothers and their families) discovered that my sister was cheating with a coworker. The betrayed wife ended up reaching out and telling us exactly what she did and how her husband was planning to leave her for my sister. My sister did not and does not want to get married or have kids, and basically ended up kicking him to the curb.

I want to make it clear that I 100% do not condone infidelity. My wife and daughter have been taken aback by this, and made their anger clearly visible. When my brother ended up inviting my brothers and their families as well as mine and my sister for a holiday, they cursed my sister out to their face, with my wife calling her a wh@re and my daughter calling her a "homewrecking slut". My brother ended up hearing this and kicked my family out, and have chosen to not invite my wife and daughter to any event. After this, my wife and daughter cut contact with my sister, while I still stayed in contact.

My sister was very hurt by my wife and daughters actions. In her view, she was a very engaged aunt and a supportive SIL (which to her credit, she was), and she felt as though they were choosing a stranger over her. After six months, my sister had received no apology or even contact from my wife and daughter. She then called me and told me we needed to discuss something. She stated that my wife and daughter had made their decisions about her, and she would do the same; she would not be disrespected, and was choosing to split my daughters college fund evenly amongst my brothers kids. I did not protest this decision, and while I didn't agree with my sister, I did not try to change her mind.

After this, I went home and told my wife and daughter this news. My daughter is a rising senior, and now has to go through this admissions process. She and my wife were both shocked and viewed it as extremely unfair. They were already angry enough at the fact that my brothers wanted nothing to do with them, and thought that they were being punished by everyone for doing the right thing. My duaghter began to cry saying that she would never be able to afford to go to the college of her dreams. My wife asked what I said to my sister, and I said nothing. I stated that actions had consequences, and they were free to make their moral choices, and my sister could make her financial choices. They both called me an asshole and have been distant. So, Reddit AITA?

COMMENTS

nouniqueusername95

ESH. you, your sister and all your siblings, your wife and daughter. oof. a little curious why you and your brothers are just accepting your sisters affair? you dont condone infidelity but your whole family seems to just be ok with all this and punishing your wife and daughter for having an issue with her actions. she clearly isnt a supportive aunt or sil if she cant see why theyre upset. shes accepting no responsibility for her own actions and shes pulling funding because her neice isnt telling her she didnt do something morally repugnant. your daughter doesnt get the money, thats your sisters right, but your sister doesnt get to act like this is just some 'choosing a stranger over her'.

OOP

My sister is the youngest and the rest of my brothers have a minimum 5 year age gap with her. They like to baby her since that is what they did when they were children. She's always been close to all of us, and I don't see them cutting her off. They see my daughter's and wife's behavior as incredibly rude and ungrateful, as my sister has provided financial support to us. In the end, it just comes down to my brothers wanting a relationship with my sister over one with my wife and daugher, and not wanting to see my sister disrespected.

As for accepting responsibility, they believe the married party is more to blame, and my sister agrees. While she doesn't view herself as innocent, she also doesn't view herself as compltely guilty. I think if my wife and daughter disagreed with her actions, but didn't humiliate her, she would still be funding college.

Vivid-Bar-6811

Well I dont blame your wife and daughter.

Your sister is a person of low moral character. I wouldnt want jack to do with her either.

The fact she has decided to remove her financial support is her choice, personally it seems on par with the type of person she is.

The problem you have now is clearly your wife and daughter wont ever have a relationship with your siblings or their kids going forward.

So that leaves you piggy in the middle. From your wife's perspective the fact you all have shrugged your shoulders and said oh well about your sisters behaviour no doubt puts you all on a similar footing.

Personally the fact you are so accepting of the disrespect towards your wife and daughter is telling.

Show me the company you keep and it says alot about the type of person you are.

I wouldn't be apologising and I also wouldn't expect my husband to co sign the level of bullshit you clearly are either.

OOP

In my perspective, this is less about "standing up for my wife and daughters" than trying to maintain some family contacts. My wife and daughter did not need to humiliate my sister in public, that was their want, and I can't control what my brothers choose to do after that event. All in all, it's a very unfortunate circumstance.

UtZChpS22

I have a question though, where does this animosity come from? Don't get me wrong, what your sister did says a lot about her as a person. Not only the affair but the way she then said "boy bye, this was fun but not interested". I would lose respect for her as a person. But the way they reacted and so publicly...

OOP

My sister has never wanted to be married, have kids, or have a traditional path in life. She's always just said it wasn't for her. Apparently the coworker had a crush on her for quite some time, and I suppose he saw a future with my sister, but she didn't feel the same, which is why she rejected his proposal. Also, the betrayed wife ended up taking her cheating husband back. When I said she kicked him to the curb, I mean she declined his proposal, and the betrayed wife took him back.

melophile2702

Are you sure she actually was someone's mistress? Did the woman have proof?

Personally, I think telling a teenage girl and other family members about the infidelity, is very immature and toxic, on the man's wife's part. You just don't do that. Unless you're in high school.

Has your sister done anything to your wife & kid, personally, to hurt them? Does she have a history of making bad/immoral choices? I don't support being a mistress, but plenty of people cheat and still are excellent parents, sisters, daughters, employees, friends, etc. Also, they are HUGE hypocrites, if they find her immoral but will still take her money. They can't have it both ways, and I don't blame your sister for pulling the college money.

NTA

OOP

No, she was good to both of them. She paid for some of my daughter's extracurriculars, took her on trips with her cousins, helped my wife through postpartum, helped us with rent, and got my daughter her dream internship with her connections.

she did have proof - text messages, call logs. and yes, my sister knew he was married.

ChildOfRavens

You are not wrong, but neither are they. Wife, daughter or sister (for the money). But I am an ass and feel obligated to state that I hope your sister continues to feel the consequences of her actions. I hear some places have a a home wrecker clause, meaning the cheated on spouse can go for damages against the affair partners. Perhaps your sister needs to rearrange her finances for a different reason.

OOP

We are not in one of those states. The wife can try, but I don't think it will go anywhere. I asked my sister if she knows how much he spent on her, and she said it's around $15K. but she didnt spend any money on him. so i dont know how the courts will view that

OOP to a long comment

I still think my sister is a good person. She has supported our family, volunteered and donated large amounts of time and money in our community, and was there on the front lines of COVID as a doctor. While yes, she made a mistake, I do not think she is an irredeemable human being.

Onlydafax

What sort of discussions did you have with your wife and daughter leading up to this holiday party? Surely the possibility of your sister being there and how the family should react was brought up?

While breaking up a marriage is a major character flaw, this was a seemingly close family member and your wife and daughter came in hostile, judgmental, and beyond rude to someone they love?

Maybe you are leaving out more details, but you seem to be observing rather than guiding your family through this.

OOP

Yes, they knew she would be there. between the wife telling and holiday, was about 3 weeks. they planned to do this and ambush her (I did not know this, as they did not tell me, only afterwards did they tell me). this might be necessary context, but my wife's family was broken when her father cheated with another woman, so she absolutely despises cheaters. to my wife and daughter, this acted like their way of getting "revenge". it was instant love to instant hate when they found out my sister cheated. They told me they were going to keep their distance at the party, but clearly they did not do that.

Update 1 - after 1 day

^{June 23, 2026}

Update: AITA for saying "actions have consequences" to my daughter and wife?

If y'all have seen my last post, I have an update for you. My wife and daughter have gone to stay with my wife's friend. Additionally, my daughter decided to text my sister, and demanded the money, and said we would be suing her if she did not release the funds to us. On top of this, she doubled down on her comments, saying she stood by her mom and her words.

My sister sent me the messages my daughter sent, which is the only way I know they were sent, as neither my wife nor my daughter has chosen to inform me. She said before finalizing the decision to divide my daughter's fund, she consulted her legal team, and that they have no grounds for bringing a lawsuit to her.

At this point, I am incredibly disappointed in my wife's and daughter's behavior, and find their entitlement astounding. My sister has also told our brothers about my wife and daughter's ridiculous plan, and they are appalled by their actions as well. I don't know what to do, and it seems like they don't want to accept the consequences of their actions. They are using my sister's cheating as an excuse to do whatever the hell they want without telling me. I don't know how much of this I can take. I have apologized to my sister for their rudeness and entitlement, but I can tell she's very pissed - not at the fact they disapprove of her participating in infidelity, but at the fact they think she owes them over half a million after cutting her off and cussing her out.

Some people were wondering what happened with my sister's job as a doctor, and whether she was fired or not. The answer to that is that nothing really significant happened. While they were both told their behavior was unprofessional, there were no power imbalances, and they both just received a warning. Some people hypothesized that perhaps my sister facing no consequences was why my wife and daughter felt they needed to do what they did. Perhaps there is some merit to that, but I do not believe it excuses their actions.

Also, I saw comments saying the only reason why my brothers were siding with my sister was for her money. I don't believe this is entirely the reason, maybe a small bit of it. They've always been very protective of her since she's the youngest and only girl. Also, they do pretty well for themselves - not as well as my sister, but still pretty well. While she's given money to them, it is a much smaller amount compared to the amount she supported my family. They just like her more than my wife and daughter, and prioritize the time spent with her.

I also don't understand everyone who wants me to cut my sisters and brothers off. My wife and daughter made their choice to mind business that was not theirs, and faced the consequences. Losing my entire family of origin because of decisions that were not well thought out does not seem worth it to me. We've been treated just fine until two members of my family decided to disrespect my sister in front of the rest of our family.

COMMENTS

What did OOP say about whether his sister should face consequences for her actions?

Thank you for this! What my sister did was very wrong, but I don't think it defines her as a person. I am not her parent to give her consequences (hell I can barely do that for my teenager) and cutting her off for doing something in her private life makes no sense to me when I'm not even the victim.

What my sister did was horrible. I am not disagreeing with anyone about that. I just want it to acknowledged that it was both parties at fault, rather than just my sister, which many mysognists have stated. However my wife and daughter's way to get revenge, and THEIR CHOICES, are the reason why we are the situation we are in. My brothers and I have addressed my sister's situation privately, and I know it's easy to some people here, but I don't think cutting her off will do anything helpful.

What did OOP say about the college fund, its conditions ("strings"), and why his daughter lost access to it?

my sister pays the college directly from the college fund, whatever else money left over goes to the child. all money is in my sister's name

The "strings" were to maintain a relationship with my sister. That doesnt mean they couldnt disagree with her, just to not disrespect her, which is a bare minimum expectation. My daughter can apply for loans and go to community college to save money, since she's partially responsible for my sister choosing to not give her the money.

shes not acting like a parent because she has no obligation to. she is an aunt. This was a gift that was guaranteed through a relationship. if you cut someone off, you cut off their money too

my sister didnt destroy a family. the wife took her cheating husband back, and it was her husband's decision to wreck his family

What did OOP say about his sister's relationship with his wife and daughter after they cut her off?

At this point, I don't think my sister really cares about maintaining a relationship with my wife and sister after how they treated her. In her words, "I didn't go to medical school, work nearly 100-hour weeks as a resident, risked my livelihood for my businesses, and sacrifice so much to give money to people who don't even want to associate with me." While my daughter may see it as the other cousins being favored, I don't. I see it as them not biting the hand that fed them. She is not destroying my family, my daughter and wife not wanting to accept my sister's actions and responding to their distance is what is pulling us apart.

My wife and daughter cut her off first she’s just tired at their entitlement apparently they went to some consultations with local contract lawyers and they stated that they had no case. Her college fund is considered a gift and until it transferred hands it belongs solely to my sister. Also, since my daughter hasn’t even begun the admissions process, there is time for her to make decisions that reflect her losing the college fund, and my sister can’t be forced to give it.

What did OOP say about his family of origin, his immediate family, and his daughter's college plans?

my family of origin is definetely not perfect, but the family that I created, my immediate family, is acting very entitled. they caused a scene at my brother's party, cut her off and THEN EXPECTED MY SISTER TO PAY FOR COLLEGE and WANTED TO SUE HER. i understand why my family of origin made the decisions that they made. while im sad and wish things werent so bad, i can see where my family of origin is coming from

I never said this. she can apply where she wants, but there is no way I can pay most of the cost with my salary, and the reality is if she doesnt do the community college and transfer route, my ability to help will be very limited

What did OOP say about his wife and daughter's actions and why he believes they are responsible for the current situation?

I barely recognize my wife and daughter. they've never seemed this entitled; on the contrary, they were very kind, and my wife's warmth was a large reason i married her. I'm mad and confused because it feels like i'm dealing with strangers, and it is hard for me to think positive when everything is so negative aroud me

yeah they cursed her out, that was there vigilante justice. i do not support my sister's cheating, I have privately disucussed it with her and my brothers, and have said multiple times what she did was horrible. how is my wife "trying to protect herself from a family who they now realize never actually cared about them"? By actign entitled to over $500K, of which not a cent did they earn, by causing a scene - what did causing a scene do? did it help the cheated on wife? give them a sense of moral superiority? in fact if they wanted to curse her out, fine, if they wanted to cut her off, fine, but acting like they are owed something is crazy

Update 2 - after 3 day (after 2 days from last post)

^{June 26, 2026}

Update: AITA for saying "actions have consequences" to my daughter and wife?

Well, my wife and daughter did try to sue my sister. They went to six consultations, and all six said they had no case. So, that clearly isnt happening.

They've decided to take a different approach, which is harassing my sister, and my wife and daughter both got their friends involved in doing so. My sister sent the messages my wife and daughter's friends were sending to her, and they were quite nasty. On top of this, they called the hospital where my sister works and informed them of what my sister did, and said they were "boycotting" the hospital (my sister works in a pediatric hospial, and is a pediatric neurosurogeon - not exactly a service that is "boyocttable"). They were basically trying to get her fired. I guess since my wife and daughter can't access her money, they want to try to take one source of the money away from her, and that's how they are getting revenge. This did not go anywhere, as the hospital is already aware of my sister's actions.

My sister has shifted from pissed to just sick of this situation. I've apologized for the harassment she's been receiving. She has informed me that if they make any physical threats, then she will be taking legal action. I hope that it does not come to that, but honestly who knows at this point.

I am 99% sure my marriage is over. I cannot live with someone with this much entitlement, and this much vengance. I can't do it.

As for my child, I will always love her and want the best for her; however, I do not like her entitled attitude. While I will support her, I cannot back this behavior.

As for my sister's participation in infidelity, my sister and I had a longer, calmer conversation. I explained to her that I was disappointed by her actions, but would always love her and be there for her. We sort of went into why she did it - that's private, so I won't share it here. It was a productive convo, and I learned more about my sister.

Overall, I'm just sorta done. They are still at my wife friend's house, and are barely communicating with me, and whatever is being communicated is in rage. I've given up on trying to get them to see reality.

Quesiton:

What next steps should I take to make sure this divorce goes as smooth as possible, especially for my child? How should I document my daughter’s refusal to communicate with me so it doesn't look like I am abandoning or alienating her? Will the fact that my wife and daughter are actively harassing my sister carry any weight in court?

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/AmIOverreacting by user Jems138. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Ongoing

Original

January 28, 2026

I (27M) and my girlfriend (26F) were saving for a house down payment.

I work, and she is unemployed. I have saved 32,000 and she has saved 4,000 so I feel like I bear the brunt of the financial decision making here.

I was doing the Oxford county cheese trail, and found a “vault release”. They were selling a 140 pound wheel of 21 year old cheddar.

It was aged using a traditional cloth bound method Thats practically extinct here in Canada, and with over 21 years it is extremely concentrated. 21 year old cheddar often sells for 120$ a pound.

