The wedding is in a week and I could still fix everything if I am being a dick. Though I think the friendship is over

Growing up, I was very close friends with Ryan. Our family were closed friends and it was not uncommon for both sets of parents to tease us about being together. Examples asking when we would get together. It would be comments when we went out asking if they were dates. They referred to us as a couple. It was that type of thing.

We didn’t date and when we went to college we grew apart. I did have feelings for him, but after college he moved away to another state and it just didn’t happen. We mostly just send tic tome to each other.

He announced his engagement, and I knew it would never happen and I was okay with that. His wedding is going to be back home ( our home town area). My family is going the catering as a wedding gift. They are making the food for the wedding There is no contract, this was suppose to be a gift.

He called me yesterday and uninvited me to the wedding. He said his fiance is uncomfortable with me coming since they knows I had feelings for him.  She thinks I will do something to cause drama at fhe wedding. I told him I would never go that and I have literally never tried to cause problem in any of his relationships. I was still uninvited. 

I was upset, and told my mom what happened. My parent think it is bullshit and are now not going to the wedding. That means the catering is canceled.

My mom informed the couple and I got a call from Ryan who was upset. He called me petty for taking back the family’s gift when I was uninvited. That they don’t have time to get someone else or the money. That’s his fiance was right that I did want to ruin the wedding.

Was I over the line? Should I convince my family to do the food even if I am not invited. 

This has been an ongoing issue.  

Some background, my DIL ( I’ll call her Rebecca) and my daughter ( I’ll call her Jessie) don’t have the best relationship. Their personality do not mesh well at all. Rebecca finds Jessie to be stuck up and Jessie finds Rebecca to be annoying. I also think Rebecca is jealous of Jessie because there is a big money gap between them.

So they don’t like each other, but act civil in front of each other 

The issue, Rebecaa and my son’s wedding was in early July. Jessie due date for giving birth was in early August.

The wedding was going fine, until Jessie‘s water broke and she needed to be rushed off to the hospital. I went to the hospital, while my husband stayed at the wedding.

Jessie early birth completely overshadowed Rebecca/son’s wedding. A lot of people were waiting on news about Jessie and the baby. Especially since this is the first grandkid between the whole family. 

Jessie deliver a healthy baby boy that night. 

They have been arguing about it since. Rebecca wants Jessie to apologize for overshadowing the wedding and Jessie refuses because it’s not like she planned on giving birth. 

To get to the issue, my husband’s birthday is this weekend. I called my DIL to ask about her allergies and whether the restaurant would be okay for her. She asked if Jessie was coming, and I told her yes. She then told me that neither she nor her husband (my son) would be there if Jessie was there.

I asked if she was serious, and she said she was. I told her she needed to get over her wedding being overshadowed because someone went into labor. I told her that this is ridiculous.

She called me a bitch and told me I favor Jessie. ( she is my kid that I raised and it’s not like she planned on an early birth)  I am unsure if I should apologize. Or if I am the jerk here.

I’m not going to uninvited Jessie to her dad’s birthday

So we let our son and his wife live in one of our properties rent free, they are only responsible for gas and electric. We cover everything else including maintenance and repairs. They recently announced that they are having a child and we sre extremely excited and happy for them, issue is they told us they wish to have his wife stay home with the child.

Which makes no sense cause she makes more than my son, so if they want one of them to stay home it makes more sense for my son to do it. Though I would still be against it cause either way they cannot afford to have only one person work. Only reason in theory it would work is because they don't have the major living expense of rent to worry about. ​

My son and DIL are acting like I am ruining their time as parents. They feel I am holding them to an unreasonable standard. I told them the reason we have let them live rent free because we wanted to give them an opportunity to max out their 401(k) and save for a house. It was done to give them a leg up, it was never met to be a forever thing.

Right now my son and his wife are threatening to cut us off, and force us to go through eviction to remove them. More or less they are telling us we have to suck it up or they will cut iur grandchild out of our lives. My wife was on board but does not want to be cut from our only grandchild. So she wants us to continue the current agreement but I don't, they have no right to leverage visitation ​

I understand my wife's stance but I think what my son qne DIL are doing is 100% manipulative and wrong.

Update: Before anything did not think so many people would reply and I apologize I barely got through a quarter of the responses.

Had some long update to clarify some points and try to explain my rationale but I will keep it short.

My wife and I spoke and we have come to the agreement we don't agree with how they reacted to us asking them to pay rent if they wish to go forward with their plan. We are going to talk to them and treat this exactly how we did it with his first car. We will match whatever they have saved, and ask them to leave in 90 days. Over 5 years between the two of them they should at minimum have 100k saved up. We will determine what to do with the house later.

If they refuse or have not actually saved anything we both agree to sell the house at a loss and let the owner deal with them.

Second option is they pay rent, and we agree $1500 is fair you cannot find a house for rent in NYC for $1500, and the money will solely go towards maintenance and property taxes. Whatever is left over when they leave we will give to them. Though if they stay we have learned our lesson we will establish everything in writing and it will only be for two years no more.

