Even though my wife works full-time as well, she always makes my lunches the night before so I have a homemade lunch for work the next day.

A month ago, i told my man i would sleep in guest room for a few nights. Wanted to catch up on sleep, and he was ok with it. I have been in there since, even though the bed is way smaller than him and me. It is not because we are fighting or anything. He goes to bed around 1am and no matter how quite he is he wakes me up then my alarm goes off at 5 am cause i start at 6 am and that wakes him up. He snores on top of all that.

Only things i took from our room were my pillow and my flowtoo. I cannot fall asleep without rain sound anymore. He started setting up coffee maker before he goes to bed so it is ready when i get up which is kind of sweet..

I mentioned it to my mom and she said “that’s how it starts”, and I have not told my friends at all since then. I kind of feel guilty, which is stupid because it is working. My best friend stays with us a couple times a year and always gets the guest room, so that is going to come up eventually.

We often argue over who loves who more (I always win (she would disagree)).

Every morning for about a half-hour to an hour before we get out of bed, she rolls over to lay on me and we go back to sleep.

We are high school sweethearts, started dating in 2002. We are now in our early 40s.

People keep saying that being "in love" is a phase that passes, but I am so absolutely smitten with this woman! She is my heart and soul.

I just wanna brag about how amazing my wife makes every part of my life. We’re in our 30s now and we’ve been together since we were in high school. She is in almost every happy memory of my adult life. She’s my best friend and I am thinking about her all the time.

She gave birth to our son earlier this year and he has been the biggest source of joy for both of us. I wouldn’t have him if not for her.

She even makes my hobbies that I enjoy by myself better because whatever I’m doing I’m thinking “I married the best person ever.”

Please don’t roast me. I’m genuinely needing advice.

Been married 20 years. Sometimes it’s great and sometimes it’s so awful. We’ve done therapy, both individually and together. Currently we are both doing individual therapy.

Had a disagreement early this morning over communication. He had told me last night he would stay home and get the kids ready for school, but when my alarm went off he was already gone at the gym. He claims he was going to be home in time, like he promised, and all I needed to do was ask if I wasn’t sure. I expressed my frustration that he told me he would stay home and then changed the plan without communicating it before. Since he wasn’t home like he promised, I assumed it was on me to get the kids up. For context, he goes to the gym every morning while I stay home and get the kids up and to school and make him breakfast every morning. After he leaves for work I finally eat and move on with my day. I also work full-time from home, but spend my whole day juggling work hours and kid pick ups and drop off and making dinner and having to work late because of it. Every day I try to go to the gym but haven’t been able to recently because of everything else going on.

He was at the gym and started texted me about it. I mentioned I felt hurt and frustrated that he didn’t stay home like he said. It’s been a hard few days and I really needed that self care time. We went back and forth a little until he came home. He burst in the door, pointed at me and said “fuck you”. Then launched into a tirade of “fuck you”s and “I’m tired of your shit”. “All you do is whine and bitch about everything.” “Get out of here, I’m sick of seeing your face.” “I don’t care how you feel about it, this is your fault.” He started mocking me, using a high whiny voice “oh, poor me! I have the worst life!…” As I walked away he yelled at me “you ruined my whole fucking day! Fuck you!”

All because I was frustrated that he had left when I thought he would be staying home, and apparently it was my job to clarify things through text. He texted me after going to work and said sorry for swearing so much, but doubled down on blaming me for all of it and saying if I had just texted him to clarify none of this would happen.

He always tells me I’m too sensitive. I feel hurt by the way he spoke to me and shocked that he escalated to such a mean level over something that could have been a conversation. Is this normal? Do men always talk to their wives like this and then just say sorry later? Is this verbal abuse?

Edit to add: this kind of stuff used to happen frequently in the early years of our marriage, and after lots of therapy and efforts on both our parts it seemed to get a lot better for a couple of years. But over this last year I’ve noticed it creeping up again. So while it’s not new, it did take me by surprise because I thought we were past this type of behavior.