The farm was selling the entire wheel for 18,500$. If I cut it into 200g wedges and sell it at 60$ each I can make 38,000$.

I bought the cheese wheel, and brought it home in my truck.

When I rolled it into our apartment at first she was excited, when I started to explain the financials and investment potential she turned sour. She didn’t yell, but expressed she wasn’t happy about how I spent MY share of our house savings.

She is now staying with her parents.

I think she’s overreacting because she doesn’t understand the Canadian housing market. Our savings is not enough for a down payment without a ridiculous mortgage, and we need to take these opportunities.

AIO? Or am I the only one with ambition in our relationship?

TLDR; my girlfriend is staying with her parents because I spent my share of our savings on a cheese wheel which can be cut into wedges and sold for a sizeable profit.

Thank you.

Consensus:

OOP is bad at math and a weirdo who needs divine intervention

Comments by OOP:

I’ve got to figure out how to open the darn thing still

I haven’t figured out how to open it yet, it’s covered in thick wax. It looks like a cannon ball. I have tried using a hair dryer and a knife but I can’t get into it.

It’s not rind it’s paraffin wax. It’s 21 year aged cheddar so the wax is brittle and hard. The texture is like a cannonball not the shape.

This is a 21 year old cheddar. It has a thick black wax and it’s hard with hairline fractures from the cheese expanding and contracting over 21 years. It is a heritage cheese, not some run of the mill Parmesan

You are dividing the 140 pounds by 7 ounces but you are forgetting that there are 16 ounces in a pound. So if you divide the 140 by 7, the 7 goes into 14 twice.

Also the cheese will not spoil, after 21 years all the moisture has been replaced by calcium lactate crystals. Once the wax seal is broken I will be putting it in my chest freezer

You can’t compare this heritage cheese to a grocery store commodity, the scarcity dictates the price.

She doesn’t have any overhead because I pay the bills, hence why I feel that It is acceptable for me to make financial decisions like investing in high yield assets like the traditional cloth bound, 21-year aged, Oxford Heritage Cheddar Wheel

Update

February 3, 2026, 6 days later

I have taken some of your feedback into consideration from my last post. For those curious: my girlfriend is no longer in the picture. She cracked due to low risk tolerance, so I’ve decided to go all in on the business.

I initially tried to return the wheel to the distributor to recoup some capital, thinking they’d have some pity. They were actually considering it until they came out to look at it in my truck. Apparently, the minor heat damage I caused to the paraffin wax while trying to open last week compromised the wheel which was already non refundable in the first place.

Since I’m now stuck with a 140lb, 30,000+ asset, I had to pivot to asset protection and keep what I still have.

I went out and bought a True TBB-2-HC 59” solid door back bar cooler, a professional digital temperature humidity controller, an industrial humidifier, a vacuum sealer, and ripening mats. Total cost was about 8.5k after taxes. Expensive, yes, but I wasn't going to let a30,000+$ investment depreciate value.

The delivery was difficult. My apartment door is narrow, so I had to take the door entirely off the hinges and shimmy the cooler into the living room. I had maybe a millimeter of clearance between the frame and the unit.

I was exhausted and excited so I started researching installation on my phone before putting my front door back on. That’s when my landlord walked in. Apparently he believes my door being off the hinges somehow removes my reasonable right to privacy.

We already have a strained relationship because of my own use of the unit. He still holds a grudge because I was doing some light metal fabrication with a CONSUMER plasma cutter in my kitchen a few months ago

He saw the cooler, the vacuum sealer, and the wheel of heritage cheese and started crying about commercial operations and fire hazards.

I told him very clearly: The cheese is for personal consumption. There is nothing in my lease that limits how much dairy a tenant can own.

The next morning, I found an eviction notice in my mailbox. it’s riddled with spelling errors as if written in a haste. I’m already preparing my defense for the Landlord Tenant Board

AIO? I’m being evicted over dietary preferences as far as the landlord is concerned and I feel like this is an unlawful action

EDIT: added a + to the valuation as it is possible to increase my margins depending on the quantities I sell in.

Also please bear in my mind that I have sold ZERO cheese so I feel like this is premature action.

Thank you

At this point, the moderation of r/AmIOverreacting asked for a picture to prove this is real, to which OOP posted these pictures:

Picture of a wheel of cheese and a paper with OOPs username next to it

I'm not the original poster.

Originally posted by user u/Uncle-Barnacle in r/amItheAsshole
Original: 2023
Status: concluded

AITA for rejecting my colleague's request to make her lunch?

I have a habit of making my own meals to work, simply because I love cooking and health related issues.

So I just started a new job in a new company three months ago. And seeing me making my own lunch everyday has gotten me some attention from some colleagues, with that I was able to talk and mingle in a new environment. My colleagues tend to ask things like recipes, how long did I take to make it so and so; just small talk questions

Everyone was okay except for this one girl from the same department from me, which I will name her as Sally (27F), a junior designer. From the first day she saw my lunch, Sally has thrown in a lot of comments like how envious she is that I could cook my own meals etc. It was fine until after one week later, she started asking me questions like "so when will you make me lunch?" I was taken aback but I thought she was joking and waved it off with a smile and a nod.

After that, at least once a week, Sally would ask me the same question again and sometimes she'd even say things like, "you still owe me a lunch made by you" or she'll whine about me not wanting to cook for her. I've kindly turn her down everytime she brings up about this issue.

Last Monday, she offered to pay me if I make her lunch, for 3 dollars. I told her no again and she was visibly upset. She told me it's not that hard to make her lunch since I'm already cooking for myself every day, single and I am being unsociable and unfriendly by not making her food.

Since then, she has been passive aggressive towards me. As well as not willing to cooperate at work when I hand her new tasks. It has made me feel bad about it and I have no idea how to go about this, should I have just made her lunch just to keep the peace?

This feels horrible and I don't know how to deal with it :(

Edit: After reading all your comments, I think I will try to talk to Sally about this ad if that doesn't get through I'll have to discuss this matter with a same-ranking colleague or my supervisor 😔

(Update) AITA for rejecting my colleague's request to make her lunch?

First off, I would like to clarify some details I left out in my previous post, you can skip this if you don't really bother with the deets.

For those who said Sally is flirting with me: I am 26F and Sally is anti LGBTQ, so I think flirting is highly impossible.

For those who asked about my job: I work in a design agency as a senior designer. Sally is my work junior. I work closely with the juniors as I oversee their work.

Also, I am actually from South East Asia, I used USD in my previous post was because Sally legit told me $3 because USD is 4 times more than our currency, somehow she believes it sounds nicer(?)

So after reading most of your comments, I have gave it a long thought about how I want to approach this issue. With that, I decided to not make lunch today and bring Sally out for lunch as to confront her about this whole lunch thingy privately. I offered to pay for her lunch on the condition I pick the venue and she was quick to agree and her attitude went back to how it was before I declined her request. Which I find it weird, but yea, I was first relieved that at the least I could talk to her about things and hoping I can iron this out on my own.

That 40 minutes of my life felt like hell, I brought up the issue of me not being comfortable with her recent attitude and her requests after we have ordered our food. The whole time I was talking to her she either zones out or just retorts with "why?" Or "why not?"

Here's a little snippet of how our conversation went:

Me: Sally, your constant pestering about how I should make you lunch is making me uncomfortable, I'd appreciate if you'd stop that.

Sally: Why?

Me: I mean like, I don't cook for anyone other than myself

Sally: Why?

Me: ... Because Sally, I'm your colleague not ur bf or mom or family

Sally: but I don't see why you couldn't make me lunch just once, I'll pay you double this time.

It felt like the conversation was going no where, the rest of lunch was filled with awkward silence. Sally would just sit there and stare at me without saying anything and I'm not sure if it's just her zoning out or she's somewhat pissed at me. She didn't even apologize , not once. The whole thing made my stomach feel weird, like something is grabbing my guts and twisting them around.

The tension between us was awkward even the whole way we walk back to the office. Another senior designer, Mark, took notice and he pulled me away to talk about "work". Sally gave me one more look and walked to her seat. Mind you up til this point I have never talked to anyone in the company about Sally and things she had told me.

I was brought into a breakout room, Mark went straight to the point. "Did Sally ask you for something ridiculous or weird?" Turns out, some people in the office were unhappy with Sally and her little antics. She once pestered a colleague into buying her souvenirs as this colleague does a lot of work travelling. In meetings, she would zone out when people are talking to her and she would always shift the weight to someone else; eg "well we have xxx so, there's nothing to worry about" also few times she'd take bits of food off guys' plates like fries and would giggle if anyone tries to tell her off. If the giggling doesn't work, she would retort the same why's and why not's I got during my talk with her.

Mark suggests I should make arrangements with my supervisor to talk about it. They have all done it earlier this year and that stopped her from doing what she did to them...well most of them, she still zones out in meetings or mid conversations. I thanked Mark for his suggestion and decided it was a necessary next step.

I have told my reporting manager about the gist of things, and I will be having a meeting with him tomorrow to give him more indepth details.

Somehow, it's assuring to see he actually had to massage his forehead followed by a long sigh when I mentioned Sally's name. I hope things will get better after this.

P/s as I was typing this I couldn't help but think back on some of Sally's behavior towards me throughout these three months and at most times it is weird and idk what to make of them, maybe I'll make a separate post about it if anyone is invested haha

(Update 2) AITA for rejecting my colleague's request to make her lunch?

Not sure if anyone considers this an update but I just wanna write this out.

I've talked about the whole Sally thing with my friends over discord last night while we were playing games. Apparently, some of my friends attended the same art school as Sally and was at one point sharing the same few classes. This is quite a famous art school in my country, if you tell people you are a designer, people's first guess would be you've studied there.

From what I've gathered from my friends, in short, they described Sally as a person with bad social skills but is naturally gifted in design. She doesn't talk much but whenever she decides she wants to be friends with you she could only spout questions that are uncomfortable to most people. In one instance, Sally asked a classmate why did her parents get a divorce. With such, they've concluded she has bad social skills but they have never seen her reacting negativity when people dont respond to her, they were shocked when I told them she was being uncooperative at work.

Also according to them, Sally behaves in a way that suggests her parents shield her from the world a lot. She's unaware of many things that's deemed common sense for most. She once became paranoid because she learned about scams in college and believed by picking up one phone call from a stranger would land her in a lifetime of debt. She's also very insecure about many things eg. her looks, her weight, relationships etc

At the end of the day, they didn't know much about Sally personally because back then they thought she was nosy by always asking people very personal questions. However, Sally does have a few friends in college.

With this in mind, I recall how Sally asked me weird questions such as, my salary as well as me joining the company as a senior despite her having more work experience than me as well as trying to dump her relationship problems on me. Maybe it is her attempt in trying to be friends with me(?) Now that I think about it, she needs some sort of professional help more than discipline for her actions.

(Final update) AITA for rejecting my colleague's request to make her lunch?

Hello everyone, this will be the final update. Took me a little while to write this post because I was busy at work.

First of all, I'd like to thank you internet strangers for all the advice and similar experiences, it helped me a lot with navigating this situation as a whole. However, I'm still baffled by such behaviors esp in a work environment where I was taught people are professional there.

Anyways, onto the main topic. I had my meeting about the issue I had with Sally first thing in the morning. I told my manager that the main problem is work, about how uncooperative she was with me. It didn't take long for him to link this whole thing back to Sally making "unreasonable requests for colleagues again". He didn't exactly tell me what the company would do at the time but mentioned that the company would take appropriate measures in regards to this.

Soon enough, an email was sent to Sally with all the senior designers cc'ed in. In short, Sally will be put into probation as well as having a 30% pay cut and she has been assigned to a more stern and experienced senior designer (I heard she's really scary) for work evaluation. Sally only gets one more chance to keep her job, one more of those "requests" from her after this would result in termination.

Sally started kicking and crying upon reading the email as she yelled "It's not fair!" repeatedly. Everyone looked at Sally briefly and went back into their own businesses. I saw some colleagues put on their earphones and raising the volume, some put on earplugs, and the ones sitting near her would just walk away with their laptops. No one consoled her, everyone just pretended she wasn't there. It felt as if I was watching a movie at this rate.

Still a little worried that Sally would do something to me, I asked Mark if he could sit with me during lunch in case Sally tries anything. I'm not sure if Mark meant it as a joke or what but he said, "no worries she's not smart enough to to link this back to you."

Lunch since that day has never been so peaceful and I'm looking forward to more peaceful lunches as long as I'm with this company.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/throwaway210991

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 05, 2024

• Final Update: August 06, 2024

Main Post

^{August 05, 2024}

AITA For laughing at the name my sister chose for her baby?

For context, I (28F) attended a family dinner with my mom, dad and sister (26F) yesterday. My sister is due to give birth soon and decided this dinner would be the perfect time to announce the name she chose for her first child

My sister has always been obssesed with aesthetics, her whole house is beige and rather depressing if im honest. The whole nursery she built for baby is beige and grey and will not accept colourful gifts for the baby. I can tell her husband hates it but he won't admit it.

Now here is the issue, i am very prone to laughing at inappropriate times. I am autistic and find it hard to filter what I say and my emotions, which can lead to me reacting to things in ways that can offend people. I didn't think this would cause issues, until she revealed the name of her baby

So, we are all done with our dinner, we are looking at my sister as announces her baby will be named..

Brookleeigh-Willow Rose [Insert Surname, not including it for privacy]

Spelt EXACTLY like that.

And then i burst out laughing, and said 'You cannot be serious'

I am now banned from all family dinners

Is the name really that bad? Was I really a massive asshole?

COMMENTS

tinyd71

You've got three separate issues/questions here!

1. I am now banned from all family dinners. This seems a big overreaction unless there's more background you haven't shared.

2. Is the name really that bad? Yes, yes it really is.

3. Was I really a massive asshole? You were rude and inappropriate.

YTA (but that poor kid!!!!)

OOP

My family will react like that, and these 'bans' usually only last a few months, i suppose i shouldve worded that better

dammitgabe4

YTA but you are a correct asshole lol. Poor kid

OOP

'A correct asshole' I'll take that 😂

zerenato76

Info: can you provide a clue as to how one would pronounce "brookleeigh"?

For the record, it's none of your concern how her kid is called, especially since you don't seem to like her very much anyway but there's mitigating circumstances as the kid will be teased no end. ESH, some more, some less.

OOP

Brook-lay

zerenato76

Thanks. Why two "e"s? Or, if that's too oddly specific: why? 😉 I'd have laughed.

OOP

In her words 'Its very nature-like and flows nicely', not sure i agree miranda

zerenato76

And did she have the head injury recently or is that a long term thing?

OOP

Not that im aware of, she wanted to name the child 'Righlee' (as in riley) if it was a boy...

tocammac

Did she spell out Beookleeigh or did you just assume that spelling? If she was going to spell it Brookley, it's strange but not a tragedeigh. The rest of the name is okay, though the dash is problematic.

OOP

She showed us the notebook with the name ideas and pointed to it, not my awful spelling 😂

sikkerhet (downvoted)

the beige and gray trend is mainly a rejection of advertising. Not exactly consciously, but think about how marketing works. Bright, eye catching, busy, nostalgic. On top of that the beige and gray aesthetic LOOKS non consumerist, the same way tailored jeans and a well made, clean, fitted T shirt look wealthy without being flashy. 

Take that and add the name. The name is designed to be highly individualist in an aesthetic environment that discourages things that are flashy. It's individualism in a conformist social setting. 