We will tell them we are happy to help but it did greatly hurt us that they just assumed we would be okay with supporting them indefinitely without even having a conversation with us. They came and told us what was happening and just expected us to smile and be okay with it. That is not right.

Especially when they came at us trying to use their unborn child as leverage or state we will have to evict them. All because we asked them to pay rent.

We understand her desire to be with her child, but they also have to understand they need to have that conversation with us if they are building plans around us financially supporting them to make her goal a reality.

We shall see, we are going to give it a week or so to let everyone relax but that is our plan of attack.

Final Update:

Tried  to make an update post but it was denined so update comment it js. 

Hi, so we spoke with our son and our daughter-in-law (DIL). First my son did apologize for assuming we would he okay providing the degree of support required for their plan to be sustainable.

We then explained to them that our intention was not to pull the rug from them, but we also do not want to be taken advantage of. We asked if they remembered our agreement and my son said yes, but said since they were getting closer to 30, they felt now was the best time to have a child. They also want their child to have a relationship with us, and most importantly wish for their child to have a happy mother.

Our DIL explained that she is utterly miserable at her job, she has noticed very unhealthy habits forming, poor sleep, unhealthy eating, lack of energy, and depression. She is afraid if she continues to work she will be a shell of a mother. Thus why they want to have her quit her job and become a permanent stay at home parent (SAHP)We told her we understood but had some concerns with their plan. First was how do they plan to raise a child on my son's income? They showed us their budget, issue is their budget as we all knew requires us to pretty much take over all housing expenses including utilities. We asked about their retirement and savings, our DIL told us those would be on the back burner but not forgotten.

We asked our son does he have a plan to boost his income, like go to school again ans possibly become a nurse or something especially since he enjoys working with the elderly as an HHA. My son said he is not against the idea, and they did talk about the possibility but our DIL had reservations since when would he have time with his child, school and work is a lot. This is when we asked about their savings, my son said he has saved around 67k in a High yield savings account this was their house money. Unfortunately, his wife did not save much she has around 25k saved. It appears her masters was not cheap. We asked them is the SAHP a must have for them, and they said yes. My DIL said she cannot work anymore her job was destroying her.

Before we offered our suggestions mentioned in the other thread, my wife offered a new one. We agree to pay for our son's schooling, we will cover daycare costs and cover everything our son has currently been paying, but after our DIL's leave is done, she goes back to work. My wife explained we do want to give them them the best, but they have be able to stand on their own two feet.

My wife told our DIL during the time our son is in school her sole duty is to save, whatever they save we will match. We will cover our son's expenses so he can focus on just school and being a parent, just like she can focus on work and being a mom. Though the free ride ends when our son graduates but with the additional time she should be able to save enough to get then their own small space especially with our matching contribution.

My wife did sympathize with them especially our DIL. She said she understands they want what is best for their child, but she also told them they have to do so within their own means. 

Asking us to cover everything is not that. They did ask for an early inheritance but we simply ignored that request. My wife and I feel they are banking on our inheritance as their retirement, and that they become extremely comfortable with their current arrangement.

Overall conversation went no where 
and they stated our ideas would not work. So we are selling the house. We acknowledge that this will forever destroy our relationship with them, but if we also acknowledge if we cave they will forever use access to their baby as a tool to get what they want.

They truly feel we should provide for them so their child our grandchild can have the best since we can afford it. They even brought up sending their child to private school. 

For what it is worth I do not know if this is all my son's idea but he is going along with it so it is what it is.

I am waiting in the airport and I need to know if I fucked up or not.

This week my daughter (she is in middle school) lost a classmate. My daughter has not taken it well and overall this is her first experience of someone she knows dying. The whole calss was excused from school today and the funeral is happening right now. I unfortunatly could not be there. I tried but my PTO was denied and we cannot lose this job.

I flew out of wednesday night and I am coming back now. Our daughter is a mess, she was friends with the girl that passed away. The plan was for my wife (she is unemployeed at the moment) to take her to the funeral/mass and just be there.

My wife is more spiritual than the average person and hates all things with the dead. Funerals, viewing and so on. This one is only a mass funeral (no viewing). She believes in ghost and will avoid funerals like the plague. We discussed it on Wednsday and she said she would take our kid and then go to the grave site.

I got a call from my daughter sobbing that she wasn't going to the funeral. My wife was refusing to take her. When I got her to answer my call she told me she can't do it and she is scared to go. I called up my mom and asked her to pick up my daughter and take her to the funeral. My mom left work and took her (they are there now).

I got a call from my wife after with her crying becuase my mom tore her a new one. The gist was my mom called her a bad parent and that it is so fuck up that she couldn't take out kid to the funeral of a classmate. She wants me to make my mom apolgoze and I told her my mom was right.

That this was somehtng that our daughter needed and she fucked up. That she wasn't acting like a parent becuase of her fear of the dead. All she needed to do was stay through mass.

