This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/john_7292

Published on: r/AmIOverreacting

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: July 03, 2026

• Update: August 03, 2026

Main Post

^{July 03, 2026}

AIO, my wife believes in strict gender roles?

So for some context my wife and i (both 29 yrs old) are both fairly religious Christians but she and her family take it more seriously than I do. Before we married we discussed that she wants a traditional marriage where she is SAHM. I would be fine with her working but I do believe a man should be a provider so this is fine with me too and that's what we've done. She said she didn't like modern men who do things like wear a baby sling or push a stroller and I was fine with that.

Our first child was born a bit over 4 yrs ago and then our second a little under 2 years later. When our kids were young I admittedly did not help with them very much. She had a lot of help from both her mom and mine, and I also was working long hours in these days. So I never changed a diaper, maybe fed them a couple of times. If I tried to step in she would generally wave me off and say I shouldn't worry about it so I didn't. Her mom actually lived with us until my youngest was about 6 months old and still visits fairly often. Her sister sometimes comes over to help too. So she definitely has her "village" so to say.

But now that the kidss are getting older and I'm working less, making more money, I honestly want to be involved more. But it's like she doesn't want me to do anything for them ever. She always brushes me off and says that's a woman's job, I shouldn't be doing that, and even that our kids shouldn't see a man picking up dirty laundry or making them snacks. I think that's weird, my parents have a traditional marriage but my dad still did stuff like that from time to time and I turned out fine. If she sees me playing with them she usually doesn't look happy and tries to distract them from it after a little while. This is getting really bothersome because those are my kids too. I would think most women would be happy their husband wants to do stuff like that.

It all kind of finally came to a final straw the other day when i had a day off work. I secretly turned off her alarm in the night so she could sleep in that morning. I woke up early, bought her some flowers and made the kids breakfast (there was some for her too when she woke up). I'm not gonna lie, we haven't had sex in awhile either and that was part of my thinking here. But I thought it would be a nice thing to do for her and a nice morning to spend with the kids and it was. I thought maybe we could all go to the park later since it was a nice day.

My wife ended up waking up around 7 AM (normally 5:30 or 6 for her) and came down to see what was going on. I could see that she was hiding her anger for the kids. She smiled and said isn't that a nice thing daddy did but the look she gave me was glaring. Then she said to my 4 year old son why don't you take your sister to watch tv. When they went to the next room she started whispering quietly at me like, what the hell were you thinking, why would you do something like that, why would you let me sleep in, do you think I'm a bad mother?

Honestly this kinda got my hackles up because I did nothing wrong here and I retorted, do you think I'm a bad father? Why do you never want me to do anything with the kids? She flat out denied it and said that is not true, she just doesn't want me overstepping in to take on women's work. It's setting a bad example and I'm acting woke (and all these other things). So I asked her what she DOES think it's okay for me to do for/with the kids and she kinda stopped for a second like she didn't really have an answer. Then she said it's a father's job to be a provider and disciplinarian.

I was like, that's it? You think I'm here to make a paycheck and yell at them if they do something bad? And she got upset and said NO it's just not my job to take over mother's roles and it makes me less of a man and her less of a woman.

At this point we were both starting to raise our voices and I looked into the next room and I was like can we please try to calm down, we don't need to scare the kids. Can you honestly explain to me why it's a problem for a father to make his kids breakfast and buy his wife flowers? But she just got more upset and said if I didn't understand then I'm not the man she married and I'm not godly.

Honestly I just gave up and went out and spent the rest of the day walking around the mall and doing some errands. I came home and the kids were in bed and she didn't speak to me and I slept in the guest bedroom. It's been a couple days now and we still haven't talked and frankly I don't even know what to say to here. The more I think about it the more upset I get. I keep trying to see it from her perspective and all I can think is maybe it wasn't right for me to change her alarm because she might have had things she wanted to do that morning but this is obviously much bigger than that.

AIO to this? Should I try to find some compromise with her or what?

COMMENTS

Cheap-Ad-2175

Go to marriage counseling with a counselor or y’all’s preacher. Taking care of your children is BOTH parents jobs??? Providing isn’t just shelter and food. It’s providing love, care, and support to them as well.

OOP

This is actually a great idea and I do not think our pastor will agree with her at all. So I will be interested to see how she reacts to that. I will talk to her about it thank you.

bothfeetofftheground

This is the strangest thing I’ve ever heard. You sound like a dream husband. I wish I could have a day to sleep in. Moms are humans and deserve time off and personal time. And kids need to see men doing chores.

OOP

I hope I didn't make myself come off as a saint because I'm definitely not but I wanted to do something nice for my wife and kids which I rarely have had time to - and to be cut back like this over it was very hurtful.

JuliaX1984

Just tell her that trying to tell her husband what to do isn't godly. Quote Paul's verses about how women should be quiet and never talk back to men. If she objects, she's not godly.

OOP

To be exact those verses say a woman shouldn't preach in church. She seems to think the woman is the "queen of the house." My words not hers.

crackpotpourri

Y’all need couples therapy at a minimum. But I’m guessing she won’t think that’s very “godly.”

OOP

I am definitely going to try to get her to see our pastor for counseling. I don't think there's anyway she can disagree to that and claim not to be a hypocrite.

I would never tell my wife to shut her hole and do as I say, I am the leader of the house, that does not make her my slave.

facinationstreet

What exactly do you think we can tell you? You married this. You agreed to this idiocy. You had kids with this. Wait until you get divorced. Shit will hit the fan. Homeschooling (handicapping) your kids, no outside people, etc. Ya'll just baffle me.

NOR but get your life together for your kids if for no one else.

OOP

I agreed to a traditional marriage with the one my parents had in mind, where my dad was a good dad and played with us, chatted with us, took us to soccer practice and fun things like fairs, taught us things, showed good values, cleaned up after himself, even made dinner sometimes, and my mom was a SAHM. I did not agree to this. We also are not homeschooling.

ConsciousNectarine9

NOR

I think she has gone waaaaayyy past the old 'traditions'. She is pushing you out of your childrens lives on the excuse of 'it's not manly'. Well I am sorry but even back in the day a lot of dad's would do things with their children and those who didn't... their kids 9 times out of 10 would have grown up resenting them.

You need to have a long, hard think about what you want your role to be with your children. If you want to be able to actually care for them, bond with them and for them to actually have you as part of their everyday lives instead of just being the 'bad' parent/paycheck you will have to leave this marriage. You will never be given that place in your childrens lives as long as you are together with your wife.

OOP

I agree, it's like she wants me to be the stereotypical absent father who never sees their kids. I didn't think anyone ever thought that was alright even back in the day.

camioblu

Make an appointment with your pastor and see what the religion you follow says about all of this nonsense. She's got some control and trust issues for sure. Was she ever abused by a man?

OOP

I think her father was abit of an asshole but he died 15 or so years ago so I don't know firsthand. I will definitely be making a counseling appointment with our pastor thank you.

Alert-Beautiful9003

Wut? You were a lazy dad/husband and she thinks she can control her feels by micromanage ans controlling everything. Both of you need to get some help for yourselves and especially for the kids.

OOP (downvoted)

Please understand that back when our kids were babies I was working anywhere from 70-80 hours a week to keep our family a float and out of debt. I am trying not to get defensive in this thread but I do not like being called lazy, we were both working hard, and she had help at home in her mom, my mom and her sister.

bmyst70 (downvoted)

YOR

Yes, your wife is very extreme and rigid in her beliefs. Agreed 100%. But you knew this before you married her. Therefore, you are firmly over-reacting. She made very clear SHE was the only one to ever be involved with the kids.

If she suddenly showed you this side abruptly I would agree with you 100%. However, this is very clearly her hill to die on and she will not compromise with you on this. If you try interacting with the kids in any way, it will get worse.

Bluntly put if you truly want more interaction with the kids, you have to divorce her and push very hard for split custody. That will of course put more responsibility on you, and yes it is indeed the nuclear option for your marriage. Decide if you want that or not. If not, don't ever interact with the kids again. Otherwise, get ready for divorce court.

OOP

Did she make this clear before we married? Well, she said she wanted a traditional marriage. I definitely had my parents' marriage in mind when she said that. My mom is a SAHM. My dad did not push a stroller or wear a baby sling (though my mom didn't do the baby sling either). He is definitely a masculine man who would think that's weird. But he also was an involved father and I have so many happy memories of him when I was younger that I'm afraid my kids won't have with me.

I do not believe in jumping to divorce and that would make things way worse. I don't want to have them part time or never. I don't have literally zero interaction with them now, I see them and talk to them every day. She just doesn't want me "doing" things for them that she sees as her job. I still do sometimes but she pushes back on it and she's become harsher on that when she does.

What I want is for her to open her mind to the idea that this is not traditional marriage and a father can be more involved with his kids. And I want to understand what is going on to make her like this because it is hurtful and seems like more than just a misapplied belief at this point.

bubonis

Since both of you are so entrenched in your religion, naturally you’re both going to want to discuss your marital issues with your priest like all good Catholics do.

OOP

We are not Catholic, not sure where you got that idea, we are nondenominational Christian.

Update - after 1 month

^{August 03, 2026}

Update to AIO, my wife believes in strict gender roles?

About a month ago I posted on here about my relationship with my wife and how she is trying to keep me from raising my kids. Thanks everyone to responded to my first post and sorry I didn't reply to everyone. There were a lot more responses than I expected. If you want details you can see the post in my profile. Unfortunatley things have taken a turn for the worst. There is a TLDR at the bottom if you scropp down.

A lot of things happened since my last post. I told my wife I wanted to go to counseling with our pastor. She immediately agreed and I could tell she thought he would agree with her on this issue.

The counseling appointment did not go as she expected. When we got there he let us both say our peace first. She said in sum that I was trying to usurp our godly roles as man and wife. She did not get into detailed specifics about the kids. I said I was trying to be a better husband and father and that my wife seemed to have a problem with me interacting with my children.

He asked me some pretty pointed questions about myself as a husband. Am I working hard and providing, yes, am I cheating, drinking, gambling, no. Do I yell and scream, swear, break things, do I hit her or the kids? No. Do I stay out all night, do I run away on fishing trips. No, none of that. At this point he's looking at my wife and asks her if she has anything to add to that? She says not really. I put in that I think I am upholding my marital covenant as a man and provider.

Pastor didn't say anything about that but kept talking to my wife. He started to get some real concrete details out of her. She reaffirmed this is not a situation of abuse or cheating. She said it was effeminate for me to do women's chores and pick up after our kids, make them meals, etc. Not biblical. Etc. Pastor kindly told her there is nothing unbiblical about that, but does she feel like less of a woman if she can't do 100% of those things? She agreed to that. He then started to talk about biblical womanhood and feeling feminine before God, and saying he thinks what we need to do is help my wife feel more womanly in general so these activities won't feel like a threat to her. And basically that everything will be OK if we add more romance to our marriage.

At this point I was relieved and felt like things were going well. But almost immediately I could tell my wife was unhappy. She started arguing back with the pastor on Adam and Eve and all this. He is a pretty chill guy and he stayed calm and said he basically said as a spiritual leader he wanted to guide our marriage back to happiness and could she please at least give his suggestions a try and see how she feels about it, and we can talk about it again next week. He pointed to some Bible verses about fatherhood and some ones about women doing "manly" things like running a business, to say this isn't all black and white. My wife begrudgingly agreed with him but I could tell she was still upset.

He has a drawer full of papers with couple's activities in them and he pulled out a few that he said would be good for us. My wife took hers but didn't read it. Awkward car ride home. Pastor told us not to immediately talk about the appointment because it leads to fighting but we didn't have much else to say to each other that evening. We were supposed to have another appointment in 2 weeks. Wife was pretty passive aggressive that night. But over the next week she started to be a little nicer and more relaxed and I thought maybe she had read some of the materials the pastor gave us (I did read mine). I suggested we do an "us day" which is one of the suggestions the pastor had given us and we agreed to send the kids to my parents a day that weekend (shocker, I'm sure my dad probably helped out with them while they were there).

Well that day ended up being the worst day of my life probably. At first things were nice, I planned everything as the worksheet suggested, made her a nice breakfast, had plans in the afternoon to take her to get her nails done and walk along the lake front which is a date we used to do when we were first dating. But that didn't end up happening because that morning we started talking about some of the big themes of our relationship and our values and goals (again as pastor suggested).

I told her I wanted a loving relationship with a woman I could adore and trust, who has the brains and values to nurture our kids into great adults, who loves me and is there for me, and I would always be there for her. Basically thinking of my mom and dad. But her answer was completely focused on kids. She always wanted kids, she wanted to be a great mother, she wanted a good and trustworthy father to her children. I definitely noticed this and pressed a little harder to ask well what about your husband, what about me? What kind of romance or relationship do you want? She kept deflecting and saying these things aren't as important when you're an adult, past a certain age it's all about your duty to your kids. I disagree with that and plus we are 29, we're still young, we should still have romance and passion and sex!

So at this point she obviously got VERY annoyed that I brought up sex and was rolling her eyes and saying like "oh so that's what this is really about." I tried really hard to say calm and tell her well no it's not what it's about but yeah that's a factor in our relationship, I want intimacy and don't you? She kept deflecting and she started to get upset like in a hurt/scared way. I was asking her - are you not attracted to me? Are you just not interested in sex, are you asexual? No. I don't even remember how it got to this point but finally she ended up blurting out that she's not interested in sex WITH MEN.

Obviously I was stunned. And this is where it all started to come out. Literally I guess. She kind of tried to backpedal but I asked her directly, are you telling me you're a lesbian? And she couldn't deny it. She didn't say yes or no but she started talking about gender roles and how important it is for children to have male and female role models so that they grow up into proper men and women and not confused about sex or stuck in sexual sin. And I asked her again directly to clarify: you are telling me that you're a lesbian and you married me in a marriage with gender roles so that your kids wouldn't end up gay?

She started crying and yelling at me...like... I don't know how lonely it is and she shouldn't be denied a proper married life just because of her sexual sins, she's repented and God will forgive her as long as she keeps working on being a good wife to a man. And all of this is because her father was a shit dad and died when she was young and that's why our kids need to see a real man in their lives.

Well that was a couple weeks ago and as you can imagine the last few weeks have been hell. There is no way I'm staying with her and I've just been talking to a divorce lawyer and trying to figure out how this will work. And also frankly just crying a lot which I guess is un manly so we never would have worked out anyway. I'm staying with my parents because I don't think the kids should see us interacting this way but my lawyer told me I should move back or get a custody order so I need to work on that now. I'm just frankly so numb and I can't believe someone I loved would do this to me.

So that's the update, I wasn't sure if I was going to write this but honestly hearing how crazy she was helped me the first time and I think it will help me again, but I don't think I"m going to keep posting more from here. I would appreciate any advice or perspective on if I am overreacting by not wanting to move back home or be around her and trying to get a 50/50 custody order instead.

TLDR: Wife and I went to pastoral counseling for our marriage, didn't work, wife admitted she is a lesbian and used me to get her fantasy dream life of Christian husband and babies.

COMMENTS

Bynming

NOR. I'd be surprised if none of that insanity showed up in any way before having children and marrying.

OOP

I am certainly reflecting on a lot of things about our relationship and wish I had been less blind overall. To be honest I never had the best luck with women before her and maybe the first red flag should have been that this pretty, nice christian girl wanted to be with me

Neither-Lie-4029

Well damn. At first I was gonna say, let the woman do woman shit. Better for you. Just go work come home and chill. Let her wash, cook, clean and smash you. Why would that bother you? After reading the end. Idk what to say to you. Sorry about that fam. Good luck, get her to have a threesome I guess ?

OOP

You seem immature, I'm happy to leave domestic work to wife while I work full time but she was keeping me away from my kids and that was the issue here.

andrey_not_the_goat

I don't understand why you thought the pastor was the right place for you to have counseling?

OOP

Well for one it's free, we both trust my pastor, I knew she would agree to see him, I knew he was not going to agree I shouldn't help raise my children, and what do you think he did wrong in this situation?

andrey_not_the_goat

Because it literally offers no proper outlook. He's biased, and will always take your wife's side.

OOP

He didn't though....did you read the post?

No-Suit8587

Your wife’s a lunatic run and take the kids as fast as u can

OOP

My lawyer advised me it's highly unlikely I will get full custody as her gender views don't come into whether she is a fit parent legally speaking. I will be looking for 50/50 immediately.

Regular-Tell-108

NOR.

When people like me talk about how sexism and homophobia are bad for everyone — including men and straight people — this is part of what we mean. Your wife’s deeply ingrained self-loathing and adherence to imaginary but strict gender roles had caused enormous and unnecessary pain for a whole family.

OOP

I never could have imagined she took it this far. I would never advocate anyone to deny who they are and get in a sham marriage even if I'm not into gay pride and all that.

DollySheep32

INFO - how supportive/accepting is your pastor and church of LGBTQ people? I'm guessing not very since wife felt she had to use OOP as a non-consenting beard.

OOP

We promote traditional marriage, two genders, heterosexuality as ideal. Some of our church friends have had gay kids and there are varying degrees of acceptance on that. My wife grew up not really being very religious until her dad died and I think she and her mom go overboard to compensate in a way.

Diddly_eyed_Dipshite

How would you react if one of your kids tells you they're gay?

OOP

I would not necessarily be happy about that but I would love them nonetheless. It's not something I can control. I would just hope they keep a relationship with Christ no matter what.

Tree_Color_Wizard

Obviously you are going to get divorced. That's just something to accept now and allow yourself to grieve.

But your wife has been a friend and co parent to you. She has probably seen you through some hard times. As her friend, please encourage her to accept and love herself. To be true to her feelings. It will affect your kids in harmful ways if she keeps repressing her real feelings. It's in everyone's best interests for her to accept that she's gay and live honestly. Or at least for her to find a healthy version of a lavender marriage lol. But find it in your heart to take it easy on her. I know that might be really hard right now but being closeted and repressed fucking sucks.

Find yourself a therapist who is familiar with queer dynamics that can help you process this and maybe help you find a way to be supportive.

So sorry, hope you and your kids are okay.

OOP

As a Christian I want to be compassionate and hope I can grow toward more of that in the future but right now all I can think about is her lying to me and using me for almost 7 years. I was just a puppet with sperm to her. I will be praying for her and hope God gives me the grace to forgive her.

SavageRabbitX

Dude that is fucking rough. You have my sympathy. Id be going full scorched earth if I was you so your a better man than me. What do you thinks gonna happen when people find out why you are divorcing?

OOP

I don't know, I told my parents but we aren't exactly going to spread it around, she will probably make up whatever she wants because she knows I'm not going to go telling everyone she's a lesbian... hopefully we can both just say it was irreconcilable differences and leave it at that

Just_Log_8528

Bigger question for you is do you believe that the issue is your wife’s a lesbian or a religious fanatic? Your romantic relationship is pretty clearly dead but coparenting is going to force you to some uncomfortable paths

OOP

Not sure what you mean by that, they're both issues. I can't be married to a lesbian, so that's an issue, and her trying to keep me from raising my kids or teaching them her insane warped version of Christianity is another issue. For my lawyer or for custody it's not about her religion or sexual orientation, it's solely about her keeping me from the kids which is why he wants me to move back ASAP, so yeah that's definitely uncomfortable.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Jazzlike-Caramel9883

Published on: r/AITA_Relationships

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 14, 2026

• Update 1: September 15, 2026

• Update 2: September 19, 2026

Main Post

^{September 14, 2026}

AITA For wanting to separate from my wife after CPS was called?

I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible, but AITAH for wanting to divorce my wife after she talked to a state mandatory reporter about an "inkling" she had that I was "SAing" her son/my stepson? The reporter then reported it to the state, and CPS showed up at our house to do an emergency check on all our kids (we have three: 11 (stepson), 4, and 4 months). My stepson was supposed to be in school at the time, but bio-dad had taken him out for the holiday weekend, so bio-dad had to go to the police station for them to verify that he was safe. While at the house, the worker spoke to my wife but not to me, and then left.

Background: I have been in my stepson's life since he was 1.5 years old, and even though he is my stepson, I have always strived to treat him as if he were my own — to the point that after my second son was born, he commented that I've treated all my kids the same.

My wife's suspicion came from how he behaves toward me. For example, the way he snuggled up next to me, rubbed his feet on my legs, or lay on my back — all of which I always asked him not to do. Or when we did family hugs, he would try to kiss me on the lips, and I would tell him we don't do that. To protect against any accusation from bio-dad (my wife and his breakup and court process were not pretty), I refused to do anything that could hint at something inappropriate and cause my stepson to be taken from his mom.

Last year, while my wife was dropping my stepson off at his dad's, she told him that if anything inappropriate ever happened to him, he could always tell her. He brought up that maybe when he was very young, I may have kissed him on the mouth with tongue. My wife confronted me about it at the time, and I told her no, absolutely not — I refused to kiss him even on the cheek at that age because of the risk of bio-dad using it against us if he got angry at my wife. She believed me then, and I thought everything was fine.

Fast forward to the last few weeks, and my wife has noticed an increase in my stepson not wanting to make me angry or upset me, defending me in an argument my wife and I were having, and trying to win my affection and make me proud. I have always been hard on him when he doesn't try during sports or doesn't give it his all. I'm aware I've been too hard on him at times, and to me, that's his way of fighting for my approval. It's still not right, and I'm working on it, but my wife called it "trauma bonding" — that he's trauma bonded to me, and that's why he behaves the way he does. From that, plus how hard I've been on him, she concluded I was SAing him and spoke to our pastor's wife, who then had to report it to the state.

It's been about ten days since CPS came out, and no one has contacted me. I've spoken to a lawyer for my own protection. I don't know where the case stands right now.

So now I'm in this place where my wife has such a low view of me that she'd think I'm capable of something so horrid. AITAH for wanting to separate over a false allegation based on behaviors an 11-year-old has toward the dad whose attention he's fighting for, because I've been too hard on him the way my dad was with me?

COMMENTS

Specialist-Host-4707

NTA. Your stepson is defending you because you treat him better than his real dad does. I don’t know where your wife is getting her information but this is how she’s going to proceed then I don’t think splitting up would be a bad thing.

OOP (downvoted)

He doesn't always defend me. He has called me out on things like when my bio son was 3 yr old who scuffed his knee I ran to him to make sure he was ok but when step-son (10yr old at the time) gets hurt, I tell him to walk it off. I had to explain that age plays a part in the level of nurture I give. At 10, you should be able to scuff your knee, get up, and keep going. This last weekend at his soccer game he got hit in the groin with the ball and went down. He got off the field, caught his breath, and told me he was ready to go back in and that his team needs him. After the game, he walked up to me and told me that he already knew what I was going to say. I asked him what it was, he said to run the field, and I asked him why would I tell you that? He said because you always tell me to. This gave me the oppertuntity to teach him that the reason I've made him do it in the past was because you either quit on yourself or you got in trouble. Today you played your heart out, took a ball to the most sensitive part of a man, and still wanted to go back out. There is no reason for you to run the field. We both walked away with a deeper understanding of why I was hard on him during his early stages of soccer and how that has helped him grow to where he is at today.

thetoxic_avenger

NTA. Time to get out of that hot mess of a situation. I am worried about why your stepson would have lied about something like that in regard to you because it makes me think maybe it’s the truth regards to someone else. Meaning someone’s hurting that kid and his “safe” accuser is you.

OOP

Over the years we had suspicion with his dad's side grandparents but nothin concrete. I believe that is being investigated but not 100% sure.

It could be a miss-understanding as well. He would have been 2 or 3 at the time. Not 100% sure on that either.

PreviousPin597 (downvoted)

YTA. she didn't accuse, she had concerns. If it were true, the entire planet would blame her for not protecting her son from you.  Women can be married to a man for decades thinking she knows him, and still wind up dead because she didn't. She was in a no- win situation, she protected her child as you'd want her to protect YOUR kids, and you're blaming her.  The findings were unfounded, right? So the only thing injured is your ego. 

OOP

She did accuse, actively thought it was happening based on step-son's behavior striving for father's approval/to be proud of him. Which I'm aware is also an issue which I'm working on. My father was that way to me so I'm trying to break what was taught.

Findings were unfounded, correct.

KaliCalamity

Because an accusation of being a child molester totally never comes with social or legal consequences. Yep. Totally no harm done by accusing a step father of diddling a kid in their care...

No one with half a brain is saying that the mother shouldn't be concerned about her child. But with zero evidence outside of a vague early childhood memory the kid brought up that's he's not even sure about, yes, the mother going to a mandated reporter was a terrible idea. It's not only damaging OPs reputation, but also his marriage and the child's relationship with him, who he sees as a father.

OOP

Quick history, I'm from another state, moved to this city 10 yrs ago. Don't really have a lot of friends since I met her within the same year I moved. The person she spoke to is married to my closests friend in this area. Both are our pastors.

TheSadpole

Look, I’m a parent, and I have to go NAH here.

What kind of parent would your wife be if her kid said something like this and she just brushed him off without having some questions? Also, Idk about your state, but I’m pretty sure pastors (& certainly their wives) aren’t actually mandated reporters. She probably thought she was getting advice from a safe, confidential person.

There’s clearly a lot going on in your family that (the right, well-trained family therapist) needs to help you sort out. There are non-pathological reasons for your stepson’s behavior, but they’re not the ones you’re assigning to him — and you could use some help with your parenting skills, too.

OOP

In therapy myself to work on that as I'm aware I do have my own parenting issues that need to be worked on. He's been in therapy for a year and a half (One on bio-mom and one on bio-dad. Yes he saw two therapists at the same time and it was because neither parent wanted to back down and go with the other's recommendation...co-parenting at times is a struggle) to which nothing like this or other forms of abuse have been discussed or brought up.

The Pastor's wife is also a lead pastor of the church and has been designated by the church to handle these situations as the care pastor.

Update 1 - after 1 day

^{September 15, 2026}

UPDATE: AITAH for wanting to separate from my wife after CPS was called?

Spoke to the caseworker today who had interviewed my step-son and found no evidence of abuse. The case will be closed by end of the week with a status of unfounded and I will receive a letter in the mail. I have hired a lawyer and will move forward with what's best for myself/my kids.

As for my step-son, I'm not sure if he knows directly what the allegation was or the seriousness of it but regardless, I agree that our relationship will never be the same again. Neither will the reltaionship I had with bio-dad since my wife told him what the allegation was as well.

Thank you to everyone who joined this conversation below, I appreciate your comments and wish you all the best. If an update comes, I will post it.

COMMENTS

TheSadpole

OP, the level of paranoia & unfounded assumptions in the responses to you are pretty intense. I’m sure this comment will get downvoted all to hell, but I implore you to listen to your therapist and your lawyer and NOT to make any decisions based on what you’re reading here (or your emotions in response to what you’re reading here).

Finally… please don’t blame your poor stepson in all this. He had a question that really isn’t that uncommon, even in kids who haven’t been abused. There’s no way he could have known what would happen when he asked his question to his mother, just like I’m pretty sure she had no idea what would happen when she talked with someone whom she thought was a safe & confidential source of advice.

You may have some long talks with your therapist & your lawyer and decide, from a calm & settled place, that you don’t want to work on repairing the relationships in your family in “marriage” format, and that’s your right (just as it’s anyone else’s). But with two shared bio kids who are still really little, you’re going to have to put in the work for healing those relationships in some format.

I wish you & your family the best. It sounds like things are going to be hard for a while. (NAH)

OOP

A few things, step son didn't ask questions, he answered the ones my wife asked him. Which is where this all started a year and a half ago.

Second, my wife knew what she was doing when she spoke to our Pastor's wife. Multiple times the Pastor's wife informed her that she would have to report anything that was discussed related to the situation. My wife had multiple chances to seek help elsewhere but chose not to.

Lastly, I'll never blame him here. He is innocent in all of this as a typical 11 yr old should be.

Update 2 - after 5 days (after 4 days from last post)

^{September 19, 2026}

Update: AITA For wanting to divorce my wife after she accused me of SAing step-son

So its been 2 weeks now, case is closed. I still have the lawyer but don't know what to do next...or at least don't know what the right decision is. Mainly, I would like to know what the reporter heard from my wife when they spoke.

Wife is telling me she was only seeking advice based on what step-son said a year and a half ago and what to do from a biblical standpoint. Given how his interactions over the last 6 months shifted to not making me mad, defending me, wanting to kiss me on the lips(only happens when wife and I kiss in front of the kids).

She thought something had happened between him and I that caused him to trauma bond to me and that's why he was behaving the way that he was. I do want to be honest. She told me that she never told the reporter I was actively SA'ing/abusing him. Yet that seems to be what was reported to CPS/what CPS understood as well when they came to do an emergency visit/check. So there's a disconnect somewhere..

Also, Do you see a difference in her making the accusation or her seeking advice about step-son saying something may have happened when he was a kid, knowing the reporter will have to report it? Like is she back peddling now since there was nothing there and I'm ready to walk.

TIA!

COMMENTS

Ok-Persimmon-5335

NTA. Okay so this actually happened to a family friend of mine. She called the elder abuse people about her sister, honestly thinking she was just getting advice. This woman is the absolute kindest but she is also extremely naïve. Now in her case it ended up being a good thing as there was a lot of bad things happening that likely shocked my friend more than anyone else. You also can’t just text 911 a question. If you contact them at all, they send an ambulance.

Trauma bonding doesn’t have to be specifically sexual at all. It’s on the list but it’s also several other things. She could have easily been like “okay so here’s the things that I have been seeing and Facebook has me questioning whether I’m a terrible mother that married a predator or if its all in my head and I’m way over thinking it” unfortunately they can’t exactly answer that without actually investigating because its not actually an advice hot line. And she can’t exactly ask YOU because, well..

Now, as a mother, I know a few things: there is not a bone in my body that even has a suspicion that my husband would do any such thing to our son but if there were ever any accusations from my son, I would side with him immediately. It would rip my soul out and I would be trying to get to the bottom of it any means necessary but I would be at my sons side the entire time because you don’t know EVERYTHING about someone, you know? Anything is possible, especially with humans. The highest predictor of abuse of any kind is a stepparent being in the house. Again, I would never marry or even date someone that I thought would possibly harm him but statics don’t lie. Women are often torn apart and/or blamed for the entire scandal after the fact for not seeing or knowing it was going on. “How could she not know he was raping her kid while she was bowling?” Nobody really talks much about the offender but rather the mother for allowing it to happen. If you pay attention at all, you know what I’m talking about.