It sounds lile your sister is well entrenched in a cultural movement that comes with these social cues and rather than meet her where she is and gain understanding of the dynamic she's entrenched in you just kind of made yer feel bad for no reason? YTA. 

that poor child though I hope for her sake she lives in Utah

OOP

To make it worse, we live in England (South of England).

CONSENSUS: Asshole

Final Update - after 1 days

^{August 06, 2024}

AITA For laughing at the name my sister chose for her baby?

After writing this post I decided to call my sister and apologise, as when i wrote down what happened i did realise what a dick move that was. I said I was sorry for laughing and I apologised for using my mental disability as an excuse and offered to treat her to lunch as an apology

Understanably she was reluctant to forgive me, but she did which i am thankful for. She said she was hurt by my actions which I understood but was willing to look past it.

I knew posting this story on here would give me the slap in the face that I needed which I appreciate

And if anyones wondering, the name is staying. I didnt comment at all on it

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

I am NOT OP. The OP of this story is u/Middleschoolsbull131.

Trigger Warnings: Childhood Bullying.

AITA for not banning my daughter's bully from a family event., Posted April 7th, 2023.

This goes back a bit, my daughter Sam is 17. In fourth grade (9 years old) she had a bully Emily. She would make fun of Sam's clothes and spread some rumors, this was fourth grade so some of their classmates didn't want to interact with her. Anyways we got to the bottom of it and Emily got in trouble for bullying. This went on for a few weeks, the start of the school year, and was shut down quickly. The school did the right steps and Emily left her alone. Emily had to give an apology also and two weeks of detention.

After that, they didn't interact much but Emily was civil, in sixth grade she gave another apology in the form of a letter. She started being friendly to Emily but they never formed a friendship. She really grew out of being a bully and overall decent person. She went on to be one of the popular kids in school and I never heard of a problem with her since. Only good things since.

Now they are both in Senior year of high school, Sam's cousin started to date Emily in Junior year. We are hosting an Easter hunt at the house this weekend, its a general rule that the family can bring extra people. Sam's cousin is bringing Emily, I learned this today. Sam was pissed and told me to ban her from coming. I told her no and an argument broke out. She doesn't want her bully at the event and I told her this happened when she was 9 and that she needs to get over it. My other daughter is on her side but the rest of the family really thinks its time to move past this, it's been ten years and Emily has been nothing but nice since.

Edit: she is not being bullied, I know this 100%. Emily has been nothing but civil or nice to her since the punishment in fourth grade when she was 9.

Since people are asking for examples about the bullying. (from a comment I answered)

Emily never did anything physical, sexual or racial. She made fun of her clothes. Sam really liked bright neon clothes at the time. She got called a traffic cone when she would wear orange for example.

The rumors were she was colorblind since of what she wore. She's not color blind, just liked bright clothing that didn't match

Final Verdict: NTA.

Relevant Comments:

u/blueandreddish:

Info: did you ask your daughter why? Like why she feels that way or what she is feeling about it? Are you 100% sure nothing else has happened?

OP (This Comment has been downvoted):

I did, she doesn't like her, which is fair, but she has left her alone for a long time now. She has never bullied her since that time when she was 9. Overall bad first impressions and they have nothing in common

u/N1k1B1k1e:

Info: Have you asked your daughter if she is still being bullied? Because what you see is not always as it is.

OP (This Comment has been downvoted):

I did ask she is not being bullied, She has left her alone after she got detention in fourth grade

Deleted Account (This comment has been downvoted):

Complex stuff going on here, so you are NTA because here I do not see a clear-cut best course of action... Whatever you'll do, there will be problems...

You know, I have to be honest, I would be so desperate I would just cancel the party, it's not an easy take, this one... You are going to hurt Sam... But on the other hand, Sam's cousin has nothing to do with all of this, and it happened long ago, when she was a child, so yeah, theoretically at some point she will need to get over this... But that's not easy to do, and you can't really decide when this should happen.

On the spot, I would have answered as you did, Sam's cousin would have paid for a crime he did not commit. But ex-post, I see how many complications such an answer entails...

OP (This Comment has been downvoted):

Maybe that is the best course of action, If Emily does keep going to family events then, I have no idea what to do. If I don't host then Sam with have to pick going or not. I doubt my siblings are going to ban Emily for something that happened when she was 9

Deleted Account:

INFO: Can you describe what the bullying event(s) was/were?

It's important to know what bullying really means here. If Emily did anything physical to your daughter in any way, Emily absolutely should not be at this party even if it's been 10 years. I also think that if there was anything sexual or gendered about it (or racial or any other group-based hatred like fatphobia), it's probably not reasonable to have Emily come. If the bullying was less abusive, there might be a number of reasonable pathways forward that allow Emily to attend the event (but still, it depends on the nature of the bullying).

OP:

She never did anything physical, sexual or racial. She made fun of her clothes. Sam really liked bright neon clothes at the time. She got called a traffic cone when she would wear orange for example.

The rumors were she was colorblind since of what she wore. She's not color blind, just liked bright clothing that didn't match

Deleted Account:

Wait, why did a written apology appear out of nowhere two years after everything was "shut down quickly"?

OP (This Comment has been downvoted):

You know how you are forced to apologize after you do something wrong, that what it was in fourth grade, and in sixth it was an actually apology that it seems she actually meant.

Update on the Same Post:

Edit: Looking at all the responses, I will ask the cousin to not bring Emily.

Well did that, I'm not hosting the event anymore, cousin and sam got in an argument after I asked. It was not good. Cousins brought up all the crap she did when they were kids, she was a big prankster as a kid. He told her that well I don't forgive all your crap either. No one is gonna show up to the event at my house, its happening at my sister everyone is invited but Sam.

The family has exploded, I'm getting off this site, I should not have come to this subreddit

AITA

Reminder - I am not OP.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Adorable_Distance_15

Published on: r/AITAH

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: July 27, 2024

• Update: July 29, 2024

• Final Update: January 26, 2025

NOTE: All updates are from same post, necessary paragraph breaks have been added.

Main Post

^{July 27, 2024}

AITA for ordering pizza at my friend's wedding because there was no food

Me and my wife were invited to my friends wedding, the wedding was going to have about 70 ppl, with mostly family. When we got there we were seated at a table with some other people. Nice people, and we mingled well and had a good time chatting. The wedding was also quite nice both my friend and his new wife were very happy. After the ceremony every table got two bottles of wine, bread/butter, and there also was an open bar, so we started to have a few drinks. Then the food came out, it looked really good, the food was setup for buffet.

I was half buzzed and looking forward to getting some food in my belly. When it was time to eat every few tables at a time were going to get called which is fine, the first few tables that were called were understandably the family of both sides, then the rest were, the problem was that the family members (He's Inlaws) are larger people. Now I don't shame people for how much they eat, but I noticed the helpings of food they had while I was patiently waiting for us to be called, I also noticed that they went for seconds before all the tables were called and no one stopped them.

I didn't say anything, though I thought that was rude, I just assumed that there was just alot of food. To my surprise by the time we were called there was nothing left, I asked if there was more coming out and apparently that already occurred. So We grabbed the little we could and went back to sit down and ate the scarps.

We were all still pretty hungry, and a bit pissed off so we kinda bashed talked that the first few tables ate all the food. Someone mentioned that they could go for some pizza, and then I had the drunken idea of ordering some lol. So that is what we did, we all pitched in and ordered 4 large pizzas and some chicken wings from a local pizza joint close to the venue so it didn't take long to be delivered.

I met the guy outside and brought the food to our table and we started to eat. Some of the other tables noticed and asked where the pizza came from, apparently some of the other tables close to ours didnt get any food either, so we shared with them. This caused some commotion because other people were looking for, and asking the wedding party if there was pizza available. I guess there were others that didn't get to eat either. We did share with anyone who asked us.

My friend came to talk to me about why I ordered the food, his bride was not happy about it (it ruined the esthetics), so I told him that we didn't get to eat, and that the food ran out long before our table was called, and we were really hungry, He then asked why we didn't just step out and eat then come back, though annoyed about that, I respectively explained to him that we were all drinking on an empty stomach and that it probably wasn't the best idea to have drunk people walking around looking for food.I don't think he liked that, but went back to his bride who was glaring at us. Like what were we supposed to do, starve? This wasn't the end though.

As we were finishing eating. One of the inlaws came to our table and he asked where the pizza came from. This is where I maybe the AH. There were two slices left, I knew he was eyeing them. I asked the other people at my table if they wanted one, everyone declined.

This guy then said he'd have one, I then took the two slices I put them on my plate, and started to eat them, then looked at him and said something like, "No, you and everyone at your tables had way more then your fare share of the buffet, and ate all of it. This is the reason we ordered food in the first place. And now you have the nerve to ask us to share." He's face went red, and he returned to his table. There was alot discussion going on there, they were all looking back at us with daggers. The bride looked even more ticked off at us, she had a bit of an argument with my friend. He eventually came back to tell us we had to leave. I didn't mean to start any problems, so me and my wife called a cab and left.

He called me a few days later, and we had a long talk. I explained my perspective, and he agreed that his inlaws were really rude for eating all the food and leaving most of the other guests with very little. Alot of people actually complained to him about it, everyone was drinking thinking that there would be food and they were disappointed.

He was upset with his inlaws because he told them how many guests there would be and to order the food for that many people. He also saw how much they were taking but assumed they ordered enough, he was wrong. He brought this up with his wife, and she said that apparently because the inlaws paid for the alcohol and the food they felt entitled to eat what they wanted, she was really mad at them, and reamed them out for tainting her special day. He also said alot of the other non family guests started to leave soon after we left because they too were hungry. They still had fun celebrating but it did kinda put a downer on their special day. Out of 70 ppl about 30 left.

I also found out that guy that came to our table was his FIL. FIL was really embarrassed by what I said to him, he felt pretty bad when he found out close to half the guests didn't get to eat anything and left early.

So AITA?

EDIT:

My goodness I didn't think I was going to get this kind of response lol, so many comments. I went through a good chunk of the messages and thought that it would be easier to address the common ones here.

1. The only reason I ordered the pizzas was because I was drinking. All I ate that day was a sandwich for lunch and some bread that was at the table, so I needed something more substantial in my stomach so I wouldn't get sick, so no I couldn't wait it out a few hours. I wasn't the only person drinking either because the open bar was booming. However I guess I could have held back on drinking a bit until the food came out.

2. Those saying that I fat shammed the FIL. Im going to have to disagree, I didn't say anything to him about his body, I was only honest with him about why Ihad to order the food. I don't judge people based on looks, and accept everyone for who they are, as they are. You can't judge a book by its cover, so I judge people based on their actions. If you knew me, you would see that my friends group ranges from basic people to freaks and weirdos lol. In fact a good friend of mine nicked named Crusher is a big dude, absolutely hilarious, and super fun to hang out with.

3. This is not an AI generated post lol. My intelligence may be limited, but there is nothing artificial about it.

4. The buffet was at my friends request. He loves buffets and this was his added touch to the wedding. He also chose the dishes. I know that it is not common for weddings to do buffets, but thats what he wanted.

Thanks everyone for your comments, I will continue to read them and update this thread accordingly.

COMMENTS

BarelyHangingOn

A family member had a similar sized wedding awhile back.

The caterer handed out the same portions to everybody the first time through so that everybody got fed. Seconds were a free for all.

Later in the night a table full of personal sized pizzas. We were eating pizza for a week after the fact.

johnnypurp

Can’t believe the FIL asked for pizza lol

ListenToThatSound

Funny how they noticed the pizza, but were apparently oblivious as to why it was necessary for it be ordered.

Kaiju-Mom22

NTA. You don't go for seconds until all the tables have been called.

arkieg

Yeah - this is nuts to me. Bride has no reason to be upset at friends.

1. it was her own family that ordered food and took unreasonably large servings

2. she could have anticipated the issue knowing her family by having caterers serve portioned mains at the very least

3. she may not have noticed her family going through line twice before tables were called, but this is totally on her family.

4. this is not the first wedding to run out of food. It would have taken less than the cost of tipping the caterers to order some cheap dominos pizzas. Drunk people don’t care, they just need food.

5. the rest of the guests who left, didn’t leave due to the pizza. They left because the bride and groom got pissy instead being flexible and putting a plan in place to feed their guests.

ViewtifulGene

NTA. There is no reason other tables should've had seconds before you had firsts. I can understand miscalculating how much food would be needed, but they didn't even try to triage.

Vcheck1

No, for a wedding buffet always order more than what’s needed. The in laws ATAH. You could have handled it better with the pizza but half the freaking people there didn’t get food, that sounds like more than a “big people got seconds” problem

Update - after 2 days

^{July 29, 2024}

Update: AITA for ordering pizza at my friend's wedding because there was no food

Hey guys!! I already have an update!!! First I never stated when the wedding happened, the wedding was last week on July 20.

My friend just stopped by for a little bit. Apparently his wife was more upset then he initially said, but not at me, towards her family. He also said she wanted apologies for booting me. So FIL feels really bad and he is going to step up and try to fix the situation. He's going to throw an "After Wedding Shing Ding" lol his words. Everyone who was at the wedding will be invited, including me, my wife and some additional people, they are thinking there will be about 100 guests.

FIL also promised that there will be an assortment of food, more then enough for everyone plus an army lol. He also wanted to personally let me know that there will be 50 large pizzas from the same joint I ordered from, that is his way of adding some humor to the situation, I think its pretty funny lol. He's also going to hire a DJ or a live band. Possibly have some fireworks and arrange other events like axe throwing, and a bonfire. This actually sounds like it going to a real fun time, the only difference is that this will be a BYOB event, whichbis no big deal.

FIL is pulling in a favor from a friend of his who ownes a farm. The farm has two guest houses and the main house as well as plenty of space outside. About 50 people can be squeezed in between the 3 houses, so he is going to encourage people to bring RVs (I have one), campers and tents if they can. Nothing is officially yet, but they are looking to hold the shing ding around mid August.

Sounds like this is going to be a blast!! I'll update you all you all when I can.

Final update - after 6 months

^{January 26, 2025}

I am super sorry for not updating sooner, I meant to sooner but. I'm going to be a dad!!

After the wedding fiasco, we got the invites from my friend’s FIL to the “After Wedding Shindig.” It took awhile so I honestly thought it was a joke at first, but my friend ( the groom) who dropped them off said it's happening, just took awhile to organize it. The invites mentioned food, drinks, activities, and a lot of pizza. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but my wife and I decided to go. It was in mid-September, and the weather was absolutely perfect with clear skies, warm sun, and a bit breezy.

When we arrived, we saw the setup and was blown away! The event was on this massive farm owned by the friend of the FIL. There were RVs, campers, and tents scattered everywhere. It looked like some kind of mini music festival. The main house and two guest houses were open for people who didn’t want to camp, and the yard was filled with picnic tables, lawn games, and a huge bonfire pit. As soon as we parked, the FIL greeted us.

He was wearing this ridiculously loud Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses, grinning like he’d won the lottery lol. He shook my hand and said, “I’m glad you’re here! There’s plenty of food this time!” I couldn’t help but laugh lol. The food setup was insane. There were long tables covered with BBQ, all kinds of sides, desserts, and front and center a pyramid of pizza boxes lol. I’m not kidding, it had to be at least 50 large pizzas from the same place I ordered from at the wedding. Each box had a sticker that said “Shindig Special” on it.

Everyone was already joking about it. People started showing up in droves. Alot of people brought their own coolers full of beer since it was BYOB, and others even joined in the pizza theme, lol someone even wore a pizza print dress, another guy had a pizza shaped hat, and there were pizza cookies on one of the dessert tables, it was hilarious. The vibe was lighthearted and fun, and honestly, it was waaaay better atmosphere than at the wedding. There was so much going on, the axe throwing, cornhole, live music, and even some fireworks set up for later.