Sooo, my husband keeps telling me to pick whatever house I like. He even told our realtor, “It’s really up to her. She’s the boss.”
We both have income, so I asked him, “Would you be comfortable covering a $4,000 mortgage while I handle the utilities?” He said, “Well, no. That’s one whole check.”
That’s where I’m confused. Why tell me to pick whatever I want without first discussing what he’s comfortable paying and how we’d divide the bills? Was he assuming we’d split the mortgage?
He’s old school and covered the mortgage in his previous marriage, so I didn’t think my question was unreasonable. But I’m financially literate, I’m crunching the numbers, and I’m not okay with us becoming house poor. I want a house we love, but it also needs to fit a budget we’ve both agreed on.

Don’t want to get into details but he spit in my face during an argument. I wasn’t nice during the argument but def didn’t spit in his face. He also called me a bit**, whor* and many other cusses.
It’s not the first violent incident. He swore he’ll change yet he didn’t.
I did everything to change- started therapy, consistently and my behavior changed a lot and he noticed that.
After he did it I slapped him as hard as I could and I just can’t look at him anymore- all I see is him spitting on me. I’ve never felt so humiliated in my life. He wants an apology for slapping him but I’m def not going to apologize and if he would spit on me again I would slap him again.
I want to leave and afraid of how much I invested in this marriage.
I know he was in a very abusive relationship and I wonder if I need to tolerate that because he was treated like that and at the same time I’m afraid he was the abusive one and acted the same or gained something from that craziness he was in. I constantly try to be understanding about it but where is the limit? He apologized only when he realised I really want to leave.
I want an advice about what to do from people that went through the same and not just people that will tell me to leave him…

I feel so completely betrayed. I would have never in my wildest dreams imagined it could be him. But it is. I want to wake up from this nightmare. I feel so foolish and broken. Getting out of bed is a challenge but I have to be there for my kids. I have avoided having any conversations with the kids, and if I cry I do it privately. I know they know something is up with me but they think we are just visiting family. The worst part is I met the affair partner. I liked her as a person. I just feel like I complete idiot. I should have trusted my instincts. Something felt wrong but I keep pressing him and he would behave like how could I have the audacity to ask him something like that. I questioned my own sanity. He said would never in a million years do that and that she was just a kid. So I believed him because I loved him. I kept asking him what was up because he was acting strangely and he would brush it off. But I saw her pictures on the kids ipad and it proved all the fears I have had for the past while. He admitted to some things and then I found more evidence of his infidelity after logging into his DMs and confronted him again and he was forced to admit to it. I never wanted to breech his privacy but I needed all the evidence after seeing the photos. I feel so disgusted. I should have known but I didn’t want to admit that all these years and everything we have been through had been wasted and a lie. I don’t know how to take the next step or how the kids and I will get through this. I just cannot believe it. He was my best friend and now it’s like he died. The person I know died. This other person has completely destroyed my family and the worst part is I think she has enjoyed every minute of it. I think for her it was all a thrill. My husband seems to take no responsibility for his actions. He’s saying we’ve had problems, we haven’t been intimate as much. He’s just throwing his hands up. I don’t think he even has plans to not see her anymore. So I left. Im just not sure whats next for me. I know the marriage cannot be saved. Thanks for listening.

Husband and I are both 31 (M&F). Married 11 years, have three kids.

I feel like I am losing grip on the end of the rope I’ve been hanging on to forever and not sure how much longer I’m willing to keep white knuckling it.

Someday, I’ll write a lengthy post (or get myself back in actual therapy) in hopes someone can tell me whether or not I’m insane for feeling all the things I feel. But for today, I’m trying to process last night.