It sounds like she’s a really good mom. Did she know when she made the call what she was starting? I can’t say but if she did, then she likely knew she sacrificing her husband to do it and chose her sons safely anyway. I think it’s really shitty and selfish if you can’t respect that at least.

Noucha2026

I totally get you, but you would act immediately not 1.5 years later!!

OOP

Which is my point to all of this as well. I don't blame her for what she did. I also dont think she knew what was going to happen afterwards.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/A_Symptom_of_Life

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: July 23, 2026

• Final Update: July 28, 2026

Main Post

^{July 23, 2026}

AITA For not not helping a student of mine after he 'stole' my customer?

I am an artist who makes and teaches students how to make stained glass windows. One of my students found out that I was about to start a window for a couple that he now knows through another friend and then convinced the couple to drop me and go with him to make the window.

I had already drawn a 1/4 size sketch to see if it was something the customer wanted and now my student expects me to draw it out full sized and actually help him make it. It's too large to work on in class-- we have always had a maximum size limitation that this almost doubles. Working on a window this size would displace another student. Also, I'm supposed to store the window week to week so he won't have to lug it back and forth from home since it's so large.

AITA for telling him that it can't be worked on in the shop and that I am not drawing a full size pattern (57 x 34) for him? I told him he could have a copy of the sketch. Win or lose I plan on showing him this.

COMMENTS

Avlonnic2

UPDATE?

No questions have been addressed. What are you going to do?

OOP

I will show him all of this on Monday when I see him and post an update. I am NOT going to allow it, never planned to, but what I am changing is my giving him the rough drawing. In all honesty it wouldn't help him much at all but you are all correct-- why help him at all. It will be interesting dealing to see what the customers do when my students tells them that the can't do the window.

Alewort

NTA. Does he even have the ability to deliver without using your resources?

NectarStar_04

If he needs OPs shop, storage, patter and guidance, then he isn't really doing job himself

IceSeeker

He just wants to use OP to do the work while he reaps the rewards.

OP be careful. Your student reminds me of the employees who leaves and starts their own business then become their employers' biggest competitors. After learning everything from them, they steal their customers. Which makes your student even more shameless because he's doing this while he's under you.

HuntAccurate9397

NTA and I would not be helping him, you don't bite the hand that feeds you and he needs a lesson in commercial reality!

GriffinAdioncy

Bro is incredibly entitled. He undercut op for the commission and now expects op to do the hardest parts of the project

Change2001

NTA, but do not give him the sketch you drew. Maybe offer to sell it to him, at a premium price (but I would not even do that). It is not a project for his teaching, so he should not be able to work on it, or store, it in the shop. And do not help him with making the project, no matter how much he asks you.

punkrockcockblock

NTA, but why on earth would you help him by giving him a copy of the work you already did and aren't ever going to be paid for?

Homie can figure all of it out for his damn self. If he didn't have a plan, he shouldn't have poached the work.

IZC0MMAND0

Wait, so they have the job/commission doing a stain glass window for these people?

I would tell them they took that work away from you and they are on their own. I would not give him the sketch. Let him do his own work. They need to do their own design and not steal from your work.

They need to find a place to do that work because your workshop is not their workshop and it's not a storage facility for their private commissions.

You are not investing any of your labor into their paid commission work. This is not a student project, they took away a commission from you. I would not assist them in any way and I would not allow them to use my workshop (if it is yours). They don't get to store their private commission in your workshop either.

Thou shalt not steal.

CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole

Final Update - after 5 days

^{July 28, 2026}

Update: AITA For not not helping a student of mine after he 'stole' my customer?

So I just had class with the student and he was sure he was going to work on this oversized window that he didn't have a pattern for. I honestly couldn't believe that he hadn't at least texted me about it during the week but I guess that says something on its own about him.

He walked in the door a half hour early and before he could say anything I flat out told him that he could not make the window in my class but that he was free to do it on his own because (as he knows) I had been told to hold off on the job. I had already told him last week that he couldn't work on a window that size in class but he more or less refused to 'hear' me.

Still, I made it perfectly clear and although I wasn't actually going to show him the replies here he got so adamant about it being my job to help him that I ended up showing him some of them.

First off, he feels that I made him look bad because he hadn't actively pursue the job himself-- he was referred to the couple by a common friend that they had. I said that I did mention that but he feels that I didn't stress it enough. I went over the size limitation again and the fact that the only thing that the customer and I had agreed upon was a price and an (extremely rough) sketch of an idea that took me all of 15 minutes to make.

I explained that I certainly wasn't about to spend any more time on fleshing the sketch out after I was informed by the couple that I should hold off on the design. It was 2 days after this fact (last Monday) that Ray informed me that he was taking over the job which left me sorta tongue tied. Still, I explained to him very politely that I couldn't allow him to work on this commission in my class in my studio.

When I mentioned tonight that the sketch was out of the question he got angry and still doesn't understand why I won't help him or allow him to make the window in my shop. As others were filtering in he started getting louder and caused a bit of a scene. I have drawn patterns for him in the past but he can't understand why I won't help him on this.

He says that I'll make more money from him if he makes the window but I certainly won't because I he's never going to be able to do this on his own. If anything, I'm saving the customer from a pitiful window. So the other students ended up hearing exactly what was going on (it's a one room class) and although two of them stayed quiet the others told him that he was being ridiculous.

The woman on the same table as him asked where she was supposed to do while he was using the entire table for himself. He didn't answer. I kept my cool but I have to admit that at times I was getting a bit loud and then I'd catch myself. So yeah, he turned around and walked out. This was his last class of the month and I'm not going to allow someone who doesn't see how wrong a thing they did to come back into my class. I just wonder what the customer will do.

All in all I'm 100% fine with things as they stand and I want to thank everyone here. I never expected it to blow up like this and to be honest, if I hadn't posted the original question I'd definitely would have given him the sketch, so thanks again.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/ungratefulson96

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole & r/Redditor_Updates

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 08, 2026

• Final Update: September 11, 2026

Main Post

^{September 08, 2026}

AITA for not inviting my mother to my medical school graduation?

Found a post with a similar situation as mine. Might as well share my scenario. My mother(46F) and I (26M) were extremely close growing up considering the fact that my father died when I was 3 years old.

But our relationship changed several years ago when I caught her secretly caught her with one of my close friends from college. They eventually came clean about the relationship that was going on for six months. My mother insisted that she loved him and wasn’t going to end the relationship. She asked me to give them a chance for her happiness. I reluctantly did, which I regret till this day.

My mother increasingly prioritized him over me. Plans with me were frequently canceled for him, important moments became about him, and eventually they got engaged. I still attended their wedding because she was my mother, even though the entire experience was incredibly painful and humiliating.

This is probably the biggest accomplishment of my life. Medical school was incredibly difficult, and there were many times when I needed support. My mother wasn’t really there for most of it. She was much more involved with her husband and their life together.

When graduation invitations came around, I had a limited number of seats. I decided not to invite my mother.

I invited people who had actually been there for me throughout medical school—my fiancé , grandparents and a couple of close friends who supported me through exams, applications, clinical rotations, and everything else.

My mother found out when she saw pictures of the invitations.

She was devastated. She called me crying and asked how I come I didn’t invite her. She said that regardless of what happened between us, she was still my mother and deserved to witness one of the biggest accomplishments of my life. I told her that I wasn’t trying to punish her. I simply didn’t want someone at my graduation who I no longer have a close relationship with.

She said that was a lie because I was deliberately excluding her to hurt her. She also pointed out that I attended her wedding despite being uncomfortable, and said she had supported my decision to pursue medicine even if she wasn’t always physically present. I told her attending her wedding was something I chose to do for her. I don’t think that means she automatically gets an invitation to every major milestone in my life.

She called me selfish and said that I was throwing away our relationship over something that happened years ago and that her husband isn’t going anywhere.

Now some relatives are telling me that I was being unnecessarily cruel. They say my mother finally did something for herself, but she’s still my mother, and excluding her from my medical-school graduation is something I’ll regret forever.

Others such as my fiancé brought up the fact that she could have found companionship with someone who wasn’t my friend or peer. Everything she did after that makes it more than justified to not invite her for any future milestones.

COMMENTS

Bomond44

NTA. You attending her wedding was your choice, not some contract guaranteeing her access to every future milestone.

PaxtonBellamy

exactly, she skipped the hard years and now only wants a seat at the finish line

Active-Anteater1884 (downvoted)

She cared for him on her own since he was three. Tell me again how she skipped the hard years. JFC.

OOP

How difficult to atleast more than three times a year. Is that marriage so important that she couldn't make more time? My own grandparents made more of a effort and they leave on the opposite side of the country.

ThunderDefunder (downvoted)

INFO: what do you mean when you write your grandparents were there for you in a way you mother wasn't during medical school? Can you provide specific examples?

OOP

Just for emotional support. They are very old but they called frequently and visited a lot.

SongAcceptable7546 (downvoted)

YTA

You didn't like her choice of partner. You didn't like that she spent time with her partner instead of you. You are angry.

You have entirely disregarded everything she ever did for you, excluding her from your graduation. All those difficult and frightening moments of you  growing up. When you were ill, how you did at school. All those thankless tasks and anxiety?

The graduation is the reward for that. It makes all that effort worthwhile, to see your child achieve something like that. You took that from her.

You've been selfish and now you've been spiteful. 

Know that this pain will affect her for the rest of her life. Then when you are old enough to understand what you've done, if you ever do because, empathy deficit right there, you will feel that pain too.

OOP

I hate the fact that she discarded me to the point she didn’t visit me on my birthday even though I lived five minutes away because she was too busy with her SO. There have been many times where she has treated me like this.

A lot of shit you mentioned I’m grateful for but that negate her recent behavior nor does it change that a lot of you things you mentioned like taking care of your children until their 18 is the bare minimum. Why are you bringing up times she took care of me when I was sick as a child?

pprstrt (downvoted)

YTA, but not a big one. It is silly to hold over your Mom's head that you do not like who she decided to marry. It isn't your choice, in fact you had and should have had zero say in the matter. People also get busy, especially once they marry, it happens. If she never made time for you, then I can understand you not making time for her, but she's your Mom and you need to be the bigger person with the invite.

In the end, it's fine to use your invitations on others such as your friends, but own up to the fact that you're punishing her by not inviting her.

OOP

I’m sorry what rule is out the I have to be the bigger person. I never said I should have a say who she dates and marries. I can still judge her for choosing my friend.

pprstrt (downvoted)

You are changing your actions towards your Mother to express your disapproval. What reason besides wanting a say in her marriage would cause you to do this? Perhaps you might inform her future decisions, but really all this serves to do is to damage the relationship.

Did you have romantic feelings for this person before your Mom swooped in? If not, then I suggest that judging someone for marrying your friend is something better left in childhood.

The "rule out there" that you seek is called "being a good person".

OOP

I don’t want interfere with the marriage. Besides the damage has already been done. Why should I be forced to invite her to my milestones when I don’t have a close relationship with her? I am also allowed to act on my disapproval. I could give two shits whether she stays with him or not.

joosdeproon

Info: did she pay for your medical school?

OOP

No

CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole

Final Update - after 3 days

^{September 11, 2026}

Update: AITA for not inviting my mother to my medical school graduation?

Based on the advice I was given, I decided to call my mother and invite her to my place so we could talk about the situation.

She was initially reluctant, but decided to visit me yesterday when I told her it was about the graduation issue and about us.

When she arrived we barely exchanged any pleasantries and she asked if I wanted to start.

I was upfront, and told her I don’t regret not inviting her to my graduation. I also told her I no longer wanted a close relationship with her.

She got upset and asked how could I say those things.

I told her that her actions for a while have made feel this was needed.

She immediately told me told she wasn’t going to apologize for her relationship.

I actually delved into that. I told her I don’t care for an apology but I definitely want to delve about that topic. I acknowledged that she is more than my mother; she’s an adult who deserves and happiness and companionship. I also she had a right to pursue that relationship. I told her actions still gutted me. She immediately countered by saying you can’t control who fall in love with. I immediately told her it’s one thing to catch feelings and then act on them. She got upset and asked me if wanted her to be alone for the rest of her life. I said she could have found someone else. It didn’t have to be my college friend. I mentioned she could have found someone else.

She had the right to choose him, but I had the right to be devastated by that choice. I also pointed out that she and my former friend didn’t simply have some innocent crush that they immediately told me about. They carried on a relationship behind my back for six months. They hid it because they knew I’d be upset. I told her that was important to me.

If they genuinely believed I had no reason to object, why hide it? She didn’t really have an answer.

She said she was afraid I would never accept him.

I told her that she was right.

She started crying and said she thought I had forgiven her because I still attended the wedding.

I told her that attending her wedding was something I did for her. I knew she was happy. I knew it was important to her. I wasn’t going to make her wedding about my feelings. But showing up didn’t mean I wasn’t hurting. It didn’t mean I approved.

And it certainly didn’t mean I had agreed to pretend nothing had happened for the rest of our lives.

Then I explained that the relationship itself wasn’t even the only reason our relationship deteriorated.

The bigger problem was what happened afterward.

I reminded her about my birthday. I lived five minutes away, and I was the one who asked if she wanted to come over. She was too busy with her husband. I reminded her about the lunches and dinners I’d tried to arrange that were canceled because something involving him came up.

I reminded her about the times I called when medical school was overwhelming and she said she’d call me back, only for me to sometimes never hear from her. I reminded her about Match Day.

That was one of the biggest days of my life. I’d spent years working toward that moment, and I wanted my mother there when I found out where I would be spending the next several years of my career. She didn’t come. She had other plans involving her husband. That one hurt more than I let her know at the time. There were also holidays where I tried to make plans with her and she already had plans with him or his family. There were times I finished difficult rotations and wanted to celebrate with her, but she was unavailable. There were times I was struggling and wanted my mother to check in on me, but I was almost always the one initiating the conversation.

She started crying again and started trying to apologize. I told her it was pointless. She said she didn’t know how much I needed her.

I brought up my fiancé’s relationship with her father because I wanted to give my mother an example of what I meant. My fiancé’s father also remarried. He has a wife and a daughter, and neither relationship had to compete with the other. He never made my fiancé feel like his new marriage meant she had been replaced. At the same time, he never made his wife feel like she was somehow second place to his daughter. He made both of them feel equally important. He made time for both. He included both.

She started crying harder and told me she finally understood. Then she started panicking. She asked me if that was really all I had wanted from her. She said that if she had known, she would have done it. She said she would do it now. She told me she was sorry. She kept saying that she was sorry and that she didn’t want to lose me. She said that if I wanted her to make more time for me, she would. If I wanted her to call more, she would. If I wanted her to start putting effort into our relationship again, she would do whatever I asked.

I told her it was too late and that I’m done trying. I told her that I had reached a point where I didn’t want a close mother-son relationship anymore. She asked me what I wanted from her going forward. I told her I wanted us to treat each other like distant extended family. I could be polite to her. I could see her at family gatherings. If something important happened, I wouldn’t necessarily hide it from her. But no more regular visits or calls. It would be only for emergencies.

She started sobbing and said she couldn’t accept that. I told her she didn’t have to like it, but she needed to respect it. She kept crying and telling me that she loved me. I stayed silent. Before she left, my mother stood up and hesitated for a moment. Then she opened her arms and tried to hug me.

I stepped back. She looked hurt and asked why I wouldn’t let her hug me. I told her I wasn’t ready for that. She said she was still my mother and that she just wanted to hold her son. She left my place weeping.

Despite all of that, I don’t feel guilty one bit. This needed to be done. I feel relieved.

COMMENTS

MuffimBlue

Funny thing, what OP is listing as a boundary is what his mom has been doing all along. But that somehow upsets her when OP says it.

OOP

Yeah but I guess there’s some finality coming from me.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

I am not OOP. The OOP is u/Lookingtohide posting on r/AITAH

Original Post (a year ago. I'm not putting the exactly date because I'm posting on my phone)

The text exchange screenshots

Update (a year after)

AITAH for not delivering the food I made to an event I got uninvited to?

Two weeks ago I got invited to a baby shower from a friend who I haven’t seen in years. She moved to another state but had apparently moved back and now is having her baby shower here. I was so excited since I haven’t seen her in so long. She started a gc with all the mutuals she invited. She did disclose that this was gonna be a quick and small one since she had just found out she was pregnant when she was 35 weeks with an induction scheduled on her 37th week.

We all started volunteering to be responsible for different things for the baby shower. I said I’ll cook Filipino food and help pay for some of the decor. I sent money to the friend who was in charge of decorating. I asked mom-to-be how many people are invited besides the ladies in the gc. She told me 15. There’s 10 of us in gc including me so I thought I’ll cook for 50 people to be on the safe side just in case she invited a few more. I started shopping for ingredients for the lumpia, pancit, chicken adobo and rice and a grazing table. I started prepping and coordinating with the decor lady. We figured where we wanted the food and grazing table and told the MTB. She approved.

Now the day before her baby shower, I spent the WHOLE day cooking. I took off the day(I only work part time since I’m the primary caretaker for my baby while my man works). Mind you, I had to arrange for my MIL to watch my baby while I did all the cooking and for me to go to the baby shower. I didn’t want to bring my baby since I would be busy with the catering. It was by luck she was off those days.

Then the night before the baby shower, she dm’ed me on ig that she had to ‘make some hard decisions’ and had to uninvite me but still ‘want’ me to drop off the food. I told her I understand and respect her decision but I will NOT be dropping off the food. She asked me why and I told her it wouldn’t make any sense for me to drive 75 minutes to drop off food to an event I’m no longer invited to. That the ONLY reason I volunteered to do what I said was because I was invited. She asked me how she was gonna find someone to cater on such a short notice. That it was f’ed up and hateful.

A few friends sided with her while most sided with me. I want to know from a stranger’s perspective if I’m the a-hole?

EDIT : 1 - I don’t know the full story about her pregnancy. She told me that she went to an OB checkup because her period was unusually heavy and long. They found out she was 35 weeks pregnant and was having complications which is why they scheduled an induction.

2 - I’ve already sent the ss of the dms to the 10 mutuals. THREE out of the 10 sided with her which prompted me to post this because maybe I’m missing something. I was being told that I should’ve been ‘an actual friend’. That I should’ve been the bigger person. That she was going thru a rough time with her pregnancy.

3 - MTB never disclosed to me why she had to make a hard decision and why I was uninvited which. The whole point of us 10 volunteering was to take off the burden off her shoulders. Our mutual friend who was the decor lady was the first one to reach out to me about me not being there since she and I coordinated where the food was going to be at. She’s also the one that told me that MTB was telling her and other people that I got my feelings hurt which is why I didn’t want to come. She didn’t tell them what hurt my feelings. Or how or when. I was too worn out from prepping and cooking to fire back. I took the peaceful route. I didn’t ask for the money I spent on the decor - my gift I guess.

4 - I donated all the food to the women’s and children’s shelter. I figured they’re more deserving. I cook Filipino food all the time plus I got a freezer stash of lumpia.

[RELEVANT COMMENTS]

Sorryurdumb

Literally in what world are you the asshole here? What a delusional bitch she is

What are their reasonings for you being the asshole? Also why were you uninvited? Do you know

Anyway obvi NTA

OOP: I got at least 5 texts the day of the baby shower calling me the b word and that I’m an a-hole. So I’m like maybe I am just a little??

No_Cockroach4248

if you are not invited, you don’t have to drop off food. i would also ask for a refund of the money contributed for decor. I have no idea what ”make some hard decisions” mean but it sounds more like taking advantage of someone’s goodwill. NTA

OOP: I wanted to be petty and wanted her to pay me back but I was like nah, she clearly needs the charity.

youneedbadguyslikeme

YTA for posting on this group for attention to something that clearly isn’t debatable

OOP: According to the people that sided with her I am. I should’ve just dropped off the food since she was already going thru a lot due to her pregnancy. That I should’ve been the bigger person. That I should’ve been ‘an actual friend’. So I’m like you know what maybe I am?

PurpleToad1976

Something happened that caused her to uninvite you, what was it?

OOP: If you know pls tell me because I don’t even know. She didn’t tell me when she dm’ed me on ig. The mutual who was decorating told me that MTB told the rest of our mutuals that I got my feelings hurt and didn’t want to come. She didn’t tell them what hurt my feelings either.

Sleepy-Blonde

So did you send them a screenshot of her uninviting you? If she told them you just decided not to go last minute, that makes you look like an ass so you should clear it up.

OOP: I sent them a ss and 3/10 mutuals sided with her which is what prompted me to post this

[OOP POSTED SCREENSHOTS OF THE TEXT EXCHANGE BETWEEN HER AND THE EX-FRIEND WHEN SHE GOT UNINVITED]

OOP also responded to a deleted comment in the post;

OOP: Thinking about the fact I started prepping 4 days before I started cooking and then spending the whole day cooking just to read some shit like that AFTER I put ALL the food in the containers(which I also paid for) … made my eye twitch. But you know what? I don’t like to throw numbers out there because I have dignity and decorum but FORGET it - $200 on the decor(I paid for ALL the balloons from party city) and then dropped $679 for the food.

20 lbs of ground chicken 5 lbs of chicken (adobo cuts from seafood city) 10 lbs of potatoes 12 bags of lumpia wrapper 3 heads of cabbage 5 lbs of carrots 2 lbs of onions 5 lbs of mushrooms 10 lbs of jasmine rice

EDIT : can I just add that it took me the whole day to roll 300 lumpias(logic for it was 50 people x 5 lumpias = 250 with an extra 50). YES THREE MFIN HUNDRED LUMPIAS!!!! Posting this has itched me in a way that’s making me dramatic vent so I’m sorry.

[UPDATE - A YEAR AFTER]

Hi guys. I posted on here a year and some change ago. I had a “friend” who had invited me to her baby shower and disinvited me the night before. I finally reconnected with one of the 3 that sided with her. I also knew a lot of you guys and including myself wondered what happened and why did it happen. Well a lot of you guessed right. The 3 that sided with her knew I love showing up for my friends. They knew I would go all out without hesitation. I put no monetary value on my efforts because if I can do it then I will. Plus I’ve been forturnate to be blessed financially so I try to share the wealth with my people.

Anyways, according to her, MTB agreed that I would go all out. And I did. Me and MTB were good friends prior to her moving so I no reason why I wouldn’t. We didn’t have any issues so I’m like heck yeah I wanna do something amazing for her. The 4 of them agreed that they’ll all play along as if I was gonna be invited and ask me updates on the food and whatnot. But then drop me after the baby shower. She said what her and the other 2 didn’t anticipate was that MTB would uninvite me the night BEFORE. I guess MTB had something against me and just couldn’t stand the idea of me being there. She thought I was a pushover and flaunted my “wealth”. That I do extravagant things for no reason??? Like posting vacations?? That she felt some type of way because I was ok with spending “all the money and not thinking about how it would make MTB feel”. Like she was a charity case and she can’t afford to do anything? She felt like I was outdoing her and the event was for her. (This is from my understanding so please take it with an open mind).

But as I said in my previous post - the whole point of all the girls being there was to take the load off her shoulders since she was having a hard time with her pregnancy. I was blessed with an amazing baby shower so I wanted her to have one too. Not out of pity. But because I did have love for her before all the BS. There was never a time I thought I was better than her or anyone. I just wanted her and the guests to have a good time.

I’m a firm believer that what you invest in gets reciprocated one way or the other. I value all my friendships and do invest in them when I can.

So yes, for those who guessed I was never truly invited — you were right!!! It did leave a dull ache in my chest. While I did reconcile with 1 of the 3 - altho I told her that my trust for her has been broken and I’m not sure if our friendship would be the same.

I copied the link to the OG post if anyone wants to read it.

[RELEVANT COMMENTS OF THE UPDATE]

Western_Fuzzy

Woah, what a huge AH that woman is. And ALL three of the friends she roped into her scheme. To be that unhappy and bitter inside to take advantage of you just because you take vacations and live your life is crazy work. I wouldn’t reconcile with the one member of the coven because it takes a special kind of AH that would plot that AS AN ADULT WOMAN against someone because “they go all out for their friends” - gross.

Please want better for yourself than to entertain people like her.

It’s actually horrifying that at least one of these women has procreated.

OOP: Yeah imagine my shock when I got texts from the 3 of them saying I’m an AH/b*tch for not showing up. I’ve shown up for those three too. For any of their celebrations they’ve invited me to. And I figured maybe I was an AH even just a little. I tried to rationalize that maybe it was the pregnancy and I should just drop off the food and keep it pushing but something in me wouldn’t allow it. I sat in my car for at least an hour before deciding to drop it off to the shelter I normally donate to. As for the one I reconciled, I’ve told her that a our friendship will never be the same and that I’m sorry because moving forward, I’d like to be the last person she reaches out to.

Late-Champion8678

I wouldn’t reconcile with any of them. This was a truly messed up situation. All FOUR of them conspired to use you for your generosity (that they were jealous of and resented you for) and then ghost you.

Would it not have been easier just to not reconnect if you are this resentful? Trash, the lot of them.

OOP: I don’t think I feel any resentment. At least maybe not anymore? More confusion than anything because as I mentioned MTB and I were good friends or so I thought. But I guess people change. Me and 1 of the 3 ran into each other in public and she begged to give her a chance to speak with me. My curiosity got the best of me, no lie since I did block all 4 of them and haven’t spoken to them since then.

Logical-Abroad4945

Wow, those ppl are horrible. They're just users I think. I'm really sorry you went through that, but I feel like you shouldn't even bother reconciling with the one who told you all this. She went along with their plan and didn't stop it. You don't need ppl like that in your life. They're just miserable and bitter

OOP: I asked her if she knew that then why did she go along with it knowing I’ve never do her like that? Much less done her wrong in any capacity? And you know what? She didn’t have an answer. She just cried and said she’s sorry and that she missed being my friend. To give her another chance. Especially since she also had a falling out with MTB after the baby shower. And how she no longer associates herself with MTB and the other 2. I’m not one to hold a grudge or resentment because I know people will do what the want but it did hurt knowing I’ve showed up for these people EVERY time. Made arrangements, adjustments to show any support that I can. I’m not perfect but I know for a fact I’m not a bad friend.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Zakotablue

Published on: r/AmITheJerk

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 23, 2026

• Update 1: September 28, 2026

• Update 2: October 03, 2026

• Final Update: October 06, 2026

Main Post

^{September 23, 2026}

WIBTJ for being upset after I saw another kid wearing my daughter’s shirt?

My daughter started preschool last Wednesday, and her teacher asked us to send pull-ups, wipes, and a change of clothes. I sent several pull-ups, a brand-new pack of wipes, and a complete outfit.

When I picked her up, only the pants had come back. I then noticed another kid in her class wearing my daughter’s shirt.

I honestly don't mind if the teacher needs to use some of my daughter's pull-ups or wipes for other kids. I'll happily send extra if needed because I understand that not every parent can afford to provide those things.

But I don't feel the same way about her clothes. If another kid goes home wearing them, there's always a chance they won't come back, and replacing clothes isn't cheap for me. My daughter doesn't have a huge wardrobe to begin with, so I really can't afford to have her clothes disappear or get ruined.

Would I be the asshole if I asked her teacher tomorrow to please keep my daughter's clothes for her instead of using them for other students? WIBTJ?

COMMENTS

RadRimmer9000

No you wouldn't.

That's the most absurd thing to even happen. Clothes aren't cheap, I doubt the other stuff is cheap either but those are actually disposable items so you already know you're not getting that back.

OOP

Yeah the wipes or pull ups arent cheap but I understand that emergencies happen and that they’re disposable items anyway. Wondering how would you approach that conversation with the teacher?

firs_7

YWNBTA. It's her clothes, not some other kid's. And yes. You won't get that shirt back. And if you don't confront the pre-school teacher, they'll just likely continue doing this

OOP

I’ll try my best to get it back, if they can’t help me get it back I’ll ask them to reimburse me I think

New_Nobody9492

Do you absolutely know it’s your shirt and not you and a mom shop at the same store?

OOP

Quite the coincidence for the shirt to go missing and another child is wearing a mismatched outfit with the shirt, but they were not labelled or anything

SubstantialEmotion41

Ntj. Each child should only be wearing their own clothes. You may need to label them just in case, but there is no guarantee you will get that shirt back now. If the other child doesn't have extra clothes, the daycare center should reach out to those parents or use donated, clean clothes. Not your child's. I would address it immediately with the teacher nicely and ask them to send a letter home with a description of the shirt to return.

OOP

Labelling is a good idea, I’ll see what I can do. And yes I agree, the daycare should have been prepared for a situation like this and have their own clean, spare clothes to give to the child and work it out with the parents afterwards, instead of taking another child’s clothing

Slow_Establishment10

You would not be the jerk.
That’s weird for the teacher to do without notifying you.

I would’ve been less bothered, personally, if the teacher told you at pick up. “There was an emergency, this other child didn’t pack extra clothes. I’m so sorry!”

But the fact that she didn’t even mention it would frustrate me.

OOP

Even then it’s not my responsibility to make sure other children have clothes, if the parent doesn’t provide them then the school should assume that responsibility and then work it out with the parent rather than taking someone else’s, I feel like this is poor preparation on the school’s part :/

Update 1 - after 5 days

^{September 28, 2026}

UPDATE: WIBTJ for being upset after I saw another kid wearing my daughter’s shirt?

I talked to the teacher the next morning and honestly expected this to be a pretty simple conversation.

I explained that I don't mind sharing pull-ups or wipes, but asked if they could please keep my daughter's clothes separate unless there's an actual emergency. I also explained that we don't have a huge wardrobe for her and replacing clothes isn't something we can easily afford.

The teacher apologized and said she understood. She told me the shirt had been used because the other child had gotten theirs dirty, and she thought it was one of the spare classroom outfits.

I showed her the pants that had come home with my daughter and pointed out that the shirt was clearly part of the same outfit. She seemed genuinely embarrassed and said she'd make sure the staff knew not to use my daughter's clothes.

So I thought that was the end of it.

Then yesterday, I picked my daughter up and noticed that another piece of her clothing was missing.

I asked about it and apparently it had been sent home with a different child because they had an accident. At that point I was pretty frustrated, because I had already specifically asked them not to do this.

The teacher apologized again and said they were short on spare clothes that day. I understand that accidents happen, but I'm struggling with the idea that my daughter is basically becoming the classroom's backup wardrobe.

I told them I'm happy to send another set of inexpensive emergency clothes specifically for the classroom, but I need the clothes I send for my daughter to actually stay with my daughter.