The FIL was wandering around, handing out slices of pizza like it was his personal mission to make sure no one went hungry. My friend (the groom) found me and pulled me aside. He had a beer in one hand and slapped me on the back with the other. He thanked me and told me, If I hadn’t ordered that pizza we’d probably wouldn't be here right now. As the day went on, everyone seemed to be having a blast.

The bride even gave a little speech. She thanked everyone for coming, then pointed at me and said, “And a special thanks to the guy who turned a wedding mishap into a Shindig we’ll never forget!” People laughed and clapped, and I felt a bit embarrassed but also kinda proud. The night ended with the lots of fireworks and everyone gathering around the bonfire, roasting marshmallows, and sausags. People were drinking, singing, and telling stories.

It felt like a proper celebration, and I couldn’t help but think this is how the wedding should’ve been. FIL came up to me near the end of the night with a slice of pizza on a plate. He said, he wasn’t sure how to make up for the mess they made at the wedding, but thought this did the trick. I shook his and smiled, and said this party was a hit. All in all, the Shindig turned out to be one of the most memorable events I’ve ever been to. Everyone left full, happy, and with plenty of stories to tell. It’s funny how a simple thing like ordering pizza at the wedding turned into something this big. But hey, I guess that’s just how life goes sometimes.

That's the update guys!! Just wanted to thank everyone for their comments, I actually never thought this post would blow up like this.

On another note, baby's due in May, so I am pretty sure the night of the Shindig he/she was conceived.. wink, wink lol

COMMENTS

Poodlemom7

This is a great story. We all make mistakes (the FIL), but he really showed class in how he handled things afterwards with putting together the big shindig and having such a great sense of humor. Bravo to him.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Wanitapol

Published on: r/AmITheJerk

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 19, 2026

• Final Update: September 21, 2026

Main Post

^{September 19, 2026}

AITJ for refusing to cancel my weekend trip to cover my coworker’s shift because she has kids?

I (29M) work for a company with around 200 employees. I've been there for 4 years and generally get along with everyone.

One of my coworkers, "Sarah" (34F), has two kids, 4 and 7. She's nice enough, but over the past year I've noticed that whenever something comes up with her kids, everyone is expected to accommodate her.

I've covered for her several times when she needed to leave early or couldn't make a shift. I never complained about it.

A few weeks ago, I booked a weekend trip with some friends. I requested the Friday off several weeks in advance and my manager approved it. I had already paid for the hotel and transportation.

A week before the trip, Sarah asked if I could work her Friday shift because her babysitter had cancelled.

I told her I couldn't because I was going away.

She asked if I could at least work until lunch and "figure something out" for the afternoon. I said no.

She replied, "It's different when you have kids. You'll understand someday."

The next day my manager asked me if I'd reconsider. He said Sarah didn't have anyone else available and that it would really help her out.

I reminded him that my time off had already been approved and that I'd paid for everything.

He said he understood, but added that I should remember Sarah has two young children and that "people with families sometimes need a little more flexibility."

I told him I'd already been flexible several times and didn't think having kids automatically made my plans less important.

I went on my trip.

When I came back, Sarah was noticeably colder toward me. Another coworker told me I was being selfish because I apparently knew Sarah was struggling with childcare.

I asked how I was supposed to know that when she only told me after my vacation was approved.

She said people without kids have more freedom and should be willing to give a little.

That really bothered me because this isn't the first time I've heard that argument at work. Somehow, because I don't have children, my free time gets treated like it's actually free. If Sarah needs a morning off, someone is expected to cover. If she needs to leave early, everyone is supposed to understand. But when I make plans, those plans are treated like they're optional because I don't have a family waiting for me at home.

I don't begrudge her having kids, and I understand that emergencies happen. But having children doesn't make my time less valuable, and being childless doesn't mean I'm sitting around with nothing to do.

At the same time, I technically could have helped her, and I know finding last-minute childcare for two young kids isn't easy. AITJ?

TL;DR: My coworker's babysitter cancelled, and she expected me to cancel my trip because I don't have kids. I refused, and now she's mad at me.

COMMENTS

starstruckgunnie

NTA. We had a situation like this at my job and I nipped in the bud, this is a form of discrimination. You’re co-workers and manager are discriminating against you for not having children.

OOP

Exactly. I understand the difficulties of having kids and the problems that come with that. That’s exactly why I don’t have any.

carmelfan

The coworker who thinks you were wrong should have covered her Friday for her.

OOP

Funnily enough she never covers shifts because of her own kids. On the other hand she never asks anyone to cover hers either.

briomio

So there are 200 employees and out of 200 employees, you and apparently only you are the one that can cover her shift. Don't let them spin this OP. The next time (and there probably will be a next time) remind them that there are 200 other employees that can cover

OOP

Not everyone works in my department but yeah now that you said it and someone else said it too, I am always their go to person when it comes to shift covers..

eternallycynical

Tell her how much money you will lose if you cancel your trip and give her the option of covering your loss.

OOP

Realistically they don’t care at all.

Idrisdancer

You could have said you would do it if she covered the expenses you would be out by cancelling your trip

OOP

But I wanted to go on the trip so even if she offered (which she wouldn’t) then I still wouldn’t agree

Final Update - after 2 days

^{September 21, 2026}

UPDATE: AITJ for refusing to cancel my weekend trip to cover my coworker’s shift because she has kids?

I didn't expect the original post to get as much attention as it did, and honestly I thought people would just tell me I was being inconsiderate and that would be the end of it.

It wasn't.

A couple days after I posted, my manager called me into his office. I assumed it was going to be about the situation with Sarah, but he actually brought up my "availability."

Apparently Sarah had complained that I wasn't being "a team player" and said that she had started feeling like she couldn't ask me for help because I would always prioritize my personal plans.

I told him that was exactly the problem. My plans are personal plans because I have a life outside of work. That doesn't mean I'm available whenever someone else has a problem.

He said he understood, but then told me they were going to start making the shift coverage process "more structured" because this situation had caused tension in the team.

I thought that was actually reasonable.

Then he explained what that meant.

Basically, employees with childcare issues would get priority when voluntary shift coverage was being arranged, and people without children would be expected to be "more flexible where possible."

I asked him what "expected" meant.

He said nobody could force me to cancel approved time off, but that management would be taking people's "willingness to support the team" into account when considering future scheduling requests.

That really pissed me off.

I reminded him that I'd already covered Sarah multiple times and had never asked for anything in return. I also pointed out that I had requested my Friday off weeks in advance and it had been approved before Sarah even had a childcare problem.

He didn't really have an answer for that.

Then Sarah approached me later that day.

She told me she wasn't trying to get me in trouble and that she just wanted me to understand how difficult things were for her.

I told her I do understand that childcare is difficult. What I don't understand is why her problem automatically becomes my responsibility.

She said, "Because you could have helped."

I asked her if she would have cancelled a non-refundable weekend trip for me if the situation were reversed.

She didn't answer.

Instead she said, "You don't have kids, so you don't understand what it's like when someone depends on you."

I told her that people depend on me too. Just because they're not my children doesn't mean my commitments don't matter.

She walked away after that.

The weirdest part is that another coworker who originally called me selfish has now apologized. Apparently Sarah had told people that I refused to help because I "didn't care about her kids." That's not what happened at all.

At this point, I'm done arguing about it.

I told my manager that I'm happy to help coworkers when I'm actually available, just like I've done plenty of times before. But I'm not agreeing to a system where having no children means my time off gets treated as less important.

If Sarah has a childcare emergency, I hope she finds someone who can help her. But I'm not that person every time, and I'm not going to feel guilty for having plans of my own.

My vacation was approved. I paid for it. I went.

I'm not apologizing for that.

TL;DR: Sarah complained to management after I refused to cancel my approved trip to cover her shift. My manager responded by saying employees without kids should be "more flexible" with shift coverage. Sarah then confronted me again, but I told her I'm willing to help when I'm actually available, not automatically because I don't have children.

COMMENTS

Ok_Dragonfly1124

Your manger has no back bone. Your in what sounds like a toxic work environment. You booked your leave. You can take it. People need to respect that

OOP

Yeah that’s how I see it too. Either that or he just doesn’t care.

BlazingSunflowerland

Can you talk to HR about how toxic your work environment is becoming, where people expect you to skip a trip away, that was already paid for, because they had childcare issues.

OOP

HR is there to protect the company not the employee. Will start looking for a new job

DetroitSmash-8701

You were never the jerk, but that said, I might consider looking for another job in your field, hopefully with more money considering your experience. I don't trust her or your manager.

OOP

As far as I’m aware parents usually get privileges at most workplaces, however someone else told me in my previous post to just lie about having kids to any future employers to prevent this from happening again

Ok_Young1709

Glad you get your holiday, but I'd start looking for another job. She's just a trouble maker. I also wouldn't bother helping her again in future, she even told you she wouldn't help you if you asked.

OOP

Yeah probably time to start hitting indeed and linkedin and sending in those applications

SILLYxPROGRAM

  taking people's "willingness to support the team" into account when considering future scheduling requests

What does this MEAN? If you (or other childless coworkers) submit a request, they’ll check with all the people with children if they would like to take that slot instead?!?

OOP

Essentially if you’re not a “team player” you will get your requests rejected

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/AIO by user justanadviceseeker. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Original

May 26, 2026

Hey guys. Rn I’m getting texts from my gf and we are still fighting but wanted to take time to post this cuz I meant to do this days ago and forgot about it completely

So for some context I (M24) have my girlfriend who we’re gonna call Kelly (F23). I have been renting our first apartment together for about eight months and she has moved in already, and I know some people think we should be married first but I’ve known her for years and I trust her enough, or at least I kinda have until now. Things were great until recently but imo the biggest problem in our relationship has occasionally been her childhood best friend, Jude (M23). Her and Jude have a small history of not respecting boundaries at least I’ve heard from 1 of their mutual friends as well as noticed at times personally, though has never been as bad as it is rn since Jude has had a girlfriend who kept him busy for the longest time.

Around 3 weeks ago or so, Jude and his girlfriend had a breakup. Since then my life has been a nightmare. Jude can't handle being alone so he uses our apartment as his little hangout spot. He comes over every day at 2 then stays through dinner and doesn't leave until late at night.

Our routine is ruined. If I want to watch Netflix with my girlfriend Jude is already on the couch. If I try to cook dinner for her then bro is at the table eating our food. I haven't had any alone time with Kelly since he broke up with his girl.

I've tried to be patient because ik Jude is heartbroken and I’ve been through an ex who dumped me but it’s really getting out of hand. I feel like a guest in my home. Last night he was still on our couch at 11 pm scrolling through his exs insta. I hinted to Kelly that it was time for him to go. She ignored me. So I told Jude it was late. I had an early morning.

Jude looked hurt and left. The second he was gone Kelly turned on me and lost her freaking mind. She said I was not being nice or empathetic and didn't care about Judes feelings. I told her there's a difference between supporting a friend and letting him take over our relationship and space. I pay half the rent to live with her not to have a third roommate.

The argument got worse. I finally told her she needs to set boundaries with Jude or I won’t let him come over at all. Kelly then decided she was going to call me toxic. This morning I was added to her group chat. Her friends are roasting me saying I am both a horrible partner AND cold hearted. Nobody except my parents and my friends that I don’t share with her is on my side here, but I feel like I’m justified because who wants someone butting into their life for almost a full month the way he has been?

I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't think I'm asking for much. Just some days where my home feels like my home. I can be alone, with my girlfriend. Talk to me guys AIO I gotta know.

Consensus:

Not overreacting

Update

May 27, 2026

Hey guys. Honestly, I didn't expect to be posting an update this soon, but it's been roughly 12 hours since my last post and shit has fucking exploded. I've spent the majority of today out of the apartment and I honestly just needed you guys to tell me that Jude wasn't just a third wheel to our relationship, but a replacement partner in Kelly's life to feel secure enough about herself. You guys were 1000% right.

So last night, after I walked out of the apartment, Kelly blew up my phone. It was a cycle of her crying and then yelling, telling me that I abandoned her in the middle of a very important conversation. I didn't respond to any of her texts and just gave myself some space to collect myself.

Apparently, my ignoring her drove Jude insane so about 30 minutes ago, I got a massive self-righteous text from him. He somehow got my number (definitely told to him by Kelly after I left) and said: "Look man, I know you're upset, but walking out on Kelly is low. She's been crying her eyes out over your toxic ultimatum. I'm only staying on her couch for her safety because she's such a mess right now. You need to grow up, head back to the apartment and apologize to her for upsetting her over how she's supporting me. If you can't support your partner when times get tough, then you're not ready for an adult relationship."

Which, for starters, obviously shows that Kelly immediately called Jude and spilled every detail of our personal fight. And for another, the sheer audacity for this man who pays absolutely nothing for our apartment to tell me that I need to apologize to my girlfriend for not wanting to be treated like a fool was the straw that broke my patience.

I didn't even waste time responding to him. I took a screenshot of his text and sent it to Kelly and wrote, "The fact that your idiot friend feels like he has the right to tell me anything about our relationship, our home, or my boundaries has completely solidified this decision for me. I told you Jude was becoming a part of our relationship, and your response was to have him come back to console you after I left. I need you to understand that this lease is in my name alone and I am not leaving my home for you, and I expect you to pack up your belongings and make whatever plans to get your and Jude's things out of my apartment immediately. He seems to love your space so much, I'm sure he'll enjoy helping you move into his place."

The shit hit the fan instantly. Kelly started calling me repeatedly and when I finally picked up, she was sobbing. She insisted she didn't know Jude would text me and that she was only venting to him because she was lonely, and had told him to leave the second she saw the text. She was begging me and saying she would tell him he could never set foot in the apartment again if that's what it took to fix things.

The fact that she's only backpedaling because she's about to be forced to sleep on the couch with Jude, however, shows she still doesn't truly grasp why what happened was wrong. Even if Jude leaves the apartment, her complete inability to keep our relationship sacred and our private business between the two of us is something that will never change.

I'm heading back to the apartment now and my buddy is coming with me just to witness everything and make sure no drama goes down when I officially kick Kelly out. It breaks my heart because I truly loved her, but I can't spend my life competing with her childhood best friend for the right to sit on my own couch, on a couch I pay for, in my own apartment.

Thank you everyone for validating my sanity last night. I'm taking back my space.

Comments by OOP:

🏃‍♂️running like Gump rn

gonna wait to get back out there 100% feeling like I rushed into this relationship and regretting it now

[somebody comments he should've tried it again with her first and see if she brings Jude back around] the thing is she doesn’t truly want that because I tried setting those boundaries and telling her I need him out. She plain refused until I told her I was breaking up with her and wanted her out too.

Update 2

May 28, 2026, 2 days later

Hey peeps, been told like a million times that you guys want an update so here it is. One last update on this situation with my ex and I.

First off, thank you to everyone who reached out personally and commented on my last post. Having my friend with me when I went back to the apartment was the best advice I could have taken, because things got a little bit crazy as you prob expected.

When we walked into the apartment, Jude was gone, thankfully, because I don’t really know what I would’ve done if he wasn’t. I would probably be in jail right now if I saw his stupid face. While Kelly was also not there, she walked in, not too long after.

The second that she saw my friend with me, she knew that I meant fucking business and she was not going to be able to talk her way out of this or start crying to try and manipulate me. So, She didn't scream or yell. She just asked my buddy if he could give us ten minutes to talk alone, and I nodded to let him know it was cool.