Emotional connection/intimacy has been a HUGE struggle for the entirety of our marriage. We are trapped in the dynamic of him needing physical intimacy (sex) to desire emotional intimacy with me, and I need emotional intimacy/closeness to desire sex. I have done plenty of setting aside my own needs to fulfill his because I know how important it is for him, even if it’s at the detriment of my own mental health. There have been many times he’s said that if the physical intimacy part can improve, the emotional connection will follow…but it doesn’t. There have been periods where I see a genuine desire for him to try, but it lasts a week at best. I couldn’t tell you the last time my husband told me I was beautiful, doing a great job, a good mom, a good wife, or really anything positive unless it’s on the heels of an argument that he’s trying to recover from. We don’t have real conversations outside of things about our kids, his job, or people that we know. It feels very shallow. We don’t have shared interests or hobbies.

Over the summer, we went to a concert in our local park with another couple and their kids. I went to get drinks and on my way back, was stopped by someone I hadn’t seen since high school. It was the first time I had felt really seen or noticed by someone. We chatted for 10 minutes, then went on my way. Last week, as I was leaving the local coffee shop, this same person walked in and stopped me again. In 25 minutes, I had felt more seen, attractive, and interesting than I have in years. I felt noticed. I felt like someone actually WANTED to talk to me and was interested in what I had to say. We talked about books we’d been reading, current events, the weather, other small talk subjects. He told me that I was even more gorgeous than he remembered. He asked for my number, I politely declined. I felt like I glowed the rest of the day. I took a selfie and changed my Facebook picture for the first time in four years 😂 but once I settled in and reflected on the day, I felt really guilty and embarrassed for how much I enjoyed that attention from someone who wasn’t my husband, and it hurt because I feel like I realized the depth of what I am missing in my marriage. I feel awful, still do. Husband noticed because he said I had been “off” the last few days, which brought us to last night.

After the kids were in bed, he asked “if I was finally going to tell him what’s wrong.” So I did. I told him that in a brief interaction, I felt more seen, appreciated, admired, attractive, and interesting than I have in years. And then I cracked and started crying because I also said how guilty and embarrassed I felt for liking the attention and realizing how much I missed that in our marriage. After a few minutes he said “sorry you feel that way. Is that it?” I said yes. He got up and walked away and didn’t say anything else. He came to bed a few hours later.

This morning, it’s like nothing was said. No kisses or hugs. I asked what his plans were for the day. He asked me to take something to the post office for him. This is pretty standard with any kind of conversation he doesn’t seem to have emotional investment in. Meanwhile, I am still rattled with guilt, embarrassment, grief for what I’m desperately missing, and now the realization that maybe he just doesn’t care.

My husband and I have been together 6 years, we have two young children. I very recently found out that he intended to cheat. I found texts to a massage parlor that offers happy endings. This is not new to him, as he shared he went to a place like this in the past before he met me. When confronted, he said he did not go through with it but mostly because he thought he could get into legal trouble. Had it been the right time and place, he would have done it. He said that he had been voicing how lonely he feels, and that I never prioritize him so he just wanted to feel wanted and meant nothing else. I explain that the young children will always be my priority, but he says that they will grow up and leave and we should always prioritize each other as he does to me.

He has been an amazing partner to me, always prioritized my needs, communicated effectively, is romantic. So this really caught me off guard.

He apologized for how things unfolded, he said this was a cry for help and he is deeply sorry. He reassured how much he loves me, that he was being selfish and did not think of the pain this would cause. He has always been very truthful and takes pride in his bluntness, but for the first time, he hid something from me. I feel sad at the thought of losing our relationship, future, and everything because I love him so much. At the same time, the trust is broken.

Will I ever be able to forgive him? If so, how is trust regained?

Has anyone found a way for a man to kill his sex drive? Been married for 26 years and tired of being told no. I love her and just wish I could turn it off

Every time we have had a fight, my reaction has been the focus and the problem and the type of person I am he can say and do the worst things but even I’ll fixate on what I did to hurt him, forgetting my own hurt. I don’t know am I emotionally strong? I don’t know how I put myself last but focus on what I’ve done to hurt him.