The teacher said she'd talk to the other staff about it, so hopefully that's the end of it.

The part that surprised me most is that when I mentioned it to another parent at pickup, she said something along the lines of, “It's just a shirt, they're preschoolers.”

Maybe I'm being overly protective, but if everyone took that attitude, half the kids would eventually be going home in someone else's clothes.

At this point I don't think I'm asking for anything unreasonable. I just want the things I send for my daughter to come back with my daughter.

TL;DR: I talked to the teacher, but another piece of my daughter's clothing went home with a different kid anyway, so I asked the school to keep her clothes separate.

COMMENTS

BlazingSunflowerland

I'd quit sending the spare clothes. All that you are getting out of sending them is that you lose them. It seems the other parents aren't sending them in so yours are the ones that are there to be used.

No more spare clothes get sent in.

OOP

But then what if my child has an accident? She’ll either be out of clothes or use someone else’s. Both outcomes are unacceptable.

Few_Equipment_8314 (downvoted)

How did they get the clothes off your child? None of this makes any sense. Why is your child undressing?

OOP

We have to send pull-ups, wipes and a spare set of clothing in case of accidents. No one is undressing my child..

Update 2 - after 10 days (after 5 days from last post)

^{October 03, 2026}

UPDATE 2: WIBTJ for being upset after I saw another kid wearing my daughter’s shirt?

Original post got removed but should still be on my profile, TL;DR: The parents returned my daughter's clothes, but the school gave them to another child, who took them home and never returned them. The school initially refused to reimburse me, so I made a big deal about it and eventually got reimbursed. Now I'm wondering what other things they're failing to keep track of if they can't handle something this simple.

Well, this somehow got even more frustrating.

After my last update, the parents of the child who had taken my daughter's clothing brought it back to the school. I was relieved because I thought that meant we could finally get her clothes back and put this whole thing behind us.

Except the school never actually returned it to us.

Instead, they gave that same piece of clothing to another child after that child had an accident.

I only found out when I noticed it was still missing at pickup. I asked the teacher about it, and she apologized and explained that the other child needed a change of clothes and the staff had accidentally used my daughter's clothing again.

At that point, I was genuinely pissed.

I'd already talked to the teacher about this. I'd already explained that I didn't mind sharing things like wipes or pull-ups, but I needed my daughter's actual clothes to stay with her.

The teacher said the clothing would be returned.

It wasn't.

The other child took it home, and it never came back.

I asked the school to reimburse me for the clothing, and they initially didn't want to. They said it was an honest mistake and basically acted like I was making too much of a big deal over a piece of children's clothing.

That was the point where I really lost my patience.

I made a much bigger deal about it and spoke with the administration. I explained that this wasn't about the price of one shirt. I'd already brought up the issue, the clothing had already been returned once, and then the school gave it to another child anyway.

Eventually they agreed to reimburse us.

But honestly, the whole situation has left me wondering about something much bigger.

If they can't follow a very simple instruction about keeping one child's clothes separate, what else are they fucking up?

Are they double-checking which kid belongs to which parent at pickup? Are they keeping track of everyone's belongings? Are they following instructions from parents about their kids? What happens if a child has to take medication regularly and someone isn't paying attention?

Obviously, I have no evidence that they're messing up anything else, and I'm not saying they are. But when you've specifically told someone to do something, they agree to do it, and then they immediately don't do it, it makes you start questioning how reliable their procedures actually are.

Maybe I'm overthinking it, but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a daycare to be able to keep track of which clothes belong to which child.

Hopefully this is finally the end of it.

COMMENTS

AliceInReverse

As a person who once worked at a daycare who did not disclose to the parent that they lost a child - trust your gut!

uberbanz

Have you considered maybe using a few more words? As loooooong as that was i feel you could do more

OOP

Right? I need all the details. Truly horrifying to read

OOP

How long was the child lost for? I’d immediately switch daycares after that

AnIcyReception (downvoted)

Going from a shirt to kids going home with the wrong family is a huge leap. You're overreacting. Hopefully medication is handled by a nurse who has specific protocols for how to handle them.

You have been made whole. Let it go

OOP

I was made whole only after I made a big deal about it? They wanted to stiff me at first.. not to mention that if they can’t keep track of something as simple as clothes it makes you wonder what about tracking which kid takes which medicine, at what times, have they taken it yet?

Beatleslover4ever1

Can’t you switch schools?

OOP

We could but this one is the closest to our home and the only one on our way to work. We might have to though

AffectionateHope1177

NTJ

Yeah I'd be annoyed also. Sure, they may have made a mistake at first but then, when they got it back, it was deliberately given away so.... yeah. That was a choice!

It was not a communal shirt!!

I think its essentially destroyed your trust in the kids school (nursery i think?) as you're worrying understandably about other issues.

The attitude they have given is very much of a place that isn't accountable unless you apply pressure and thats concerning. I mean your not a jerk for sure.

Theyre unprofessional

OOP

Yes exactly, it’s hard to continue to trust them with my child’s care and well-being when they continue to make the same mistakes over and over again after we had multiple talks about it

Final Update - after 13 days (after 3 days from last post)

^{October 06, 2026}

FINAL UPDATE: WIBTJ for being upset after I saw another kid wearing my daughter’s shirt?

I honestly thought my last update was going to be the end of this story.

The school reimbursed us for the clothing, so financially everything was settled. I wasn't going to keep fighting over a shirt.

But after everything that happened, I did have one more conversation with the administration.

I explained that my concern wasn't really the cost. It was the fact that the exact same problem had happened multiple times, even after I'd specifically spoken to the staff about it.

They apologized again and said they were going to remind the staff to be more careful about children's belongings.

I asked what their actual procedure was for keeping track of children's clothes and personal belongings.

The answer was basically that they don't have some complicated system. They just expect staff to know which belongings belong to which child and return them appropriately.

Which... honestly didn't make me feel much better considering what had just happened.

I also brought up my concern from my last update about other things, like making sure the right child gets the right instructions, belongings, and anything else parents specifically tell them about.

They assured me that those things are handled separately and that there haven't been any other issues.

I'm choosing to take them at their word for now.

I'm not pulling my daughter out over a shirt, and I don't have any evidence that they're neglecting anything else. But I am definitely going to be paying a lot more attention from now on.

And I have started labeling absolutely everything.

Shoes? Labelled.

Jacket? Labelled.

Spare clothes? Labelled.

So that's hopefully it. The school reimbursed us, the missing clothes are officially no longer my problem, and I really hope I never have to write another update about daycare clothing again.

Thanks to everyone who followed along with the world's most unnecessarily complicated shirt saga.

COMMENTS

BestAd5844

Label everything. There is no way a teacher can keep track of every child’s clothes and back up clothes, especially when they are too similar. Teachers are also focused on the more important things like food allergies and safety.

When I worked as a toddler and preschool teacher, parents were told to label everything and that we could not be responsible for anything without a label, though we did try our best. Ideally, dirty items are bagged right away and put with the child’s other items. We encouraged parents to bring the inexpensive items in case they were stained or lost. We also kept bins of clothes that families donated of their old clothes that we used as back up so we didn’t borrow from a friend. It might be the wrong size or season, but they were dressed. And those often were not returned either, though we would tell the family they were back up and to wash and return.

OOP

Yeah will start labelling for sure, it’s definitely our fault for not doing it before

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Flaky_Arugula_167 & u/Apprehensive-Gur7895

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: Emotionally resolved, practically unresolved

Story timeline

• Main Post: April 09, 2023

• Son's Side: April 11, 2023

Main Post

^{April 09, 2023}

[AITA for leaving my business to my protégé instead of my children?]()

I (58M) have two kids, John (32M) and Susan (29F), and I started a business back in my late twenties after they were born. I have been growing it for the better part of three decades, however, my wife and I agreed that we have more than enough for me to retire and so I am.

Some backstory: Back when John was in high school I gave him a job at my business, and soon after he started he asked if I could give his friend Sam (32M, now, 17 when he started) a job as well. John was not interested in the work and quit after 4 months, and I will whole heartedly admit that that was very painful at the time, but Sam loved the job. He continued to work throughout college where he went into the same field as me, and I gave him a promotion when he completed his studies. Sam is very much my protégé and I see him as my second son. John studied finance and, after working at some other places, asked me if I could give him a job. I did and he's extremely good at what he does. I love the fact that I get to work with the both of them.

I took my wife, John, Susan and Sam out to dinner last week to tell them my plan for retirement. Sam will take my place and own 60% while John and Susan would each get 20%. I have never seen John so furious. He asked how I could choose Sam over him, my own flesh and blood. He also said he's the one who studied running businesses and that he should be the one in charge. I told him that he has only worked for me for a few years and already quit once, whereas Sam has been working for me for 15 years, knows all the clients, the products and the production team, and has their respect. He then I asked if he had my respect and I told him of course, he's the best at what he does, but that doesn't mean he's the best fit for being the boss. My wife and Susan tried deescalating the situation but John left in huff and hasn't been talking to anyone but Susan since.

I know John's hurt, but Sam is the better choice since he's been working directly under me for years and knows the ins and outs better than anyone but me. I've tried talking to John and apologizing, but he won't let me. AITA?

COMMENTS

No_Dimension_5046

INFO

it is possible your son made a decision about his life path to please you, as you said he did not enjoy the work as a younger person and then came back.

if this is true, it would be infuriating from his point of view to (possibly) choose your major and go back to your dad's business to gain approval or perhaps financial security, only to be usurped by someone who is not family. This is possibly a conversation you should have had with your son a long, long, time ago.

Is it possible that your son has been under the wrong impression for many years? Is it possible this could have been avoided by having a simple, but uncomfortable, conversation years ago? Have you ever explicitly let him know that he should follow his own life path, and that you expect him to make the bulk of his own money? It sounds silly but if you have given up things, made compromises based on an outcome that you assumed was assured, it would be absolutely infuriating to learn otherwise at the last hour.

Of course, it is perfectly reasonable that you chose the best candidate for the future of your business.

OOP

John made it clear to me when he got accepted to college that he didn't want to go into my field. And I'm certain that he didn't ask me for a job to please me, but because the market was rough at the time. However, this comment really made me think. I don't know whether he expected to be in charge or how long he has if he did.

roboratka

Just wondering how you gave the business. Sounds like Sam now owns the business and has full control. This is a complex arrangement that could tear the business and your family apart.

I think you should have talked about it with your children before giving it to someone outside the family. I don’t understand why you didn’t. Is it because you already knew John would disagree?

OOP

Sam is in charge with majority holding. I didn't bring it up before because I didn't expect John to want to be in charge or have a problem with Sam being in charge

MissSuzieSunshine

You can leave your business to whoever you want, as its your business.

However, IMHO YTA

Firstly: When John was working for you originally he was in High School. At that age many kids buck against what their parents do or want - its totally normal. So Im not surprised he left. BUT he came back. He studied something that would add value to the business and he came back and worked for you.

Secondly: You are giving Susan -- who did absolutely nothing for the business, equal share to John who has been working for you and contributing to the business. How is that fair?

Lastly: Sam may have worked for you all these years and may know all the ins and outs of the business, however at no point did you ever have a conversation with John (and Susan ) about leaving the business to Sam, so it would be a natural conclusion that you would be leaving this business that you have built up, to your own children.

Is there any way you can leave the ownership of the business to John and Susan equally BUT with a clause that Sam is to run it or be in charge of it for however long he wants? Something like that?

If you had done this to me, I wouldnt be hurt, Id be quitting the business and opening up a rival business and putting yours in the ground. Nor would I be speaking to you again. Not because you didnt leave the business to me, but because you announced this without even a discussion with me -- blindsiding me.

As far as you and John are concerned, Im pretty certain a mere apology isnt going to cut it.

OOP

Susan is my daughter and I want her to be taken care of, but I see how that is very hurtful as he is a great employee. However, John only came to me for a job after struggling to find one, he didn't study finance to take over my business one day and I never even imagined he wanted to. There's no way I'm leaving Sam out of any ownership since he's been a valued employee for 15 years and is directly responsible for how well the business is doing now.

reasonandmadness

INFO:

When you son asked for a job, was it because he had an interest in eventually running it?

Has he shown any interest in running it?

How long has he worked there now?

Had you taken the time to discuss his interest in taking over the family business prior to your decision?

Has Susan shown any interest in the company? Has she ever worked there?

Any particular reason why Susan would get the same amount of shares as your son?

As for your opinion on his decision not to work there when he was a teenager, to me it's completely understandable that your son didn't want to follow in the family business when he was a teenager, so holding his decision against him feels a bit harsh.

My question on that last part then is very basic. Is it possible your son didn't come back to the business because of how hurt you were when he decided to go about his life without you? Did you perhaps place a stigma on the notion of him returning to work for you which inevitably caused him to not return so quickly after college?

OOP

John came to me 4 years ago saying he was having trouble getting a job after he was laid off due to downsizing. He has never shown interest in the actual business or the day to day running of it, let alone being the boss. I didn't talk with him about it because of this. Susan has worked off and on as a contractor but hasn't for a while since she had kids. I gave them both the same because I wanted to ensure some financial help for them, not because I wanted or even thought that they'd want to be the boss.

As to the last question; I have told both of my kids they will always have a job at the business, but it is possible that what you said is true

Benandhispets

INFO

I think it's quite important to mention how many employees are there other than Sam?

And also why are you giving away the business to anyone at all? You're retring not dying. It's not usual for someone to give away their business when they retire. Just retire like you say, thats it done. Promote Sam to be manager/in charge with a nice 3 month salary bonus or something and then leave it to do it's thing.

OOP

94 employees. I have more than enough money for me and my wife to retire and I want the money from the business to go to the three of them.

CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole

Main post edits

Edit 1:

Some people keep asking why I gave Susan the same amount and what her relation to the business is. She's worked off and on as a contractor and, especially since she has kids of her own, I wanted to give her some financial stability. It's the same with John, as he's never expressed any interest in running the place and came back to work for me because he got laid off and had a hard time finding another job, I wanted to ensure some financial stability for him while making sure Sam was the one in charge.

Edit 2:

First a point of clarity: nothing has actually been signed yet and I'm still in charge. Susan came to the house and we just had a long discussion. She's been talking with John and she told me he feels like this is me telling John that Sam is my real son. I asked her if she felt the same way. She doesn't but she sees how it looks to John. I then asked her what she thinks I should do, and she told me I should lower her share and give it to John. She said he would rather give him the money then watch him disappear from the family. I also asked if she knew whether he actually wanted and/or expected to run the business. And as far as she knew he didn't and was surprised at how poorly he reacted. Before she left I asked her to try and get him to have a conversation about this and she told me, "sure, but don't count on it being soon."

Edit 3:

I am sick of all the comments saying I don't care about my kids. My wife doesn't see it that way. My daughter doesn't see it that way. Yes, I wasn't always present in their lives and, yes, my business did take priority at times, but I did my absolute damnedest to be there as much as I possibly could. I made time for graduations, sports events, and other big milestones and events as best I could and I was there for most of them. I may not have been present at all times, but I did my best to try to be.

Also, Sam is not a "complete stranger"

Main post updates (same day / next day)

Update:

Susan called this morning and told me John is willing to talk this out today at lunch. Just me and him. I'm going to make a list of talking points based on common things I've read here. To everyone saying I should have talked to lawyers/accountants, I agree in hindsight that that would've been best, but I wanted the three of them to know first that I was retiring and my plans as I saw them.

Big Update:

I talked with John for about 2 hours over lunch and things went good... I think. I started out by apologizing to him for springing it on him without warning and that he is my son and he has a say in this. And the first thing I asked him was if he wanted/expected to run the business. He said no to both, he recognizes that Sam is better prepared and he prefers the work he already does.

However, he feels that this is me officially saying that Sam is my real son and all he is is a number cruncher. When he quit originally it was because he saw me taking Sam under my wing and was jealous. And his lack of interest in the business made him feel guilty for not being the son I wanted.

He said he knows I care about and love him but it's felt like he's taken a back seat to Sam for the past 15 years. I asked him what I could do to make it up to him and he said he didn't know, and can't moved past this for now. I asked if he thinks he ever could. He doesn't know. Then he asked me whether I held him quitting against him, since he always felt like I did.

After reading so many comments here saying I am, I wasn't sure, and that's when I showed him this post and told him I might have but I don't know. I was hurt and put effort into Sam because I wanted to connect with someone about the business, and that maybe, subconsciously, I did hold it against and that I was sorry for how I treated him regardless. He asked me for some time off and I told him that his job here is always guaranteed and take as much time as he needed. Before we left I told him that I'll give him space but he needs to know that I'm there for him if he needed.

Son's Side - after 2 days

^{April 11, 2023}

In Comments

This is "John". I'm only here to fill you all in on the things my dad omitted. "Sam" has been my friend from the age of 12. His parents died when he was a kid and he moved in with his grandparents. We went to school together and hung out a lot, and he slept in our guest room so much that by the time my mom jokingly referred to it as "his room". We were best friends and we still are.

My dad isn't lying when he said he was mostly there, in that he was at my soccer games, but he would be on the phone for half of it. I love my dad but it felt like I fought for his attention. Then he said I needed a job when I turned 17 and he always promised I'd work with him. I'm going to respect my fathers privacy and keep this anonymous but his work is... niche. I wanted to like it, but I just didn't. However my dad tried to make fun for me and despite wanting to quit after the first week, I have really great memories from the four months.

Sam joined a month after me, and he got into it very quickly, and got better way faster than me. I quit because I couldn't stand it anymore, and my dad really tried to his best to find something I could do there that I was happy with. I knew it hurt him, but I didn't understand why he was only ever really there was at work. I didn't understand why he'd prefer doing that with Sam over me.

I went out of state for college and wasn't sure if I'd come back. While I was at college Sam and my sister started dating, and I learned this when I went back for Christmas my first year. When they told me, they asked me for their blessing since he was my best friend and wanted to make sure I accepted them. I didn't. I broke down in front of them and begged them not to, then I'd have been officially replace. It was a very awkward winter break after that.

Sam went to college close to home and started renting a room from my dad. We didn't really talk much for the rest of college and my parents didn't bring him up much unless I asked. My dad told me all throughout college that I am always welcome back to his company and he'd find the right role for me. I didn't want to go back. I spent all my breaks at my college city. My sister ended up going to college across the country and no one heard from her for awhile. She'd call me maybe 2 times a year and our parents a little more than that.

Awhile after college Sam came to visit me unexpectedly. He said he was sorry and hated the fact that he was why I didn't wanna come home for the past 5 years. He understood if I couldn't stand to be near him, but that I'm still his best friend even if I felt differently. He was also angry at me for a few years since I was the one who lost him his love, but my dad accidently called him by my name and it dawned on him what I was feeling when I saw him dating my sister. I forgave him and apologized for keeping him from my sister, but I said I still didn't think I'd come home. He accepted that but said I needed to call and visit.

My sister moved back to our home town with a guy she met in college. They got married soon after. Sam didn't take it the best but he eventually found someone and moved into the same neighborhood as my dad. I was working in my college city for a few years as an accountant and I met a girl, but my company downsized and I lost both my job and the girl. I told my dad and he said he'd cover all my rent until I found another job instead of half like he normally did. I asked if he could use an accountant. He lit up immediately and said of course he did. I spent a few months back at home so I could find a place. That was four years ago.

In the four years since, my dad has had lunch with me and Sam everyday. I actually really enjoyed it and it made me think of the good memories from when I worked there as a teenager. And my job is actually enjoyable. I did notice one thing. Sam was respected as much as my dad is. I knew he was going to replace my dad. He should. I was and still am a bit bitter about it, the term "spoiled brat" is really prevalent here.

And here we come to dinner. But before I need to stress something about my dad. He is scatterbrained and kinda reckless. He will make bad financial decisions which is why he has 2 dedicated financial planners employed he talks to before he signs anything. So at the restaurant when he said what his plans are, I know that's not what actually is going to happen. "Bert" and "Ernie" won't let him do that. My dad covered our talk we had today.

I wanted to post here because of the number of people here who are imposing such radical presumptions on the situation and assuming I'm so bitter I'd fuck over my dad's company just to stick it to him. I've realized how much resentment I have built up and I don't know if I'm going to stay here or move yet.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Potential-While9923 who has posted in r/AITAH

Trigger warning: Sexual Assault, abortion, adoption

Concluded as per OOP

1 update - Medium

ORIGINAL: 12/30/2025

UPDATE: 01/02/2026

AITAH for refusing to help my parents care for my son who they adopted.

I am an oops baby. My folks had me when they were in their early forties. I got pregnant when I was in university. I probably can't write here why I didn't want it. I wanted to not be pregnant but my parents said they would cut off all aid to me if I did that. So I carried it to term. Then I wanted to put the child up for adoption or drop him at a fire station or something. I was not on a good place.

My parents insisted on adopting him so he is legally my brother. I do not hate him but he is a reminder of something terrible that happened to me. I now go back home as little as possible. Maybe two days a year. I have graduated and I have a life far away from my parents.

My "brother is twelve now. And he is not well behaved. My parents are now in their seventies and ar having a shitty retirement. They have to dedicate all their time to him. They can't take the vacations they planned. They won't downsize to a condo so they still have yardwork and stuff that he will not help with. None of my actual siblings will watch him to give them a break.

They reached out to me for help. I said no. I said that he is their son and their responsibility. They think I'm being cruel for forcing them to do everything after they helped me so much. It took everything I had in me not to curse them out.

Some of my relatives have reached out to me to see why I refuse to help fix the mess I made. Them I curse out and block. None of them helped me when I was pregnant against my will.

The biological father is on the registry and cannot be near kids. Before you ask.

UPDATE

Thank you guys for finally giving me the motivation to tell my story to my family and to cut ties with my parents.

I did s many of you suggested and I wrote everything out. Bo explained that I had been violently assaulted and raped. That my parents, who were my only support told me that they would be kicking me out, stopping paying for my education, and removing me from their health insurance if I took Plan B. I further explained that when I found out I was pregnant from the rape they once again coerced me the same way into carrying the fetus to term. And how they insisted on adopting him after I stated I never wanted to see him again. I wanted him out up for a closed adoption but they would not relent.

I then added pictures of me from the hospital. Blood, bruises, missing teeth, shattered face, everything. I included a recent picture of myself with my orbital prosthesis removed so everyone could see the permanent damage.

I posted everything onto the family group chat. I included that I would now consider the matter closed and have decided to completely cut myself off from all of them.

It was my New Year's gift to myself and my mental health.

I have received messages and emails from family members using unknown numbers and emails to tell me that they didn't know about all of this and that they are sorry. I blocked the new sources. I'm just done.

I honestly have not had the strength to do this until you guys gave it to me. Thank you.

I am not OP. Please do not harass the OP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments.

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/amiwrong by user KiraTiss. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Original

February 27, 2024

Ok, very simple, the people in this story are me (25F) and my partner (27M). We have being living together since January of this year, but this issue started once he started spending a lot of time at my place 2 years ago.

I live in an apartment complex in a pretty safe area. To get to my place, you have to open the front door of the building (with code or key), pass a secondary door (same code) and then take the stairs to my front door. We both have the keys to all the doors.

I have a neighbor on the 1st floor (ground level) and a neighbor above me.

Since my partner has been with me, he often forgets to lock the door. It happens on a regular basis and only when I am still home or when we are both home at night.

He always lock it when the place is empty (aka I have never come home to a door unlocked at least)

I have expressed multiple time my concerns about having the door unlocked without me knowing while I am inside. To me, it feels not prudent and puts me at risk.

While I don't actually believe something bad will happen, I also believe you only need for it to happen once to be a problem.

What if a weirdo manages to get in to the building and walks in my apartment while I am showering???

What if someone comes and steal things while I am watching a show or we are sleeping and the insurance does not cover it because technically the door was open???

I always end up noticing it around 45 mins after he leaves or in the morning after he came home late and I am always upset about it .

When we argue about it he always says something along the lines off: 'we are in a safe area' and 'At least one of us is home' which to me is beside the point.

After I complain, he does better for a while and then after 2 weeks to 1 month, it will be back at it.

It's so frustrating. He knows how a lock works! He does it all the other time, why us or me being here stop him from locking?

It's something that has been happening more and more and I am absolutely frustrated.

I have decided that I am putting my foot down, and will be dying on this hill although I do not know yet how to enforce it without putting a strain on other good aspects of our relationship.

I feel I am being reasonable, but Am I wrong?

Consensus:

Some people say to get a digital lock and lock the door behind him with her phone, while others say they would be pissed to have to do that instead of him remembering.

Others tell stories of people just coming into their home, and that's how they learned to lock the door.

Update:

Edited under the original

Thank you so much for everyone who commented and gave advice. I feel very heard and valid. But y'all scared me with some of your stories and references to murderers. At least I am more set than ever.

I had a very serious talk with my partner, he was defensive at first but heard my point. He mentioned that he really lost the habit after living 6 months with an automatic lock where he just had to close the door.

I offered that we get one of those as many of you suggested, but he refused saying that he actually didn't like that system at all due to being locked out repeatedly. He confirmed that he rather work on his habits and that he would make an effort but to be patient as habits are slow to build.

I told him that it was fine, but that I was really expecting him to work on it. He said he will.

I decided to give him the chance to show me. However I am giving him exactly one month. After that period of time, if nothing has changed: Automatic lock!

Thank you again everyone, I read all of your comments and I really appreciate all of your inputs!

Update 2

June 6, 2026

Omg everyone. I had literally forgotten about this post, but i just got a comment on the old post and realised i had a crazy update to share, so I thought I would update.

2 years ago I posted asking here if it was unreasonable of me to be super duper strict with my boyfriend about locking the door.

Now, my boyfriend has been better at locking the door since then, not perfect, but better!

Now, onto the story. I was not there for it, but my boyfriend was.

Approximately 8 months ago now, my (27F) boyfriend (29M) was alone at home with the door (thankfully) locked. When he said that he heard something shatter. He first thought our cats were acting up, but after checking the living room, got confused what was broken and decided to check outside.

He came out of the apartment just to notice that the downstair neighbor (50ish M) was also outside as he also heard the noise. They briefly talked, before noticing that one of the downstairs door's glass pannel was broken. They got worried and decided to check the basement just in case. They found nothing so they just assume it was someone who came in and then left. THEN my boyfriend remembered that our upstairs neighbor are also bad at locking their door (like, guys they are so terrible at it, it's almost ridiculous. One time they lost their key for a whole month and just lived with the door unlocked for the entire time. WILD.) anyway, so both my boyfriend and neighbor decided that it was worth knocking and checking the upstairs door just in case.

They go upstairs, but before they can even knock, they hear WRESLING from the inside.

They just barge in, just to be met with our upstairs neighbor (27ish M) in a full grapple with a crack-head that had just walk-in in his apartment !

Thankfylly my upstair neibough was definitely overpowering the guy, but he then explained that yeah, he was working in his office when he heard the door open. He immediately recognised that this was not his girlfriend's steps, so he started filming and went to check the noise all the way to the bathroom, he walk in just to be met with this random man, asking him casually if he wanted drugs (I'm literally crying guys). My upstair Neighbor immediately was like 'wtf get out'. The guy was just like 'but, don't you want a smoke?' Which my upstair neighbor just grabbed him to trow him out. So the guys struggled begging 'please don't hurt me'.

Finally, my boyfriend and the two neibough brought the man to the staircase and called the police.

Literally the guy tried to smoke some Crack on the staircase because the situation was, and i quote 'stressing him'. They had to stop him from smoking right there.

Finally the police arrived and just arrested the guy.

Guys, the moment my boyfriend told me this story was the most 'I told you so' moment that ever happened in my life. I felt so right about locking the door thing. He's been so good at it since then.

This could have gone so wrong on so many levels. Like, if it had been my neibough's girlfriend in the apartment instead of him, genuinely she is super sweet but I would have been so scared for her.

She is also now much more insistant on locking the door, but the neiborghs are still terrible at it lol.

I'm not the original poster.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ThrowRA847362829 posting in r/AITAH

Concluded as per OOP

1 update - Short

Original - 16th March 2025

Update - 2nd September 2026

​

AITA for refusing to have another child after my husband said our daughter isn't his "spiritual child"

​

For context, me (33f) and my husband, Steven, (40m) have been together for 15 years, married for 12 years. We had our daughter, Peyton, (14f) a year into our relationship. Our relationship has been happy except for a few arguments and some things I noticed recently that have made me consider being with him. When we had our daughter, we were both over the moon. He was an amazing father, and he is an amazing husband. In his free-time, he would always want to spend time with Peyton, and he made lots of effort to be as involved as possible. They are definitely very close, or were, because after these events, Peyton has shown disinterest in hanging out with Steven.

A couple of weeks ago, Peyton came to us and told us she was dating a girl. Initially, Steven and I both were very supportive, and let her know that we loved her no matter what.

Last weekend, she went to visit her aunt and uncle, who were staying with my MIL for a week. Aunt and Uncle have a child (12f) who is close with Peyton. MIL is strongly religious. Suddenly, I get a call from MIL demanding that I collect Peyton from her house and in her words, "how dare I allow her near her cousin while she is swerving away from the path of god." Because in my MIL'S eyes, apparently Peyton was influencing her cousin to be gay. Let me put it out there that me and my husband have never put any religious beliefs upon our child or let religion dictate the way we raised our child. My husband has told me in the past that he doesn't agree with a lot of the religious beliefs and practices, but he still says he's religious.

Peyton was obviously upset and I was fuming. My husband was at work so I went to collect Peyton from MIL's house. When we got home, I comforted Peyton because she was in floods of tears, saying she doesn't like MIL. She told me that her cousin and her were talking about crushes, and "other girl things." Then went on to say that MIL stormed in and started yelling about how Peyton was disrespectful and told her cousin to "not go near Peyton because she's contagious."

When Steven came home, he instantly asked Peyton what was wrong, and he comforted her too and apologised for MIL's behaviour. Steven and I discussed how to proceed from here, and eventually decided to cut ties with MIL due to her behaviour causing so much stress for Peyton. We both made the decision, and I asked him if he was okay with cutting ties with his mother, to which he replied he was and that he would do anything for Peyton.

I thought things would end with MIL here, but it's progressively gotten worse. Steven has tried several times this week to initiate sex, and I've politely told him no, as ive not really been in the mood. He got upset when I said no, so in the end i just let him, but he doesn't usually get upset anymore after being told no. As well as this, he has also tried to initiate more than usual this week, and I was confused as to why because he was being distant with Peyton too. So I asked him about it and he was dismissing my concerns at first, but eventually confessed that he wants another child because he believes Peyton isn't his child "spiritually."