Once the two of us were alone, she asked me if there was really no way to get past this. She felt like this was a stupid argument, and it wasn’t a reason for us to break up. She had already obviously shown and made it very clear how she felt and that she didn’t take it seriously or truly understand where I was coming from. Even though I did know her feelings about all of this, heading her say it like that just further showed the lack of respect she had for me and how far apart that we were in our relationship now.

I really wanted to crash out and go wild, but in the end, I really just didn’t have the energy and I didn’t want this to go on forever. I calmly listed out all my issues again, which was her having her best friend, who I did call her pet because he basically is, take over our house and ignore every single complaint I had about it. I also let know that it was wrong of her to add me to her dumb little group chat, and have her friends jump me. Honestly, it was none of their business in the first place what was going on in our life. Last, but not least, in our last argument, she once again disrespected me by both having Jude over AND having him text me and talk down to me.

She apologized for everything, but it doesn’t matter to me anymore because I’m not going to cave just so she can keep disrespecting me.

After that, it was just us packing all her stuff in the most awkward silence ever. My friend was still there, and after he came back inside, he helped us move all her stuff to her car and we were done pretty quickly, no more arguments and no more drama.

When she finally gave me her spare key, she told me her brother was letting her crash in his spare bedroom for a couple of weeks, and that Jude had offered his couch, but she told him she needed space from him. I hope for her sake that she actually sticks to that because that friendship is pretty toxic imo, but regardless of what she’s doing it’s no longer my problem.

Now, I can finally say that chapter of my life is over and it is a total relief. One of the few mutual friends that Kelly and I share let me know Jude was taking digs at me on social media, but I really don’t care about him anymore. He is nothing but a stupid cancer who tried to ruin my life and failed. I no longer have to think about him and I won’t.

I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been thinking about her or that I didn’t miss the girl she was when we first started dating but the feeling I have right now is just peace. I can walk into my kitchen without bumping into a third wheel. I can watch a movie without hearing someone complain about their ex. I have my home back.

Again, I really appreciate everybody who helped me throughout the situation and I hope you all take care of yourselves. If you need to, do what I did and cut your toxic partner out of your life. Don’t let anybody walk over you and put yourself first. 🙏

I'm not the original poster.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Ok_Translator1301

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole & u/Ok_Translator1301

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 25, 2023 at 02:54 UTC

• Final Update: September 25, 2023 at 16:03 UTC

Main Post

^{September 25, 2023 at 02:54 UTC}

AITA for not having much of a reaction to my daughter coming out and introducing us to her partner?

My daughter is 23 and she requested a dinner with us because she had some important to tell us--us being my wife and I.

She introduced us and came out. My wife was emtional gave her a big hug, told her how proud she was. I on the other hand did not react to her coming out. I honestly did not care about that part. I was honest her partner was cool, and she was very interesting.

My wife told me I was rude for ignoring that our daughter announcement. I told my wife, I do not care who she attracted to all I care about if she is happy. I tried to explain I do not care about that stuff, people like who they like I don't need labels for that. Love is love.

She said my view is slightly homophobic, because it shows I am uncommon acknowledging a different view. I do not see it that way, am I the asshole should I apologize to my daughter and her partner?

COMMENTS

thirdtryisthecharm (downvoted)

YTA

Look even if you don't give a shit about your daughters orientation, it was a big experience and big decision in HER life to come out to family. If nothing else, this was the time to recognize that it matters to your daughter.

OOP

I was happy that she found someone for whom she clearly cares deeply about.

What I am saying orientation is irrelevant, all I care about if she finds someone she is happy with, and appears she has found that person. I do not care about the sex or gender of the person. All I care about is if she is happy and well taken care of.

missnobody20

INFO: How does your daughter feel?

OOP

Have not gotten the chance to ask, my wife's thoughts got me thinking.

Independent_Rain4838

NTA
But did you say what you said to your wife, to your daughter? Could she tell that the silence was the silence of acceptance, not the silence of rejection?

OOP

Tbh during the evening I did bring up orientation, cause it does not matter. I took the time to get to know her partner as a person. Asked how they met, what they do, hobbies, and interests.

particledamage (downvoted)

“Hi, dad, I have an important announcement.” “Idc about that.”

Maybe try being a bit more emotionally engaged with you kid

OOP

To be fair I thought the big announcement was she wanted to introduce us to her partner.

My kids have always known I have never really cared about that stuff if they were gay, straight, bi, alien, or whatever. They would always be my kids no matter what, and I would always love them no matter what.

perfectpomelo3

NTA. I’m a lesbian. When I came out to my parents they basically reacted with “that’s nice, dear.” My sexuality didn’t change my relationship with them. IMO that’s how it should be.

OOP

That is a good way of putting it. That was my reaction. That's nice dear.

yeOGOG (downvoted)

That sounds really condescending, though. Why couldn't you just tell her that you are happy as long as she is happy? You told all of Reddit that, so why not let your daughter know? That would neither be over the top, but it still would show you both acknowledge and accept her.

OOP

I did tell her that.

-blundertaker-

When I told my dad I liked girls he said "me too."

OOP

Good response, and had she told us when she was younger I probably would have said the same.

Wife probably would have smacked me upside my head.

haemaker

NTA.

First off, was your daughter upset? I am guessing, "no" since you did not mention it. You treated your daughter equally which is probably what she wants. It is your wife who is treating her differently. She should be apologizing.

OOP

She did not seem upset no, my wife's comments got me thinking.

Puhhhleeze

INFO. What do you mean by you “didn’t react?” Did you not say anything at all? You just say their silently, because that’s such a weird reaction. No acknowledgment? Nice to meet you’s? That can easily be interpreted as hostile.

Coming out can be extremely difficult and monumental. The fact that your daughter requested this dinner and did so in the presence and support of her partner suggests that this was possibly a very difficult conversation for her. Providing reassurance or at the minimum, acknowledging her bravery and putting her at ease is crucial for a lot of LGBTQ people. A lot of people are talking about normalization, but the fact of the matter is, when people are scared, being actively told that nothing will change is extremely comforting. You couldn’t provide that comfort? Show your daughter some love during a challenging time? I’m sorry but reactions like this always come across as extremely apathetic to me, and it’s very hard not to seek double meanings or disappointment when you’re already in a very high stress interaction.

OOP

I did not react to her coming out. I did react to her introducing her partner. I said it was a pleasure to meet them, we had our dinner shared stories, and learned about one another.

In the end, I told my daughter I loved her and it was a pleasure to meet her partner and she is welcome whenever.

In short, I treated her introduction to her partner as I did her brothers. I took the time to get to know who they were with as a person.

CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole

Final Update - after 13 hours

^{September 25, 2023 at 16:03 UTC}

Update after having coffee with my daughter.

Since it always bothered me when people would ghost on threads without giving updates.

Did not have much time with my daughter she had a prior engagement but we had some coffee. We spoke about the evening, as I suspected she did not have an issue with it, and she also felt it was self-explanatory when she introduced her girlfriend--she corrected me since I said partner they view each other as girlfriend and girlfriend.

The coming out was more so her girlfriend's idea and my daughter said she was going to reach out because while she had no issues with my reactions her girlfriend thought it was weird how I kind of brushed off the response and treated this situation as if they were a straight couple.

My daughter did try to explain that is just the person I am. Explained how she preferred my nonreaction verse making it a big deal. She told the story of how she came to me first when she had her first period because she knew my wife would make a huge fuss over simple biology.

I told her I made an AITA post and we laughed over some of the comments. We are going to arrange another date and this time we will have a more special event for the sake of her girlfriend. Since she did feel slightly offended by being treated as if they were a straight couple.

My daughter had no issues overall, but I will correct course. She was slightly disappointed I did not make a dad joke about her coming out. I did express that my love for her would never change, and I told her I hoped she did not wait so long because she thought I would think differently. She just told me I never told you because it was not important to her. She knew I would not care either way.

I doubt I will add more updates after this I might check in every so often. I do appreciate all the varied viewpoints, and please understand it was not my intention to marginalize the hardships LGBTQA+ face in this world, I know it may be a selfish and self-centered view but I simply treat others how I wish and want to be treated.

I do hope everyone has a wonderful week.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/orchidsinthesky

Published on: r/AmItheButtface

Story is: Likely CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: November 07, 2025

• Update: November 10, 2025

• Final Update: August 04, 2026

Main Post

^{November 07, 2025}

AITB for telling my sister's gay friend that he is like all men out there for me and his sexuality doesn't make him any different.

My grandma's 70th b'day was celebrated a couple of days ago in her house.My elder cousin came with her husband of 3 years and his gay brother M (32).I am F (17) and on the way to my grandma's home there was a fair and I bought some very pretty baby hair clips and I intend to save it for my future babies,like it's that cute.

I showed my grandma these clips and she loved it and chris who was sitting in the other end of the room suddenly made a joke about is this a pregnancy announcement bcoz my tummy do look a bit round loudly followed with a laugh and I swear almost everyone in my family went pale.The mood turned awkward so quick and my grandma was looking at me for my clarification or something like wtf? I am an introvert.

I hate confrontations, unwanted attention or people in my business. The problem I always had with chris is he in his own words is an extrovert,a honest queen and a fashion police. In the 3 years, he has said the meanest things about all our clothes,weight and what not but everyone has let him get away with this bcoz of his sexuality as they don't want him to think he is being targeted bcoz of it.

Anyway I guess everything just came to me at once after the joke he made at my expense I stood up from the couch and asked him why did a grown man in his 30s think it would be funny to make a joke about a teenage girl like that.His smile dropped so quick and my cousin jumped into his defense with the exact words"love it's fine,you know he is gay".

I lost it there I guess, then I was yelling things along the lines of What is fine? Does his sexuality make him not a man? he is like all men out there for me, If your sexuality doesn't make you evil then why the f would it make you a saint? He is still a man ,still a man in his thirties who should have the sense to know how to behave and what to say and the way he talks it's obvious that he is a f**ng misogynist like he thought child support should be illegal bcoz according to him his ex and he brokeup bcoz his ex had to pay an outrageous amount every month leaving nothing for savings for a 'mistake' he made as a teenager.

The mistake is the child and wife he had as his cover.I was in tears by the end of the rant and I finished it with a fastest run ever to our car followed by my parents.Regardless my cousin is bombarding my phone with calls and texts telling about teenage rage,homophobia and an expected apology from me? Why am I being accused of homophobia now ? Am I in the wrong here?

COMMENTS

OOP

Thank you all for taking your time and giving your opinions. I do get some may find it weird that I collect these things for my future kids. It's just when I find something cute and if  it's something I have already outgrown like a baby toy or hair tie I like it to save it for the future where I can give it to my kids.

My parents and all other family member were also very sweet about it so it became a habit and chris knew this habit.Him intentionally poking fun at it and twisting it and my grandma not defending me really made me go crazy I guess. I will be honest I haven't replied to any texts. The adrenaline rush is gone.

I am feeling mortified. The mere thought of whole family  focusing on me or my every action is just terrifying. Chris always came with my cousin bcoz he and my cousin's husband are the only family they have in this city or like in the continent. I'm from Europe and they are from America.

Update - after 3 days

^{November 10, 2025}

AITB for telling my sister's gay friend that he is like all men out there for me and his sexuality doesn't make him any different. UPDATE

Thank you guys for the comments and support. So I never replied to my cousin 's messages and kind of hoped it all and they will also just go away because I am mortified at the entire situation and detest the attention because almost every family member is calling my parents every day. But yesterday evening my cousin and her husband came for a surprise visit.

They stayed for like 3 hours and the summary is they are afraid that family bonds may suffer because of misunderstanding and miscommunication.We are only the family chris and his brother have here because they are from America and we are in Europe.They came here 7 years ago and they told us their birth family cut ties with chris for being gay when he was 16 and my cousin's husband stood with him and they did the same to him.

So yeah, my cousin is asking all of us to prove that we are better than their family and to not do the same thing. When I told her it's not his sexuality but his personality she told me that it is his sexuality which makes it ok for him to have this personality so be understanding and that he only made that joke because he thought I was a good sport and my dad kind of made her stop the rant and told her how the three of them need to get their act together and not take the family for granted because everyone has their breaking point.

Suddenly my cousin's husband yelled at my dad asking are we threatening to cut ties with them too like their birth family and yeah by that time my mom was like leave now because she has three surgeries to do tomorrow and she needs to rest. My cousin was crying when she left. Family group is going crazy and yeah the mess is just getting messier. Regardless thank you guys for the comments and advice.

Final Update - after 8 months, 28 days (after 8 months, 25 days from last post)

^{August 04, 2026}

AITB for telling my sister's gay friend that he is like all men out there for me and his sexuality doesn't make him any different. Update 2

I don't know anyone even remembers this post .Almost ten Months I guess.But I do remember people asking me for an update,so much was happening that I didn't even know what update even to give.

To summarise, My cousin is pregnant and her brother in law was diagnosed with cancer six months ago so yeah everything is back to square one. Nothing has changed and no one can speak about it considering they both are in vulnerable position.

I don't want to do anything also considering I am leaving for my university in couple of weeks. It's out of Europe so whatever it is going to happen next good luck to my family I guess .

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Stunning-Region-9484 posting in r/AITH

Ongoing as per OOP

1 update - Medium

Original - 9th October 2026

Update - 15th October 2026

AITA for demanding we move out after my mother-in-law asked for a DNA test and my husband wants us all to keep living together?

I (28F) have been married to my husband (30M) for two years. We live with his mother (55F) in the family home, and we have a 4-month-old son. In the beginning, my MIL and I got along fine. She was strict, but I thought that was just her personality.

Three weeks ago, at the dinner table, she said she wanted a DNA test for the baby. When I asked why, she said the baby “doesn’t look like our side of the family” and that she “just wanted peace of mind.” She said it so casually, as if she was asking me to pass the salt.

I was shocked. I told her I have never given anyone a reason to doubt me, and I walked out of the room crying. I stayed with my sister for two days.

My husband came to get me, and to his credit, he took my side. He told his mother the request was disrespectful and that he would never put his wife through a test like that. She said she “only asked a question” and that I was being dramatic.

Here is where the problem is. After all this, I told him I want us to move into our own place. I can’t sit at that table every day across from someone who looked at my baby and thought I was lying. He said he understands why I’m hurt, but he can’t leave his mother alone. His dad passed away a few years ago, and he’s her only son. He wants us all to continue living together and “work it out.”

I told him that supporting me in words is not enough if I have to keep living under the same roof as the person who accused me. He said I’m forcing him to choose between his wife and his mother. I said I’m not asking him to cut her off, only to give us some distance.

Now he’s barely speaking to me, his relatives are calling me selfish, and my MIL is acting like the victim.

AITA for insisting on moving out?

EDIT: Thank you all for the kind words and for taking the time to comment. I can’t reply to everyone, so here are the answers to the most common points.

Many of you said this is a husband problem more than a MIL problem. I think you’re right. What she said hurt, but what hurts more is feeling that I have to keep sitting at that table as if nothing happened.

To those asking if I’m going to leave: no, not today. My sister has offered me a room, so I know I have somewhere safe to go. But I want to give my husband a real chance to understand what I need. We are talking this weekend.

To those who suggested a DNA test for her son: I thought about it, but I don’t want to turn this into a revenge war. My son would be the one stuck in the middle.

I’m not asking my husband to cut off his mother. I’m only asking for some distance and an apology. She is 55 and fully capable of living on her own.

I will update once we have talked. Thank you again.