Every time he goes for days, sends me to my mums, I’m sat panicking he’s avoidant chilling. Then he expects me to come and beg and beg and beg and beg for days, his sister even told me that he comes smiling saying “see she’s begging me” like she even said he enjoys it..

We’ve had another fight, I’m pregnant, he’s made a scene infront of the family over me being “too emotional” kicked me out 7 months pregnant, put it this way his family agree because he needs “space” every time I have give in, I have begged even when I know he’s forgiven me etc I just go along with it too.

THIS TIME, first time I just first time I don’t want to, I want him to approach me, his ego is too high I fear he won’t but I do want him to. I didn’t do anything this time, I don’t have any guilt of anything cos I chose silence this time, he reacted out of frustration of my silence I think.

Someone with that much ego and pride, will they actually go on without contacting if I don’t? He expects me to beg how do you think he will feel seeing I am not doing that?

My wife said that she doesnt have a problem if her father sees her in her brah or underwear. Is that weird?

Have you ever brought up a fantasy to your spouse and simply bringing it up led to a negative response? Or you tried the fantasy and it backfired in some way? I feel like everyone has the story like "I never thought he would be into it but I finally brought it up and he was into it and it went great." But I'm sure the opposite happens sometimes (maybe lots of times)?!

I've recently stumbled upon a research showing that chances of divorce significantly increase once wife starts to earn more than her husband. I would like to avoid that scenario because I am married to a truly good and decent man, but I am starting to feel resentment and it's getting worse.

We are both in our late 30s and have been together for 10 years. We have two kids. We live in quite a conservative country where men are default breadwinners and female take care of kids and households. This is essentially how he was raised. His mother was a SAHM for a big part of his life and afterwards she found a very low-pressure job, whereas his dad was a very successful businessman who earned a lot. My mom was working full time as well as my dad,but literary 100% of household care was on her,making her completely drained. They eventually divorced (this was not the main reason),but I always felt a huge resentment towards my dad because of it. This is why I promised myself that I will either be dedicated to household with husband as a main breadwinner or be equally dedicated to career but have a partner who was equally dedicated to house chores.

However, life had other plans for me. In the beginning of our relationship and early marriage, we both had demanding careers and were earning almost the same. When we got our first kid, I decided to go back to my job after maternity leave (I took a full year), but we knew immediately that this career is going to be impossible after a second kid. When I was on my maternity leave with our second kid, we agreed that my husband will continue with his demanding career, while I will swich to a less damanding one. However, this plan hasn't turned out as we planned, because very soon after I changed job,I was offered a big promotion (in the same company) which came with a huge salary bumb,but significantly more responsibility and demanding working hours. Two of us agreed that I should take the opportunity (even though this is not how we planned) and he commited to take equal care of kids and household (normally, this distribution was 80:20-with me doing 80%). Since I took this promotion (which was 3 years ago), I was poached by another company where I got even a higher salary bump. My earnings have enabled us to live a very confortable life, with a great apartment, nice car and few family trips per year. At the same time, what used to be a demanding career of my husband, became quite stale, as it's essentially one of those professions where the longer you stay, you become stagnant.

This has led to a situation in which we are currently-I'm earning three times more than my husband, while the houshold distribution improved for maybe 10% (so now it's 70:30,but mental load is almost entitely on me as I'm the one who coordinates everything,husband just executes tasks). From the outside, I look like one of those wonder women who have a successful career, amazing kids and a husband who is a nice and decent man. From the inside, I feel like I've been in functional burnout for ages. I'm so exhausted that I litterary cannot sleep,as there are so many tasks I need to coordinate in parallel. I've had countless fights and discussions with my husband about the fact that I cannot be mainly responsible for the household and at the same time be the primary breadwinner, I begged him to try to find a better paying job so that I can again try to find something less demanding, but I feel like he prefers his comfort zone. I also think that he might not be even able to find a better job as he's been on his current job for too long. I don't want to have a decline in my life standard because he is not able to provide more, but at the same time I feel bad that I feel like I'm forced to decrease my career ambitions because I'm overall too streched with career and taking care of my family. While he acknowledges that he can be more supportive with household and taking care of kids,the problem is that he just doesnt know how as he has never seen his father doing any of it and his perception is that a lot of these tasks are female tasks. While he will do most of the stuff I ask him to do,he will not remember it on his own,I need to be essentially our project manager (hence my remark that the full mental load is on me).