When I asked him what he meant, he confided that he had been talking to MIL for a couple days and he had come to the realisation that "god wouldn't gift him a child that would upset his mother" and he wanted to try for another child- even going as far to admit he was thinking about poking holes in condoms or going down on me while i slept to force me into pregnancy. Luckily, he didn't do either of these things, but I snapped at this confession and refused to talk to him for a couple days.

He begged me to forgive him and is begging me to rethink, saying that he desperately wants a grandchild to carry on his last name and would do anything to have another child with me. I asked him what Peyton is to him and he said that she's his biological daughter but not his spiritual daughter and that didn't mean anything to him. I was shocked that my husband who has shown nothing but love for our daughter could just say this. Honestly I'm repulsed by his behaviour and I've taken Peyton to stay with my parents while we figure things out.

I dont know if this is worth salvaging or if I should continue to be with him after all this. He's never behaved this way about this or agreed with his mothers beliefs openly. I also thought we had come to an agreement, but I guess not. Right now, after speaking to several friends and family members, I realised it might be best if I divorce him, because I can't guarantee my daughters safety around him, but a part of me feels like I should at least get in contact with him again and try to work things out before throwing away 15 years of a relationship and potentially ruining my daughter's relationships with his family.

I feel like I might be TA because I could be dismissing his beliefs and values by refusing to have another child or divorcing him, but his beliefs are affecting our daughter and I can't ignore that. I also could be ruining our daughters relationships if I divorce him and cut ties with his family, but including his family in our lives could affect my daughters mental health.

TL;DR: Husband wants another child after feeling not "spiritually related" to our teenage daughter, who is dating a girl, after MIL banned her from her house for religious reasons. I'm thinking of divorcing him but I don't want to dismiss his religious values or put my daughter in a bad place.

EDIT: I am going to divorce him.

EDIT 2: To clear something up, some of the things stated was from what he said to me. When I said "he was thinking of going down on me while I slept" it was his wording. I am aware that this does not impregnate someone, but then he went on to say that he believed I would wake up and be in the mood. My apologies, I should've included that in the post but I didn't really think it'd be of much relevance.

​

Comments

​

Lost_Needleworker285

Nta however ywbta if you stayed with him, you and your daughter deserve better, she deserves a dad who loves her, and you deserve a husband who accepts the word no.

plantprinses

He has a right to his religious values, but you have the right not to share them nor to follow them. As for a second child, who wants to have a child with a man who abandons his child whenever it doesn't meet his expectations? That's just insane. A child is not a religious statement, to be discarded at will. Your husband has zero respect for human life.

OOP: I agree with this. I don't know why I believed that I should try salvaging this because it's just putting my daughter through more. I think I know what I should be doing now.

SerenityLunaMay

You would be the Asshole if you stay with a man who cares about religion and a crazy mother over his child. His relationship with her is over. She will never recover from this. Don't force her to stay in a home where she is not wanted or loved by everyone there. It will slowly kill her being forced to have a family in her life that hate who she is. Divorce and give her therapy. But do not let her think she did anything wrong.

OOP: Absolutely. I'm not going to force my daughter to communicate or live with him, because I can't imagine the effects this is having on her. I accept her and love her and I need to do what's best for her. A divorce is my only option right now that guarantees my daughters complete safety.

​

**Judgement - NTA*\*

​

Update - 1.5 years later

​

It has been a little over a year since my last post. Since then, I have managed to get a divorce and full custody of my daughter. I don't have any contact with my ex husband or his family because of what happened. We both go to therapy as I want the best for my daughter and I don't want her to feel as if it is her fault, because it is not her fault.

I'm not really sure what else to put in this update, and I apologise that it's been over a year. I needed time to process things, to be there for myself and my daughter, and to proceed with the divorce and the other things simultaneously happening.

Thank you to everyone who advised me to get a divorce and helped me to acknowledge the red flags within my relationship. It gave me the push I needed to protect my daughter.

​

Comments

​

alltoowell5

Well done for yourself and your daughter. I hope you can move on and it seems like you're doing the best thing for her. Keep moving forward.

W0nderingMe

Good for you and her. I how you are getting child support. How did your ex take the divorce? NTAH

OOP: I think he was mad about it. He thought I was overreacting and seemed insistent that I would change my mind or not go through with it.

Key-King-7025

I'm glad you are away from your ex husband and his family, and that you chose to protect your daughter. Both of you deserved better. A parent's love should be unconditional, not something that you just turn off when the child goes in a direction you don't like. The fact that your ex husband was able to completely shut off his love like that is truly psycho behaviour. Now you are free to pursue your own interests and desires, and free of the weight of religious nonsense and expectations. Enjoy your freedom!

​

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/dirtyshits

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: April 12, 2019

• Update: April 13, 2019

• Final Update: October 05, 2026

Main Post

^{April 12, 2019}

WIBTA for ending a long friendship because of the lack of a wedding invite?

A friend of mine(or so I thought) is getting married soon to his long time gf and for whatever reason I am the lone man out.

Me and this guy weren't just acquaintances, we were friends and all of our friends are best friends. We lived together, we partied together, and I helped him at any moment he has needed it(big or small). Not only that but me and his brother are really close too.

So it's odd to me that all of our friends are not just invited but are his best men. I don't even get an invite. In fact, forget the invite, he's never to my face said he's actually getting married and neither has his gf who I thought I was cool with but I think now I know im not.

I can't even hang out with my boys right now because they are all excited for this big thing in my friends life and they talk about all the fun they are going to have etc at his wedding. I just end up leaving because it ends up making my blood boil and everyone is just ignoring the fact that I don't even matter enough for a "hey I'm getting married, sorry I can't fit everyone in."

WIBTA for cutting my losses and taking the hint? The only thing is when I cut people off I completely cut them off so I might lose others because of this too but I feel like the disrespect is eating away at me. It hurts that I invest so much into my friends and someone doesn't even have the balls to tell me to my face that I'm not invited(which I was fine with for a while).

All I ever do is try to make sure my team is always on the up and up but it feels like I get taken advantage of way too often and I put up with it. Maybe I'm overreacting and I'm making this about me during a crucial time in his life.

EDIT: The only explanation I have ever gotten was from a friend who is also really close and he mentioned he thinks his fiance doesn't like me that much.

COMMENTS

spicybabie (downvoted)

I don’t get why people can’t just talk to each other.

Like you could even talk to the fiancé and explain exactly what you said here. I don’t blame her for thinking you’re fake and not liking you. First impressions matter.

Also I feel like you’re making this whole thing about you. He’s not “disrespecting” you, and saying that over and over makes you sound like an asshole.

OOP

Then why be fake to me for 6 years. If that’s the hill you wanna die on then maybe don’t do exactly what your accusing me of doing.

She has Accepted and asked for my help consistently over the years. Invited me to most everything else. I would have talked to her a long time ago if that’s how she felt and I knew about it. Why would you think I’m fake when at literally no opportunity where I have had the opportunity to be that person have I actually been that person.

I never knew about this. Even after all this they both had a chance to just talk to me and tell me but instead just ignored me when it came time to buck up.

At this point I’m sort of over it. You hold a grudge over some perceived bullshit from when we didn’t even know each other but pretend to like me for 6 years. Come to my family thanksgiving parties. Come to my family birthdays. Come join the dinner parties I have for my employees(not friends mind you) and get a nice free meal out of me?

I’m not here for that anymore. First impressions matter they aren’t what you hold onto forever when there’s overwhelming proof that it might have been an overreaction.

ChadcelsExist

NTA. In reality, it’s your friends wedding too, and he could have just as easily stuck up for you. Somewhere deep down there’s one of two possibilities, he doesn’t gaf about you enough to defend, or is a major pushover with his partner and it will only get worse. I vote to cut them out and just say “no thank you” to the group. There are better friends out there. Nostalgia be damned, I’ve been through several friend groups over the years, you’ll get more, probably better friends.

OOP

I have two distinctly different group of friends. People I grew up with that are basically family(all of our parents are friends and we were friends as babies). These are basically my brothers. Then I this group of friends who I battled college with and the post college struggle with. We grew up and became adults together.

I guess the latter group might go to the wayside. I just don’t live that close to my friends who I grew up with anymore so I see them on rare occasions but we know we are still tight and everyone always knows what’s going on.

PiltyBones

NTA - I would make sure to mail him a card wishing him luck on his marriage and then he will realize that he probably made a grave mistake... in which I would go ahead and ignore any attempt he made to reconcile your friendship!

OOP

Funny you should say this but I already got them a wedding gift last week. I was always going to give them something.

Calpernia09

NTA... Sounds like your "friend" didn't care you werent there and is hiding behind his fiance.

What I would do is invite everyone but them to a party a fancy well funded one mayne dinner at a nice place. Keep them and cut him out.

OOP

Well I mean they probably not invited to anything I host from now on which is basically something every week whether its at my house or going out to get a nice Friday night dinner out on the town. There loss. My place is a gathering spot. I got a good setup to watch games and grill so the boys are usually here. NBA playoffs starting and I guess either he shows up uninvited or he's watching alone with his wifey.

topgeargorilla

Don’t get too specific, but when is the wedding? Is it within the next month?

OOP

I dont even know the specific date but I think it’s in like 6 weeks roughly. He sent out invites like 4 weeks ago.

rarapatracleo

NTA: I’ve ended a friendship for a similar reason.

A close friend was getting married to someone I had introduced her to. We had been to school together, went to uni together doing the same degree, we had tonnes of mutual friends. She stayed over so often that my family referred to the spare bedroom as her room.

I was wondering if I was going to be a bridesmaid when she told me that it was going to be a small wedding and only family and the bridal party were invited. I was hurt but trying really hard to be understanding. A few months after the wedding I found out that was a lie. And that was when I decided to end the friendship.

No one is entitled to an invite but I think everyone instinctively knows when it’s wrong not to invite someone. I’d also be a bit cool with those mutual friends. Unless they’ve all assumed you’re invited and don’t realise you’ve been snubbed they should at the very least stop talking about the wedding in front of you.

OOP

I don't blame them for talking about the wedding in front of me. They shouldn't have too stop talking about it due to me. They have responsibilities as groomsmen and we are almost always together when we do things. It's their chance to talk about it. Oh well. I'll just have to ignore it.

Also, at first everyone just assumed I was invited. I never said anything because no one asked me. Everyone got packages in the mail with groomsmen gift box. Everyone sort of just assumed all of us got it so for at least 2 weeks nobody knew until one day we were hanging out and someone asked me something about it and I told him I didn't even know the date of his wedding or where he was having it. That's when everyone just sort of asked why I haven't open the package(the friend who was getting married wasn't there). I told them I never got one. So for a week everyone assumed something happened and it was lost. Well a week later when my buddy was with me and he's talking to the guys about some of the stuff he was planning and asking everyone for input on certain things he would obviously skip me or just not include me in that conversation. I think it became clear the package was not lost. Everyone sort of just had the "ah ha" moment. Fast forward to this week and nobody has wanted to touch on this subject until I did. They probably all know im hurting and don't want to fan the flames right now. I dont blame them either. Probably figure this would just blow over eventually.

Something I never mentioned in this whole thing is that his brother asked me to help him plan the bachelor party last week. Lol I told him it's best he does it(not like I want to attend). So it's apparent i'm invited to that. So I'm good enough to party and celebrate with.

CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole

Update - after 1 day

^{April 12, 2019}

WIBTA for ending a long friendship because of the lack of a wedding invite?

So I just called him thanks to everyone who said I should talk to him. I probably should not have talked to him because I would have been happier where I was at.

He was driving to work so had a short talk but wow did things just change fast right now. I bluntly asked him what's going on because I wanted clarity into this whole thing and I told him I felt disrespected to not even be told about the wedding. He basically said he knows and he felt sorry about it. I asked why and he said his fiance basically has held some sort of grudge with me ever since the first time she met me back when we were freshmen in college.

Mind you this is basically 6 years ago. She apparently didn't like the fact I wasn't "giving her the time of day". At that time in our lives my buddies had new girl friends monthly. I rarely ever got to know most of them because none of them ever lasted long. She did last long and eventually(like 6 months after they were together) I made an effort to really get to know her because I realized she was sticking around. I wasn't ever ignoring her ever but our conversations would be super surface level before that.

According to him she thinks I'm fake or pretend to be friendly to her just because shes with my friend. So she chose to cross me off the invitation list when they were making last edits and he went along with it. He had no reply to why he couldn't just tell me. He said he was about to park and go into work so I had to end our call there.

I hope he has more to say than that because it sounds like he didn't even stick up for me over something so petty.

THANK YOU EVERYONE. I got what I need here. Vented, got answers, and realized I need a vacation. I know the perfect weekend.

Secondary update after speaking to another friend and telling him what happened. He mentioned that my buddy is jealous of me and has been for a long time. Makes no sense to me. I don’t flash money(I do enjoy having finer things and eating well though). I always share what I can too. I’m not rich. I work hard and have my own business but I make decent money. I love without having major financial worries.

I hope for his sake that this is not the real reason because this is worse.

COMMENTS

codsniper5

Out of curiosity, how did things end end between you and your friend?

OOP

It just sort of ended. Not much else to add. Haven’t talked to him or his brother after confronting him about it. Not worth the time.

jr12345

NTA

Even hours later after updates... I’m not sure what talking to him was going to accomplish. At best it would’ve gotten you a sympathy invite - would you really want to go to someone’s wedding who obviously didn’t want you there? I guess it’s good to know why he didn’t want you there, but that fact remains. He’s spineless and so is his wife to be.

Nothing of real value is being lost here.

OOP

Hell no I didn't want the invite. I wanted clarity. He's absolutely going to send me a pity invite now and I'm going to ask him to save the champagne for someone who wants to be there.

I called him because at the time every single comment made it seem like i'm a bad friend for not asking him about it. I thought I shouldn't have t but I did it anyways based on 50 comments.

MuttonDressedAsGoose

NTA - earlier up thread in some comments, you've talked about helping him in various situations. It sounds like some of the help was financial. Weirdly enough, that sort of thing can bring about resentment towards the benefactor.

OOP

It was never major in my eyes and if it ever was financial it’s always been paid back or offered to be paid back. I asked him for financial help when I was a broke college student too. So it’s not just one way but you’re right maybe it’s that.

Rrueeth

NTA.

After reading your edit: you probably feel crappier now, but I think it is better in the long run to understand how the people you consider your friends actually value your friendship. It sucks to talk so practically about it, but a lot of disappointment that comes up in interpersonal relationships can be avoided if you can manage your own expectations in the people you surround yourself with. You obviously have put way more stock into your friendship with him than he did, which in the end is everyone's prerogative, but it's still pretty shitty of him to reveal it in such a hurtful way. I honestly don't think the root cause really has much to do with the gf/fiancee, and it may just be an excuse or just the way it happens to be revealing itself. I would not let my SO "veto" a friend who I really wanted to be at my wedding, unless I also did not really want them there to begin with. So I guess that's just something you will have to eventually accept, and keep in the back of your mind.

Question: how has your friend group been reacting to this? I mean maybe the other guys in the group don't feel like it's their place to say, but if you're particularly close to the groom's brother like you say... I dunno, I just can't fathom why brother hasn't said anything on your part to try and get the situation worked out.

OOP

I haven’t really talked to everyone yet. I’m seeing them on Saturday to play some ball so I’ll bring it up then.

His brother is a really good friend to me. He’s like my little brother. I give him rides to work when I can, I take him out to eat when I can(he’s barely starting out his professional career and doesn’t have disposable income), I make sure to include him in any way I can because he’s not exactly super super close to the other guys because he’s younger and wasn’t really part of the crew for a long time. I talk to him every day whether it’s serious or just talking shit about sports or something. We are close. He’s introduced me to all his child hood friends and they all know me. In fact his buddies added me to all their group chats and I’m always in the know of what’s going on with his other friends.

I know in my heart that he would stand up for me but it’s not his decision to make. I don’t want to put him In the middle of this.

Final Update - after 7 years, 5 months, and 23 days

^{October 05, 2026}

In BORU Comments

Hey, I'm the OP of this. It's been 7 years.

Once I found out his fiance had crossed me off the list over some old grudge, and that he just went along with it and couldn't even tell me himself, I was done putting in effort. I didn't make a scene. I just stopped reaching out and stopped inviting them to anything, including my family events, which they used to come to all the time. His brother stayed in my life the whole way through, and I'll always be grateful he never made me feel like I had to choose.

About a year after my cousin got married at a destination wedding. I had over 100 over 100 of the closest people in my life there(I have a huge family) and they got to witness just how we roll. Everyone backs everyone up and goes to bat for them.

My cousin(who was getting married) and I share a friend group, so everyone was there, including the two of them. I was part of the wedding group(and so was my friend who didn’t invite me to his wedding) and this wedding meant a lot to me. I wasn't going to let my issue with them become the story of my cousin's big day. So I sat down with both of them and said it straight. I told them how it felt to be the only one left out, and how much worse it was that nobody had the respect to tell me.

It was a way deeper conversation than the one in the car. His wife apologized and told me she honestly didn't realize back then that she was misjudging me. She thought I was being fake with her. Shes had trouble with people who are generous and instantly friendly. She told me that she always felt I had ulterior motives because I would always be there for her husband and never take anything back. Sounds ridiculous because it is but she has go me through a ton a trauma growing up that I don’t want to get into.

What changed her mind was when they needed help and I wasn't around to give it. I never once went back to them and said “hey I helped you with is or that so now I need this or that”.

That's when she saw what she had pushed away, and she owned it without making excuses.

My friend apologized too, and that one meant a lot. He told me he should have gone to bat for me harder. He said he was in a tough spot because the person he loved had taken a stance and he didn't want to ruin his own wedding. He told me they talked about me and the whole situation multiple times before they landed on that decision, so it wasn't something they did without thinking. He also admitted he was embarrassed and didn't know how to face me about it. He was stressed out of his mind at the time with the wedding, money, and other stuff going on in his life. His plan was to sit down with me after the wedding and explain everything, but by then I had already cut him off, so that never happened. I'm not saying that makes it right, but hearing that he actually wrestled with it, and wasn't just blowing me off, helped me a lot more than the silence ever did. They also told me they missed out on a ton of memories because I cut them off from my family events.

I won't lie, that felt good and bad at the same time. I wasn't trying to punish anybody. I just didn't want to keep pouring myself into people who decided I wasn't worth a simple heads up.

From there we rebuilt it slowly. More conversations, more time together, and eventually it felt normal again, then better than normal. Since then he and I started a business together, and it's been great. Working with someone who once hurt you that badly and still trusting each other with money and decisions tells you how far we've come. His wife's family honestly thinks of me as family now. We've taken trips together and I'm at their stuff all the time. They tease her constantly for not inviting me to the wedding, because they love me and think it was a ridiculous call. She takes it well and we all laugh about it. At this point they're probably closer to me than anyone else who was at that wedding, which is kind of wild when you think about how it started.

Theres a lot more in between but I don’t feel like typing. His wife has grown up since then. Shes let her own insecurities go and has opened up about her past to me. I wish she did this for the 6 years prior to the wedding. I have always tried to get to know her better but she was always so closed off.

I will say I was a man on fire for about 6 months lol. Basically got them uninvited to a lot of things. I was an asshole for a bit.

EDIT in BORU comments

Seems like I didn’t do a good job of explaining.

I didn’t write out the whole situation and now that I read it it sounds bad.

Meant she realized how close we were and just how much effort I was putting in prior to all of this while she was living off of her own perceived reality. She really realized this because of how much my friend relied on me to help him through whatever he had going on. He trusted me with personal matters and I didn’t have ulterior motives.

Meaning she realized that I was truly one his best friends and he confided in me.

When I wasn’t there during a tough time or whatever thats when it hit her that I wasn’t using him or an acquaintance.

the saying “some times you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” applies here and it’s something that has become more and more apparent as I have gotten older.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/SecondOk8410

Published on: r/amiwrong

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: March 05, 2026

• Update: March 10, 2026

Main Post

^{March 05, 2026}

am i wrong: boyfriend wants me to ask permission to turn when driving

Basically, some backstory: I (23F) am in a longterm relationship with my boyfriend (28M). We met almost five years ago. We're not engaged or anything, but it is an exclusive longterm relationship. Our finances are pooled. We work at the same place. The car, which is important in this post, is technically owned by me because my name was what we used to purchase it (I have/had better credit than him). I paid for the downpayment, which was $2,000, but our finances are together so we really both pay on the biweekly car payment. The insurance has us both on it, and that also comes from our shared finances.

My boyfriend is the one who drives the car most of the time. He is a bit of a control freak, but he really likes to drive whereas I could take it or leave it. However, he's not the only one who drives. Sometimes, for example, he will have me drive him somewhere because he is tired or whatever. However, the following have been causing arguments:

• He wants me to use GPS at all times, even when it's like to the corner store. However, if he is in the car with me, he wants me to go the way he says instead of GPS, but it has to stay on.

• He does not like when I drive without him. It stresses him out, and he will change plans to accompany me when I drive. I don't really mind, but I wish he trusted me to drive on my own? Sometimes I feel like I lack independence for no reason.

• The real thing that makes me fight with him is that if I need to turn, or change lanes, or literally anything, he wants me to ask first. Basically, if I'm about to put on my turning signal, I usually say something like "signal to left lane ok?" and he will say yes or no. If he says no, he tells me what I should do instead.

The thing is, like I said, even if I'm going to the corner store, or somewhere we go everyday, or literally just somewhere where there's no question that I need to turn right, I have to ask him. "Turn right, right?" or something like that is usually what I say.

When I DON'T, he gets really upset. Or if I argue with him about it. He says that lane changes and driving decisions affect him personally, so he has a right to have a say about it. In theory, I understand that, because it's true, whatever I do when driving does impact him. However, it's a double standard, because he doesn't have to ask me. I've brought that up, like, "I get that my driving impacts you but yours impacts me, and you don't check with me before you change lanes or make a turn."

He says that while that's true, people have different boundaries, and it's something that bothers him, but that it has never been something that bothers me so if I tried to have that boundary now, it would be manipulative and just to match his, which means it isn't valid.

When we are in the car with other couples, obviously none of them have this weird driving dynamic.

In the end, sometimes I feel like this is really weird, but other times I feel like my boyfriends explanations make sense and I just should respect it. I wonder if it's just a quirk I should accept and drop in the future. However, sometimes it feels like every year I lose more independence. Then again, I don't need to be super independent, so it usually doesn't bother me. I don't know.

Anyway, today we had a big fight about it because I didn't ask (it's honestly embarrassing to ask to put on my turning signal) and he's icing me out. Everything else in our relationship is good.

COMMENTS

Agent_Raas

Is your life even enjoyable?

OOP (downvoted)

I am kind of surprised by the response I'm getting so far ngl. However, yes, my life is enjoyable! I have a job I love as a veterinary receptionist. I'm considering going back to school which brings me joy, but we're not sure if it's the best choice for RIGHT NOW because we rely so heavily on me working overtime (he works it too but we need both). I have a really good relationship with my mom even though she lives a few hours away, and we talk everyday. I have a few very close friends that I go out with probably every other week, and as long as I stay in contact with my boyfriend, he doesn't care. I have a cat that I love, who my boyfriend also loves. We live together and all things considered, we have a good routine at home, and I'm usually happy. I do most of the chores, but he makes more money.

Rathoe9070

He makes more money but does that mean he’s covering most of the expenses? If you’re splitting all the payments on things then why tf does it matter how much money he makes

OOP (downvoted)

He's in bankruptcy and it's a really high payment that automatically comes out of his paycheck (it was worse when it was a garnishment), but he also gives money to his parents. He also does a lot of microtransactions with his mobile games (idk anything about them and I don't want to fight him again on it) that ends up being like 100 - 200 a month. He also LOVES getting takeout, but honestly we work really long hours so I can't complain.

babystepsbackwards

Hey, OP, is this something he does with other drivers? Does he do this with his parents? His friends?

YNW, your boyfriend is being controlling.

OOP (downvoted)

No, he doesn't. He says it's because it's a boundary he has in his relationships and that other relationships are different. He says he can withstand some discomfort when it's not his relationship and it's not a daily thing.

thekermiteer

Everyone has rightfully alerted you to the fact that this guy is psycho and controlling, but aside from that, waiting to get permission (again, holy shit that’s a flaming red flag), is super dangerous.

Driving safely requires attention, and a thousand split second decisions. It’s also very instinctual. If you’ve got some asshole in the front seat barking orders, and you’re preoccupied with seeking his approval to move in traffic (or the bullshit you’ll have to deal with if you don’t) you are seriously distracted. And that makes you a hazard to yourself and everyone else on the road.

OOP (downvoted)

hank you for your comment because honestly sometimes I get really anxious, and I start secondguessing myself because I have to ask first. However this is framed more as me not being so good at driving, even though when we first got together I actually drove him everywhere. It does feel more dangerous for me, and there times where I just don't drive so I don't have to deal with the anxiety. But sometimes he is the one who wants me to drive. The hardest part I guess with all of these comments is I do agree it's weird and unreasonable what he's asking, but I don't want to leave him, and he has made it really clear that it's nonnegotiable and if we want to be together I need to respect his boundaries.

thenextmaewest

Why do you want to stay with him? Genuine question, break this down. Why? What are the positives he brings to your life that you can't do for yourself, or that are unique to him and not just something a partner provides?

OOP (downvoted)

I should have included more good stuff about him so everyone gets a full picture.

• He is the smartest person I know.

• He loves animals, and is so kind and gentle with them. I love the way he dances with the pets at work (he's a vet tech) and sings little songs at them.

• He has a lot of nerdy interests, which I do too, and he has taught me a lot about older nerdy things and stuff like Pathfinder that I didn't really interact with prior. Playing video games with him is so fun, and he doesn't get frustrated at me there like I know some guys do with their girlfriends.

• Whenever he is getting something for himself, he always asks me.

• He stays in constant contact with me (except occasionally if he is caving with his grotto, which he is interested in me getting into as well). He makes me feel secure with that constant presence.

• He is extremely protective, and if someone like catcalls me or something he gets so mad and I know he would always keep me safe from other people.

• He also is hilarious and has a great sense of humor, I'm always laughing.

• He lets me watch really bad TV shows and just kind of absorbs it with me.

• His way with words is crazy, he is so eloquent and also a great, evocative writer. I'm in awe of his abilities.

Main post edits

EDIT1:

I am really sorry everyone, I am really shocked by the response. I think I have not expressed myself well.

EDIT2:

So, the comments started coming in really quickly. I thought I'd get maybe five comments, and I didn't expect them to be so passionate. At first, I wanted to delete everything and run. My blood actually ran cold as I was reading everyone's perception of my situation. My heart is pounding. I keep crying, but not at any comment in particular. I just keep crying. This has me more emotional than I've been in a long time.

I feel panic, because I feel like I'm right to question his weird boundaries, and I feel scared that you're all right that it's only going to get worse. But I am even more terrified of leaving him. He is my best friend. I like so many things about him. I would mourn our relationship so deeply, but you're all right and I don't want to mourn my youth and independence.

Either way, though, I don't want to make a decision right now, because I don't want to be influenced by the response that shocked me so much. I will take the advice of several commentors who said I should talk to my mom and let her know everything. As some of you guessed, my mom isn't a huge fan of him, but she has never said anything horrible. But I have not told her all of this, either.

I'll talk to my mom and get some advice from her. Maybe I will see if she can drive down to visit me and I can invite my best friend and talk with both of them, cry it out, and try to work out what I need to do. I really thought people would be divided on this situation because of the financial aspect and that it's his boundary. This is really throwing me for a loop. Thank you.

OH AND one more thing. If I do leave him, I will lose my job. They LOVE him. He is the only male vet tech and they love his work.

Update - after 5 days

^{March 10, 2026}

UPDATE am i wrong: boyfriend wants me to ask permission to turn when driving

A lot has happened so I'm surprised to see that I only posted five days ago. It feels like it has been ages.

Long story short, my original post was about my boyfriend, who requires that I not only announce my intentions when driving (turning signal, changing lanes, windshield wipers, literally ANYTHING), but that I do not carry out my intention until he okays it. This is the most infuriating thing in my relationship, but I mentioned some other quirks of his, too.

I read the first 300 comments obsessively and mostly everyone was really kind. The fact that everyone felt the same way, and the things that were said - like, many women were comparing my boyfriend to their own abusers that they have left - IDK I just was shaken. I could no longer look at my boyfriend the same way. I was crawling out of my skin suddenly. In my last update, I said I was going to carefully consider everything and discuss my options with my mom and if I leave him, I was going to do so thoughtfully. Well, that's not what happened.

After work, he wanted me to drive us home because he had a rough shift. When we were leaving out of work, I started asking him if he had any trauma surrounding car accidents or anything, because a lot of the commenters said his behavior might stem from either a traumatic incident or some sort of OCD. My question just pissed him off. He was like, "is that what it takes for you to listen to me? You need to validate my fucking boundaries with some bad experience? Would it make you fucking feel better if I got into a car crash, is that what you fucking want?" I started tripping over myself to tell him, noooo I don't want you to get into a car crash, I told him he's just really weird about my driving so I thought maybe something caused it.

We sat in the car arguing for almost an hour. I ended up really pissed off, as well, and he said SOMETHING about his boundary, and so I ended up saying "well my boundary is not being an abuse victim" which was a mistake. He started screaming about who was I talking to, who told me that, which made me say "do you think I don't have any of my own thoughts?" He got out of the car and slammed the door saying I don't love him and want to ruin his reputation, that I don't care about anything but myself. Usually he wants me to chase after him, but I had the ick so severely at this point that I just called his bluff and left. I turned off my phone and drove to our apartment.

Part of me was intending to just get as much of my stuff and my cat and run off right then and there, but I only had like ten minutes before he came through the door, with our fucking boss, one of the veterinarians that owns the clinic. I know I didn't come off well because I was so livid, everything I said was coming out emotionless, cold, and maybe even a little hateful.

So in front of our boss, who clearly had been told some of it on the way, he started saying how I was trying to take everything from him, that I was cheating on him, that I was all he ever loved but that I played him for a fool. And he called the car HIS. He was venting, screaming at me partially but really relaying all this bullshit to our boss, and he said I should be grateful that he lets me drive his car. I fucking lost it! I started going through our bank account and doing the math (even though they were both trying to drown me out at this point) and HIS ENTIRE PAYCHECK GOES TO HIS BULLSHIT, HIS GAMES, HIS PARENTS ALLEGEDLY, literally if he puts 300 a month towards our shared bills I am fucking lucky.