We got into a huge phonecall agrument and she is calling me a huge dick. My mom is apprently getting texts also and I told her to not let our daughter know that we are fighting and if she could look after her for the day. She agreed.

ok, a little bit of context, i'm italian, bord and raised in the south part of Italy (naples) for 18 years (until i moved away for Oxford to study law), during summer and winter break i go back to meet my parents and relative in italy (i always take photos with them).

I have a small group of friends, and one day we hang out Together and one of my friends (let's call her Marie) invited one of her friend out of this little circe (the girl's name is Lily). The problem is that Lily is obsessed with sounding italian (like, very much obsessed, she wants to have that accent that italian people have, tries to say italian word and phrase with terrible results). We were presenting ourself to this girl and I, as a kind trans man (female to male) i say to her that my name is Nicholas but my old name was Michela (a clearly italian name, i say both my new name and old name cause i still look a little bit female).

Lily starts asking me a lot of question about italian culture and a lot of other things, and she asked me to say something in italian, and i said ok (i have no problem with it) and i said "beh, questo è italiano, lingua molto complicata eh?" (which means "well, this is italian, very difficult language eh?"), and Lily told me it was very cool and everything else, but what got me was that she said "you know, it's not how you say "complicato" (complicated) in italian by the way", i politlely ask her how she knows how to "correctly" say it, and she said "complicato" completely wrong, i point it out and Lily freaked out, saying that i was wrong cause she knows way more than me (she has never been to italy) and i flatly told her to shut the fuk up about my italian and i just left, my friend told me that Lily, after i left, started saying that i must be some kind of "fraud" (i still don't know how), my friends poited out my accent, the fact that i still speak italian with my other friends (who still live in italy and have job here), the fact that i have photo with my parents in italy when i was young (and the one during the break). They told me that after showing these "proof", they laft her (with no ride home, since she was in Marie's car). AITA

When I (27F) need to pee in public, for example at a restaurant or gas station, if the toilet seat is clean I will sit down on the toilet to pee. If it has a little bit of pee on it, I will wipe it with a tissue before I sit down.

My boyfriend of 3 years recently learned this when I made a passing comment about sitting in a porta potty, and he is absolutely horrified. He is really grossed out that I have had sex with him after sitting on a public toilet seat and likens it to him wiping his dick on the lid of a toilet, or that he is putting his mouth on peoples poop particles when he goes down on me.

I asked a couple of friends, and so far the consensus is that I'm definitely the gross one and I should always hover to pee. I feel like I'm going crazy!

Am I the asshole for sitting on public toilets??

My (M37) son turned 6 recently and we hosted a pool party for him.  It was from noon to 3.  He had friends come over and pizza was eaten and everyone had fun. Right after I hosted a party for all my friends.  It was easier to just clean and prep the house once and I had prepared for both parties together.  There were coolers of booze at the kids party, stored behind our backyard bar, but it wasn’t out and nothing was consumed until the 2nd party crew started showing up.  

I had a few friends come over about 15 minutes early, a baseball game we all wanted to watch was on, and told them where drinks were and to help themselves.  A little before 3 the parents of one of my son's friends came to pick him up and they were clearly appalled that there was alcohol.  She told us she would have never allowed her son to come over with that present and had assumed it was a dry party since it was a kids party.  I tried explaining it was a dry party, that we were hosting back to back parties and the first drink was cracked just a few minutes ago. I hadn't consumed anything yet but she wasn't having any of my explanations.  It got real awkward and I cordially said goodbye. AITA?

Ive been married for four years, my wife had a daughter from a previous relationship. My step daughter has been obsessed with Harry Potter since before i met her. (She litterally asked me if i liked harey potter when i met her)
Her 11th Birthday was yesterday and I arranged for a letter to be “delivered” during her birthday party and it was an admittance letter for Hogwarts.
I thought it was a really cute gift idea. My step daughter started freaking out, screaming “its real its real” and really went nuts. Some of her friends seemed to join in the excitement others less so.
Her mother (my wife) held her to calm her down and explained to her that it wasnt real. It was just a “joke step daddy played on you”.
She started crying screamed that she hated me and ran to her room.
The other parents seemed to sympathize, one other father said he thought it was a nice idea.
But after we sent everyone home my wife yelled at me and said what i did was selfish and cruel and she couldnt believe i would hurt her daughter like that.

Was i wrong to do this? Was it an inappropriate gift for an 11 year old? I really didnt mean to mock or hurt my stepdaughter. I thought it would be fun. It didnt occur to me my stepdaughter was young enough to think it was real.

Am I The A$&hole?

Throwaway account and using mobile disclaimers.

I'm meant to be attending the wedding of "Tilly" and "Peter" next month. They are friends of my fiancé, and we have hung out plenty of times over the past few years. They got engaged around 18 months ago, and we got engaged 3 months ago.

My engagement ring stone is a light blue sapphire - in photographs however, it looks a lot darker (which is relevant).

We met up with Tilly and Peter last weekend, which incidentally was the first time seeing them in person since we got engaged. When they asked to see the ring, Tilly noted that it was much lighter than the photos we'd shared. Peter agreed, and a little while later after the conversation had turned to something else, Tilly asked if we remembered that the bridesmaids' dress colour was a very pale blue. My fiancé is a groomsman so knew this, as he is wearing a matching tie.