How to change my situation, how to move from this resentment, how to save this? I truly love him and he adores me, he is a really good and kind dad and husband. We never had any other types of marital problems, 100% of all our fights relate to this.

I know every relationship and situations are different but I started thinking lately about how other women’s husbands show up and care for them on a daily, weekly or monthly basis?
It doesn’t have to be anything big just small things. For example they always make sure to lock the doors nightly, fill your water bottle, get your coffee mug out for the am. Maybe once a week they cook dinner for you or whatever!

I started thinking about all the things I do daily, weekly and monthly for my family and I’m starting to feel like my effort exceeds what I’m getting in return from my spouse. Or maybe I have high expectations. SoI want to hear from others.

DH got gigantic pumpkins and we’re going to carve them together and do carving art he got a whole kit I can’t wait :)

My husband is actually looking for an escort, looking for local ones and looking their photos and reviews. He actually made an account!!! What do I do? how do I approach this. Lately he has been picking fights with me like crazy and I have this feeling he truly doesn’t want to be with me anymore. But when I ask he says he does. I’m starting to see he’s just scared to face reality and his truth. Why does insist on doing things that he knows would hurt me so bad? Its like we are 17 again. Im shattered inside. But i don’t get time to cope with it because I’m the one responsible for our children.

Just curious here. On a scale of 1-10 how happy are you in your marriage?

1 = Can’t get any worse
5 = Completely content (not happy or unhappy)
10 = Can’t get any better

Every other number is in-between.

No need to explain, just a number.

I’m a 4.

My wife and I have been together for over 10 years, and one of the biggest recurring arguments in our marriage involves my dad.

For context, my dad is a genuinely good person. He's been incredibly supportive of us, has helped us financially over the years, and is a fantastic grandfather to our two young kids. He's always been there for us.

However, he has a habit of making stupid, sometimes inappropriate jokes, especially when he has an audience. He's been like this my entire life. He's not intentionally cruel or malicious, but he sometimes says things without thinking about how they might affect other people. When called out, he typically brushes it off with "I'm just joking."

My wife and dad have had a weird relationship since 2017, when they both had a few drinks at a family dinner and he started lecturing her about how we needed to have children. This was before we'd even seriously discussed having kids ourselves. Turns out she was internally conflicted at them (this is whole separate issue that has been resolved since). She understandably snapped at him, and there's been underlying tension ever since.

There have been other weird incidents over the years. Last Christmas, for example, my dad was telling a story about selling real estate to people he described as "former criminals with lots of tattoos". He then gestured toward my wife, who has a lot of tattoos, and said, "Sorry, Jessie." Just a completely unnecessary comment that he apparently thought was funny. He tries to be funny when he has an audience. It's always been like this.

Most recently, we visited my parents with our two kids (almost 5 and 11 months). We've been exhausted dealing with the kids lately and asked my parents if they'd be willing to watch them while we went out to dinner.

My dad, sitting with my brother watching baseball, jokingly responded, "Yeah, I guess I'll suck it up and watch him." I know that he said this because my brother was there too, and he'd never say that if he wasn't there.

I knew immediately he was joking, but it bothered me because I've specifically told him before that I don't want him making jokes involving the kids. We ended up taking the baby with us to dinner.

My wife was really upset afterward and wanted me to address the comment with him. Here's where the real issue comes in.

For years, I defended my dad when these things happened. I'd say things like "That's just how he is" or "He didn't mean anything by it." Having grown up with him, I've become so accustomed to his personality that most of these comments barely register with me.