I cashapp'd most of what I had left from my paycheck to my best friend and requested a hardship withdrawal of a considerable amount from my retirement account, which will be sent via check to my mom's house. While this insanity was happening at my apartment, I texted my friend to please come over immediately and that I was leaving my boyfriend and scared.

At this point, my boss kept telling me to cool off and go crash somewhere, that my boyfriend could drive me to a hotel or something and pick me up in the morning. I was unwilling to leave the car, or my cat, and waited for my friend to show up. Of course, my boyfriend was pissed when she showed up, and my boss said I was being unfair involving other people (???? bro is actually other people himself?), my boyfriend threatened to call the cops and I said "go ahead, the car is in MY name, and I would love for the Reddit sleuths to match the police report to my post." That really spooked him and he started crying about how I was ruining his reputation, and he was harassing me about "what did you say in the reddit post, what lies are you circulating" but I was able to leave with my friend, cat, and car.

I have not been back to work. I will not be. My boyfriend has showed up at her apartment twice so far. I don't want to put her in danger, so I'm going to move in with my mom who lives a few hours away.

I do not feel empowered, I do not feel like a weight was lifted. I feel embarrassed by how messy it was, I feel guilty for some reason, and mostly I just want to sleep for a year.

EDIT: Because I'm choosing violence and he will definitely know this post is about him if he sees this: the game he spends an ungodly amount of money on is this Rust ripoff mobile game called Last Island of Survival, he owns a server so that he can give himself admin privileges like a special admin gun and stuff like that, but when his server is too dead which is like always, he goes onto a different server and he's a sucker for pay-to-win so he ends up spending real money on these skins, guns, tickets for gambling for the microtransactions, wingsuits and stuff, and there are months where he spent like $400. It's not even a good game.

EDIT AGAIN: My ex is now sending fake nudes to people, including my mom and at least one former coworker. I suspect this is because I blocked him on everything and got a new phone, so he no longer knows my phone number.

COMMENTS

The_Admiral_Blaze

He sounds like he did all of this according to a playbook, it’s hard to tell because we aren’t there but from your original post you said he didn’t always do the car signal thing until you got the new car right? I have a feeling he deliberately looked up ways to try and control you becisse if that’s true that he didn’t always do the car signal thing then it was never a boundary to begin with.

It’s good you out of there, try not to feel down in the dumps, it was for the best and you have your whole life ahead of you, just get another job and ignore him. And if he persists get a restraining order

OOP

Basically, we got together when I was eighteen. I was driving at that time, and although I didn't outright own the car, I was driving my mom's old car. While I was still living with her, my boyfriend didn't have that weird issue about asking permission when driving. In fact, he did not have a car, and he relied on me beginning the first month we met for rides to work and wherever he wanted to go.

My mom didn't like how my now ex-boyfriend kept pressuring me to move in, and that I was driving him everywhere all the time. She said I shouldn't be acting like a chauffeur unless I was chaffeuring around my kids. Since I didn't own the car my mom was letting me drive, once we moved in together, she told me I couldn't take it with me, because she didn't want it to become his.

He urged me to apply for a car from Drivetime lol because my credit was better than his. I paid the downpayment, he wasn't listed for the financing, and then we agreed to both pay the biweekly payments. Upon this whole situation, I started looking through our shared account and realized that he does not meaningfully contribute to any bills or anything. He basically used the vast majority of his paychecks as fun money. We had no savings. He was always buying new things, from clothes to tech to figurines to video games. I never bought new things. If you divide out the things he buys for himself, he doesn't even have enough money left over to pay our bills. It turns out I have been paying the bills myself. I am being generous if I say his contributions over the last year even total to $800 - and that includes rent, the car, insurance, utilities. I am an idiot lol.

nerd_is_a_verb

You should consider calling a lawyer. The boss intimidation at your home may rise to the level of gender discrimination or sexual harassment/hostile work environment. Your boss is a moron for doing this. Call anyone higher up in the company and tell them what happened and that you are considering a lawsuit for harassment. That’s insane behavior. He tried to help your ex steal your car.

OOP

Ostensibly he was there because he gave my boyfriend a ride. I didn't lose anything besides my job, but I didn't try to not lose my job, so I don't think there's anything to sue for. I didn't even make an attempt, I just never showed up again. That's really on me.

PretentiousUsername1

I'm sorry this is how it ended, but at least it ended. You have to see yourself at this point how incredibly, scarily good he is at manipulating everyone around him. I mean, your boss told you to calm down, not the abuser. Fucking insane.

Just get the rest of your stuff from the apartment with someone else by your side, even call the cops for supprt if you have to, and get your name off the lease immediately.

And then yes, leave that city and move to your mom. And make sure you tell her everything.

OOP

I took what I need. The sad part is all of my belongings fit in one duffel bag. I realized everything in our apartment was his. All of the new stuff that we've bought, his. All of the tech, his. All of the new clothes, his. I had mostly what I had when I entered into the relationship when I was eighteen, things my MOM had bought me as a teenager.

nerd_is_a_verb

You should consider calling a lawyer. The boss intimidation at your home may rise to the level of gender discrimination or sexual harassment/hostile work environment. Your boss is a moron for doing this. Call anyone higher up in the company and tell them what happened and that you are considering a lawsuit for harassment. That’s insane behavior. He tried to help your ex steal your car.

OOP

Ostensibly he was there because he gave my boyfriend a ride. I didn't lose anything besides my job, but I didn't try to not lose my job, so I don't think there's anything to sue for. I didn't even make an attempt, I just never showed up again. That's really on me.

Quick_Government_684

You may not be able to sue but what your ex boss did was extremely unprofessional and 100% unexceptable. You need to go above his head and talk to his boss because that's absolutely not ok.

OOP

He and his wife own the whole clinic. We don't even have an HR department. It is just Veterinarian (Owners) > Veterinarians (not owners) > Office Manager > Vet Techs > Receptionist (me)

NOTE: OOP made a post on r/legaladvice asking for advice about fake nudes created by her ex.

Ex-boyfriend sending AI generated nudes to my mom

Location: Ohio, USA

I just broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago. I have blocked him and obtained a new phone in order to avoid contact with him. Today, he sent fake nudes of mine to my mother via Facebook messenger. These are not my nudes, and I believe they may have been created by Grok or something. Is this a civil or criminal matter? Is this something I can do something about? I am worried about continued harassment. Thanks.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Intrepid-Thought1752

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole & u/Intrepid-Thought1752 & r/TrueOffMyChest

Thanks to u/Nerdgal26 for the BORU rec!

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 01, 2022

• Update 1: August 03, 2022

• Update 2: August 11, 2022

• Final Update: January 02, 2023

Main Post

^{August 01, 2022}

AITA For how I responded to my mom when she said I wasn't invited to her Wedding?

I (15F) am my mother's (35F) only daughter she has from her previous marriage. She has three children the rest being (18, 16) boys, this is important to know.

Last week my mom was talking with one of her friends about the color she wanted the bridesmaids dresses to be. My mom had been planning this wedding with her new boyfriend for the past two months or so, they have been engaged for about one year. The wedding is in December and on the day before my birthday, me and my mom have been planning a party for me around the same time she was for the wedding. She insisted it was alright and that her boyfriend and her would go on their honeymoon the next day.

While she was talking I asked her when we were going to look for my dress since she had asked me to be the flower girl. I could see the disappointed look on her face when I asked her which confused me. She responded only a few minutes later and said "We'll talk about it later." A few hours later my mom came to me. I thought she was going to talk about the dress situation but instead she sat me down and explained how her new boyfriend thought it'd be a better fit for their three daughters to lead the wedding.

Whatever, I was cool with that, but it's important to note that my mom had always wanted all girls, I was a girl but I had looked too much like my father which caused a strain in our relationship. My dad explained to me how my mother had postpartum when she had me and just couldn't connect with me because of it. So when she gave birth to my three younger step siblings who all looked like her(triplets 6yo) she was obviously overjoyed, it hurt to see but I was happy for her. My brother's had a similar experience but were significantly better because they looked more like her. I know this is an over dramatic thing to say but sometimes I feel like because my mother didn't feel as connected with me at birth was because I was a letdown right out the gate.

After she was done I asked her again about the dress because I still didn't have one, again that same disappointed look on her face came before telling me I wasn't invited to the wedding, simply because her boyfriend thought I would upset his family because I was from my mom's previous marriage and he didn't like my dad. She also explained how my birthday isn't happening either due to him wanting to go on their honeymoon right away. It turned into a screaming match with me yelling "I'm sorry I don't look like you enough for you to love me. I'm sorry you were too conceited for you to get over the fact I look like my dad."

I was kicked out by her boyfriend within the same hour because she had cried to him about what I said. All my brothers know what happened and have now refused to go to the wedding which upset her even more, though I don't care about how she feels right now. My brothers had an actual relationship with her and I probably just messed it up by letting my anger get the best of me.

Aita?

Edit: I live with my dad full time, there isn't any custody agreement that I know of. I usually visit my mom on my own free will or when she asks me to come over, so I'm not obligated to go over there. My parents were only married two years prior to having my second brother, divorcing after his birth. They dated after the divorce as a way to make up with each other but it didn't work out but they had me.

Edit: All my brothers are full blood, the girls my mom had are half blood. I said step because I don't consider them to be related to me because I've never been in the room with them for more then five minutes due to my mom not allowing it. My brother's were only invited because her boyfriend actully likes them and his family getting pissed that I'd be there was an excuse to exclude me. I honestly don't care anymore about situation seeing as how my brother's have my back. As for my dad he's been threatening to call CPS but I've talked him out of it because I dont want to get the three girls involved despite there being no relationship.

COMMENTS

Ms_Auricchio

INFO: your mum has three kids, being you and your older brothers but also she gave birth to girl triplets who are your STEP-sisters? Are your older brothers your full brothers? If they are the kids of your father (whom your step father doesn't like) why are they invited to the wedding?

OOP

They are my full brothers, the only half siblings I have are the ones my mom had with her boyfriend. My brother's were invited because they get along well with my mom and her boyfriend. My mom claims we argue too much and "she wants to keep the peace" so she normally invites me over when she knows he won't be there.

Issyswe

Explain this arguing? Does he pick fights or?

OOP

Every fight we have usually involves my dad and how much he doesn't like him. He'll ask me how he's doing then end it with, "I bet he's angry how I stole his girl from him"

Issyswe

INFO: where is your mom’s extended family in all this?

OOP

Most besides my aunt and a few uncles have cut contact with her, that includes my grandparents. My mom got pregnant very young and was disowned by her parents, though they did help her out only because they wanted her to be financially stable before kicking her out. Those who did stay in contact were low contact with her as they didn't want to be involved or seen with her.

Issyswe

I somehow sense there’s more to this than her getting pregnant young.

OOP

From what I remember my dad told me my mom grew up in a traditional Christian household. They had so many rules that my mom often rebelled against them, her getting pregnant was just the icing on the cake.

Issyswe

I suppose it’s possible. Not even unlikely.

But they’ve never taken an interest in you?

OOP

I don't even think my grandparents know shes had more kids, not unless my aunt told them. The last time they spoke was when she was kicked out, I do know they've met my oldest brother but it was when he was younger.

rosegoldlife

INFO: are you a different race from your stepsiblings?

(either way NTA at all I am … curious if this stems from something else on your moms end)

OOP

My dad and mom are both black, the guy my mom got with is hispanic.|

My parents are both black, my mom just has a lighter skin tone than my dad, him being dark-skinned.

Empress_Clementine (downvoted)

A 15 year old flower girl? 🤔

OOP

I know its strange but she said it was a way to get us to bond because she knew how little we talked and wanted to fix it, though I'm not sure anymore.

CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole

Update 1 - after 2 days

^{August 03, 2022}

UPDATE

This is going to be a long post so here TLDR: My mom tried guilt tripping me and lost all her kids in the process

A video of my post showed up on my mom's phone today, which resulted in her showing up at my dad's house unannounced. My dad only allowed it because he thought closer would be the best thing for me right now cause he knows I'm over my mom. We had a nice long chat about how sorry she is for making me feel bad and how she wishes to make things right with me. I didn't say more than a word to her the whole time but she didn't notice because she liked hearing the sound of her own voice. Needless to say it ended with her hugging me thinking she won but instead it turned into me deciding to never speak with her again.

Not going to go into detail about everything she said but this is what stuck to me:

• Said sorry for not being close but turned it on me saying I never made an effort

• Said sorry for not talking to me until now about what happened but called me immature for posting about it online (kinda fair)

• Told me she will never love a man more than me but will make more sacrifices

• Told me a phone works both ways

• Last but not least she said she was sorry but until things calm down with her "husband" I was going to have to get my stuff from her house and stay with my dad

While she was talking she also told me a long long story about how she knew it was wrong to uninvite me and cancel my birthday but her boyfriend made her. She said she wanted to comprise but said it was me or him. Guess who she chose.

Everything she said to me kinda made me realize how I was wasting my time ever being in her life. I realized she created so many issues for me growing up and it was all because I never got an answer as to why she never liked me. While did get love and support from my dad and brothers I felt like I was missing something by not getting the same from my mom. The thing that makes this worse is that me doing this is me loosing the ability to ever receive those things, but it's for the best since my mental health has suffered enough.

After she left I found out from both my brothers she tried talking to them also. My second oldest brother told me he only let her get about one paragraph in before silently leaving the room, hats when she came to me. She also tried talking to my oldest brother too by showing up at his apartment without telling him. She banged on the door for like a good 20 minutes and only left until someone threatened to call the police.

It's funny how desperate she gets when she knows she fucked up. Anyways drama happened between my dad a few days ago that I'm just hearing about from him. My mom's boyfriend threatened to sue him for custody of my brother because he "couldn't keep true family apart." If that's not funny enough my dad told him to go right ahead "because I'm sure the court would side with a convicted drunk driver." I'm not sure if that's true but from what my dad told me the boyfriend hung up immediately.

Anyways that's it for now and thank you for all for the support.

NOTE: This post is not related to the story, but rather focuses on her relationship with her dad.

Update 2 - after 10 days (after 8 days from last post)

^{August 11, 2022}

My dad leaves candy under my pillow

He doesn't know that I know he does this but it's something that I love and want to keep a secret. He only does this when he thinks I'm upset or when he wants to cheer me up.

It's always the same candy too which is my favorite part of this all. This candy under the pillow habit started when I was like eight and I casually mentioned I liked this random candy I had tried at school, I guess that information stuck with him because he gives it to me every night. My dad's a very emotional person but when it comes to talking about feelings he's not good with using his words, showing how he feels through actions. He does something similar with my brothers as well.

Whenever my brother would get good grades he'd "magically find" ten dollars in his notebook. When my oldest brother was upset my dad would try and have a conversation with him about his favorite things, going as far as to buy him something similar to what he wanted the next day.

I don't want to mess up the magic of this all even though I may have slipped up this morning by mentioning the candy to him. I want him to keep doing it because it makes him happy.

Final Update - after 5 months, 1 day (after 4 months, 22 days from last post)

^{January 02, 2023}

I Broke My Mom's Heart and Now She's Homeless

A couple of months ago, I made a post about me being excluded from my mom's wedding due to her boyfriend. I'm glad to say the wedding never happened and it's because of my own mother's animosity towards me.

I got a therapist that suggested I should still keep some contact with my mom to see how things go before I open myself up emotionally again. They also suggested journaling all my emotions to keep track of how I was feeling each time I spoke with her. It was hard because I had completely detached myself from my mother, all the love I had for her was no longer there. I even refused to call her any variation of the word 'Mom' and used her first name, Anna. It was weird at first, but so I was calling her by the name of someone who's supposed to care for her. I stopped calling completely at one point, only speaking to her when she called, which was rare. I would give her one answer to whatever question she was asking me because I just didn't care to participate.

To say our relationship was even more strained was an understatement, but it gave Anna an idea as to how she had been treating me throughout previous years. This all pushed her to apologize to me as she claimed she wanted to mend our relationship. Obviously, I didn't believe her at first, but that was until she offered to introduce me to my younger siblings. Of course, this shocked me because in my original post I stated how she didn't like us being close, as well as them knowing who I was. I took up her offer and I finally got to meet her younger children, but even after meeting them, the feelings I had towards them replacing me in my mother's heart still didn't disappear. I know it's wrong to feel that way because they're innocent in this scenario, but I just can't shake it. They're really sweet but it just hurt to be near them knowing my mom cared more about them.

Though I'm not proud of what I did because of them. As I said, I've completely stopped calling Anna 'Mom', and only refer to her by her first name. I guess all the time I've been with her kids they've also picked up the habit of calling her Anna. As many times as she corrected them, they still won't stop calling her Anna and would asked me to talk to them or start calling her 'Mom' around them. I refused, I even went as far as to tell her that I'll call her whatever title fits her and that's her name, as 'Mom' no longer means anything to me. I guess she got the hint that the relationship we once barely had was no longer there because she started crying.

I felt bad, but I decided to leave because I didn't feel like apologizing for what I said to her. A week had passed after that happened and I didn't hear from her. I assumed we were done and I didn't have to put anymore half assed energy into the relationship. That was until Anna called me crying, begging me to come over. I did so reluctantly because I wanted to cut all contact I had with her as my dad planned to move and wanted me to clear out all my things from her house. When I got there, Anna was still crying as her fiance was reading stuff off to her. He had taken pictures of my journal and all the things I've written over the past couple of months and was reading off every bad thing I've said about Anna. I felt violated but mostly robbed of being able to unload all the pent-up emotions I've held over the years onto Anna.

I don't want to go into detail about all that happened that night but Anna's boyfriend ended up apologizing to me. He said he had no idea of what Anna had been doing and was only acting that way towards me because of this false narrative she had built up about me. He said he couldn't believe a child could have so much anger towards one person and he didn't want her around his kids, fearing she would do the same to them. I'm assuming Anna was kicked out that same night because she wasn't there when I went over to get my things and she sent me a short text basically saying she loves me and meant no harm, but in that same text she said she wished I would just forgive her already.

I sent her a text asking how sleeping outside was.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Secure-Map-7850

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 03, 2026

• Final Update: September 06, 2026

Main Post

^{September 03, 2026}

AITA for waiting for a patient to come to my house and causing us to be late for my wife's friend's birthday?

My wife has been angry at me about this so I thought I'd ask here. I'm a plastic surgeon and recently did an otoplasty for my close friend's son. After an otoplasty it's important that the head dressing stays in place to protect the ears and support the cartilage, so when my friend said that the dressing seemed to have come a bit loose, I asked him to come to my house. They could have come the next day to my clinic but he was a bit concerned about whether the dressing having loosened a bit would have affected the result despite my reassurances so I asked him to just come to my place. He gave me an eta of 15 minutes.

That night we were going to my wife's friends birthday which was around a 35 - 40 minute drive and she was ready to go. When I told her, she was annoyed but was ok with 15 minutes. Unfortunately my friend got stuck in traffic and it took him a bit longer. During that time my wife was getting angry, asking me to tell them to just see me the next day, but when I called they were already on the way so I decided to wait. She complained that I let work interfere with home life, how I always do this (I do not) and just let her displeasure be clearly known. Eventually they came I examined his ears, changed his dressing and they left and so did we.

Unfortunately we got stuck in a bit of traffic too, and she was getting calls from her friend while we were en route. My wife eventually asked them to just cut the cake, and we arrived about 10 minutes after.

She has been angry about that since, its better now but she was incadescent the drive back. And even now if she gets a message from her friends it reminds her of it and she'll have something to say. I've tried to explain that I was responsible as his doctor but it doesn't help.

COMMENTS

vintagefaerie

INFO: How late to the party were yall in the end? Seems likely pretty late if they were cutting the cake without you.....

OOP (downvoted)

We were a little over an hour late.

SlayerOfTheVampyre

INFO. How often does your work interfere with your personal life? If it’s rarely and this was special because it was a close person, then its fine. Being late to a birthday is annoying but not life ruining or anything. But based on her reaction, I’m guessing she thinks you have bad boundaries with your job. This warrants a bigger conversation between you two.

OOP (downvoted)

It doesn't too often. Patients visiting my house certainly doesn't happen, in this case it was my friend's son. But other than taking phone calls, I don't bring work into my home.

froggylove78

YTA. Your wife sounds like she has to deal with you prioritizing your work over her plans even after work is done. Do you like your wife?Do you use work as an excuse all the time?

Lola-the-showgirl

YTA. You knew you had plans, if it was any other patient you would have just seen them the next day.

WeissPyre

"She complained that I let work interfere with home life, how I always do this (I do not)..."

Hmmmm. This is very telling.

YTA. You yourself said it would have been fine if he had come to the clinic the next day, and I highly doubt that if this were a patient you didn't know personally, you'd let them just come by your house for a dressing adjustment.

CONSENSUS: Asshole

Final Update - after 3 days

^{September 06, 2026}

Update: AITA for waiting for a patient to come to my house and causing us to be late for my wife's friend's birthday

I posted on this forum a few days ago and the response ascertained that I was in the wrong. It was helpful for me. Yesterday I had reserved dinner at a favorite restuarant of hers and tried to make it a good fun date night. We were ready on time and in fact the same road that was responsible for our delay last time was completely fine yesterday. I mentioned that, that ofcourse it is now that there's no time crunch and she found it funny too. I took the opportunity to apologize for that night. She said it was ok and said it wasn't just about the kid, it was because it had been happening a lot that she overreacted.

I was surprised because I really do make an effort to not bring work home so I asked what she meant. She brought up me stepping out for a call when we had ordered in pizza and wings and said they were cold by the time I came back. But it was really a five minute call and the food was great, but I just said I would try to be mindful. She'd also brought up that I had scheduled a surgery the night before on a morning that was supposed to be free and she had been looking forward to going out for breakfast. That one was actually a one-off under special circumstances, it was a cleft palate surgey for a little girl, her parents had traveled to the city for the surgery, and based on their request I didn't want them to go and come back again so when the OR freed up I slotted them in.

But I did realize that it wasn't just that day or actual incidents but rather a general feeling she's been having so I promised to reduce calls to only essential ones at home and to be more mindful of running things by her first before making changes that could affect our shared time. She was glad and we had a good night. Thank you to this forum for the help.

COMMENTS

No_Expression_1234

Tbh, with how you talk about the examples she gave (the call outside, the surgery on the free morning) it sounds like nothing will change because you consider it all essential. 

What exactly would you consider essential? Will you be able to say, this is something for when I am on shift or go to the ER or travel up when there'd actually a free moment? Or are those all still essential? And communicate with your wife on what situations will really need your attention now. 

OOP (downvoted)

It is essential but it could be handled by me better and should have her be in the loop when things affect our shared time. That is what I'll improve on.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/philastotle

Published on: r/AITAH

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: April 03, 2026

• Final Update - in comments: April 06, 2026

Main Post

^{April 03, 2026}

AITAH for wanting to quit my unpaid co-host role after being told I couldn’t cancel when my pet was dying?

I (33 M) am a co-host on community radio show focused on men’s mental health. It’s unpaid and something I do as a hobby, but it’s a pretty big commitment. I drive about 3 hours each way every week to be there. On top of co-hosting, I also manage the show’s social media and Spotify (editing, uploading, posting, etc.).

Recently, one of my pets became seriously ill and had surgery. The morning of the show, I found out things weren’t looking good and there was a real chance we might have to put him down that day. I messaged the main host to let him know I couldn’t make it. Background, he works in the mental health space and has a bachelor in health science.

This was the exchange:

Me:

“Hey man, can’t make it to the show tonight, one of the pets is really sick at the vet and we might have to put him down tonight. Was really hoping for some good news this morning after his operation but unfortunately not :(”

Him:

“We have one rule, you cannot cancel on the day.”

Later he also said:

“I hope this is not an April fools joke”

I responded:

“I’m not joking. I get you have your rules but this is an emergency and a pretty distressing situation. I was a bit taken aback by the response given the circumstances and considering you work in mental health. A simple ‘I’m sorry, hope he’s okay, I’ll handle the show’ would have been fine.”

He replied:

“It doesn’t stop me being honest”

and also:

“I think we have a different view on death… I get over things pretty quick because life still carries on… when you have lost as many things as I have it gives you a very different perspective… I do apologise for that.”

This whole interaction really didn’t sit right with me. I understand having rules, but this felt like a complete lack of empathy for a genuine emergency.

Now I’m seriously considering quitting. It’s unpaid, I travel 3 hours each way, and I also handle a lot of behind-the-scenes work like social media and uploading/editing content. I actually don’t even know what to say to him yet.

AITA for wanting to quit over this?

COMMENTS

No_Durian_3730

Quit immediately. Driving 3 hours with today’s gas prices is an obscene ask for an unpaid role. Also, ZERO concern for your mental health. Did your pet make it? I really hope they pulled through ♥️

OOP

Unfortunately no, we went to 3 different vets, he had 2 surgeries, it was brutal, he was only 4 months old too, just a baby. We tried so hard and so did he but the vet said he could not be cured his ureter had ruptured and to put him down. Was honestly one of the most heartbreaking things I have experienced. Thanks for the love though appreciate it.

Super-Candle2432

NTA... I would have quit on the spot after the first message, I hope he doesn't have any clients relying on him for mental health assistance, his lack of empathy is out of this world!

Traditional_Fan_2655

This!!!! I would have been sorely tempted to immediately say, "I completely understand. Since I cannot abide these rules today, it is best I resign effective immediately and you find someone else. My real job has let me off work today, so I can rest assured it is best I leave here, (my unpaid, volunteer job, Mr AH 'boss')".

Hightechzombie

NTA. This is the most ironic situation if true.

Men's mental health is so important, that you get blasted for having emotions over a pet's death. Why don't you try just getting over death, man? There are more important things than grief - things like discussing men's mental health.

Wait a second...

MovieLazy6576

NTA. This person shouldn’t not be doing a show in mental health. A true mental health professional would tell you to look at your codependency that has you giving up this much time for free every week especially when you are getting treating disrespectfully.

2024notyurbiz

Unpaid. 6 hours commuting. Forget the jerk of a boss. Why are you working there?

Final Update - after 3 days

^{April 06, 2026}

Update - in comments

I just want to say thank you to everyone who responded. I didn’t expect this kind of support, but reading through your comments genuinely helped me feel seen and validated during a pretty difficult time. It gave me a lot of clarity and confidence in how I was feeling. The reddit community is amazing.

I ended up deciding to step away from the show. After thinking about it more, the lack of empathy in that situation and the overall lack of respect just didn’t sit right with me, especially given the focus on mental health.

For those asking, this is what I sent:

“Hey,

I’m stepping away from the show effective immediately.

Your response when I told you my pet was likely going to be put down was unacceptable. That was a real and distressing situation, and instead of any basic empathy, you chose to prioritise a rule and make dismissive comments. That’s not something I’m willing to tolerate.

Mental health is something I take seriously, which is why I was involved in the first place. The way you handled that situation showed a lack of understanding and respect that doesn’t align with the values you claim to represent.

I was contributing a significant amount - driving 3 hours each way, managing social media and Spotify, and doing it all unpaid. I did that because I believed in what the show stood for. This experience made it clear that belief isn’t shared.

For clarity, my pet did pass, which makes your response even more inappropriate.

I value my time, my effort, and how I’m treated, and this situation fell well short of that.

I won’t be continuing.”

He replied almost instantly and his response really solidified my decision, I am actually in shock and not sure how to react, any suggestions would be appreciated. I am in shock that a 46 male can behave like this.

Him:

“If that is how you feel than that is your choice, but I go on patterns and the last three times you chose not to come in was because of a sick pet, and all three times you cancelled on the day, if I am to respect you it would be nice to get the same respect back, and hey if this is all it took instead showing the show the respect it deserved than you have been looking for a way out which just takes honesty courage and a conversation, thank you for your time.

You talk big about respect, yet you could not follow the only rule the show had.

Can you please forward the Spotify details. How we upload it.”

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Coolfry8

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole & r/AITA_Relationships

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: February 04, 2025

• Update: October 10, 2026

Main Post

^{February 04, 2025}

AITA for siding with my [28M] SIL [34F] over my wife [26F]?

My wife is a beautiful hard working woman who has a high education and a solid career. We were college sweethearts and have been married 2 years. We own a house together, we both have masters degrees and careers that we worked hard for. We're currently trying for a baby as we're ready to take the next step in our lives. From what I gathered from my in-laws, my wife's older sister is her half sibling.

They have the same father but grew up in different households. After their father's infidelity in his first marriage with my SIL's mom, her parents divorced then my FIL remarried and had my wife with his new wife.

I heard my SIL grew up in poverty with her mother in a run down area and saw my FIL on weekends. My wife's parents (FIL and MIL) are very educated and have solid careers as well. My wife grew up in a two parent household in the suburbs.

Apparently my SIL is also disabled. I'm a very empathetic person and was curious to know what happened so I gently brought it up to my SIL during an outdoor family get together. She confirmed it was all true and went into further detail. She had multiple surgeries for medical conditions, was bullied in school, almost died twice, her mother was poor and struggling, etc.

Despite her degree she's been trying to get employed for years and has used temp agencies but she said employers terminate her as soon as she requests accommodations so she's been on/off government assistance for years. She's also medically sterile. She's apparently also been in therapy for over 10 years. At this point my SIL started tearing up so I ended the conversation and apologized for asking.

Later on at home when I brought up the conversation to my wife, she immediately goes on to say that her sister has a tendency to play the victim, she needs to be patient, work harder, etc, etc. After getting to know my SIL more though I'm even more grateful for what I have. My wedding with my wife was paid for by our family, we have solid careers that we got right out of college, we're in great health, we have a bunch of friends and were never bullied in school.

When I brought up that I'm so thankful that we're so fortunate, my wife immediately got defensive and goes on about hard work, not to let the past define you, anyone can make it if they try hard enough, etc. I've never seen this side of her before. While I acknowledge we've both worked very hard to get where we are, I gently told her we do have our parents and upbringings to thank for that.

She snapped at me. She's a licensed counselor but I honestly thought she would be more empathetic to her own family member who's been through so much. I definitely would. Thankfully my siblings never went through that but I couldn't even imagine if they did. AITA for taking my SIL's side over my wife's?

EDIT: Thank you for the replies and sorry for any confusion. What I left out is what confuses me the most is I'm hearing things from my other in-laws that match up with what my SIL said. Basically it's my wife's word against my SIL, FIL, BIL, MIL, etc. My SIL is also apparently low contact with FIL and FIL doesn't know why. It's all confusing to me.