Peter said that they were hoping that only the wedding party was going to wear that colour, which was included on the invites. He said that having a ring in that shade was "no excuse" to be "breaking the rules". This was said humourously, so my fiancé and I both laughed, and I assured them that I'm most likely wearing something darker and not blue anyway. Tilly then said that Peter was talking around the issue, and that I wouldn't be able to wear my engagement ring at their wedding because it was too close to their shade of blue. She said that she'd already had to make sure a family member wasn't going to wear a necklace with similar gemstones for the same reason.

A discussion ensued, as both my partner and I said that it seemed quite strong to be asking me to not wear my ring (outside of sleeping and bathing, I've barely taken it off since the proposal). Tilly and Peter were insistent that I would be "creating drama" by wearing it, and if anything, it suggested that I was trying to steal focus away from them and the wedding party. I made it clear that I had zero intention of doing that, but also that the ring was not going to retract from a bride and groom at the end of the aisle. At one point, my partner was even accused of proposing to me as a way of taking more attention from them during their wedding timeline (we got engaged on our seven-year anniversary during the middle of a once-in-a-lifetime holiday, so I am sure it was not just to detract from his friends getting married).

We left it at a stalemate, and anticipate that either just me or both of us will be de-invited, which is no issue to me at the stage. I do want to know if AITA though as especially for my fiancé and Peter, they've been friends for over a decade, and it would hurt him if he misses his friend getting married over something so trivial.

Context:

I have 2 dogs. They each have 2 food bowls. They get a clean bowl with each meal. After each meal, I pick up their bowls and place them in my kitchen sink. At the end of the day, I run the four dog bowls in the dishwasher alongside my own. For additional context, the bowls are made of ceramic and I use the high temperature sanitizing cycle on the dishwasher.

The story:

I started dating “Steve” a short time ago. Last weekend he came to my place and I made him dinner. After dinner, Steve saw me place my dogs’ dishes in the dishwasher along with our dinner dishes and he was absolutely disgusted. He said that running the dogs’ bowls alongside my own was unsanitary and a health hazard. I have never seen an issue with this because in my mind, the heat from the dishwasher kills bacteria. Steve’s argument is that dogs have different bacteria in their mouths than us and “mixing it” can be dangerous. He insists he won’t eat anything off any of my dishes again until I promise that I will start handwashing the dogs’ bowls separately because only “human dishes should go in the dishwasher.” Is this unsanitary? Thoughts?

Throwaway. I am 26F boyfriend is 25M. We got stuck in an insane traffic jam. Boyfriend was driving. We were at a standstill. Found out later on they had closed the highway.

I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee and I decided to do the same. It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover.

I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it my boyfriend got all weird.

He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was trans. I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn’t care. I have no beef with trans people!

He said I should squat. Just to put his mind at ease. I said I didn’t want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone or get pee on my shoes and I just wanted to be quick and clean.

He said he didn’t want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was trans and that I should squat like girls do. I’m dying by this point.

I finally couldn’t hold it anymore and I really didn’t want to show the world my butt so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic. No one could see anything, it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking they would be confused?

When I got back to the car my boyfriend wouldn’t talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency. AITA?

UPDATE: To all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now. And yes there were other red flags. Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up haha

Edit: I sent this to my son and dil.

My son and dil ( Emily) are staying in our home probably for the next month due to water damage in there home. The company is fixing the damage but the flooring was damaged so it’s not very livable right now.

They have only been here less than a week and I am having an issue. I work nights I come back home around 6:30 am and then go to bed. My husband is usually up so I make him a coffee/ breakfast before I turn in.

Just something like to do, more quality time before he heads to work. I asked my son and Emily if they would also like coffee or breakfast before they go to work.

They said no to food but yes to coffee. That was easy and I just made two extra cups. I asked them to tell me if they want me to change how to make their coffee. I thought they would just tell me, use this cream or if they had a preference on blend.

Emily texted me last night and said she left instructions for the coffee.

This morning I came home to very detail instructions how to make a complex coffee. It was like a Starbucks drink, she wanted foamed milk on top, different syrups, a specific coffee bean ( ground fresh…) and a difffernt brewing method ( we have a drip coffee machine) most of the stuff was one the counter.

I decided I wasn’t doing that and just made the normal coffee. Emily wasn’t happy and we got into a argument before she went to work

I basically told her I am not a Starbucks barrista and I am not going all that. She told me I shouldn’t have offered in the first place if I wouldn’t make the coffee to her liking. We left on a sour note.

I have been getting texts from my son about not being hospitable so I am having trouble sleeping at the moment

Should I just make the coffee

My (24F) friend (25F) came to the funeral for my mom, who died of cancer around Christmas time. She came over to me to give me her condolences and asked about the details of how my mom passed. I told her it was my mom’s second battle with cancer and how she had lots of complications.

She said “I’m so glad nothing like that has ever happened to me or my family. We’re blessed and highly favored. God doesn’t play about us.” This made me extremely angry.