My mom actually calls him out regularly when he says something inappropriate, so it's not like my wife is the only person who notices.

Since having children, I've started recognizing these comments differently and have established clearer boundaries with him. But I admittedly still struggle with confronting him in the moment.

My wife feels like she's always the bad guy, that I roll over when my dad says something inappropriate, and that I don't stand up for her. She rarely confronts him herself, but she expects me to address these situations.

At the same time, I find myself getting frustrated because something I initially perceive as a relatively minor, stupid comment turns into a major argument between my wife and me. It's probably my least favorite recurring conflict in our marriage.

I've realized that I've spent years trying to avoid uncomfortable conversations with my dad, only to create much bigger conflicts with my wife. I also recognize that my wife isn't necessarily asking me to change my dad's entire personality. She wants to feel like I have her back without having to convince me every time.

But it's difficult. I love my dad, appreciate everything he's done for us, and genuinely don't believe he intends to hurt anyone. I also love my wife and don't want her to feel disrespected or unsupported.

There's always just this underlying tension whenever we're all together. I do feel that she can be a bit hard on him sometimes, like she's always just waiting for a reason to call him out on something. There was one time recently when he was describing where we lived to someone, and kept calling it a townhouse. She corrected him saying it's a duplex. He follows up with "Same thing", and she says "it's not though"...like come on, is that really needing to be corrected? I think she feels like he minimizes her sometimes.

Whenever they are interacting i get nervous. I don't want to constantly police everything my dad says, but I also don't want my wife to feel like she's alone in dealing with it.

I’m 21 and newly married. And currently in the US on a K-1 Visa. I love my husband so so much. I love meal prepping his lunch, keeping the house clean and sterile. And just altogether having fun with him whether it’s him showing me the US or just doing things together as a married couple and following a structured routine with the man I love- who also loves routines.
My life back in my home country was pretty shit since as long I could remember, and I always hoped that eventually getting out of that environment and starting fresh somewhere new would help me feel better.
But here I am in a completely new environment with the man I love, but yet I still feel like not enough.
The first week as a couple and staying at home (I can’t legally work or go to school until GC approved), it was fine but the second week idk something changed, I usually loved routines but the repetition felt like a chore. But in that week I joined a local GAA club I found via Facebook and that’s fun.
I enjoyed Gaelic growing up and I actually look forward to a training session each week.
But I’ve also been wondering since I lack purpose back at home and currently here, should I be doing something? Like at the club like people my own age or???

My husband and I have been together for 7 years, no children of our own but he has a teenager. Our marriage is mostly fantastic, we get along great and hardly ever fight. I have no one in life to discuss this with and those I do I’m embarrassed. I don’t know how I’m suppose to feel or think about this. We have sex a few times a week. In the beginning of course it was more but I still think a few times a week is fine. Aside from that, I do every thing around the house. I cook, clean, take care of our dogs, our chickens and goats, literally to every finite detail of feeding the dogs every single meal, washing every clothing item in this house. I have to remember every single thing like what day a bill is due, a phone call I need to make for us, an errand to run. He doesn’t go grocery shopping with me, doesn’t help me carry in groceries, doesn’t help me carry 30+pound bags of chicken feed. He does absolutely nothing (does have a job). I work a full time job. I’m exhausted.
When I don’t want to have sex and it goes a few days, maybe 3 or 4 at most, he begins acting insane. He makes comments to me about finding someone else, finding a one night stand. Treats me like crap, doesn’t speak to me at all. Comes home from work and doesn’t even say hello. Yesterday, I was with my mother at the hospital all day, came home cleaned, cooked dinner, and while I was standing cooking he said “What are you doing?” And I said “making dinner” and he said “no, what are you doing taking birth control if you don’t give me any?”. Out of nowhere.
My previous relationships sex was once a week or every other week.
I’m tired of being looked down on and treated like this for not giving sex every single time he asks. I don’t know if this behavior is normal, or what is going on here, or how to even talk to him about this. Is this how marriage just IS?