Note: The comment section is lengthy because the OOP provided additional information.

COMMENTS

StAlvis

INFO

I honestly thought she would be more empathetic to her own family member who's been through so much

What makes you think she doesn't know more of the story than you do?

OOP

Sorry if I didn't go into further detail. I originally found out information from other family members. While we were dating and engaged as well, I noticed that when it came to family gatherings her younger siblings showed up but never her older one. FIL would bring it up saying his oldest wasn't attending again so I wondered what that family dynamic is. My SIL recently admitted that she's low contact with my FIL.

InnerSight3

You replied, but didn't answer what was asked.

OOP

She probably does know. The confusing part is when there's multiple other family members who are either basically contradicting what she's telling me. I always thought her family was very close and in agreement with things.

lihzee

From what I gathered from my in-laws, my wife's older sister is her half sibling

This makes you sound like an alien. You had to "gather this" from your in laws? Your wife wasn't able to explain half-siblings to you?

YTA.

OOP

Yes back then early in our relationship I didn't know they were half siblings and thought my MIL was the mother of all my in-law siblings. At this point I know.

ElGato6666

OOP is from a culture where this is the standard syntax. I'm 99% sure this whole thing was translated.

lihzee

That would make more sense because otherwise he kind of sounds like a bot.

OOP

I apologize for any confusion. I live in the US but work in STEM so my colleagues and I have a tendency to write this way. It's basically become a habit now because it's how I write in hundreds of work emails.

Discount_Mithral

I was really ready to go the other way on this, but - NTA.

You are recognizing your privilege for what it is. Good health, family wealth, no real debt, home ownership, careers right out of college - things a lot of people in your generation, and even those in the generations above you, will never see.

Your wife's take on this is harsh. My guess is that there is past resentment from the infidelity on your father's part, but putting that blame on the child of someone else's mistake is so wrong. You have to decide if it's worth the fight in your household about this topic, however. Your SIL sounds like she's had a rough life, and your wife sounds bitter AF.

beep_beep_crunch

I agree with most of this. And I also came here prepared for a different outcome.

It sounds to me like his wife has grown up with blinders on and relying very heavily on what her mother (and possibly father) have been saying about his first family.

INFO: OP, how did you find out that your wife’s father cheated? Is that common knowledge?

Is the father not helping out financially? Did your wife’s college get paid for? And what about her half-sister’s?

Ultimately, NTA. Maybe not worth digging in unless OP wants to risk his relationship. These types of family dynamics are tricky to navigate and obviously this is something the wife is touchy about.

OOP

Funny you should ask. Shortly before the wedding, my FIL had a talk with me in private and basically told me he cheated on his ex-wife and it was something he wishes he could take back because he was young and dumb (his words). He then told me to be a good loyal man to my wife. He's religious if that makes any sense.

hidee_ho_neighborino

Did the FIL ever help the disabled SIL? It sounds like FIL is living a comfortable life now.

OOP

Yes he does when he can but from what I've heard from him lately his oldest has lowered contact over the past year or so. When I was talking to my SIL she admitted that she's gone low contact with my FIL even though she loves him.

RHND2020

INFO: what do you mean “from what you gathered” from the in-laws, you “heard” your SIL grew up in poverty, etc.? You brought stuff up with your SIL? Did you ever bring stuff up with your wife? Did you ever ask her the story of her childhood, and her perspective on her SIL and the details of their relationship? So you talked to the SIL and then never having discussed any of these issues with your wife, you immediately decided you knew better than your wife what the story was? Seems weird.

OOP

Sorry, the character limit didn't allow me to exceed 3000 on the post. I've seen patterns over the years of our dating, getting engaged then married of what her sister told me. For example when FIL (before wife and I were married) asked me if I can give his oldest daughter a ride to the local assistance office. I had work so I couldn't but that's one example. Another being during Christmas when MIL and FIL asked to get medical supplies for my SIL as her Christmas gifts. There's a lot more examples but it eventually got me wondering and my in-laws went into some details here and there. Then the talk with my SIL seemed to match up with things.

RHND2020

Thanks for the info. I am still a bit confused why it doesn’t sound like you and your wife have discussed this more. When things get you wondering, do you ask your wife directly? But yeah, I could see how your wife has chosen to blame her sister for her circumstances rather than admit to herself that her father has created some of the issues. Sounds like she scored the good childhood while her sister did not.

OOP

You're welcome and thanks for responding. Every once in a great while my wife and I will have conversations regarding our parents and siblings. For example if there's an upcoming event we want to go to or host. My wife doesn't seem to like to talk about my SIL though and that's another thing that got me wondering. At family get together they seemed like a healthy, happy family. More often than not, her older sister was absent for the gathering.

TemptingPenguin369

INFO: You say "I heard my SIL grew up in poverty." Who did you hear that from?

OOP

My FIL and MIL. My SIL said the word poverty. My in-laws say less resources. Then follow it with saying that she's very loved and that God will provide. Things will get better, etc. My in-laws are religious. They go to church on weekends.

saedgin

YTA

Did you ever ask your wife about her past interactions with her half sister? I mean she has known her a lot longer than you and very likely has a much different perspective and different experiences with her that you don’t know about.

It does sound like your sil has had some rough experiences but what role does she have in staying a victim? Maybe you live in a different country than I do but to me it seems a little suspicious she gets fired for her disability and there is never a lawsuit for not providing accommodations.

OOP

Yes, I have. We live in the US. My wife said growing up they were close and eventually we're as close once they got older. My wife told me my SIL has a tendency to be in unhealthy relationships and there was a couple of times where the guy my SIL was dating and my wife got in a huge argument and she didn't want to be around that anymore. My wife told me that we can't control our childhood and she wishes her sister had it better growing up but we control our adulthood based on the choices we make. Everything I heard about my SIL original came from my wife's parents or her younger siblings. There were times I questioned what was going on earlier on in our marriage and relationship for example when my FIL reached out to me one day asking if I can give my SIL a ride to the local assistance office because she medically can't drive.

Theteaishotwithmilk

YTA what exactly are you looking for your wife to do with what ur saying? Do you expect her to reconnect? Do you expect her to help her half sister financially? Do you just want her to say "oh yeah, makes you grateful for your life huh"?

She already knew her story- why retell it, why push it?

You also not asking your WIFE about everything- listen to her side.

She might be coming off a lil harsh, but like the half sis is an affair child that im sure in ur wifes eyes broke her family up and changed her view of her father forever. She doesnt owe her anything regaurdless.

She was defensive because you are being weird about pushing the subject so much- who wouldnt be if their SO keeps talking to and bringing up someone who they have a charged relationship with, and not only that- but starts talking about how privileged you are and dismisses your hard work as moot.

Bro why are you so set on defending another woman without even trying to ask and understand your wifes p.o.v.?

OOP (downvoted)

Thank you for your response. I guess I'm just more confused than anything because I have different family telling me different things. I'm not trying to pry either. For example before my wife and I got married my FIL would ask if I could give my SIL rides and I didn't know why at the time. He went on to explain her disability and limitations. He was very busy with work at the time and so was his wife and my wife. I work from home half of the time so it left me with more flexibility. I remind my wife all the time how she's a hard worker and is beautiful and strong. I love her so much

lilacshadowsatdusk

This a really tough one. On one hand it’s never a good idea to dig around your spouse’s familial affairs behind your partner’s back. Narratives get twisted, stories get misconstrued, and the roundabout way of it makes it feel like a breach of trust. Sure, sometimes reaching out to the family sometimes reveals your partner to be a raging AH, but have you had any reason to suspect your wife of foul conduct when you were just ‘curious’? 

On another hand if true, SIL has had one hell of a childhood and life, and your wife is, on a surface level, showing a startling amount of privilege and lack of empathy, which is AH attitude and indicative of past AH behaviour. She could be just straight up an AH, she could have resentment from a materially privileged but emotionally shitty childhood, SIL could be twisting the story. 

But OP, what is the actual conundrum you’re ‘siding’ on? What is your end goal here? Is it to set up a support network for your SIL (who mind you she didn’t ask for your charity or noblesse)? Is it to play saviour and feel good for being a very empathetic morally good person? Is it to try reconcile your wife’s family? Is it to make sure you and your wife are aligned in your values going forward? To ‘fix’ her AHish views? 

On a third hand, the overemphasis of OP being empathetic, gentle and kind, the wife’s one-dimensional heartlessness and the SIL traumadumping a lifetime’s worth of struggle, infertility and medical issues onto a semi-stranger over a family gathering that she’s semi-LC with has me questioning if this isn’t a creative writing exercise, so I may well have written a wall of text for nothing!!! But if true, ESH. 

OOP

Thank you for commenting. My end goal is for everyone to get along. I mentioned this in a few other replies but in the past my FIL has asked me to do favors for my SIL because of her disability. FIL asks favors from other family members too. By extension I got curious on the what's and why's but didn't question it at the time. FIL also brought up his past affair before my wedding and went into detail about it. He basically told me not to make the same mistake he did when he was my age.

CONSENSUS: Not enough info

Update - after 1 year, 8 months, 6 days

^{October 10, 2026}

Update: AITA for siding with my [30M] SIL [36F] over my wife [28F]?

No this isn't AI lol. I just have lots of practice with writing because my career requires a lot of writing and summarizing. I actually have yet to use Chatgpt on anything yet. Anyways onto the update.

To sum up my original post, my SIL (wife's older half sibling) was born permanently disabled, grew up in poverty when my FIL (wife's and SIL's father) cheated on his first wife (SIL's mom) with my MIL (wife's mom and FIL's wife), and SIL is low contact from the family for reasons I couldn't quite understand at the time.

My wife and I have tight knit families so it got me wondering what would cause the family rift. My wife and I grew up with lots of love and support in our homes and lots of opportunities. We're college educated, career oriented, homeowners and have a daughter we welcomed into the world several months ago who is absolutely adorable! I'm sure the affair was hard on SIL but I couldn't figure out why she continued becoming more distant since my wife's family seemed very loving and supportive, plus family get togethers are very important to my wife as she's big on social gatherings.

I had to approach very carefully as my wife got defensive whenever I questioned what was going on. She basically told me that it was SIL's fault for not working harder, that her medical situation is being exaggerated, that FIL was a great father to both of them, that God will provide (her family is very religious), etc.

There's a lot to unpack and it would take a long time and an entire essay to explain everything that's happened since. To sum this part up, after the past almost two years, I found out some truths that my wife hid from me. For example, when my wife was in high school, she was dual enrolled by her parents which helped her in college.

My SIL apparently was placed in special ed in high school at the pressure of my FIL against her bio mom. Another example is there was a brief period over several years ago where my SIL moved in with FIL and MIL. She was on SSI and they charged her rent until my wife bought up that she felt more comfortable if SIL lived in a public housing apartment so my in-laws got SIL moved into one.

My wife continued living with them rent-free during and after college until we married. FIL also paid for our wedding. Wife went over budget so FIL had to dip into his retirement to cover it. SIL apparently has a boyfriend now but FIL told her he unfortunately doesn't have anything saved for their wedding if she ends up marrying her boyfriend and that they'll have to figure that out.

There's more examples like when FIL passed his former car to my wife because SIL can't medically drive instead of just selling it and maybe setting a bit aside for SIL. Or when my wife wanted to park in my SIL's empty lot space at her housing apartment since SIL doesn't drive. This was during a few family gatherings where FIL's driveway filled up quick and SIL's apartment was a block away.

I've also recently noticed some patterns within our marriage. I absolutely love our daughter! She's the light of my world. My wife doesn't seem close to her unfortunately and I'm doing most of the childcare. Any opportunity to stay late at work, work extra, business trip, etc, my wife jumps at. I'll be at home after work taking care of our daughter. Sometimes wife will prioritize going out with friends like she did before we had our daughter.

All these patterns and new truths I've discovered over the past nearly two years is making me see a side of her I'm not happy with unfortunately. She's achieved a lot and had become successful but at other people's expense. She still puts her immediate wants over others needs. If she's questioned about it at all, she gets very defensive. This isn't the life I envisioned for us and I wish she didn't hide so much from me.

AITA for considering divorce?

COMMENTS

Smoke__Frog (downvoted)

If this is real, you would have divorced her as soon as you found out how selfish she is.

The reason people thinks it’s AI isn’t because you’re some great writer lol. Get over yourself.

It’s because you’ve painted your wife as more evil and cold hearted than a Disney villain and you’ve yet to leave her.

YTA.

OOP

It's not that simple because she has a lot of great qualities I explain in my original post. Nothing is black and white. I still love her and part of me has hope that things will get better. The other part is hesitant to work through things. I wish these decisions were more simple but emotions are complex.

Smoke__Frog (downvoted)

Sure.

She’s a great person. She’s rich and educated and…what else exactly?

She’s a bitc to her poor sister and is out with friends and likely her affair partner while you’re home with the kid. Sounds great

OOP

She's beautiful, hard working (yes she got lots of help along the way but she's doing great at her job AFAIK and recently got a promotion). I know she's busy a lot but when she is here with our daughter she's very attentive to her. She's a kind person to me, our daughter and her friends and most of her family. She's very charismatic which I think is what really got me to fall for her when we met in college. She's very much against cheating so I doubt she would do that.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/alwaysonmybike

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: November 15, 2022

• Final Update: November 16, 2022

Main Post

^{November 15, 2022}

AITA for not going to Thanksgiving at my brother's new house?

My brother and his wife just bought a house earlier this year and want to host thanksgiving at their house this time. Typically I host and my mom and I do all of the cooking and cleaning but this year, I received a pretty upsetting medical diagnosis. Because of this, SIL said she would host and cook.

Every year, my mother and father in law spend thanksgiving at our house, as do my parents, brother, sister in law and all the children. I spoke with my brother about Thanksgiving yesterday and mentioned that my in laws are excited to see their new house. He said he was excited to have everyone together especially because he just decorated their house. We made a plan for who was bringing what food.

Late last night my sister in law sends me a text saying no offense to me or my in laws, but that they only want their families to attend. Basically, she was saying my mother in law and father in law are not invited. I was under the impression that it was the same thanksgiving we have every year but moving it to a different house this year.

There's no way I can tell my in laws they aren't invited to Thanksgiving so now I feel like I have to host a dinner at my house. Hosting, cooking, cleaning up the house and then attending the gathering at my brother's house will wipe me out. There is no way I can physically do both so I am not going to my brothers this year. I know he will be upset since it's their new house.

AITA for not attending Thanksgiving at my brother's?

COMMENTS

Aggravating_Start411

NAH....I guess. People have to alternate years and families all the time for holidays. I think it's a little odd to assume your in-laws would be invited to your brother's house for Thanksgiving. But, by the same token, it's not too weird to tell bro that you'll seem them next year or something.

OOP

We've had the same people at my house for thanksgiving for years and the discussion was that we would be moving thanksgiving to their house this year. I should also mention that his in-laws frequently attend holiday events I've hosted like NYE parties, 4th of July, and some thanksgivings etc.

demaptchen

Info: when you hosted, did you invite your brother's in-laws? Or has his wife had to choose each year between her family or her husband's family?

OOP

Yes, I've always invited them. Only her sister and brother in law have attended in the past because their parents usually host their own gathering. But this year my brother and sister in law are hosting both.

CapsFan1066

NTA. As others have said your brother and SIL can invite or not invite anyone they want to their house. I do wonder if there was a communication issue between your brother and SIL which if true is their issue and not yours. With you diagnosis, think about converting this Thanksgiving to something that doesn't involve hosting or ease it some by having it catered. Your in-laws will most likely understand considering your current health. My family had to do this and everything was fine. You get to see everyone without all of the work. Going to a restaurant tied to some other activity that isn't usually performed could get some good memories as well. Get creative and have fun.

OOP

I really like this idea! Thank you! I don't know why I never thought of catering!

CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole

Final Update - after 1 day

^{November 16, 2022}

Final Update: AITA for not going to Thanksgiving at my brother's new house?

My brother called me earlier to say he and his wife talked last night and she was absolutely against my in laws attending. She didn't have a valid reason. My brother didn't agree with her at all, feels she is being unreasonable and told her she needed to be the one to tell me they aren't invited because he was not supporting her decision. He then said he and the rest of the family will be coming to my house and attending Thanksgiving as if it were any other year.

They, along with my husband, will be taking over all of the hosting, cooking and cleaning responsibilities. It sounds like SIL is going to host her family at her home.

I know there were a lot of questions and I'll try to answer them individually but no, SIL and my in laws are absolutely not strangers. We have spent holidays together as one big family for YEARS so it is really hard to not feel like she is purposely excluding them. Neither myself, my husband or my brother can think of any reason she has for doing this other than to exercise some kind of control over the situation.

Thank you everyone for the warm words and great suggestions. I am actively looking into ordering a Thanksgiving meal to take the work off of everyone. 💜 I think we all deserve a break.

COMMENTS

Vetharien

NTA, and I haven't seen you address others asking so I guess I'll add another voice asking: does your brother know that his wife sent you this message? Like, is there any doubt that this was really a joint decision? I find it odd that they'd uninvite your in laws when he seemed perfectly fine with it in the beginning.

OOP

He was perfectly fine with it but unfortunately she was not. He was not supportive of her decision and told her if she didn't want them to come, she needed to be the one to tell me. Update is up.

krakeninheels

NTA. I don’t really think SIL is T A either though. If she wants to do something different in her own home, that’s her right to do so. I think this is more of a miscommunication - OP assumed it would be basically their annual thanksgiving but at brothers house with someone not OP cooking. SIL may have been thinking that she gets to do thanksgiving her way and with people that she doesn’t usually get to see (her parents and whoever attends their usual thing). Perhaps it was a mix of both, and then they realised how many people they would be cooking for and hosting by having two large gatherings combined in their house. If OP contacted their partners parents and gave the address and invite that wasn’t really their place to do that- but honestly if one is dealing with a medical issue it probably is the best thing to just have a small relaxed dinner in with just the ils and delivery anyway rather than meeting all the people who always go to sil’s parents event.

OOP

Update was posted but just wanted to clarify that no, I didn't give an address to my in laws. Because we all have celebrated thanksgiving literally every year for years, it was assumed by everyone, apparently even my brother, that my in laws would be in attendance. Turns out, the only person who is not okay with their ongoing unspoken invitation is my SIL.

krakeninheels

It sounds like this is an issue in your brothers marriage that sil is taking out on you and your ils possibly. Is it possible that she has been wanting to go to her parents for thanksgiving but you brother refuses and she ends up at yours because he won’t trade off years and that is the root of all this?

OOP

I'm not sure. They typically will attend her family's event in the daytime as they have more of a lunch/brunch and then come to my home for dinner. So traditionally they have attended both together each year.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/alalufra

Published on: r/AITAH

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 25, 2026

• Final Update: August 29, 2026

Main Post

^{August 25, 2026}

AITAH for refusing to change my wife’s birthday food plan after her sister got mad about her fiancé's nut allergy?

My wife is turning 42, and for her birthday, she came up with a fun, low-key idea: our family (me, my wife, our 15-year-old daughter, and our 11-year-old son) would stay home and each build our own themed board charcuterie, fruit, candy, dessert, chocolate, etc.

She wanted to include her older sister (SIL) and SIL's fiancé (together 20+ years, engaged for a little over a year), so we invited them to come over and make/bring their own platters too.

For context: SIL’s fiancé has a severe nut allergy. He cannot eat nuts, but he can be in the same room as them (airborne isn't an issue; I’ve seen him around nuts at numerous larger family gatherings over the years). My wife’s family is of Lebanese descent, so traditional holiday spreads for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter regularly include nuts, and he handles being around those meals just fine. However, whenever the two of them come over to our place, our food options are strictly limited to Domino's or McDonald's because those are the only two places he trusts regarding cross-contamination. We have happily accommodated this for the 16 years my wife and I have been married.

My daughter texted them explaining the theme so they knew what to expect, noting that while not everything would have nuts, a few things on our personal platters might contain them or traces of them (like certain chocolates or trail mixes).

SIL got very upset, she called my wife to say they won't be attending because we "clearly don't care about potentially putting him in harm’s way." She went on a complete guilt trip, saying how "surprised and hurt" she was by our lack of consideration. While she admitted we've accommodated his allergy for 16 years, she made it clear that this time they’d rather just take my wife out separately another day and "let us do our thing."

Now my wife feels guilty, hurt, and stressed on her own birthday. My daughter also feels bad because she sent the text.

I’m angry. This was my wife’s idea for her day, in our house. He doesn't have an airborne allergy, they were invited to bring their own safe boards, and nobody was forcing him to eat from ours. I feel like after nearly two decades of catering every single family meal to his restrictions, my wife should be allowed to have the exact birthday dinner she wants in her own home without being guilt-tripped.

AITAH for putting my wife’s birthday wishes first instead of bending the entire menu around her brother-in-law?

COMMENTS

wreckit_ralph

NTA it’s your WIFE’s birthday
If she wanted to slather everything in peanut butter in her house she could.

Talk about entitled

Separate_Pumpkin_256

I wonder how her fiance feels about this. Has he been heard from OP? 

OOP

He is giving the silent treatment to all of us.

ReversedFrog

OK, so that's what the sister thinks. What does the guy with the actual allergy think? She might be getting upset for him, with him not caring one wit. NTA

letifera

NTA. If keeping the platters separate is an option that was offered, it’s their choice whether or not to come. I think going out for a separate birthday meal with them is fair, but what makes them TA is the blame-filled text to your young daughter over just one day that your wife wanted to do a theme for (her own birthday!) He could always eat in advance, then come over and participate in just the activity with some safe products.

Also, McDonald’s is a very interesting choice as a “safe” food option, since for over a decade now they’ve had a sign up in all their restaurants and on their site saying they can’t guarantee that there is no cross contamination for allergens. I have a nut allergy and used to be able to eat there, and now I can’t any more.

Used_Clock_4627

NTA.

Why didn't they just say no thanks? That they appreciated the invite but didn't want to risk it? And just be gracious about it all.

An invite isn't a summons.

Final Update - after 4 days

^{August 29, 2026}

AITAH for refusing to change my wife’s birthday food plan after her sister got mad about her fiancé's nut allergy?

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read, validate our feelings, and leave advice on the original post. I tried reading through as many comments as possible, and I wanted to clear up a few questions and share what happened over the birthday weekend.

Additional Context When my wife first came up with the board night idea, our 15 year old daughter was genuinely excited. She asked if she could be the one to text my SIL and BIL to invite them, and we said yes. BIL usually has a great relationship with our daughter, he normally texts back within seconds and sends long messages. This time, after seeing her text (where she even offered to get something completely separate just for them), he went ice cold.

SIL ignored our daughter's text for three days, only to call my wife and claim we "clearly don't care" about BIL, despite acknowledging we spent the last 16 years catering entirely to his allergy. My wife wasn't upset about them skipping the food, she was crushed by her sister’s reaction and guilt tripping.

What makes this sting even more is something I didn’t mention in the first post, I have incurable cancer. I am nowhere near a terminal stage yet, but because of my diagnosis, our nuclear family is preparing to move out of the country so we can focus on enjoying our remaining time together. This was very likely the last birthday we would all be in town to celebrate together.

The Birthday Drama

My daughter removed both of them from Instagram the day before the birthday (she still kept them on other SM platforms), this triggered a huge reaction.

BIL went completely crazy with our 15-year-old daughter after ignoring her for days, now on my wife's birthday he stated spam calling, texting, and DMing her for hours with messages like "Please reply," "Are you done with us?", "Why, I don't understand," and "Please answer me." A grown man soon turning 50 has no business harassing a teenager like that. My daughter refused to reply, and of course my wife and I fully support her. That attitude is not normal nor acceptable.

Starting around 6:00 AM on the morning of my wife’s birthday, BIL began spam-messaging my wife while she was asleep, sending guilt-tripping texts like "I promise this is the last time I text you, but please call your sister." SIL also texted her saying "Call me back."

My wife woke up on her birthday to more than a dozen messages from BIL and a demanding text from SIL, panicking and thinking something terrible had happened. When she called SIL back, it was just SIL “crying” about how "hurt" she was that she couldn't spend the day with my wife. If SIL actually cared about seeing her, she could have come alone, stopped by earlier, or dropped in afterward. Instead, they made my wife's birthday entirely about their own bruised egos.

On our side we went ahead with our night. The charcuterie, fruit, chocolate boards turned out amazing, and our family had a great time together.

For those who asked why we always drove him to get food during family events, he only learned to drive a few years ago after my MIL passed away. My wife, acting as executor of the estate without a will, made sure her older sister received MIL's car since they didn’t have one, but BIL drives it 99% of the time. He has never held a steady job, only works occasional gigs, and has essentially had life handed to him on a silver platter.

As for where we stand:

• BIL is completely done. He has permanently lost my respect, and he is no longer welcome in our home, wherever in the world that may be.

• SIL remains complicated. She has spent years telling my wife never to express negative emotions, yet she threw a manipulative tantrum when she didn't get her way. However, SIL is my wife’s only remaining immediate blood relative after MIL passed, so I am leaving that boundary up to my wife to handle at her own pace.

Thank you again for all the support. We are focusing entirely on our peace, our children, and making the most of the time we have together.

COMMENTS

ArtVandelay99999

Can you explain why he's comfortable to be in big gatherings where there are dishes with nuts? Does he bring his own food to those gatherings?

OOP

He typically wouldn't eat at those events, my wife's relatives do not accommodate him whatsoever. We (my wife or myself) normally would drive him to McDonald's to grab something to eat.

pumpkinbubbles

More info: did you ask your wife whether she wanted to change plans after hearing from her sister? She absolutely should not feel like she has to change plans but if she values her sister’s presence more than she values the nuts on the charcuterie boards, this isn’t the time to make your stand.

OOP

I added an update. Despite everything she values her presence more, but the way they went about it made this about the principle.

Familiar_Row_9751

NTA. We all know this guy would be a douchebag by default just by string along the sister for 20 years and them being engaged for just about a year lol. But I suspect OP will lose this battle since all indicates that his wife is a bit of a pushover when it comes to the domineering older sister. This pattern of accommodating the older sister and by extention her boyfriend runs deeper than the present issue.

OOP

I just added an update but yeah I think BIL just likes to manipulate everyone around him.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Swimming-Fig-6580

Published on: r/AIO

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 13, 2026

• Update: September 18, 2026

Main Post

^{August 13, 2026}

AIO Husband will only do his laundry

My (34F) husband (37M) and I have been married for 4 years. I’ve always done all of the cleaning and housework. This includes and has always included his laundry.

Today he pulled our laundry out of the dryer before I could get to it. Then he proceeded to put away only his clothes, leaving mine in the basket. I asked why he only did his clothes and he said “because I don’t need anyone doing anything for me”.

I said I didn’t do it because I thought he needed me to, it was just what I did. Wash, dry, and put away OUR clothes at the same time. I was upset because I could use his help with things such as the laundry, but him doing only his laundry doesn’t really take any load off of me, it just feels like he only cares about himself.

I told him as much and now he won’t talk to me. AIO?

COMMENTS

occasionallystabby

He told you he doesn't need anyone doing anything for him, so stop.

Stop doing his laundry. Stop cooking his meals. Stop cleaning up his messes. Just stop.

Glamorous_Nymph

Also stop talking to him and probably stop being married to him, because... yuck. It's supposed to be a partnership. That's what you do when you love someone and it should being you some joy to lighten someone's load, even if the task sucks.

Claim-Unlucky

👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻this, get away from him before you end up pregnant and it’s harder to get out

OOP

Lucky for me he had a vasectomy. I think all the time about how much harder it would be if we shared a child

Artistic-Raspberry29

Well at least he has enough sense to know not to reproduce. But it is probably more about his selfishness than a responsible decision to be child free.

OOP

Hah he has 4 kids!

Lola7321

I would also question what happened to create this change after four years. Is this sudden change in response to something you (OP) stated or is this indicative of a bigger/different issue??

OOP

No we were just having a normal day

random929292

Do you both work full time? Do you have kids?

If you have been doing his laundry for four years then either he was irritable and having a bad day or there is something else going on.

Is you doing all the cleaning and laundry part of an agreed upon division of labour or not?

OOP

He works full time. I work 2 part time jobs. I have a son and he has 2 daughters. I do 100% of the parenting as well.
He’s just never done anything but work. That’s his part and the rest is for me to take care off. I guess except his laundry!lol

CalculatedWhisk

Are you in the US or elsewhere in the western world? What is your culture like? Are you both conservative? This is pretty gross behavior, but if you went into marriage expecting to be a tradwife, it all makes a bit more sense.

OOP

We are in the US. I’m from Hawaii and he’s from Tennessee. He’s conservative I wouldn’t say I am. We are from two different worlds that’s for sure.

THOUGHTCOPS

Does your "husband" even like you? Does he just use you for money, sex, and cleaning? Bang maid is the life you are living.

OOP

Starting to think he doesn’t like me. It’s always felt he used me for sex and taking care of his kids. Besides that I’m just a roommate.

SubstantialPressure3

Hahaha "he doesnt need anybody doing things for him" while.you do all the cooking and cleaning.

So, a couple questions:

Has he messed up your clothes doing laundry before? Have you made any comments about his dirty laundry before ( skid marks, whatever)?

If either of those things are true, he doesnt want to mess up your laundry, or hes ashamed and embarrassed about something he may not be able to control.

Is this recent, or been going on a while? Has his behavior changed in other ways? Did you have an argument recently? Have you said you are overwhelmed doing all the things? Could he be hiding something? Did you say something to him about leaving stuff in his pockets?

OOP

Nope I’ve never made any comments. If there’s something wrong with his clothes I just buy him new stuff and add it to the mix.
This just happened this morning. Besides that he has times where he doesn’t want anything to do with me or just separates himself but then he goes back to normal. But for this situation things have been completely normal up until that. Didn’t mention being overwhelmed or anything about his laundry

SubstantialPressure3

Something is up with him. Not necessarily cheating, but his behavior is not normal. But just continue to let him do his own laundry.

Does he have a stressful job that exposes him to traumatic things?

OOP

He has his own lawn care business. But honestly everything stresses him out

Educational-Leave420

OP do you have the money to live with your child independently?
Can you pack up you and just YOUR kid and move away then get divorced??
Can you get a lawyer?

OOP

Well the house is mine, not ours. And my family is thousands of miles away. I can’t just leave.