Comments

tiredgummybear

You’re being gaslighted by his whole damn family. They can take her in, you can move out with the baby and your husband can stay there - OR he can take his head out of his ass and stand up for his family and your right to have your home be a safe and pleasant place for you. NTA but stand your ground. He’s either a husband or a mama’s boy, he can’t be both.

GoshenGal

I know a lot of you won’t like this but, even the Bible says you leave your family and cleve to your wife. Plus I wouldn’t want to life in someone else’s house. Even if it were a tiny apartment it would be your family’s

wutadinosaur

Demand that she take a DNA test for her son

OOP: I get the idea, but I don’t want to fight fire with fire. A DNA test would only make things worse, and my husband would see it as an attack on his mother. I’d rather she understand how much her words hurt without me doing the same to her.

Informal_Market6008

His dad passed away a few years ago, and he’s her only son.

So?

If this is a post from a non-USA'n, I'd understand cultural obligations .. I guess. But, I'm an elderly woman living in a community of other oldsters. Your MIL's plight is not atypical of the expected trajectory of a woman's life.

I have widow ladies living on each side of me, across the way, and on the next street over. Given the typical lifespan of men, I expect to join them in the not too distant future.

Believe me - NONE of us make demands on family to fill in that loss. Even the 93-year-old Phyllis, two doors down from me. Since she had her stroke last year, her son checks in on her in the morning to make sure she's still alive, then she dismisses him with a crackling "not dead today. Check again tomorrow!"

Unless your MIL has some sort of incapacity, the women of my neighborhood would sneer at her for taking over the life of her son and demeaning her DIL as she has you. Your husband would get eye daggers in the back, too.

**Judgement - NTA*\*

Update - 6 days later

Hi everyone. Thank you to everyone who commented on my first post. I read almost all of your replies, even the harsh ones. I said I would update after our family meeting this weekend, so here it is.

Quick recap: I (28F) live with my husband (30M) and his mother (55F). Three weeks ago, my MIL asked for a DNA test for our 4-month-old son because he “doesn’t look like our side of the family.” I asked my husband for distance, and he said he couldn’t leave his mother alone.

A lot of you were split. Some said I was overreacting. Many said I should never take the test. But after a lot of thinking, I decided something different.

I am going to do the DNA test.

Before anyone attacks me, let me explain why. I don’t need it. I have always known who my son’s father is. But I realized this doubt would never go away. Every time my son looked a little different, she would whisper again. Every time there was a fight, this would come back. I’m not doing it for her. I’m doing it so this question is closed forever.

I already asked a friend where such a test can be done, and I’m planning to book it myself. My husband didn’t push me. If anything, he would have kept everything the same and “worked it out” while I sat across from her every day. I told him clearly that I am doing this because he is not willing to leave his mother, so I have to carry the burden of proving myself.

At the family meeting this weekend, I said this in front of everyone:

“I will do the DNA test. But I have one condition. When the result comes back and it matches my husband, and it will, I will move out and live in a separate home with my husband and my son. And my mother-in-law will not be moving in with us.”

The room went silent. Some relatives said I was being harsh. My MIL said she “only wanted peace of mind.” I told her peace of mind should not come at the cost of destroying my dignity.

I also decided one more thing. When my son grows up and becomes mature, I will tell him the truth about what happened, that his own grandmother once doubted his mother and made her go through this. I won’t lie about it, and I won’t hide it.

At the very least, I want her to feel regret for what she did. She may never apologize, but when that report comes back, she will have to live with it.

So, AITA for making the test conditional on us moving out? And am I wrong to want my MIL to feel the consequences of her own words?

Comments

Careless-Ability-748

The bigger question is will your husband move? You can make a decision for yourself but you can't make it for him.

OOP: You’re right, and that’s the part I can’t control. I can decide what I’m willing to live with, but I can’t decide for him. That’s exactly why I’m not springing this on him. The condition was said at the family meeting, in front of everyone, so he heard it clearly and nobody can say later that they didn’t know.

I’m not asking him to abandon his mother. I’m asking for a separate home, close enough that he can visit her every day if he wants. If the result matches and he still refuses to move, then that tells me where I stand in this marriage, and I’ll have to decide what I do next with that knowledge. But I’m not going to live the rest of my life across the table from someone who doubted my child.

Ok-Chemistry9933

If he wants to stay home with his mommy, your only choice should be divorce. This kind of thing will continue to happen.

facinationstreet

I will move out and live in a separate home with my husband and my son

You should have moved out before the 'family' meeting and left your husband behind with his mommy, put him on child support and alimony and moved on.

MelissaRC2018

I was going to say get the rest the court and if he doesn’t want to move she has the dna through the court to file child support. And if he doesn’t move or tries to move her back he’s gone and I would file

Lowermains

Insist that your husband has a DNA TEST comparing her husband’s dna. Your Bitch of a … Seems to be projecting.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/AmIOverreacting by user Ok_Boysenberry_7535. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Ongoing

Original

January 15, 2026

This is weird so I need to know if I'm crazy for going as far as I did.

I have a condition of chronic pain. The way I explain it to people without chronic pain is that if pain were on levels from 1 to 10, normal people are at most at a 2 or 3 from day to day where people with CP are at more like a 6. Like imagine stepping on a Lego or hitting your funny bone, that's a very brief but excruciating 8. It's like if you pulled a muscle and so there's pain and discomfort if you move it, but pretty much daily. Some days I am higher on the scale, rare blessed days I'm more a 4 or by some miracle lower.

Overall I am active and operate well. I do own canes but I only use them on days when I'm 7 or above. Such a day came this past Sunday.

On top of my full time job, I have a part time. Due to being physically and legally disabled, I had all the paperwork already filed with my job in case I ever need accommodations. I have a handicap marker on my license plate and the placard on my rear view mirror and the works.

I was recently moved to a location closer to my home. I love my new team. My boss Amy is really great. My colleague Casey and I get along okay but were the same position as assistant coordinators to Amy. The reason I was moved to that location was that it expanded and they needed more hands so they added me.

Casey has wanted a promotion for a long time and everyone knows it. I was pretty open that I don't. Lol any promotion from my position would be a fulltime and...I already have a fulltime job. I do this job to pad my savings and because I frankly like the job. Being busy also helps with my anxiety.

I mean Casey works hard but she also likes to talk over me or rush to take charge of something before I can when I clearly was getting to it. She then announces it. "Oh I handled that for you, OP. Don't worry!" And at first I was annoyed but over time I was like alright then, but you didn't have to. I talked to Amy about this. I want to pull my weight but it can be challenging and redundant when Casey is racing to beat me to it. The point was for us to split tasks evenly. Amy said she would talk to her and I don't know what came of that but things didn't really change much so I just accepted it.

So when I came in Monday with my cane, everyone had questions. I emailed Amy Sunday night so she knew but I tend to be private so what I told everyone else was that I have a condition and sometimes I need a cane but not always.

Amy accommodated me. She assigned me tasks that required little to no movement. I was very grateful and got everything done pretty early so I called over the radio if there was anything else I could do. Casey said no she's got it so I just handled admin stuff that's usually on the backburner. Literally replied with "okay I'll tackle the admin list then" and Casey said no she's got it but Amy followed that with a thank you to me and confirmation that this would be helpful.

I still needed my cane yesterday (Tuesday) and it was similar. I completed most of the admin to-dos and Amy was so relieved to have it done. She thanked me for coming in and doing all that instead of calling out. Casey made a comment that she could've helped but I said that's okay and thanked her for handling the more physical tasks.

We ended up walking to the parking lot together and she asked which car was mine so I pointed at it. Then she said "so I know you're not disabled, by the way." And I asked what she meant. She just repeated herself and said "so no cane tomorrow, okay? I won't tell. Just no cane tomorrow."

👀

I stood there like what the fuck? But i was meeting my best friend and just left to make it on time. I met my BFF Joy at the bar and we had a wonderful time. I brought my cane but tbh I didn't always use it. For example, I didn't use it to walk from my table to the bar to request another drink or when I got up to hug Joy goodbye.

Today, when I woke up, my pain was higher than my normal so I took my cane along. I texted Amy that I have my cane but doing okay in small bursts so put me in Coach lol I was having a good time at my main job and didn't give Casey a thought.

I arrive at my part time job and Casey saw my cane and went red. I mean like the way I looked when the Eagles lost to the 49ers lol just SUPER MAD. I greeted everyone and she ignored me completely. We got our assignments and she snidely said to me "Well can you handle that with your cane and all?" In a tone that even made Amy turn to look at her like WTF. I said I can manage and thanked her for her concern and we went about our work. Once again she raced to beat me to things and saying over the radio "don't strain yourself, OP, I did x-task or got y-done"

I was so confused until about an hour ago when we finished work she again walked with me to the parking lot but this time showed me a video. It was me. It was me at the bar last night with Joy. I was just like...um why do you have a video of me - that's weird. She says it's proof. I asked of what? And she said it's proof I'm not disabled as I acted so "wounded all day at work" but suddenly don't need my cane at a bar.

What???? I wanted to explain that that's just not how CP works. Like yes I can stand up to hug my friend or get up and walk 3 strides to order a new drink but I can't, for example, lean over and organize a bottom drawer without a chair to sit in. I wanted to explain the CP is just an umbrella and under it are a myriad of experiences and abilities and that honestly, if she had left my tasks alone, I'd have done them. She didn't give me the chance and said "no cane tomorrow. I'm serious. Or I'm going to Chad" (Chad is Amy's boss).

I said "About what?" But she was already walking away from me and just got in her car.

It's just weird. And oddly Chad would know this is bs because his boyfriend has CP too. I'm not so much worried about being "found out" or anything but it's just weird and I'm literally typing an email to Amy CCing Chad about this weird behavior because it's just odd. Am I crazy to want to preemptively explain this? I am anxious ans paranoid in general so I don't want to overreact or make things worse.

Edit: I sent the email and also thanks for letting me know I'm not crazy for feeling weirded out.

Also I will be simply blocking anyone who is saying this is fake. I don't have time for your bs to be frank.

I also texted Amy and Chad.

Edit 2: JESUS CHRYSLER DRIVING CHRIST that's a lot of notifications...

I'll edit to try to reply all here because there isn't enough coffee in the world...

It's morning and I'm still about at a 7 and it's cold today so even if I didn't want to bring my cane, i would have to. I texted ahead so Amy can start thinking about tasks today.

For some common themes I've noticed, yeah my pain scale Lego idea wasn't on scale. Stepping on a Lego was the funniest thing I could think of that hurts so I wanted to paint a picture. I wasn't making a clinical pain chart lol feel free to use your own theatre of the mind scenarios to help people without chronic pain have an idea of what it's like.

Also I don't understand the vague "don't use the term CP" comments sorry. In this post it means chronic pain. It's within that context 🤷‍♀️ sorry but I just don't get the issue here or of its upsetting...? Idk

Amy and Chad have both responded so we will see how today goes. Anyway this was my first break in my FT job so I have to get back to it.

Consensus:

Not Overreacting

Commenters advice OOP to make a formal complaint with HR and their superiors.

They also tell OOP this is already stalking territory.

Comments by OOP:

[about getting witnesses] The problem is that i don't have any other than what others have seen about her taking over my tasks. We were alone both times she confronted me in the parking lot and she showed me the video on her phone.

I was really worried that my past trauma was causing me to blow this out of proportion so I was on the fence about it like maybe I'm just out of touch here.

I'm 34 and she's 29.

The job is real specific but it has to do with the public school system. We have a lot to do with kids who struggle with specific subjects and help them in a way a tutor would but more fun if that makes sense.

HR issues are run through Chad's boss who is also basically the 2nd in command of the entire org

Update

January 16, 2026, 1 day later

I was asked a lot to updateupdate when i got off work so here it is. 😬 Today was… weirdly quiet, which almost made it worse. Not sure what everyone knows but they at least know somethings up.

I wasn’t even in the same area as Casey during check-in and i have bo clue when she actually arrived. I usuallysee her as our shifts are the same hours. Turns out she’d been assigned to the back office doing other tasks (hours reduced), while I was put at the admin booth at the entrance handling paperwork and spreadsheets ( they definitely took advantage of because I’m good at it 🤣). So we didn’t cross paths at all at first.

I actually turned ona voice recorder app as soon as I got to work, just in case. I also added a shortcut on my phone so I can start recording quickly if I need to just in case. I didnt wanna be caught off-guardlike before. I did feel a little silly doing it, but I’d rather feel silly than unprepared, you know?

I didn’t see Casey until near the end of the shift, and even then it was barely a glimpse. She looked up, saw me, and immediately turned away. Like full on avoidance. It made my stomach drop. I just turned away and minded my business. Amy was very reassuring but also vague at first. I didn't like that and I think my face said so and she said she doesn't like all the red tape and such either but to be patient because they need to go through all the right channels and steps.

Amy let me go home early, but she told me to log my full hours anyway and made it clear she and Chad are actively talking about this and taking it seriously and I am almost certain she and he had been texting the whole shift. She also walked me to my car and said that will continue for now until everything is resolved.

About an hour after my shift ended, I got an email from her (Chad CC'd) saying that tomorrow (Friday), Casey will be assigned to admin duty in the back office unless something changes before the shift, and that we should not be interacting at all. It's a long weekend so I figure all the behind the scenes stuff will be happening then.

I also found out that Casey already “presented her evidence” That includes the video she showed me before and another video from yesterday (Wednesday). Apparently she filmed me at a local winery during Wine Wednesday (there’s a clip of me getting up to grab a bottle a few steps away, and later another clip of me standing up and doing a small little celebratory dance after a tabletop game win). That’s the part that really messed with my head because hold on when did she start recording me? For how long?

I mean i could maybe believe coincidence once, like, okay lightning struck and its weird. Same town, same general area, blah blah blah. But twice, 2 different days??? Two different places?? That’s when it stopped feeling like my paranoia getting the best of me and started feeling… unsettling. I’m honestly starting to wonder if this is something that might need police involvement, as some comments suggested, and I hate that my brain even went there but I mean what other options are there right now??

I’m typing this from a bar right now, but not the same one as before thank god. It is still local to the school (teachers come here a lot) and it’s Thirsty Thursday, so there’s a bigger happy hour discount if you show your school ID. Joy is with me, and a couple other friends are on their way. Joy had been here during my shift in case I needed any backup fast.

That said, my head is absolutely on a swivel. So is Joy’s. I don’t feel relaxed the way I normally would. I keep scanning the room without meaning to ans when people get too close to me or stand in any way facing me I look up to see if it's her. It's fucking weird.

I’m still trying to process all of this, and honestly I’m confused more than anything...I keep going back and forth between “maybe this is nothing” and “this doesn’t feel normal”

Right now I’m just documenting everything and doing what HR tells me to do, but I don’t like how small and watched this situation is starting to feel and I hate that I'm recording every moment I can in case she pops up.

If nothing else, I’m safe tonight and will be staying at Joy's...I’m not alone and work has made sure we’re separated for now. I guess we’ll see what tomorrow brings. So unless something crazy happens o won't be updating until this is resolved.

Wish me luck 🙏

Edit: I just replied to a followup email answering some recurring questions HR asked...

My answers al ended up centered around: I have never directly or indirectly invited Casey out anywhere.

We are not friends outside of work and have never socialized one-on-one.

I was also asked whether I feel safe at work. Right now, yes, because management has taken steps to separate us and has been present and supportive. I've yet to be alone at all at work. I’m continuing to follow their guidance and document everything as instructed.

I’ll update if anything materially changes, but for now I’m letting HR handle it outside making a non-emergency police report in the morning.