I said “Glad to know your God plays about my family and all the other people in the world dying of cancer.”

I caused a scene and got really upset. She and her family said I’m wrong for attacking someone just being kind and offering their condolences, and that’s probably why God didn’t look after my Mom.

I said I want them gone from the funeral. Since then, I haven’t spoken to them or any of the people defending them. AITA?

I’m just going to answer qeustions up here

Another question: why don’t Cindy parent pay for it- they are the type of parent that don’t give money for wedding ( yes they will be there). big on if you are old enough to get married then you should pay for it people

Since I am seeing this a lot Cindy has been to many events with kids. She even babysat before. She personally doesn’t want children but has been fine around kids before.

Did other kids have issues with the rules? Only my middle son/Dil. They wanted an Italy wedding but decided against it after I informed them i wouldn’t pay

They can still do a child free wedding of they want, just means they wont get 50k-100k from me. They will need to pay for it themselves

—————-

My wife and I have always told all of our kids that we will be willing to pay for their wedding if they follow a few rules 

• All family has to be invited ( exceptions if something major happened ) 
• The wedding can not be a destination wedding (if all your guest need to get on a plane basically and leave the country ) 
• immediate family gets a plus one even if they are not dating someone

Overall the rules are not that hard to follow  in my opinion. My daughter (31F) is marrying Cindy ( 34F) and they have picked out a venue and are working on the guest list. They both know the rules if they want me to pay. 

My daughter informed me yesterday that the wedding will be child free. I told her that goes against one of the rules of me paying. That all family must be invited ( yes that includes the kids) 

We had a sit down conversation where she tried to convince me to still pay even if it was child free. She wants it to be child free becuase she wants it to be an elegant event and her Cindy doesn’t like kids that much becuase she experienced parentification as a kid.

I told her ri would think about and my decision was no. I informed both of them and in short they are quite mad.

I made it clear that they can do that type of wedding if they want but I just won’t be paying for it

My daughter is pissed and saying it is unfair that because he siblings did get a free wedding. I pointed out that they followed my rules on this. 

Everyone is pissed basically. 

I (21F) am currently on vacation with my friends, Apple (21F), Banana (22F), Clementine (21M), Durian (22M). Last year we decided to book our first proper friend group trip after having known each other for 3 years, we booked a month long trip through South East Asia.

My friend Durian has been struggling with his weight for the past couple of years. Two years ago he confided in us that he struggles with binge eating and low self esteem due to the way he looks. We've tried helping him in several ways but he never accepts any help and avoids the topic altogether. If you bring up the topic he just changes the subject or says he will try his best to seek help but doesn't end up taking any action. We have thus decided we won't talk about it anymore unless he brings it up himself, because Durian told us we are putting too much pressure on him which worsens his mental health.

One year ago when we booked our trip Durian announced that he would be going on a proper weightloss journey. We were kind of skeptical because he hadn't worked on his mental health so we didn't believe weightloss would be possible without fixing the cause first, but still we decided to support him the best we could. His goal was to go from 18 stone to 14 stone in one year. I myself am not the fittest so I told him we should start training together. For about a month he showed up to our training session but then just stopped coming. He always had an excuse of why he couldn't come. We tried asking him how he was doing with the weightloss but he would always answer saying it is a private matter and talking about it makes him uncomfortable. One month before we left for our holiday he told us he had gained almost 2 stone during the year.

As the trip came closer I started to get annoyed by his behavior. He continually complains about seating, people giving him looks (which I haven't noticed), walking, not wanting to go sightseeing, that he doesn't have clothes etc.
I don't mind him not participating in certain plans but the constant nagging is just ruining my mood. My last straw was the water park. The whole ride to the park he just kept saying how insecure he is about his body and that he can't handle going to a place where people will be looking at him. He then refused to enter the park and made a whole scene at the entrance. I just told him that he doesn't have to go if he doesn't want to but to not ruin my vacation with his weight problems and that he should have thought about this before coming here. After I said this he went back to the AirBNB with Banana. Apple and Clementine are on my side saying he brought me to my breaking point and that he should apologize for his behavior. But Banana thinks I was to harsh and should have thought about his mental health. I haven't talked to him in two days and we still have three weeks left of our trip. Am I the Asshole?

My daughter (28) wedding is tomorrow. The problem is that my wife’s dad is in the hospital. He has always been frail since he was moved into a home and it took a turn for the worse and now he is in the hospital.  They don’t think he will make.  My wife sister say it looks bad and she also isn’t coming up for the wedding anymore.

The original plan was for him to fly up for the wedding today ( with the help of my wife’s sister), but he was hospitalized yesterdays and he is just getting worse. My wife has been distraught and she made the decision to go fly down ( she is leaving tonight) 

It was tough decision because she will miss the wedding. I told her I will FaceTime her in for the ceremony and anything else but to go be with her dad before he dies. I also now she would be miserable if she was at the wedding to begin with. ( I doubt she would be able to put on a happy face and pretend everything was okay).