Update - after 1 month, 5 days

^{September 18, 2026}

[update] to AIO Husband will only do his laundry

Thanks everyone for your replies! There were so many, I couldn’t even keep up. Sorry to leave you all hanging as I’ve been going through it!

So since the last post, my husband continued not talking to me for a while.

Eventually I decided I was emotionally stable enough to talk to him without making him mad. Did not work. He said he was done and I didn’t even care enough to fight it. He went on to say a lot of negative things and just talk down to me. I realized then that I could not be with someone who thought that way of me, especially because I know how much I have put into this marriage.

I got home from work one day and he and all his things were gone. On top of that he, for some reason, took apart my gun and took all the bullets. To be petty or to make me feel like I can’t protect myself? Forward two days, and he’s moved into the extra room without any warning. Bear in mind, the house is MINE. I haven’t argued it because I’m still afraid of making him mad. I’ll need to deal with that soon but I rarely see him if at all.

But I’ve slept like a baby alone in my own bed ❤️ I’ve felt peace I haven’t felt in 5 years.

Edit

All of my family is thousands of miles away and I don’t have any friends anymore. He had a problem with all of them.

The plan is to get out but I worry about my 4 dogs. He won’t take care of them and I can’t just leave them. The house is mine and he’s not on anything.

I’m trying to get proof but i have to be very careful because if i knows im recording he will snap for sure. And an order of protection or eviction will absolutely cause him to snap. I just need to make sure me, my son and my dogs are safe first.

The one thing i have going for me is that it was technically his choice to leave and not me trying to leave him.

COMMENTS

RedSnipers (downvoted)

I'm not sure if anyone asked in the other sub, but why does he feel the way that he feels?

A 37 year old man that married for 4 years, isn't just going to take his clothes out of the dryer. And then say "I don't need you doing anything for me" out of the blue.

For no reason at all.

OOP

I still don’t know. He won’t talk to me about it. He’s always been pretty back and forth with his emotions though so it’s not super surprising to me. Like he will be super happy for a couple weeks then mean for a week or two, then avoidant for a week, then go back like nothing happened. Whether he has good reason or not for any of this I’m sure he will come up with a reason that sounds good.

ThurmanMermannnn

What happens when he gets mad?

OOP

Well he hasn’t laid a hand on me. He has with his ex wife, but I didn’t know this until we were already married. He has held me at gunpoint ONCE and sh\t* it right by my feet because I told him I was scared. That was Oct 2025 I’ve been super careful not to upset him since.

Accurate_Flamingo_61

what exactly did he say about you when he left

OOP

That according to his standards I’m the worst wife ever because I don’t work for his company? Confusing, I know. He has a landscaping business but up until now he never mentioned wanting my help. He said he would be nice to me if I S…d his d*ck more otherwise I don’t deserve it. Let’s be honest, I do at least 3x a week already (well did) until the whole laundry incident because I haven’t been thinking about that. He also said he would not be giving me any money (he maxed out every one of my credit cards buying equipment for his business) because that’s more than I deserve.? And some other non-memorable things.

All of this would hurt if it wasn’t ridiculous.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/ArbiterOfChoice

Published on: r/AITAH

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 30, 2026

• Final Update: September 02, 2026

Main Post

^{August 30, 2026}

AITAH for getting myself banned from my girlfriend's cottage for confronting an angry neighbour

Sorry for the long story but I'm in a bit of a predicament. This weekend I (25M) was at my girlfriend's cottage. It is her family cottage, owned by her grandfather. He's had the cottage for 50 years. It's in a small cottage town, where her grandfather is apparently well-known and liked. Most people there know each other, and there are a good number of cottages nearby with owners I've met over the past few years.

Yesterday, four of us were playing spikeball in the front of the cottage, while everyone else was inside. We were taking it pretty seriously, and my GFs cousin spiked the ball insanely hard. It went flying, and bounced off the roof of the car of a cottage just across the street.

The neighbour, who apparently bought the place last Summer so the family doesn't know too much about him, was on the porch and saw. He's also an older man, maybe 65ish, and he came running out towards us very, very upset. He was yelling at us for being irresponsible, saying we damaged his car (which is pretty much impossible if you know what a spikeball ball is like, its like a soft rubber mini volleyball). He started yelling about how he "hates airBNB renters" (which we are not...) and then demanded to know our names and addresses. The cousins told him we are sorry, that they own this cottage here, and that we'll move the spikeball net further away.

When my GF grabbed the net to move it, he said "it would be nice if you didn't do that with such a c**nty look on your face". This is when I jumped in and said theres no need for that, that his car is in no way damaged, and that he should get off our property now. This made him really mad, and he started screaming, stomping on the ground, he threw the ball at us, and called my GF a lot of names. So I started yelling at him back.

Now we're yelling at each other for a minute or so, and hes not getting off the property. We were both getting pretty loud, and apparently people down at the nearby beach could hear us and came up to the road, as well as a few other people in neighbouring cottages came out. At some point during this, one of the cousins went inside to grab their grandpa.

So this guy isnt leaving, and hes continuing to make fun of my GF, so I just start walking really close to him, getting up in his face, until he starts taking steps back. I keep doing this until hes on the road, as were swearing at each other. Apparently (and I guess this is true because my GF and her cousins said it but I couldnt here it) but their grandpa was calling me back, yelling my name and getting very upset asking me to relax. I think eventually the neighbour saw our whole family out on the porch, maybe recognized the grandpa, and just went away. A lot of other cottagers were around watching this.

I went back to the cottage, and all the parents and grandpa were very mad at me. They said I caused a scene in a nice neighbourhood where everyone knows each other, and that I embarrassed the family cottage and her grandpa. We all told them the story of what happened, but they said I was being called back to the cottage and continued the scene instead. The night was very quiet and awkward after that.

This Saturday morning, when I came downstairs around 10:30, her grandpa was sitting by the table. He said this morning when he was out gardening, countless neighbours came up to him saying I screamed at another cottage owner and that I scared an older man off the property. He said when he went into town for coffee, people around had heard about what happened and seemed bothered by it. He said hes beyond embarrassed, feels I tainted his cottage and reputation.

I told him I was defending his granddaughter, defending his cottage, and that I didnt touch anybody or stoop to the level of name calling that the neighbour did. He said I showed him no respect by ignoring him when he called me back.

He said he doesnt want me coming up to his cottage next weekend for the long weekend holiday, and that for the time being I am banned from the cottage next summer as well. My girlfriend said thats extreme, but her parents agreed with grandpa, and said grandpa is the old italian patriarch, and what he says goes. My girlfriend was very upset, and we left a day earlier than planned like an hour after that.

AITAH?? Was it not my place to do anything at this cottage as a guest, and just let my GF parents or grandpa take care of it? I thought I did the right thing in the moment, but maybe I went too far. I'd love to be up there next weekend... but I guess thats not happening.

COMMENTS

Middle_Care978

ESH. You could’ve de-escalated the situation, but chose not to. But did none of your fellow spikeballers back you up with grandpa??  

OOP (downvoted)

Not really besides just telling him the whole story. My girlfriend backed me up, but really grandpa is like the king of the family. What grandpa says goes. Hes usually a very very nice guy to me...

OOP to a long thread

These "onlookers" are people I know, which confuses me even more that I've somehow become a pariah around this community according to grandpa. Like I've said, I've been coming here for a decade. I've re-done other neighbours' roofs after storms (for free), we've had neighbors knock on the door to ask me to fix their toilet, unclog drains, install lights and showerheads. The number of times I've used my truck to tow people's cars out of their sand driveways is uncountable. Yet somehow I am a villain here now, for the preference of the new neighbour.

OkCheesecake1258

Should have left the owners of the cottage handle it. You are no one is the grand scheme of things. YTA.

OOP

ive been coming to this cottage every weekend of every summer for a decade, since I was a kid in my teens. I've been dating granddaughter since we were 15. I don't believe I am "no one" here.

Iggy186 (downvoted)

You were defending your gf's honour, point for you.

New guy across the street is an old dickhead, point against him.

It's not your cottage, you're not related to the grandfather by blood or marriage, so it wasn't your place to go off on the idiot the way that you did. That would have been the cousin or your gf's responsibility, and/or the grandfather, who was brought out to address the issue.

So, ESH. 100% to the neighbour, and 33 1/3 to you.

OOP

:( ... cousins are teenagers, grandpa is 90. Angry, aggressive neighbour set me off...

SeaDragonTattoo

You know YTA at this point. It's unfortunate only hindsight is available. Letting the old man make a fool of himself and look like the asshole, calling the granddaughter names, would have been the way to go. Grandpa would have taken care of it and put neighbor in his place, just not in the moment.

OOP

I'm not convinced man. Like I said, this guy was throwing stuff back at us, stomping around and kicking the front lawn. He's calling a young woman names you wouldn't call your worst enemy. I'm supposed to wait for 90 year old grandpa to come running down the porch and get, idk, shoved or something by an absolutely irate random neighbour on his property?

Guiltypleasure2451

In my opinion, the blame should be split 50/50. The guy across the street over reacted to a situation, 25 year old followed suit. Both very immature. But I don’t think it warrants a ban. That was harsh. If I were grandpa, I’d have made 25yo go over to apologize, and talk it out. I feel certain the 2 of them could have put the kibosh on the animosity the neighbors were feeling.
And one other thing…. 65 isn’t old enough to be calling him an old man!!!! I’m 63 and I’m not old, damnit😂😂

OOP

I agree. Thats another thing, this guy wasnt a feeble old man. Neighbour is thick, heavy 60ish year old. TBH he probably could have knocked me out. I don't believe the story is I screamed an old ailing neighbour away.

9BALL22

YATAH and so is whoever caused the ball to land on someone's car! You ALL should have offered a SINCERE APOLOGY and resisted the urge to argue with the neighbor. The neighbor deserved some leeway for his language because he was rightfully angry. I'd like to hear the neighbor's side of the story.

OOP

Like I wrote in the post, we did apologize, and we went to move our game so that it couldn't happen again. The ball was hit by a teenager, he did it by accident, and again, we apologized. After the apology and after we moved away, he began name calling.

SasquatchBlumpkins

NTA

Defended your woman? Absolutely what should have been done, and not just by you. 

He came over to start shit, he got a face full of it. He didn't worry about his geriatric self when he was running over to rage at a bunch of 20 year olds but it becomes an issue when someone pushes back? 

Man, fuck that old guy, screw the neighborhood assholes, and tell her family your glad they value a holiday neighborhood over their own daughter's reputation and safety.

As for her grandfather? He's the biggest asshole. 

OOP

Yah... Well apparently teenage cousins (who are still up at the cottage) have been spreading the word around today to the other kids and teens in the neighbourhood, saying the full story of what happened. Cousins just facetimed my girlfriend saying a next door neighbour came up to their parents and asked if me and my gf "are doing okay after getting harassed by the asshole new guy".

But you seem to be in the huge minority here. Guess I am a huge ass, I'm super embarrassed now too. Should have said nothing at all and walked inside. Probably wont show face at that home ever again.

SasquatchBlumpkins

I'm 48. A veteran who has seen the world. I've been to prison twice in my youth. I've peddled drugs, beat on people badly, took people's stuff. I've worked with disabled youth, I served my country for near 20 years and am now disabled. I have a small TV show and may appear on a large TV show. I've fixed aircraft, computers, built cars, seen some crazy technology. I've been to places and done things that always feel like a lie when I do. 

I'm not wrong on this one, of that I am 100% sure. I have seen and done some shit in my time and I'm telling you that get family and that's neighborhood owes you an apology.

OOP

Girlfriends Aunt just called me 10 mins ago apologizing for grandpas behaviour and how quickly I got kicked out and banned, and that she wants me there next weekend. I'm starting to feel very conflicted, every one says what I did was wrong, now I'm getting apologies.

Final Update - after 3 days

^{September 02, 2026}

UPDATE: AITAH for getting myself banned from my girlfriend's cottage for confronting an angry neighbour? I've been invited back to the cottage, but I'm not thrilled about it.

Today, my girlfriend's grandpa came back into the city from up North. He invited us over for coffee right after work. I took everyone's advice, and when we got there, I vehemently apologized to him for how I acted at his cottage last weekend.

He very quickly ended the conversation and got on with coffee. For a while we just spoke about work and school... nearing when we were going to leave he brought up the fight at the cottage. He told me that over Sunday and Monday, many of the neighbours again came up to him to chat about the incident. Probably because the cousins were going around telling the whole story to people, he said there was a narrative shift, and the neighbours were concerned about mine and my girlfriends wellbeing after how we got treated.

Apparently, the neighbour right beside his cottage also told him they had an incident with the new guy who we fought with, a couple days before. They had parked their car on the street in front of their cottage, and apparently when the new guy backed out of his driveway he had to turn a little tighter to avoid this car. He went banging on their door yelling at them to move their car and never park there again.

Grandpa said when he told people he banned me, they were upset and defended me. Apparently all the surrounding neighbours are very upset with having this new guy around based on these two incidents. Grandpa said that after hearing the whole story, thinking more about it, and chatting with neighbours, he is taking back the ban, and that I am more than welcome at his cottage. He then said he'd actually prefer if I were around this upcoming long weekend, considering the new neighbour is unpredictable and causing issues...

I said thank you, said I'd like to come up, apologized again anyway, and we left.

To be completely honest, this conversation kinda bugged me. I'm weirded out by the surrounding neighbours who I have known for years who very quickly turned their back on me before hearing the whole story, I'm weirded out by grandpa for his extreme quick ban and not thinking it through, I'm weirded out by my gfs aunts and parents who were okay with the ban and didnt care about how the neighbour acted and the things he said. AND im weirded out by how quickly the narrative changed and how quickly people acted like they werent shit talking me at first.

Now I am wanted up there "just in case something happens" and they need a protector? That kinda sounds like some bullshit to me. Once grandpa realized banning me might actually be bad for his "reputation" he took it back.

I'm thinking about not going up this weekend, but i dont know if that would just make things even worse. I dont really want to be around all those people, and if anrgy neighbour causes another issue, they can deal with it themselves.

WIBTA if now I don't go up?

COMMENTS

godbyzilla

Long term it might me more awkward if you refuse to show up after he apologized and asked you to please come. At the end of it all though you're NTA for nor going if you choose not tom

OOP

He didn't even really apologize. Not that I'm much of a stickler for actually hearing the words "I'm sorry", but he just said hes taking back the ban...

EmotionalAnybody7186

You said you would go, so go.

When you listen to Reddit and damage your relationship with your girlfriend’s family, are you going to tell them that Reddit said you weren’t the asshole for skipping it?

Talk to your girlfriend and not the internet.

OOP

Shes pretty uncomfortable by the whole thing too and the lack of response, but thinks we should just go.

Jazzlike_Adeptness_1

It seems like the grandfather saw you as being aggressive, verbally and physically, to an old man, and reacted to that. (Did he know that the guy called your gf a c** and other derogatory names?)

Once he heard the 'other side' of the story  He realized that he overreacted and basically told you that. Maybe his saying he needed you present in case the neighbor acted up was a lame attempt to compliment you/say that you were right with how you behaved. 

Don't hold a grudge. Emotions were high all around and it seems the rest of the family didn't have a clear picture of what really happened. 

Grandpa admitted his mistake and personally invited you to come. Let it go, ignore the neighbor and be glad this got cleared up. And enjoy the long weekend. 

OOP

We did tell him repeatedly what happened right afterwards and what was said to my gf. But yah, I think im leaning towards going.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/babybubblezzz

Published on: r/AmIOverreacting

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 09, 2025

• Update 1: August 11, 2025

• Update 2: May 18, 2026

Note: Comments are not included due to the sheer size of the post. Paragraph breaks and capitalization at the beginning of sentences have been added.

Main Post

^{August 09, 2025}

AIO - a little kid keeps coming into my house

IMAGE DESCRIPTION:

Child crawling through a pet door captured on a home security camera.

I live out in the country, near a big main road and on a county road. Im the closest property to the main road but as you continue down I have a a couple of neighbors. We live on 40 acres and have a little farmhouse, where I live with my husband and dogs, along with some farm animals outside. I do not have kids.

We live a calm and peaceful life, however there have now been two occasions on which a young child that lives a third of a mile down the road has come into our house uninvited. The first time, I was home alone and had just showered, doing my nails and watching a show in my makeup room. Next thing I know, I see a small shadow that looked like preschool aged kid open my fence gate, and open my front door.

I had no idea who this was and I facetimed my husband in case he knew who this could be, but as we checked the cameras, there were no cars or other adults around. I was in my underwear, with my door closed and freaking out. Like I mentioned, I lived out in the country, and due to my neighbors all being so far away, had no idea who this kid was or where he came from.

I put some pants on and went out into my living room, and this kid was running around my living room and kitchen, playing with my dogs with no worry in the world… I tried to get him to calm down and asked him what his name was or where his parents were and nothing. He ignored me and kept playing. After a couple of minutes, I think he got bored, and he opened my door, went out the gate, and ran out to the back of my house.

I lost sight of him and continued to look out towards the road in case I could figure out where he came from. Finally, I saw a young girl approaching from the neighbors side of the road and she shouted at me “where is he!!?” I told her I had no idea where he was but that I had seen him go towards the back of my house and she could go look for him.

She looked annoyed but I guess she was able to grab him at some point and took him back towards the direction our neighbors house is at. At that point I had honestly been super upset a yelled “keep that kid out of my property and out of my house” to which she just yelled “sorry” over her shoulder. After that, no one ever came back to apologize. My husband eventually went to the family to ask what had happened and was told that they had been unloading groceries and the little boy had managed to run away. (How they didn’t realize this until so much later Im not sure) Anyways.

A year later, I would say this little boy is 5 or 6 now, I get a call from my husband while we are at work. He tells me theres a little boy in our house, and that he came in through our dog door. Immediately I ask if its the same one as last time. He says he saw them on our cameras but he cant be sure. He tells me that before calling me, he already called the cops, but that they are on their way.

The footage shows this kid opening our closed, fenced gate, and coming to our front door. Our dogs are barking at him in the yard. He attempts to open the front door, sees its locked, knocks, and then just stands there thinking. THEN. He crawls in through our dog door… our dogs have the ability to go in and out of the house as they like since their fence is closed in. But I guess this kid just figured he could do the same? Anyways. He comes in, and opens the dog door to make sure the dogs can come in too.

HE TAKES OFF HIS SHOES WHEN HE COMES IN… and then he goes on to jump on my couch and play with my dogs. After that, he turns on my tv, GOES INTO MY FRIDGE AND GRABS ICEPOPS, AND EATS AN ORANGE FROM OUR FRUIT BASKET…. Huh?!?!?? He is in our house unsupervised for a total of about 15 minutes until the cops arrive and are able to get him out (he crawled out through the dog door). The cops ask him his name, and he tells them. They ask w his parents are and where he lives, and he tells them as well.

The cops tell him he is mot allowed to do this, that it is not his house. A couple minutes later, a car pulls into my driveway. Its the parents’. The cops talk to them for a bit and they all leave. My husband had left work to get home but by the time he got here everyone was gone. The cops pretty much just said that it was just a kid being a kid. My husband then went down to the neighbors and told the parents to take care of their kid. ( I was upset because he did wait for me to go talk to them, he knew how upset I was).

The dad apologized and stated that the boy had been grounded and snuck out through his bedroom window. Apparently he just likes to play with my dogs. The dad told the little boy to apologize to my husband. At this, the little boy SPIT AT HIS DAD. A week later, my husband got a call from the parents, asking if by chance this kid was in our house again, because they could not find him. We were both at work but did not see him in any of our cameras. At this point Ive calmed down quite a bit, but as soon as I remember I get quite mad.

I think it is insanely upsetting that Im more aware of where this little boy is than his own parents are. Once again, he is not right next door to me. He had to be unsupervised for at least thirty minutes in order to make his way to my house, ( about. A five minute walk), be here for 15 minutes and have the cops get here until his parents found him. He knows what he is doing, the parents are aware, but no one truly takes accountability for it.

The little boy says he likes to play with my dogs, but instead of playing with them in my yard, comes into my house and makes himself at home. I feel bad for calling the cops but. I truly feel like theres a need to report this because Im scared for my safety and that of my animals and property. If he were to leave the gate open, my dogs would definitely run out into the main road and get run over. My house is not childproofed at all.

WE HAD A FLAMETHROWER ON THE KITCHEN TABLE THE DAY HE CAME IN (my husband had killed a spider outside with it). I am concerned for this little boy’s safety but at the same time I do not want to be responsible or liable if anything were to happen to him out in our property. I also would like to feel safe in my own home. I dont feel like I should be having to keep my dogs in a kennel all day and close their doggy door just because there is a kid out there who is not monitored and was never taught to respect people’s privacy.

If he snuck out through his window Im sure he could sneak in through one as well. Theres so many what ifs in this situation and it might just be my anxiety but I am definitely very upset. I guess this is more of a rant and I just hope this doesn’t happen again because I do intend to have the cops on speed dial, but again… am I overreacting?

Update 1 - after 2 days

^{August 11, 2025}

** [update]** AIO - a little kid keeps breaking into my house

I was able to look through a lot of the comments on this post and I was able to respond to some but I did want to say a few things. i commented on the original post but i was not able to edit. Thank you to all that have provided helpful advice and suggestions. To those that think this is funny, I really do wish I could have a sense of humor about it but I’m unfortunately stuck being frustrated and stressed. And to those who think it is fake, I WISH I could make this up.

• Given this situation has occurred more than once at this point, I do feel like calling the cops was the right call and we will do it if this happens again or if I even see him on the property unsupervised. I do not want this little boy to get hurt, go into the property of someone who does not care that it is a child, get run over, etc. A lot of the comments made sure to let me know of our liability if something were to happen on our property and I want to make sure there is a record of this. I unfortunately did not call the cops when this happened the first time since it was such a random incident.

• A lot of people suggested he could be autistic or neurodivergent… I understand it could seem that way but I don’t think it’s correct to just assume or diagnose him based on a post. Regardless, I think for me it goes back to the parenting. If the parents were aware that his running away/hiding/ etc, was a problem, I think the most responsible thing to do would have been to let us know and address this so it did not catch us by surprise. Neurodivergent or not, what he is doing is not okay or safe.

• We will definitely be putting a lock on our gate and will look into getting our dogs some sort of chip /collar sensor dog door so they can continue to go in and out but also lock that way in. I really hope the family ups their security in the home as well.

• While these are the only times we have had a problem with their child, we have unfortunately also had issues with their animals coming onto the property. Their horses would break free of their enclosure and come onto ours and eat our hay. I get it, they are animals, but from the looks of it they were very hungry and this happened more than once. The owners never really took any responsibility for it. Secondly, we had recorded incidents of their big dogs coming onto our property and attacking our farm animals. They would let their dogs loose and they killed a couple of our chickens and some baby sheep as well. We did contact them on several occasions, as soon as we saw the dogs on the cameras, and while they eventually did end up keeping them tied up, the dogs kept getting loose. My husband called the cops to ask what he could do to protect from the dogs, and he was told that since they were on his property, he could shoot if he wanted. My husband and I love and care for our animals and wouldn’t ever want something like that to happen to them, so obviously we never did anything to hurt the dogs. It was hard to tell whether they were killing out of hunger because they weren’t fed or just out of instinct? We also just wanted to keep a normal relationship with our neighbors and harming their animals wouldn’t be a good way to do that. But it was a very upsetting situation. I am unfortunately not sure what happened to the dogs, I have not seen them around.

• A lot of people were surprised by my dogs being so chill about this. I forgot to include a picture but they are two maltese/shitzu mixes and one small mutt (potentially schnauzer??, he was a rescue). overall, small, loving dogs. all bark and no bite and very excited to play. Therefore, I am glad they are not a huge concern in terms of causing harm. But one can never be too sure and like many said, they are animals after all and can be reactive unexpectedly.

• There was a comment that said: <I am totally onboard with "it takes a village" but you can't just draft people into your village without their consent. If this kid had found his way into your life in a way that made you feel less violated, maybe you would have opted to join his village, but he didn't and that's not your fault, OP. If it's anyone's fault it's his parents' fault.> and honestly I really do agree. I have never had this kid or his family over to my house, much less inside. We have had very limited interactions, most of them have been to address problems caused by their animals, which my husband has mostly dealt with. I am perfectly fine with having a good relationship with my neighbors but we truly do all live so spread apart that it is hard to connect with them. Some suggested I make this kid my friend and have him over but truthfully I do not feel comfortable having him come over or doing play dates with my dogs. maybe if we had had a proper introduction i would have been open to the idea but at this point it just makes me feel like the more comfortable he feels to be here the more he will, and i personally do not want to deal with it. He intruded on our privacy more than once and I am not inclined to be more involved with this family than necessary.

• The flamethrower: my poor husband was getting so roasted ( get it? pun?) for this, and I just want to say, no he is not crazy. That was my bad, we call it a flamethrower ( I am not sure why, because I googled it and those things are INTENSE), IT WAS A PROPANE TORCH . We have a woodstove and keep a torch inside to help light it. We just got done cutting hay in the field and have noticed more spiders near our house since then. The reason my husband used the torch it was that he saw huge wolf spider, carrying their babies on their back, on the pavement outside our front door. If he would've squished it they would of all ran off everywhere and I personally prefer them out of my house. This is not our preferred method of spider killing and the torch serves a more normal purpose! He left the torch on our kitchen table before he left for work. Either way, it is kept inside the house and i would assume its not necessarily a child friendly device.

• My lack of paragraphs: I completely understand why people are so mad, that wall of text is horrible. I am sorry, I promise I know how to write. It was just very late at night, I was typing as fast as I could, and I only hit “enter” once instead of twice. I just didn’t realize how it would post. Oops.

COMMENTS

Update 2 - after almost 9 months

^{May 18, 2026}

*[UPDATE]* AIO - A little boy keeps breaking into my house

TLDR: Little kid previously came into house through dog door when we were not home, has a history of being unsupervised and coming onto our property uninvited. He came again.

A lot of people interacted with my first post last year, many let me know I was NOR, some had some different opinions, and I greatly appreciated the suggestions and advice. I did end up calling CPS to make a report for that incident. I now have locks on the gate to my yard (my dogs still have access to the yard through their dog door), and all my exterior doors are locked. We still have cameras on our property as well as the one in the living room. But for the most recent update, something happened a few weeks ago when I was home alone in the afternoon on a weekday.

Almost a year had passed since the last time he crawled into my house through the dog door, and the same kid, (whose house is 1/3 of a mile away on a county road) showed up at my house again (about age 6/7 now). Recall, we live on a 40 acre farm and have no connection/relationship to this kid or his family, besides the various times he has barged into my house uninvited.

As soon as my husband got a notification that a person was detected on the cameras and no vehicle was seen, my husband checked the our outside cameras and noticed the kid was back, so he called me to let me know. I looked out the window, and this time, the kid was shirtless and pantless, ONLY wearing underwear and muck boots. I immediately called the police. They took approximately 35 minutes to get out to my house (i live in the country on 40 acres).

In the meantime, the kid played with my farm animals outside and ran into the open garages and shops. My geese and turkey (which are aggressive and do attach) seemed to scare him off enough that he did not get near them. I watched him from inside to keep an eye on him and to make sure he did not run off anywhere (especially toward the highway, which my property is next to). At no point at all did any of his family members come to look for him. He looked through my windows, and saw me in the house. He knocked and asked/yelled to come in, to which I responded No. He attempted to open the locked door for a minute or two.

Once the police arrived, they asked him some questions which he seemed to ignore or mumble answers to. As they placed him in the police vehicle, I noticed he had 2 baseballs that had been taken from one of our shops. The police noticed too, and asked him to please return the baseballs back to me. He said no, and asked if he could keep one, to which I said no, and had him give them back. The officer told him it was not okay to go to other people’s houses and take things that were not his.

I let the police know this was not the first time he came onto my property and let him know he had previously also gone into my house, both when I was home and also when my husband and I were both at work. I made sure to let him know I was very frustrated.

The police took him back home, and he was at his house for a while. The officer did come back to let me know it seemed like he was just “a kid who did not listen”. Apparently he had asked grandma to go outside, she had said no, and he had gone outside regardless. Grandma and mom were both home and no one noticed he was not around for the 35 minutes+ however long he was outside not on my property and/or however long it took him to get to my house down the road. The officer stated there is not much I can do but keep calling them if this happens again.

I did call CPS again to make a report, and made sure to let them know this was not the first time something like this happened and that I had called last year. I let them know that I continued to be concerned for the child’s safety, as well as that of my property and my animals. This kid continues to be unsupervised for prolonged periods of time, and once again, I do not want to be responsible for him and want to ensure there is enough documentation of these incidents.

My husband and I are often not home, and we have no kids of our own. They probably see us as bad neighbors, but this kid continues to disrespect our space and privacy. Even the cop said he told mom and grandma that this behavior is not ok and can eventually develop into more dangerous or criminal behavior. The parents have never taken any initiative to apologize, communicate, or to provide us with contact information.

AIO? Any suggestions ?

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

AITA for refusing a name for my baby that everyone loves and but I don’t?

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Accomplished-Owl8796 posting in r/AmItheAsshole

Original Posted Thursday, June 18th, 2026

I (27f) and my husband (28 m) are expecting our first child in the fall. It’s a girl! We’re both really stoked and have wanted kids for a long time now.

Ever since we decided to start planning on having kids, my husband has been using a joke, place-holder name for our baby. He’s second generation Irish and he’s been calling our baby Siobhan. He likes that it’s traditional Irish and, don’t get me wrong, it really is a pretty name but my major hangup is: we live in the US, we were both born and raised in the US, and the US is known to be kinda garbage at pronouncing traditional Irish names right, on the first try anyway. I do not want to send my daughter to 12+ years of public education and have teachers, substitutes, and fellow students unable to say her name right on the first try. My name is a pretty standard name here but it’s spelled differently because my dear sweet mother wanted me to be “unique” but all I got was grief for it. Kids can be mean and I don’t want my kid to have a name that might get her bullied or cause her teachers to call her “Si-o-Bo-Han” (not at all how you’d pronounce it) every time they call her name in class.

The problem? EVERYONE is telling me that I TOTALLY need to use the name Siobhan. My own parents say that it’s pretty and unique (again with that word, Mom rolling my eyes) my aunt and cousins are saying “well, that’s what you call her anyway” (my husband does, I don’t) and my husband’s family gush over it too. I’ve told everyone that it’s not what I want to go with, but it’s like talking to a brick wall!