I'm not the original poster

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Ok_Lobster6319 posting in r/offmychest

Concluded as per OOP

1 update - Short

Original - 18th October 2025

Update - 22nd April 2026

​

My fiancée and I are having the biggest argument of our lives. She thinks I'm being tacky but I thinks she's overreacting

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I don't know if I'm going crazy or what, but my fiancée and I are having a huge argument. We (27m) (26f) aren't even married yet and we've never had an argument like this before in our entire relationship.

In my home province engaged couples host a party before their wedding. People call it different things; a social, or a Jack and Jill or a stage and doe. The purpose is for the couple to raise money. The couple rent a hall or some other venue. People pay an entrance fee and there are raffles and/or games and/or a silent auction. Family and friends of the couple donate the prizes, they bring food for a potluck and alcohol so drinks can be sold at the party.

My fiancée says this is the tackiest thing she's ever heard of and doesn't want us to have one. She refuses. She said it is the height of rudeness to hold a party where the guests have to pay to attend, donate prizes and money and bring the food and alcohol. It's common to invite people to this if you are close to them as friends but not close enough to invite them to your wedding but my fiancée almost exploded when she found out. She says there is no way we are having one, and we'll have the wedding and honeymoon we can afford. I don't know what her problem is. I've been to a ton of these in my life. Everyone I know who has gotten married has had one. My fiancée said they don't have this in her home province and she's never heard of it before. (I don't know if it's common in the province her and I currently live in or not).

I went back home to my cousin's stag and doe when my fiancée and I had just gotten together but my fiancée said she thought a stag and doe was a joint bachelor/bachelorette party. Since my cousin's wife was pregnant and this was the second wedding for both of them. I never said anything because I thought my fiancée knew what it was. I don't see why she is refusing to have one or digging in heels so much. My family and friends keep asking about when we are going to have ours. They think it would be weird to not have one. My fiancée's family and friends agree with her. I swear I've never argued with anyone about anything so much in my life and it's really starting to get to me. I think she's overreacting and I'm tired of arguing.

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Comments

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Ginger630

So you invite people to this gimme party, but not your wedding? Your fiancée is right. It’s tacky AF. But even if it wasn’t, shouldn’t your fiancée’s feelings supersede a tradition? Why can’t you change it up? Compromise on the party. You guys provide the food and drink and only invite people you’re inviting to your wedding.

Little-Basils

You’re choosing between holding to tradition and the comfort of your fiancee. She’s calling it tacky but I guarantee it makes her uncomfortable to ask her family and friends to attend the event.

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**Judgement - YTA*\*

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Update - 6 months later

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So the update is that my (28m) fiancée (27f) and me didn't get married. I posted here 6 months ago about how we were having the biggest argument of our entire relationship. Back then I had no idea all the arguing and all the things I said would lead to this. But all the fighting and anger exposed the cracks in our relationship and things began to fall apart. Maybe our relationship wasn't as strong as I thought it was. I don't know. I regret the way I acted and the things I said. No matter how much we were fighting I know at the end of the day the breakup was ultimately my fault because of how I acted.

There was a big divide between us because my ex-fiancée and her family and friends thought having a social/Jack and Jill before the wedding was tacky and the height of rudeness. Me, my family and my friends thought having one was fine. The wedding was supposed to be on Saturday. Today we would have been 4 days married and on our honeymoon somewhere. But instead I'm trying to get over the pain of our breakup. I don't even see or talk to her now. No advice wanted.

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Comments

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FoxySlyOldStoatyFox

My man, you got battered in the comments six months ago and it seems like you should have listened to Reddit/your ex. Commiserations, I wish you happiness in the future.

throwfaraway212718

100% team ex-fiancé. What you were asking of her was extremely tacky, and she made it abundantly clear that she wasn’t comfortable; that should’ve been the end of the conversation. You made a conscious decision to disrespect the feelings of a woman who was meant to be your wife. That was the hill you chose to die on, and now it’s time for the funeral. You brought this one on yourself.

Audacia220

Not surprised this massive cultural difference broke you up. I worked at a (American) wedding venue for nearly a decade, have literally attended hundreds of weddings and worked in the planning of many more, and had never heard of using acquaintances to fundraise for newlywed life until your post. It's that much of a cultural differences. May you find your true match one day soon.

burnitalldown321

Yeah this is supremely tacky. My brother did it too. So did a cousin and a few friends. One of them said he was deliberately inviting people to the jack and Jill that he wasn't inviting to the wedding 'so they can celebrate with us'. No, you're using the people not important enough for your big day, to finance it. That's why I don't give a cash gift to those who also jack and Jill me. I already paid for my plate. You don't get presents too

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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Dangerous_Vehicle133

Published on: r/WIBTA_AITA

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: February 16, 2026

• Update: March 03, 2026

• Final Update: March 06, 2026

Main Post

^{February 16, 2026}

WIBTA if I continued to divorce my wife after she accused me of cheating and kissed someone else.

I(36m) have been married to Lily(36f) for 16 years and together for 21 years. We met freshman year and up until a couple of months ago we were each other’s one and only. We both went to the same college and got married at 20 despite my parent’s protest. We have a 6 year old together and overall I say we’ve had a great marriage and family life.

6 months ago one of my wife’s friends, let’s call her Adrian, told my wife that I had been cheating on her for years. This is obviously a lie and she is only did this because she found out her now ex husband of 5 years, let’s call home Steve, was cheating on her their entire relationship and me and him were good friends and he told her I was cheating as well.

Now I had my suspicions he was cheating as he never immediately shut down any female attention whenever we hung out together and he complained constantly that his wife didn’t sleep with him enough but I never had any solid proof so I never told his wife. While that may make me a little bit of an A-hole I never cheated on my wife, nor do I condone cheating. My father cheated on my mother and I saw how badly that hurt her and I swore to never do that to my wife.

My wife kicked me out and told my parents, her parents, and our friends what Adrien told her. 2 months after she filed for divorce and I have been dragging out the process. However two months ago she sent a picture of her kissing another guy and him touching her inappropriately as incentive to get the divorce. I was devastated and really ready to divorce her.

However two weeks after Steve confessed he lied to Adrian and she told Lily. For the past month and a half she has been begging me to reconcile with her and for us to go to counseling. But honestly I can’t forgive her for the video and her lack of trust in me. She believed Steve’s words with no proof over me and she slandered my name to my friends and family. WIBTA if I continued with divorce.

COMMENTS

NextSplit2683

"...overall I say we've had a great marriage and family life". Really? Have you done anything that may have made her suspicious enough to take someone's word over yours? Her reaction seems pretty drastic for a rumor. Marriage is not a joke. Unless you're absolutely done with her, then you should consider counseling as she has asked you to. You have a young child to consider. Her needs must come first in a stable environment. If you're done, please change your circle of friends. I'm not going to say show me who your friends are, and I'll tell you who you are. Good luck.

OOP

Me and Steve have spent hours hanging out together without our wives. We also went on a couple of weekend boys trips with other mutual friends. So the window of opportunity was there and Lily pointed this out for why she believed Steve.

Accomplished_Cod7613

She should be the one that leaves the house. Talk to your lawyer about the whole leaving the house thing, you don't need that to come back to bite you in the ass. Otherwise, proceed with the divorce.

OOP

It is her dad’s property we just payed rent. Also I don’t want anything to do with him or his money especially after he punched me when this situation first blew up.

Difficult-Bus-6026 (downvoted)

You should think of the child and how divorce would impact him/her. Given that your marriage was solid before the lie, you should give counseling a try. After this disaster, I doubt she will be so quick to distrust you in the future.

OOP

I am thinking of the child as my parents stayed married until me and my brother went to college and honestly I wished they’d divorced way earlier as watching them argue, belittled each other, and cry really broke me. I don’t want that for our son. Also Lily was fine with our child growing up in a broken home when she was initiating the divorce. When I asked her why didn’t she think about our child she said “I don’t know I was just angry but I now see that was selfish”. So her only wanting to stay together for the child when I want to leave really ticks me off and is more motivation for me to leave.

GoodWin7889

If her Dad punched you over this has he been charged for assault or issued a public apology? She and everyone else believed a know cheater who was probably trying to get the heat off of him. You should probably rethink your friend group and how close you are to your family. Ask your attorney if Steve can be sued for slander.

OOP

I can but honestly I would rather have him out of my life completely. Right now I am more mad at my “wife” then anybody else right now

Foolish-Pleasure99

Well, then what about her father's assault on you? Now the truth is out, any apologies coming your way?

OOP

He apologized. I forgive him and I won’t be pressing charges but me and him never had the friendliest of a relationship to begin with so pretty much nothing has changed other than him begging me to get back with his daughter.

Conscious_Subject_41

No you would not. She wanted to do what she did she just had an excuse. YOU cheated on HER, she didn't care if it's true or not. This was an adventure for her... a little strange on the side because let be real 99% she slept with the guy that was all over she wanted the divorce and now she is getting what she wanted. I would NOT reconcile knowing she made that video to hurt you, tried to turn everyone against you (I would be setting the story straight, invite family and friends to a movie night show them the video and tell them exactly what happened scorched earth is sometimes a cleansing thing lol. Your child is young enough to not know what's going on. Best wishes to you.

OOP

Lily confessed to everybody what she did, I don’t need to show anyone the video.

She does deny sleeping with him but honestly I don’t believe her as we both have a high libido.

Conscious_Subject_41

That's good. At least it eases the family and friends minds. This whole situation is horrible.

OOP

All of my relationships are still strained, especially with my mother. I am tempted to go no contact due to the months of her chastising me for my “affair” and now she is hounding me to reconcile with my ex but she is completely disregarding my feelings. My dad and my brother were the only ones that believed me.

prince_ess1

What were their reactions?

Updateme

OOP

Nobody knew about it before Steve confessed. After Steve confessed everybody thought we would get back together immediately but I told my family and she told hers and some friends about the video. My brother and father told me not to take her back and sleep with how ever many girls I want and send her a video of my own. My mom and my in laws said while what Lily did was wrong and knows that I am hurting I should work through it. My FIL in particular said I never really thought you were good enough for my daughter but I if you take her back you would have shown me that I was wrong and a man worthy of my respect. What he said pissed me off because I have been done trying to get his approval for 10 years.

Possible_Raspberry75

Info: was the picture something she set up with another man just to piss you off, or was she actually intimate with him?

OOP

She said the video was staged and everything that happened in it was made to anger me so I would stop stalling the divorce and she hadn’t actually slept with the guy. She says she was drinking and her friends egged her on. I don’t believe she didn’t sleep with the guy though as we both have high libido and lots of times throughout our marriage she initiated intimacy.

Update - after 15 days

^{March 03, 2026}

Update 1 to WIBTA if I continued to divorce my wife after she accused me of cheating and slept with someone else.

Sorry for not updating sooner but a lot has happened. First I want to say thank you for all of your sentiments and advice. It really helped me make clear some of my thoughts and feelings.

I decided to take y’all’s advice and try marriage counseling. I will probably be starting individual therapy later but right now I just don’t have the time. We had the first session a week ago and it was brutal for both me and Lily(wife’s name if you didn’t read the original post). It essentially went like this. The therapist said the main issue was a lack of trust in our marriage and I responded how can I trust she didn’t sleep with the guy from the video when I have some new damning evidence to reveal she did more than just kiss the guy in the video.

I may sound crazy for this but after confirming what bar and what day and what time she took the video I went there and I told the manager my wife got assaulted by a man there and we are trying to get evidence for the police and I would like to access there security cameras. I did have to reassure them that I was not trying to sue them but purely just trying to get video.

They let me in back and after giving them the time slots of when my wife said they meet up and the kissing start happening. After seeing what I already knew happened I saw on the camera that Lily and her friend left but her and the guy were crossing arms like a couple. The manager said it looks like your wife wasn’t assaulted and she lied to you to cover up her cheating. I got the the security recording on my phone and showed Lily in therapy.

I said you swore you didn’t go home with him but here you two are leaving together. She started breaking down crying and confirmed what me and others had already suspected and that she did sleep with him. I asked how could you try and get us back together while lying that you didn’t sleep with the guy while you obviously did. She said that she knew I wouldn’t take her back if I knew and that deep down she never wanted to hurt me that bad. That’s why she only sent me the video of them kissing and not a spicy sleep tape.

I was devastated and started tearing up a bit too even though we both weren’t our first kiss we each others one and only regarding being intimate partners. I always compared us to Lily and Marshall from How I met Your Mother because of the similarities we have to them. Now that is just ruined.

The counselor asked how I wanted to respond to this new information. I told her what I just told y’all above and honestly in my anger I said that our marriage wasn’t special no more and that I don’t see how we can have a loving relationship and that above all else I too want to sleep with another person since she got to explore others.

This caused Lily to start hyperventilating and she eventually left and me and the counselor continued to talk and said that my feeling of wanting to get back at her is exactly how Lily felt and is what drove her to do what she did. She told me that getting back at your partner is not how you fix a marriage and gave me some exercises to do with Lily.

That was a week ago and me and Lily have talked and I told her I haven’t slept with anybody because I haven’t. We have another session tomorrow but after that last one I wanted to know if y’all think this marriage is still worth fighting for. I haven’t told nobody about the Reddit posts yet nor have I told my family, her family, and friends that Lily did indeed sleep with the guy.

COMMENTS

i-p-excellence

What a dick move by Steve, did you ever get an explanation why he felt the need to torch your marriage?

OOP

Apparently Adrian(Steve’s ex-wife) always compared him to me. Steve said she puts me on a pedestal for how a man and husband should be. I make a lot more money than Steve too so I could do certain things and provide more for Lily than he could so that was also a sore spot for him. He said the constant comparisons to me built up a bit of resentment for me. So when he got caught cheating Adrian constantly said stuff along the lines of I wouldn’t have cheated and she deserved someone like me and not Steve. So Steve lied to spite Adrian’s perception of me. He started making up fake stories and details about when I cheated and told Adrian and Lily these stories. He told me he only confessed because of Lily’s video made him feel extremely guilty and realized that blowing up my marriage didn’t solve his issues.

Expensive_Run8390

It’s time to Divorce I’d say but next time don’t hang out with Cheater friends that also lie

OOP

I didn’t know for a fact that he cheated as he never picked up women in front of me and when I asked if he cheated he said no. He just enjoyed the attention so that’s why he doesn’t immediately shut things down. If I had known he had cheated I would’ve never associated with him beyond that point

Popular-Bandicoot417

Whether you fight for your marriage or not isn't, and shouldn't, be down to public opinion tbh.

Your therapist would have a more solid answer knowing the actual details than an internet forum. And 1 session of counselling isn't going to give you the answers you need. Sounds like you both need the counselling as individuals anyways as you both react with wishing revenge on each other instead of dealing with the issues at hand.

OOP

I came to Reddit to get non-biased/non-personal perspectives to maybe think about the situation in a way I haven’t. I was never going to be like “this Reddit post say we should divorce so I’m divorcing and vice versa”.

Final Update - after 18 days (after 3 days from last post)

^{March 06, 2026}

Update 2 to WIBTA if I continued to divorce my wife after she accused me of cheating and slept with someone else.

Well we just had our second counseling session yesterday and it has been a lot. First and foremost I will get straight to the point. WE ARE GETTING A DIVORCE. I am still mourning the marriage but I am resolute about the decision and kind of excited to start a new chapter in life as I feel before this whole thing started my life was in limbo and going through the motions. Now on to the update.