We called our daughter to explain and she did not take it well. She called her mom a lot of names. My wife has been crying since. She started to span both our phones. I got into another argument with her and I told her she is being self centered and cruel about mom not being able to make it. That her father is dying and all you care about is your big day. I didn’t raise her to not have any empathy. 

She told me that wasn’t fair  and I told her it was.  I told her to apologize to her mother. 

She told me I shouldn’t come to the wedding if mom isn’t there. 

My wife is very distraught and I am suppose to drive her to the airport in a few hours. 

Are we in the wrong… my daughter 100% thinks we are in the wrong. My wife is distraught. 

edit: I don’t get why some of you are acting like she is flying out get lunch. he is dying, she wants to see him one last time before he is dead

multiple asked- we have four kids in total, yes she is her grandfather on my wife’s side. my wife’s mom already died 7 years ago

My sister does this thing where she'll just say something she wants with the expectation that someone will do it for her. For example, if she wants the AC turned on, instead of asking someone to turn it on for her, she'll keep repeating things like "Oh, isn't it super warm in here?", "Does anyone else feel really hot?" or "I heard that today is a super hot day!" and if someone asks her if she wants the AC on, she'll reply with "No, no, I'm good! But if you're hot then you should turn it on!"

Anyways, last weekend it was my birthday so my family and I went out to celebrate. During the meal, she kept making comments implying that she wanted another cocktail, but wouldn't order it. The waitress even came by and asked if we needed anything, but she didn't order a drink even when we all did. I could tell she was agitated at that point, but it was my birthday so I just ignored her.

When we all got home, she got really snippy and said that it was super rude that we all got our own drinks and didn't order one for her. My brother and I brought up that she said no when the waitress asked, but she said that wasn't the issue. In her opinion, we should've known to order her a drink too because everyone else got one, and the fact that we "let" her go thirsty was inconsiderate. And that in the future we ought to order her drinks too. She also said that she was only saying "no" to the waitress because her family should've "taken care of her" (her words, not mine).

The three of us have been kind of arguing back and forth about it, and I'm just tired of fighting, so I wanted to get some more opinions on whether or not I should've ordered her a drink as well.

My mom says I am being an asshole for buying my siblings dna kits this summer. Backstory: last year I did a dna kit and found out that the dad I had known for 38 years wasn’t my bio dad. Even though my mom admits to sleeping with my bio dad she swore he wasn’t my dad. I match to 3 of his other kids. I got my sibs dna test so they could be sure about their dads. Mom says I’m calling her a wh*re. I just think we should all know where we came from. AITA?

My best friend and her husband have 4 kids, 8f, 6f, 4f, and 3f. My friend’s husband is a great dad when someone is there to help. When he’s alone with all 4 kids he gets overwhelmed and freezes.

A few weeks ago my friend was sick so I brought over dinner. We thought it was just a bad cold.

When we were eating, my friend went to the bathroom and the 3 year old followed her. 3 year old came running out saying her mom was throwing up. All of the kids ran to the bathroom, followed by me and my friend’s husband.

I helped her clean up while her husband went to get her nausea medicine and a thermometer.

When he came back I asked him to get the kids out of the bathroom so she could have some space. After we got the kids out, I took her temp and it came back at almost 104, so I went out to get her some Tylenol and water. I get back and the kids are all in the bathroom again because their dad can’t keep them away from the bathroom for 2 minutes.

I give her the Tylenol and water and she almost immediately starts to vomit again, then passes out. Her husband just stood there while I was trying to get her into recovery position, get the kids away from her, and call 911.

I managed to get all of them out of the bathroom and her husband is coming back every 20 seconds asking if I can call their nanny to help with the kids, if I can go to the hospital with her, did I start the dishwasher or does he need to hand wash the youngest’s sippy cup, etc.

When my friend regained consciousness, he even started asking her how to do bedtime for the little ones, did she wash their pajamas yet, did they get screen time that day or can he put on a movie. I told him his wife couldn’t hold his hand right now and he just had to figure it out. He told me he’s not usually the one that deals with this and he’s trying his best, then goes back to asking what stories the kids like, what setting does he put the sound machine on, and how do they like their milk. I just snapped and told him to figure it out on his own and called him a useless piece of shit.

It’s been nearly a month and he still acts all pissy when I stop by the house. My friend says he’ll get over it but my boyfriend thinks I was unnecessarily rude and he was trying his best.

AITA for calling him a useless piece of shit when he couldn’t handle his own kids while his wife was experiencing a medical emergency?

My younger sister is 7 months pregnant with her third kid. It's been a very difficult pregnancy but she's handling it the best she can. Her and her husband also have two toddlers.

Recently, my bil's best friend recently entered the late stage of a neurodegenerative disease (he's been battling it for a few years now but it progressed significantly where he now needs intensive care). Best friend is a big guy (over 6 ft), and so his wife reached out to my bil for help with the physical demands when the nurses aren't around.

The problem is that my bil will be gone for weeks at a time (I think the most was three weeks) to stay at his friend's place, leaving my sister completely alone. Mind you she's heavily pregnant and juggling two toddlers. They have no family nearby since their family relocated to a different country for bil's work.