My husband’s cut down on calling the baby Siobhan since he knows it’s not what I want and that it bugs me. He’s told them that I was really just a joke name and he kept using it just to tease me (we have a very playful teasing type relationship. I’ve given as good as I’ve gotten in that respect). He’s said multiple times it’s not what we’re actually going with but things are starting to get out of hand. My mom and sister have already tried getting embroidered blankets with Siobhan ordered for the baby! They only failed because they called me to confirm the spelling and I shut it down hard. Now they’re pissed because I still can’t make up my mind on what I ACTUALLY want to name my daughter and I’m just a mess. I’m pregnant, my head hurts, and…I don’t know. Am I just making a big deal over nothing? Should I just name the baby Siobhan and get it over with or is this worth putting my foot down on?

AITA if I don’t name my baby Siobhan?

Top Comment:

This is why you don’t discuss baby names with anyone who isn’t the mother/father of the baby until after the baby has been named. I had zero people commenting on my kids’ names. It was fabulous.

Comment:

Only parents get a vote on the name and it needs to be a two yes agreement. One no is a complete no.

Comment:

Americans, say it with me: Shee-oh-mega-tron-oh-vin-genie-in-vaughn.
NTA

Reply from OOP:

Exactly what I was afraid of lol
Thanks for this! I needed the belly laugh

[OOP was deemed NTA]

Update Posted Monday, June 22nd, 2026

UPDATE: AITA for refusing a name for my baby that everyone loves but I don’t

Guys, you made a pregnant woman cry in the good way!

I’m was so glad to see all your comments and everything! Even the YTAs and downvotes were welcomed looks at both sides, so I want you all to know that I really appreciate it I got a DM from someone with the name Siobhan and not only was it validating, but it gave me a great idea. They told me they go by the nickname Bonnie and I almost instantly fell in love with it. After more pregnancy crying, I ran the idea past my husband. His response: “we could give her Anne for a middle name, like the pirate!” (My husband’s a pirate/nautical geek but I love him for it!) So, we have a new working name: Bonnie Anne! If we end up not liking it when she’s born, we’ll switch things around but, for now, that’s what we’re going with.

I haven’t told our families yet and I think we’re going to keep it that way, at least for now. I’ve stressed the “we want it to be a surprise” angle and while we got some flack for it, it’s gone down some. My mom and sister were sour because, apparently, they wanted to do a name reveal at my baby shower coming up and, again, have personalized gifts made, but they’re sticking to my boundaries for the time being.

For all the Siobhans out there and all those who also love the name: I see you! I really do. It’s a beautiful name from a beautiful culture. Wear it with pride, my dudes! But, for us, there’s just too much negative energy around it for us personally. Overall, I made this account for this dilemma specifically (I don’t use social media a lot as if it’s not great for my mental health) so I don’t know how long I’m gonna keep it up. But I want to share this update with you guys and thank you again for all your help.

Me and baby (maybe) Bonnie are doing just fine!

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments.

This is a repost. The original was posted in r/whatdoIdo by user No_Penalty9836. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Ongoing

Content Note: Harry Potter

Editor's Note: I added paragraph breaks

Original

January 5, 2026

I only have four days to make a decision. I have been going back and forth trying to decide if I should cancel my husbands birthday reservations I made for him at this really cool indoor golf place followed by reservations for dinner. He's always commented on wanting to try both and I thought it would make a nice gift. His birthday is only a few days after mine.

For Christmas he legit took the time to buy and wrap me a box of diapers for our daughter in the next size up and presented it to me as my gift. I'm still angry about that. No, gag gifts for Christmas has never been a thing between us. Last year he got me a spatula and I thought this year he would do better after the falling out we had over the spatula.

A little bit of Background info: Our daughter is now two months old and we have been working on replacing the floor and painting our home since before she was born with the goal of having it done before she can crawl. Over the summer he did the nursery floor and in the fall, a week before she was born, he did the flooring in our older son's room. Mind you, the flooring was given to us for free from my dad, and my dad bought my husband his own miter saw for Christmas to get the job done so we would no longer have to borrow his. I do all the painting.

This past week as we have been clearing things out of our bedroom for me to do the painting and him the flooring he brought up my birthday. He said, "wow, all this work for your birthday gift." I said "Excuse me, what gift?

He said "All the work of putting the flooring in our bedroom, but don't worry I'll still do a dinner for you and we can invite your mom and my family, what do you want me to cook?"

I said "I would like to just have a quiet birthday dinner, you, me and the kids at Longhorn Steak House, come home and watch a movie together. Also, the flooring is not my gift. This is something we've been planning now for a year. And with the house torn up, I don't want to host anyone in our home especially after having hosted for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Besides we don't even have a place for people to sit. We have all the bedroom furniture, and our clothing in the living room. I'm currently sleeping on the mattress on the floor in here. Plus, I'm not a fan of your brother coming over so you two can sit and just drink beer all evening while I watch our and his kids."

He said no, I'm going to cook at home, just tell me what you want me to cook.

I said "Ok, I want to do steak, mashed potatoes, and green beans." (But there is a problem here, he can't make mashed potatoes to save his life and only likes green beans if their boiled. I like fresh green beans slowly sautéed with olive oil, garlic and herbs. So if I want it cooked this way, I will have to do it.)

He said "no, we're not doing steak, it will cost to much if the family comes over. I'll just do a chicken." I

lost it. I said again, "For MY birthday... I DO NOT want people over." He kept arguing the issue and I said "fine, do what you want for my birthday."

Side note: Last year, he ordered the traditional tres leches cake but he ordered it with peaches. I hate peaches, he likes peaches. I like strawberries. Plus, my name was spelled wrong on the birthday cake, he thought it was hilarious.

I am now seriously considering cancelling his b-day golf outing & dinner reservations, leaving home if he invites his family for my birthday, buying him a box of diaper wipes and presenting it with a card that says "Happy birthday. I painted the house for you." Would I be the Asshole?

Consensus:

Not the asshole for cancelling, but people tell her she is an asshole for staying with someone who clearly doesn't like her or cares about her

Comment by OOP:

About 2 weeks after Christmas last year, when I had time relax, I asked him for a genuine answer about the spatula as a gift and what the hell he was thinking.

He said that he was at the store and saw that it was blue, the type of blue I like and and he thought of me and thought that it would match the utensil holder and our blue microwave that I found in the store one day and geeked over. He said he thought I would like it because of the pretty blue color. That's about as deep as the thought went.

He said that he never thought the gift would be sexist, or imply that I had to do more cooking for him. To make up for the spatula though he did go out and buy me the KitchenAid stand up mixer I had my eye on for over 2 years. I was really happy about it...Until he said "So when are you going to make me some homemade bead?"

We had the talk about never, ever buying kitchen appliances for someone as a gift unless directly asked for. That kitchen things used by the whole family is not a gift for one person. When I am no longer angry about the diapers, I'll be able to calmly ask him "after the 2024 Christmas spatula debacle, what the hell were you thinking gifting me diapers 2025."

I mean hell, I'm thinking if this is how its gonna be, we might just make it a pact to buy each other practical gifts for the home. No more disappointment that way.

Update

January 5, 2026, same day later

Birthday plans: I have since logged in and cancelled his birthday golf outing and dinner reservations for next week. Tomorrow is my birthday and his day off work so he will be watching baby as I have also booked myself for a 90 minute massage.

After that I will be stopping by Starbuck for my favorite drink and one hour of un-interrupted time with my new book that my son got me for Christmas. Then I will be picking him up from school and taking him to go see a movie. I will round off the day by coming home, taking a long hot bubble bath, ordering DoorDash and ending my day holding baby girl.

That sounds like an amazing birthday to me. For him, I will just be getting him a card that reads "Happy Birthday, I painted the house for you." The bag will contain a case of diaper wipes. If he looks disappointed, I will just tell him "I cancelled the Golf outing and dinner reservations and instead go this bulk pack of wipes; the perfect gift to accompany the box of diapers you got me for Christmas." He will get the message.

Divorce: As for the people advocating for divorce, kicking him to the curb, leaving with the kids in the middle of the night, claiming that he isn't a good husband to me and father to our baby, please know that you only got one little glimpse into our life.

He is a loving and caring father to our children. We struggled with infertility for a very long time so this baby was a surprise but a welcomed blessing. Every day I prayed to not miscarry and even feared death during labor as my pregnancy was high-risk. He took a month off of work to care for me as I recovered from 3 degree tearing and a bruised tailbone.

Every night he does the night time routine: Bath, pajamas, story time, and rocks baby girl to sleep. While he does that, I do the house reset: dishes, garbage, sweep. He wakes with me for all her feedings and prioritizes my sleep over his to make sure that I am rested enough to care for our daughter during the day.

This is the same man who, during pregnancy, cooked me breakfast every morning and massaged my feet every night. Before he leaves for work every day he will make sure I have time to self-care (shower, brush my teeth, eat breakfast, and pump) before handing me the baby (if she's awake). Then he will make sure I am happy on the couch with baby girl and anything I could need before he leaves-blanket, remote, water cup, my phone, phone charger, a clean binky and bottle for baby.

As soon as he get's home from work, he will take her and give me 30 minutes to myself before we start talking dinner plans. We make a good team when it comes to daily life. I don't have to make him lists of things to do. I like that when were low on milk, he will just pick it up on his way home without having to be asked and he doesn't wait for a "thank you" like he did me some big favor the way I have seen other men seek gratitude for doing basic tasks.

He sucks at gift giving and this year and last year, so yes! I will be doing nothing for him for his birthday. Despite the shitty thoughtless gift and non-birthday birthday plans, I will be holding off on kicking him out and just matching his energy for his birthday. For Christmas 2026, I think I will get him an IKEA toddler bed to assemble for our daughter and call it a day.

Update 2

January 6, 2026, 1 day later

Birthday update: Yesterday was my birthday. Hubby surprised me with breakfast out at my favorite local spot and we did a Home Depot run for more flooring.

After that, I did go for my massage, It was wonderful, and I did stop at Starbuck for my free birthday drink. I didn't have time to sit and read before I had to pick my boy from school, but that's ok.

Instead of going to see a movie at the theater we came home and began a Harry Potter Movie marathon. I LOVE Harry Potter. However, my son, without my knowing, had texted my dad and my best friend to come over and surprise me with a visit.

He didn't know that I had already had my best friend and her niece scheduled to come over to look through a pile of clothes before I took a large haul to donate at the Salvation Army. It was so much fun watching her niece try on dresses. We wrapped up the night with some pizza and cheesy bread.

Hubby surprised me with a little gift: two new books, a pack of my favorite cookies, and a squishy niffler that I can add to my Harry Potter book shelf. Overall, I had a great day. :)

___

*I'm not the original poster*

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/nameAITAH

Published on: r/AITAH & r/Redditor_Updates

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: March 04, 2026

• Update: March 10, 2026

• Final Update: September 17, 2026

Main Post

^{March 04, 2026}

AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name.

Everyone who knows my ex-boyfriend (33M) calls him either “JT” or by his last name. I (29M) was never among those people. He introduced himself to me by his first name, “Jude,” so that’s what I’ve always called him.

Two years ago, he and I broke up due to him getting a promotion that included a ton of traveling. I love him, and I definitely didn’t want him turning down an opportunity like that for me. We tried long distance and it just wasn’t sustainable for us. I’m a homebody through and through, and I like having my person home with me, too.

I’ve been dating my current girlfriend (29F) for about eight months now. Jude has recently transferred positions within his company again and is back in our city for the majority of the time. We didn’t end on bad terms at all, so we’re still friends. My girlfriend always said she was fine with that. After a group outing with him, my girlfriend, and some other friends, she asked why I call him something different than everyone else.

This has since turned into a multi-day argument where she claims that calling him by his first name when no one else does is “too intimate.” She said it’s a relationship thing, and that I need to start treating him like a friend. I said she’s being ridiculous and unbelievably insecure. It’s his name, not a term of endearment.

AITAH?

COMMENTS

lilolememe

I'm going with NTA. If he wanted you to not call him Jude, I could understand it. Your girlfriend doesn't have the right to dictate how you identify someone else. It's how you've always known him.

OOP (downvoted)

Exactly. If it had come from him, it would make sense. Coming from her, it just seems like a very bizarre thing to focus on.

HopefulTangerine5913

How sure are you she is okay with you still being friends with him? As a fellow bi person, I am guessing you’ve heard the stereotypes about us being unfaithful or only happy if we have a boyfriend and a girlfriend 🙄 which, if that’s your bag, good for you so long as everyone is informed and cool with it. Personally I am a one partner at a time person, but I won’t yuck someone’s yum.

I’m only curious on this because it seems like people make a lot of assumptions about bisexual people without actually getting to know the individual. I’m wondering if there is some bias leaking into her judgment

OOP (downvoted)

I told her even before the start of our relationship that 1. I’m bisexual, and 2. that he and I were friends, and if that was a problem then we shouldn’t be together. I think romantic partners expecting people to cut off their friends is probably the reddest red flag there is. She said it wasn’t a problem.

kokomodo93

You’re putting your ex before any possible romantic relationship. You are saying, at the start of your relationship, I would choose this persons friendship over you. She knows deep down he means more to you than she does. Maybe she could handle that when he was far away, but not now that he is back and she has to watch it right in front of her, with knowing that. No relationship is going to last if you put your ex above your partner.

OOP (downvoted)

That’s fair, I appreciate your comment. It’s something I’ll think on.

It’s just important to me to note that this was not just ‘an ex,’ this was my best friend for 8 years.

Disastrous-Item-5758 (downvoted)

You're bisexual?

OOP

I am.

Misstucson

NTA, I actually had a similar thing with a friend in that everyone called her boyfriend BK. He was introduced to me as BK by our mutual friends. Anyway my friend started dating him and he introduced himself to her as Bren. I asked him if he preferred Bren and he said yes! Turns out he hated being called BK and it was just a terrible nickname name that everyone gave him.

OOP (downvoted)

My ex-partner never hated being called any of his nicknames, but I would imagine it would be a little awkward when it comes to a romantic partner. Last name might work, but it still feels a little bro-y, you know?

I mostly just can’t get past the thought of being in bed with someone and referring to them by their initials. “JT” or “BK” don’t exactly roll off the tongue. :)

SimmerDown_Boilup

I mostly just can’t get past the thought of being in bed with someone and referring to them by their initials.

So you're planning on being in bed with your ex again? Like, wtf does it matter now that he is your ex?

OOP (downvoted)

I was referring to the general concept of calling a romantic partner by their initials, even if it’s what they go by. The comment I was replying to was about someone calling their partner Bren when everyone else called him BK.

TraumaCookie

INFO: How long were you and Jude dating?

It's not about the Iranian yogurt. Your girlfriend feels uneasy and insecure because the man that you love, and with whom your relationship ended specifically because long distance didn't work, is no longer long distance. You and she have only been together for eight months, versus the years of you and Jude having a connection (whether dating or not).

She's scared that you and Jude will get back together and she will be left behind. Is the name thing the exact right way of expressing her concerns? No. Is your response about her being insanely insecure going to help the situation? No. She needs assurance that you are choosing a romantic and intimate relationship with her and that you have no intentions of trying to resume an emotionally or physically intimate relationship with your ex.

But if you still have any feelings of romantic love for Jude, you should not be in a relationship because it's not fair to your current partner.

OOP (downvoted)

We were together for 7.5 years.

I appreciate the advice, truly. But if this is how she’s feeling, I’d rather her tell me than pick a fight about a name. We’re both nearly 30.

Update - after 6 days

^{March 10, 2026}

Update: AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name.

My girlfriend and I sat down for a long conversation a few days ago. I went into it knowing that separation was the right choice here. Still, I wanted us to have a real talk about our feelings, so I tried to open up the floor for a discussion about what was really bothering her beyond the name issue. She continually insisted it truly was only about that.

It ended in her giving me an ultimatum, and me breaking things off.

Some of the comments on my other posts led me to do a lot of thinking. I was with Jude from the time I was 19 until I was 27. I spent almost all of my 20s with him. I’m now just a few months shy of 30 and the next decade of my life has been on my mind. I don’t know if I’ll get to spend it with who I want to, but I know being alone is better than spending it with the wrong person.

I’m going to be taking some time for myself. I have never been a relationship hopper (my previous relationship was my first, anyway), and I think it’s important the people in my life know that they’re more important than that.

Thank you for all the feedback. Some of the specific exchanges I had here helped spark the internal conversations I needed to have with myself to figure out what I wanted.

COMMENTS

OOP to a long thread

I’m always going to love him and I would love to explore things at a later time. I feel like jumping into something with him right now, or even trying to, would completely discredit how much I respect and care for him. We never lost touch throughout those two years apart, but we’ve been talking a lot more lately. Just being there to support each other is important and what’s best for the both of us right now.

Affectionate-Cut3631

The sentence “and I would love to explore things at a later time” is exactly why people are downvoting you.

You’re admitting that you love him and that you’d be open to a romantic relationship with him in the future. That strongly suggests you were never fully committed to your girlfriend in the first place. From her perspective, it would feel like she was just a placeholder until the opportunity to return to him came along.

At the same time, you told your girlfriend she was imagining things and made her doubt her instincts. But based on what you’re writing here, she wasn’t imagining anything. She picked up on the exact vibes you’re now admitting were there.

You’re describing her as if she was being irrational, yet your own comments show that her concerns were valid. She wasn’t crazy; she recognized that your feelings for him went beyond platonic friendship.

That’s why it’s important to take some accountability for this . You're trying to play the victim in your narrative while you aren't the victim here but the instigator.

OOP (downvoted)

Thank you for taking the time to write this out. Yes, I can see how it would look from her point of view.

It was never my goal to use her a placeholder in my life, so I think that’s why I’m struggling so hard with people insisting it to be true. It makes me question my sense of self, but I think it’s because what people are interpreting as intentionally malicious was done completely unintentionally.

Oswynne

OP can't even see that having an emotional affair, lying, and gaslighting his girlfriend makes him the bad guy in this situation simply because he didn't "intend" to. In fact, he's a good guy for letting her go.

Just another guy out here with the emotional depth of a shot glass. I hope Jude is able to dodge the bullet that you are OP because you clearly have a lot of maturing to do.

OOP (downvoted)

I was in a relationship prior to my last one for almost 8 years. I know how to navigate a partnership that is healthy, loving, and makes me feel safe. I know how to offer that same security to the other person as well.

I was also never trying to convince anyone I was the “good guy,” just trying to explain my point of view since people are accusing me of being malicious and pre-planning everything.

But eh, it doesn’t matter. There are no more nuanced conversations to be had here for me. I have tried replying in good faith, but people have already made up their minds that their worst assumptions of me are the truth. Any explanations I give are seen as deflecting.

I messed up. I thought I had moved on, but a lot of feelings have resurfaced and I’ve not dealt with that in the most graceful way. What I’m not is some master manipulator.

Talking things out a little bit through my first post was helpful, so I thought an update was just a nice way to thank those who offered solid advice for the clarity it provided. Instead, it’s just been unsettling, seeing commenters convinced they know my reality better than I do. But that’s what the sub is for, I suppose. Lesson learned, life goes on.

Anyway. I’m going to go spend my time with people who actually know me. :)

Final Update - after 6 months, 13 days (after 6 months, 7 days from last post)

^{September 17, 2026}

Last Update: AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name.

The title doesn’t really apply anymore since I haven’t spoken to my “girlfriend” since that conversation 6 months ago, while Jude and I are now living together.

I had every intention of spending some time alone and focusing on myself, but things with Jude just fell into place. We made the decision to move in together again about 4 months ago.

I appreciate everyone’s comments on my last two posts, even the harsher ones. I became a person I didn’t like very much during my last “relationship.” I did myself and the person I was involved with a huge disservice, because I wasn’t being honest. Now, I’m back exactly where I was always supposed to be, and I wish her the best. I didn’t mean to waste either of our time, but I did, and I’m sorry for that.

As for what I’ve been up to since… lately, life has been centered around house hunting and engagement ring discussions.

Thanks again for all the feedback. Sometimes hard truths are needed.

UPDATE in the same post

I originally put some final thoughts of mine in a comment that I linked here, but moderators removed it. I’ll going to paste my response, unchanged. Sorry for the length, not sure why it was removed. Comment starts now:

I never claimed I was the good guy in this post. I have repeated multiple times that I wasted her time, and despite that not being my intention, it still happened. It wasn’t okay. To reiterate from the main post here, I became someone I didn’t like during my time with her because I wasn’t being honest with myself or with her. That very much makes me the bad guy.

I think tone is being lost here because people are angry at me, so they want me to be miserable. I am happy in my life, but remorseful over this situation. I hate that I hurt her. I’ve seen a few comments saying I’m “smug.” I really dislike that it’s coming across that way. I am not celebrating that I hurt someone. I don’t know how else to convey that I am happy to have ended up where I am, but dislike the journey that brought me here. I made shitty choices.

I have to disagree with the sentiment that I ever invalidated my relationship with Jude. But that is not what I think is important right now, and I don’t feel the need to justify that here because I know the kind of respect and reverence I have for the time we spent together, and I feel like that came across in all my posts and comments here.

As for invalidating my involvement with her. These past few months have given me a lot of clarity and peace in terms of my identity. Again, not something I wish to discuss here. There is already biphobia floating around in these comments, unfortunately. I don’t want to open that can of worms here. AITAH forums are not the place to discuss sexuality in any kind of thoughtful manner. I will just say, the way I view the situation is mine. It is not for people to decide for me. I messed up, I hurt someone, I am sorry for it. I’m still allowed to reflect and view it differently now, thanks to hindsight. If that upsets you, I apologize.

Finally, to end this novel: During the last conversation I had with her, I tried to go deeper on the issue. She still insisted it was still about the name. I don’t fault her for that, obviously. I don’t blame her for not wanting to be vulnerable with me after I had made so many mistakes. That was all I meant when I said, in a previous comment, that she was both ‘right and wrong’ about the situation. I will, as I stated, call him Jude whether we are married, dating, lovers, friends, enemies, anything. Maybe I’m just too literal in still holding onto that, but that is quite literally what these posts centered around when I first posted the conflict. That was all I meant. I was not trying to deflect or act like my other choices were the right ones.

That’s all I have to say. Sorry for using your comment as my “final statement,” I just wanted to grab one that didn’t already have a ton of replies to it. I really just wanted to post this final update because I thought people might like to know how the story concluded. I didn’t think much about my wording, or having to over explain my remorse and regret, because it’s obvious to the people in my real life. Tone is hard over text and I just didn’t really sit and take considerable time, thinking and typing out the OP.

I know most people won’t read this. It truly is annoyingly long. I just wanted to say my piece. Thanks.

COMMENTS

ledger_inscriptions

Yikes so she was right?

OOP

I mean, yes and no. I’m never going to call Jude by anything else other than his name, no matter what our relationship is. I still think that was an odd hill for her to die on. But I was in denial about my feelings. I didn’t want to admit to myself that I’d wasted 2 years away from him that I could’ve spent with him, so I was trying very hard to ignore just how easy it felt now that he was back. I truly believed we could just be friends until it became very clear that that wasn’t an option. That wasn’t fair to her.

DullBaker595

I think part of what is triggering so many people here is that you seem not to appreciate how damaging it is to convince a woman she’s being irrational when she’s actually just seeing the truth.

From a very early age women get stereotyped as emotional and irrational and hormonal and jealous. It’s something women are trained to be very sensitive to, and women often end up doubting their own instincts because of a fear that they’re acting out this stereotype.

So in this case, your girlfriend correctly picked up your lingering affection for your ex. Instead of doing introspection when she pointed the name thing out to you, you told her she was being irrational (and are still saying she was being irrational, despite the fact that you’re going to marry the person she suggested you had affection for). It took a bunch of Redditors pointing it out to you for you to do that introspection, not the person you’re supposed to be in love with (your gf).

We can all imagine being in her shoes, and how it must have felt to doubt her reality and fear she was just being irrational. And yet you don’t seem to apologize at all for making her feel crazy, and weaponizing misogynistic assumptions and stereotypes against her.

Instead, you’re now downplaying your relationship with her by putting the term “relationship” and “girlfriend” in quotes.

Electrical-Guard-468

That’s a lot of words to say she was right while denying she wasn’t.

OOP

Even during our last conversation when I pushed for what was bothering her beyond the name issue, as many commenters suggested, she still insisted it was only about that. And no, I don’t think she was right to ask me to call him something different than his actual name.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

Originally posted by user ThatNameHurtsMe in r/ aitah

Status: concluded

TW: Abuse, Incest

Original: Dec 4th, 2022

I (39 F) was born in Canada but was taken to India weeks after I turned 18 and was married by my parents to my cousin who I barely knew. I was treated well by my husband (he was polite, paid for school there, took me on dates and never forced me to do anything) and his love is why we reconnected when he came to Canada. But his mother hated me and was always yelling, calling me useless, demeaning me and even vowing to get me divorced so my husband could marry my sister. When I got pregnant I had to go, I couldn't subject my child to that witch. Our maid helped me return to Canada and I named my daughter Zahira (fake name) after her.

I have a good life, great job, amazing children and am in a PhD program now and it is because that maid took a big risk just to help me.

My daughter became hateful to the name Zahira at about 10 and then pretended to have a more typical Canadian name or used a nickname. She stopped appreciating that she was named after the woman who helped us escape Hell.

When Zahira turned 18, she changed her name to Ruhani (again fake). I can live with a name change but Ruhani is so close to my mother in law's name. It triggers me. I've told her and she doesn't care. My psychologist has helped me with this but it hurts. I accept she is not Zahira anymore but I cannot say Ruhani even if everyone does so I use pet names like baby or sweetie. I thought she wouldn't notice but she has.

I'm pregnant and we learned its a girl. My husband said we can name her Zahira and my daughter said do it so you can call me Ruhani. With all my stress I got angry and said she can't be replaced and I still hate her new name. It started an argument between us with my daughter calling me a selfish jerk for not accepting her new name. My husband understands as he knows I hate his mother but my sons are on my daughter's side and said to post here saying people would agree I am the asshole. I do not like them using that word but am I?

First Update: June 22nd, 2022

I tried talking to my daughter about her old name and why she hated it but she gave wishy washy reasons on it never suiting her. She got angry when I asked if it was cause of bullying. I asked if she cared about my maid's sacrifice and she said she didn't and that what I went through in India did not seem bad. I asked if she cared how similar her name is to my MIL's name, she said she didn't and it was my issue to get over and didn't want to hear any more nicknames or to use therapy as an excuse.

After that, I don't know I kind of regressed mentally and started having nightmares of India. I guess I got overwhelmed by stress cause of that, being pregnant and my PhD programme. So I visited by brother Fayez (22) in Brampton for a weekend. He lives in my property there and told me that he got a job in England. He left a few days ago and I have started the process of moving to Ontario. As my daughter goes to university here in BC, she is not going with us.

I guess it just was that if being around my own daughter was hurting me so much to the point I was scared I'd miscarry, then I needed to be gone for both of our sakes. Making arrangements to continue working for my PhD was the most stressful thing but that's done. Ever since I made the decision to move I've felt so much better and so free. I honestly can't wait to be gone from here.

I will continue to pay for my daughter's school, living expenses and her therapy but maybe by living alone she'll understand what it was like for me when it was just us after I escaped. Just maybe she'll learn everything we have is cause of that maid. I know I was wrong to spoil her and always indulge her but she's always been the light that got me home. Part of me feels as if I am abandoning her over something as stupid as a name, but soon she will be the age I was when I had her and every girl needs to grow up and learn empathy. I have tried to be a better mother than my own, I just hope that this is what is best for her.

On the other hand, my husband and boys are so excited to move to Ontario so I know we'll have a good time there.

Comments by OOP:

• OOP on marrying her cousin: "Getting married to my cousin was not what I wanted in my life. Yes, I ultimately consented to it because I thought it would be best for me. I was wrong. But there are thousands of girls across south Asia who are given an impossible choice just like me. My parents were cousins too, it is just how it is in my culture."
• OOP on her initial separation from her husband: "We were separated. When he came to Canada off of his own educational merit, I did not sponsor him, I let him see our daughter. From there, things slowly ended up happening between us again with certain conditions. He was never unkind to me in India and he loved me but it took time for me to feel about him the same way."

Second Update: January 24th, 2026 (4 years later)

I posted this here nearly four years ago: AITA for admitting to my daughter that I hate what she changed her name to? : r/AmItheAsshole

So much has changed since then and I really felt like posting today because in two weeks my daughter is going to get married. And it has had me reflecting a lot because when I was a teenager I was a girl who was raising her own siblings and being hurt so badly in so many different ways by my parents. I never wanted kids, I dreaded the idea of being pregnant, I never wanted to be married and I had so many dreams that never came true. It's why I wanted my daughter to have everything that I never had and to be the opposite of my own mother.

Since I posted, so many things have changed in my life, I've moved across the country, I've got a PhD now, I've got a job which twenty years ago it seemed like to me that I could never get. But most importantly to me is that somehow my husband managed to get into contact with my maid who saved my life. I know it meant putting up with his mother but he did it and I got to visit her, I got to meet all her family and I got to tell her about my life and it feels like I got to unburden everything to her. In so many ways it was like she was the older sister that I wish I'd had to protect me when I was a child and I am so grateful to have her back.

I still don't know why my daughter hated her name for so long and she still doesn't tell me and gets agitated whenever I ask. But she is using her name again, not the one she changed it to. Her fiancé is Indian just like us and she started using it again because he liked that name over the one she chose. It's a ridiculous reason but it's fine. But she appreciates it now and she appreciates what it means to me because when she told her fiance's mother, she started crying over how beautiful the story is. Apparently her mother-in-law was able to get through to her in a way that I was never able to.

Her mother-in-law and I have become so close since we met as well. It's like she gets me. She's actually from India but there's so many things about her and I that just click so well together. It is like I have another younger sister now. I know my daughter wants to be more like her than me but I don't feel jealous like I think I'm supposed to. I feel happy that such a wonderful woman will be able to be there for her when she's married and guide her. As long as this woman is in my daughter's life I know I will never have to worry for her.

Looking back at that first post from four years ago, the person that I was is so different than who I am now. It's like back then I couldn't see things clearly. I was worried about my education, my pregnancy, my daughter and thought it was selfish to be worried about myself. But I am so happy now. I wish I could go back to me and meet me and my husband when we first got married when we were just these 18 year olds who knew nothing and tell them that one day we'll be this happy.

I love my daughters, my sons and my sisters and I love that I can finally live the life I want.