When we came in the counselor asked me if I still felt like our marriage was not special anymore. I told her yes and honestly I think we should just get a divorce. I expected Lily to start freaking out again but surprisingly she agreed. I asked her what changed from a week ago and she said hearing me talk about our marriage the way I did made her realized that I truly was done and that it would be selfish of her to continue to fight for something deep down she can’t tell I didn’t want.

I told her that appreciated that and despite everything I still love her but I just couldn’t be with her for at least the foreseeable future. I asked her why she still decided to believe others over me me despite 21 years together. I told her that that’s really the crux of the issue for me and not the sex part as even though that stung, I could still rationalize that part but couldn’t rationalize you not believing me.

She said that maybe seeds were planted in by my mother over the years because she frequently talked about my dad’s affairs and how she had no idea because he acted normal and loving and was a great husband outside of that. She said that two decades of hearing the story created some underlying suspicion in me. Also she did still resent me a little bit. 6 years ago when we both turned 30 we both started thinking about the fact that we never got the chance to be true individuals and then she got pregnant not long after so we definitely felt like we couldn’t leave now.

So we did have multiple conversations about that and I truly believed that we had gotten past that especially after the birth of our baby as Lily did not experience postpartum depression so it was a very happy time for us. But apparently she never truly stop resenting the idea that we were tied to each other so when she thought I had cheated she figured that sacrifice was all for nothing and wanted to take the opportunity to explore before she starts menopause.

While that hurt to hear I can sympathize as that’s part of the reason I was ready to divorce as I wanted to start exploring as well and was adamant about coming to this therapy session to ask for either a hall pass or an open marriage as a requirement for reconciliation.

After that revelation I told her that I would not be fighting for sole custody but 50-50 as I want to see our child as much as possible but I still want her in their life too. She says she won’t stand in the way and I believe her because during all of this she never withheld our child from me so I don’t think she will start now. I did ask her if she ever stepped out on me. I said our marriage is already over and I just need the to know the truth. She said she never cheated during our marriage and the bar situation was the first time she was intimate with someone else outside of me. She said she would do a paternity test to at least prove my son is mine if I didn’t believe her. But I do believe her and probably won’t take the paternity tests as my son looks just like me. I reaffirmed to her I never cheated as well.

Honestly I feel like a huge weight is off my shoulders and I don’t really have to worry about the divorce to much as we were already in the process of it 2 months ago. I do wish things could be different but it is probably best not to get back together right now. I can see us reconciling maybe 5-10 years from now but time apart is probably best for the both of us.

Also I did show Lily and the counselor my two Reddit posts and while the counselor didn’t think it was good I brought online strangers into my marriage she did say it is good that I at least found someplace to vent. Thank you to everyone who listened and gave me advice. I really appreciated the support.

COMMENTS

OOP

Thank you for all your kind words. I am already in a two bedroom apartment close to our house. I will talk to Lily later to see if she will still rent from her father or not. Yes this will be a difficult period for all of us and I will probably get some individual therapy as well as my son.

BuildingOk5510

"If you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas" is a cautionary proverb meaning that associating with people of low reputation or bad character will result in acquiring their negative problems, or a tarnished reputation.

I hope you and Steve are no longer friends and you choose to surround yourself with people who have better character. I’m so sorry your family is going through this and your son is the one who is losing the most. Divorce sounds like the best option here and hopefully everyone can learn from the series of mistakes made by all involved.

OOP

Yes, we don’t associate anymore. But I do have to remind you and others that read this comment that I had no solid proof Steve was cheating, just a suspicion. I didn’t want to cause tension in a marriage over a baseless suspicion. I truly thought Steve was an honorable man and we were good friends, that’s why we hung out often.

bobp929

You're better man than me. If I found out my wife slept with another man, there is no reconciliation, no therapy, no forgiveness..... she's out the door and yes, I would be absolutely bitter and the biggest AH possible and make her life as miserable as possible.

She ruined your marriage and I wouldn't care how remorseful she is, she showed you no respect and the fact she used the excuse of listening to the stories your mom said and applied it to you is 100% wrong.

OOP

That is how I felt initially but after calming down it ain’t worth the effort to actively try to make her life miserable and I don’t want to as she is the mother of my son and we had 21 good years together. I really only did therapy to make sure with myself I did everything to try and save the marriage and that is what 50% of the comments in my initial post were saying.

As for my mom I understand why she did what she did but I still can’t help but feel like she planted the seed that ended my marriage. Our relationship is even more strained now as she leaned more towards my wife side during the initial fallout and early stages of the divorce but now I blame her for the reason my marriage imploded so I will probably be going low contact for the moment unless I need a convenient baby sitter.

bobp929

I understand what you're saying. For me, 21 good years or not, as soon as she slept with another man, there's no saving it. Nor would I want to but I'm more cold than most. People get one chance and depending on the severity, will be whether they stay in my life or not. Cheating, no chance could I ever forgive that

OOP

Yeah the only reason I don’t consider it cheating is because she had already filed for divorce for a long period before the video. If she had slept with the guy before the divorce papers were filed or at any point in our marriage, there would be absolutely no reconciliation.

Electrical-Theory375

One thing I would like to point out is that your wife slept with that other person because she believed your marriage was over!! You were separated and heading for divorce so I'm of the opinion what she did wasn't actually full blown cheating. As it turns out the reasons for the divorce were false and her not believing you in the first place is now why you are divorcing. Can I suggest you have a long separation and see if you can eventually see a way to reconcile.

OOP

I don’t believe I have used the term cheating in any of my post but the commenters have and I just never corrected them. After therapy and time my anger is not as much as my initial post. I do believe we could reconcile but I genuinely think as of right now the marriage is as I still cannot get over the fact that reconciliation was not on the table when I “had slept with someone else” but when she does it, it is a mistake I have to forgive. Granted the circumstances were different but still I was given no empathy by her and most others.

Also the fact that she made a whole big deal about me being a liar but she lied when asked if she slept with the other dude really is a turn off for me at the moment.

Finally I know it sounds childish but the fact that she now has experience outside of me makes me feel like there is a power imbalance between us now. I now crave extra experiences for myself and I feel it is the healthiest things to pursue that while we are not together rather than while we are trying to recommit to each other. Again we had a good marriage and I still love her even after all this so I can definitely see us getting back together but I think we both need to grow as individuals first before that as we never truly got to be ourselves without being something to one another.

Electrical-Theory375

the only problem is that if you divorce so you can get extra experience is that she will also be able to get extra experience and, believe me, it is far easier for women to get extra experience than it is for a man!!

OOP

She already did at this point so I honestly can’t care anymore now because she crossed that threshold a long time ago. I’m not saying I will get back with her but I’m saying it is not impossible but I am going to live my life for myself as she has clearly already started doing.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/AITAH Mediocre_Bluejay_555. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Trigger warning: Death by car accident

Original

March 25, 2024

My wife had two kids before we got married and the have an actively involved father. We have had two children of our own.

My wife is a terrible driver but she refuses to acknowledge this. She has been in multiple accidents and even had her license suspended. Not for a DUI or anything. Just because she is a shitty driver. She will do stuff like reach into the back seat to deal with a kid rather than either pull over or let me or one of the older kids deal with it.

She got t-boned in August last year because she took her foot off the brake at a red light to pick up my son's soother that had fallen out. She didn't put the car in park. Thankfully only she was injured. All four kids were in the car.

I have had it. I told her that she is welcome to endanger herself and her kids. But that if I am in the car or if our children are in the car she will keep her eyes on the road and her hands on the steering wheel.

She is finally at the point in her rehab where she can drive again. I reminded her of what I said. I told her that I loved her. I said that her older kids were important to me and that I loved them too. But I told her that if she ever decided to do stupid shit while driving our relationship would be over and I would make it part of our divorce that she NOT be allowed to drive with my kids in the car.

She started crying and said she didn't do it on purpose. I asked her how exactly she took her hands off the wheel, took off her seatbelt, took her foot off the brake, and turned around to pick up the soother by accident. She said that I'm treating her like an idiot. I don't think I am. My children have to be safe.

Before you ask I try and do as much of the driving as I possibly can. I have stopped drinking when we go out. I traded in my car that I loved for an SUV so there is room for all of us. I offered to pay for Uber so she didn't have to drive if I wasn't available. She actually likes driving.

Her ex and her parents are on my side. He also told her that if she ever thinks about endangering his kids and he would either go for full custody or ask that she be barred from driving with his kids in the car. Her parents have threatened to stop helping her pay her stupid high insurance premiums.

She thinks we are being unfair because she loves her kids and would never intentionally harm them. She just loses concentration when one of the kids needs something and doesn't think to ask for help.

Consensus:

NTA

People tell OOP he treats her like an idiot because she is an idiot and endangers everyone in her vicinity.

Comments by OOP:

You have no idea how many times I have begged her to drive safely. But I agree that I should have been nicer.

I have tried everything.

Our older kids have told her straight up that they will get out of the car or call the cops if she can't be safe.

I just worry about my family. I've never actually thought about what she could do to someone else.

I contacted her ex when the accident happened. I told him that I cared about his kids and that he should talk to her about them. I love those kids but ultimately I have no say in their care.

I contacted her ex husband to deal with her regarding their kids from the hospital on the day of the accident. I made sure his kids as well as mine were okay and I told him that I was basically forbidding her from driving my kids around but obviously I could not do that for his. He was at the hospital within half an hour. He agreed with me.

A few Redditors have suggested ADHD. I don't know enough about it to guess but I'm going to talk to her about seeing a doctor for a diagnosis.

I called their dad from the hospital to let him know what happened. My stepdaughter sat on my lap hugging me until he got there. Our older kids know I care about them. They were not present when I said what I said.

They live with us 50% of the time. Their dad lives about five blocks from us. They literally walk back and forth on the days we change custody. Neither their step mom or I have guardianship over them.

Her parents pay. We could not afford her premiums.

She likes driving. I tried doing all the driving and she told all her friends I was controlling her.

[somebody said she isn't a bad driver and needs more help with the children] How many good drivers drive into an intersection because they had to get a soother and didn't want to ask one of the older kids to get it?

Update

May 14, 2024, about 1 1/2 months later

My wife was involved in a single vehicle accident. She was seriously injured but thank goodness no one else was in the car with her.

I have spoke to her about her driving habits and I warned her. I went to see her in the hospital and then I went to a lawyer. I am also going for full custody with only supervised visitation for her.

I am sick to death of her driving habits and I will not wait for her to injure or kill one of our kids with her bullshit.

I feel bad for doing this while she is in the hospital and facing charges. But I can't take any more chances on her.

Comments by OOP:

She has been in several serious accidents from getting distracted while driving. She was still doing rehab from her last accident when this one happened.

I can't believe it happened this quickly. I'm just glad none of the kids were with her.

She left some paperwork in the back seat. So she parked. Then she went to grab it. Unfortunately she left the car in gear and stepped on the gas and drove into a canal by the mall. I'm just done.

Update 2

November 19, 2025, about 1 1/2 years later

I will summarize. My ex must have had ADHD or something. She would be driving and then decide to look in the back seat or on the floor of the car instead of pulling over. She was badly hurt when she took off her seatbelt at a red light to get a soother than my kid had lost rather than pull over and park. I told her if she did it again I was going to divorce her and take custody.

She was in physical rehab for a while. She then drive into a canal by the mall because she didn't put the car in park when she was getting paperwork from the back seat.

After my ex drove her car into a canal I was done. I knew she was going to get my kids injured or worse. Both me and her ex went for full custody of our kids and part of the divorce settlement in my case was that she was not allowed to drive my children anywhere.

Our divorce was rough and I still loved her. I just couldn't risk my kids.

She got a dog.

The dashcam her insurance forced her to get showed that the dog was making puke noises in the back seat. She turned around to look at what the dog was doing. She got hit by a semi when she drifted into oncoming traffic.

My kids lost their mom. Their older siblings lost their mom. I lost a co-parent I still cared about. Her parents lost a daughter.

I feel awful but a few of you have asked for an update. I think I will be forgetting about this account forever now. I probably will not reply to questions. Just felt like the folks that helped me before might want closure.

I'm not the original poster

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/AITAThrowaway78

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: July 04, 2020

• Final Update: July 05, 2020

Main Post

^{July 04, 2020}

Aita for getting mad at my boyfriend for throwing out my teddy bear

I have this light pink teddy bear I had for as long as I can remember. The teddy bear means a lot to me even though the teddy bear is quite worn out and old.

I keep the teddy bear on my side of my bed and as weird as it sounds I sleep with the teddy in my arms.

My boyfriend dislikes that I sleep with the teddy bear because he thinks it’s childish but I honestly find comfort in it because again as weird as this sounds this teddy bear was something I found comfort in since I was a little girl, when my parents would argue I would hide while hugging my teddy in my arms.

So I come back home from work and get ready for bed and I can’t find my teddy anywhere. I ask my boyfriend where my teddy is and he told me he throw it out, I began to cry and told him to get out of our house. Which he left and texted me saying I’m an asshole for kicking a human being out over a dumb teddy bear.

Aita here?

COMMENTS

localanimenerd (downvoted)

Info? Why didn't he like the bear? Just because you slept with it?

OOP

He thinks is old and ugly and doesn’t like that I sleep with it

LunarHare82

Did he throw it out like in your house hold trash? Were you able to retrieve it or was it too late? If this happened like yesterday or something, you may be able to contact the transfer station. If it went into a community dumpster and it hasn't been empties yet you might be able to retrieve it. Someone from your local waste management organization may be able to help you.

Then make your EX boyfriend pay for professional cleaning and disinfecting and any necessary repairs needed.

OOP

It happened yesterday, I looked through all our trash cans and couldn’t find it, I’m really sad because I really love that teddy, my teddy helps me sleep at night, I’ll try calling someone from my local waste management but the problem is I honestly do not know where he threw it out

catlady198787

NTA I have a "white" bunny named Cuddles, and if anyone threw it out I would have the same reaction as you. Were you able to retrieve it?

OOP

No I looked through all our garage and sadly can’t find it, I honestly don’t know where he threw it out

VivaLaVieBohem

Did you find out which trash can he put it in OP?

OOP

No I looked through all my garage and couldn’t find my teddy, I asked him where he threw it out but he’s not getting back to me

VivaLaVieBohem

I'm so sorry :( do you have any pictures of her? Maybe I can look around online and help you find her original and you can order another one?

OOP

My Teddy bear was an one of a kind, my grandma made her for me when I was just an infant before she passed away. I actually named my teddy after my grandma (Izzy), I don’t think there’d be any teddy that could replace this one, I honestly I’m at lost on what to do.

CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole

Final Update - after 1 days

^{July 05, 2024}

Aita for getting mad at my boyfriend for throwing out my teddy bear

Thank you everyone for the kind replies everyone, you guys made me feel less insecure about sleeping with my Teddy.

I have some good news!

My Teddy Izzy was found unharmed, i ended up calling my ex boyfriend’s sister, (let’s call her Anne) crying my eyes out about what happened. I never seen her so angry. She couldn’t believe her brother would do such a thing and said she’ll talk to him and a few hours later I get a call from her telling me she has my Teddy and she brought Izzy back to me! I was so happy I honestly thought I’d never see Izzy again.

My Ex boyfriend never actually threw my Teddy out he just hide her in the glove box of his car, I don’t know why he didn’t just give her back to me even when he seen me so upset with my Teddy being gone.

I have officially ended thing with him because I don’t think I’d feel safe with him around my Teddy or my other valuable again.

I feel so thankful for Anne, I plan on making her a thank you cake or making even a teddy bear cake lol

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

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