My sister called me the other night in tears and told me how overwhelmed she's been. One of the toddlers is sick, she hasn't slept all night, down with aches everywhere and severe nausea and bil hasn't come home since last week. Admittedly my anger got the better of me because I called him and basically went off on him that his wife was drowning and he needed to leave his friend, come home and figure his shit out because he seems to have forgotten he has his own family. I said his friend has a wife, hired nurses, and a support system. My sister is literally on her own.

He snapped back and asked me what was wrong with me and how dare I tell him to abandon his friend. I said nobody is asking you to disappear from friend's life, there is a middle ground between that and leaving your pregnant wife alone for weeks with two toddlers. He hung up on me and later that night my sister and him had a pretty bad fight.

Now his parents (who have known bil's best friend for ages) are furious at my sister saying she's weak and selfish for not being understanding and she's already gone through two pregnancies so why can't she deal with this, and they're even more pissed at me for instigating this in the first place.

AITA??

My inlaws asked my husband to go on vacation with them and said they wanted it " just them and thier kids" aka him and his 2 younger brothers. My husband claims they guilted him into it. Meanwhile me and our 3 children will be left at home and i will have to take on all the responsibilities of them. I work fulltime. And during that time our daughter has surgery on her eyes. Ive been angry with him for 3 days now for agreeing to go. He thinks i should be over it by now. Is he right?

AITA

I'm currently on a Solo trip in Tenerife, All inclusive to save having to look for places to eat by myself.

The hotel has club style seating, meaning that all tables are tables of 8 and people get sat together, apparently it's to encourage a sense of community and conversation...

Last night, I was seated first and had a glass of wine. A family of 5 got seated at my table. 2 adults and 3 Children. the mother turned to me and said 'we do not wish to expose our children to women drinking alcohol' I smiled and said perhaps they should ask to move tables if it was an issue but I would be drinking the wine. They noticed I was on my own and made passive aggressive comments about this.

I went up to get food and on return the wine had disappeared, a waiter came over and asked to see my wrist band (for the all inclusive) and said the family had told them I was underage and must have sneaked away from my parents , he was very apologetic and returned with a fresh glass of wine just as the family came back with their food.

AITA for then requesting the waiter brought me the full bottle along with a couple of shots of vodka? - the family stormed out the reastrant when I drank the shots as they arrived at the table!

So, for context, I (F32) don’t talk to anyone at my gym outside of saying hi and bye to the people who work there, and having polite etiquette when asking someone if they’re using something/saying thank you when they’re done. This is partially for efficiency, but mostly because I go to the gym stoned AF and I’m in my zone and I don’t want to talk to anyone.

Last week, after my work out, I walked over to the food carts by my gym to pick up tacos. While I was there, some guy (M40+) stopped me and said he went to the same gym. I had never noticed him before but he like insisted on walking with me and was talking to me. I was kind of annoyed — just because you see me on the street with my headphones out doesn’t mean it’s an invitation to talk to me. I made small talk and tried to be polite. Got out as quick as I could.

So the other day, when I’m at the gym foam rolling out with my headphones in, this guy just beelines to me while I’m trying to avoid eye contact, and squats down next to me to say hi and give me a fist bump. I give him a quick heads up acknowledge him but ignore the fist bump. Avoid eye contact the rest of the time I’m there.

And then today, this guy comes into the gym and sees me. I immediately avoid eye contact and he doesn’t come up to me, so I think he gets the picture. But then, when I’m doing leg lifts, he comes over and tries to give me a fist bump.

So I take out my headphone and I say “Look man, I don’t want to do this. I’m here to work out, I’m not here to make friends. I don’t want to talk to you, okay.” And he starts to say “I was just saying hi.” And I respond with “Yeah, I get it. Please don’t.” And put my headphone back in and kept working out.

I realize anyone who saw this probably thought I was a giant AH. But, I don’t think someone’s need for connection overrides my need to have a good workout. So, AITAH?

UPDATE:

For people saying this would have been different if he was an attractive guy. I stumble and get awkward no matter who it is if the conversation needs to go beyond more than a single question and response. Men, women, children. This isn’t a “want it” or “don’t want it” situation as much as it’s a “I’m not in a headspace where I can have human conversation.”

For people saying this is the same type of person who wonders why guys don’t ask them out: I keep a little post it note in my gym bag that says “Hi, my name is (name). I think you’re cute, but I want to respect your gym time. Text me if you want to get coffee sometime.” I’ve never given it to anyone, but it’s there if I ever feel like I need it.

Anyway, I’m at work. Hope everyone has a great day!

FINAL UPDATE:

Wow. While I figured posting this might be a little divisive, I didn’t expect it to blow up like this.

I went to the gym today and had one of the best workouts I’ve had in a long time — partly because I was fueled by the overwhelming support I received from people who understood the importance of asserting boundaries. So thank you to everyone who saw where I was coming from.

For anyone who still thinks I’m the AH — I can live with that. But before I go, I want to share something that happened to me a couple of months ago. Maybe it’ll give you something to chew on.

I was at the same gym, in the middle of isolated bicep curls. End of the rep, second-to-last set to failure. I was slowing the movement, fully concentrated, eyes closed.

When I opened them — a stranger’s face was three inches from mine.

Startled, I set the weight down and looked over to see a plump, middle-aged man in a baseball cap. I took out one of my headphones, still in shock, and all I could say was, “What the f***?!”

He then grabbed my arms and forced them back onto the machine’s handles, saying “One more!”

I pulled away and snapped, “Who the f*** do you think you are?” His face fell as he muttered, “I was just admiring your work.” I told him, “I’m in the middle of a f*ing set.” He got defensive, saying, “Actually, I wanted to use that.” I replied, “You can use it when I’m not in the middle of a set.”

He rolled his eyes and walked off. I was left shaking.

As I started to put my headphone back in, another man approached and waved. I took it back out, and he said, “You really shouldn’t have to put up with that.”

I smiled and said thanks. He walked away. I got back to my set.

⸻

Now here’s what I’ll say: Baseball Cap Guy was way more out of line than the guy who approached me at the food carts — even by the third time, when I finally snapped at him.

I reported that incident to the gym manager. They took it seriously, walked through the whole event with me, and I gave the best description I could. I haven’t seen that man since. Whether he was banned or just stopped showing up, I don’t know.

As for the guy from the food carts — he hasn’t approached me again. We’ve been in the same space at the gym a couple times, but I’m very good at pretending people don’t exist during workouts. I appreciate that he respected my boundaries. I see no reason to report him.

⸻

But here’s what I want to leave you with:

The man who approached me right after that first incident — the one who said I shouldn’t have to put up with it — Why did he say that to me, instead of to him?

Why is it easier to comfort a woman in distress than it is to call out the man who caused it?

I do think he meant well. I appreciated it in the moment. But I still have to ask:

When given the choice between verbally comforting a woman and actually intervening — Why do so many men choose comfort over protection? Why is it harder to confront predatory behavior than it is to empathize with its aftermath?

That’s all I have to say. This will be my final update.

Throwaway

I (64F) have three kids and they are all married. This post is about my son and his wife,Jenny. Jenny struggles with infertility and she has no children. My other son (DIL is expecting next month) and my daughter has recently had a her own kid ( grandson). 

Everyone was busy for Mother’s Day and they couldn’t met up with me for the holiday ( that fine, they are starting their own families). I thought it would be nice to send my expecting DIL/son and my daughter a Mother’s Day basket.

So Jenny always made comments that her two dogs are the first grandkids, I always thought it was a joke. She is big on being a dog mom. My daughter posted a picture of in the group chat of everything she got for Mother’s Day and included the basket. My other DIL also thanked me for her basket in the chat.

Jenny called me soon after and asked where her basket was. I was confused and asked what she ment ( I thought she was pregnant and she was just telling me now). She clarified since I have two grandkids by her already and said her dogs names.  

I was even more confused at this and she clarified that she is her dogs mother and should have gotten a basket. I told her she is not a mother, Mother’s Day is for women that raise human children and not pet owners. She got really upset and cursed me out for not getting her a basket and that she is a parent.

My son is telling me to apologize and to send a Mother’s Day basket over.

He is calling me a jerk for not sending her a basket and telling her she is a pet owner

This happened a few weeks ago and I can't stop thinking about it. I went to goodwill and saw a really lovely set of wood plates and 2 matching bowls. I actually needed them for their intended purpose. I was going to grab the stuff but there was this woman standing in front of them with her phone out loudly ccomplaining about how she can't find the maker's mark on the dishware as the bottoms were left blank. I assumed she was one of those resellers as her cart was filled to the brim with glassware and I did see a leather jacket in there too. I walked up next to her and asked if she was going to buy the dishes. She glared at me and said yes and told me to get lost she was here first. So I just said fine no need to be rude lady it was a simple yes or no question.

I walked away to go look elsewhere and she was now looking in the books but the wood dishes were not in her cart. I walked over saw them still on the shelf and put them in mine. As I walked away she came back and noticed I had them in my cart and she started flipping her shit telling me she was going to buy those as they were from a super high end artist. I told her she walked away from the shelf and left them there if she really wanted them she should have put them in her cart. She immediately started grabbing my cart and taking out everything from my cart as I found a hoodie thing called 'the comfy' and some vintage pyrex in a collectable pattern. She said I am taking money away from good people like her and that she was losing sales because of people like me buying shit to use and not resell. I yelled to take her hands off my shit and by this point an employee stocking nearby came over and asked what was going on. Lady tried to say I stole stuff from her cart. I said she was stealing from mine. Reseller lady looked around and saw a different employee had taken her abandoned cart she left in the book section and was putting her stuff back. She freaked out dropped my stuff and ran after him. I looked at the employee who then just waved me off and I left with mt purchases.

Told some people about it and a close friend said I should have just given her everything because reselling is her job and another friend agreed with her. But they only said that when I said my 'the comfy' was a $50 garment.

Edit to add some context:

My friends said they feel bad she was reduced to being a reseller in this economy.