It’s been a few days and my stomach has settled enough to share my FU. I would also like to preface this that I am in my 30’s, of good hygiene and did not think I was an idiot before this. I do now.

In 2017 When plastic straws got banned my friend and I got matching reusable metal straws with a little phrase etched on them. Our master plan was to take them out with us to pubs etc to avoid the floppy paper straws of sadness. Now as you can imagine that happened once.

However, my daughter and I love an iced coffee. We have a pretty good set up at home with an ice machine, coffee machine, syrups etc. That fateful metal straw makes an appearance alongside its new metal straw friends multiple times a day. After it’s used it’s rinsed with warm soapy water and left to dry - ready for its next iced delight. Wonderful.

About a week ago I thought my coffee tasted off. Stale. Something was not quite right. One close sniff of the straw confirmed my stomach flip - it smelled damp, musty… earthy. I ordered some straw cleaners.

Now here is where I absolutely fucked up.

A normal person would have cut their losses and tossed it. Living in my delusion that I had not been sucking on a mouldy straw would have been delightful.

Instead I used this straw cleaner which with one gentle push into the top, came out completely black. Thick chunks of black mould fell into the sink - forever tainting using straws ever again.

Every single one of these metal straws - black mould inside. And not just a little sprinkling. Think an ecosystem of Black Death. Generations of mould have gathered here at the Mecca of foosty straws.

So I share this as a warning for anyone like me who thinks rinsing a straw is enough. It absolutely isn’t.

TL;DR I used a metal straw for 9 years only rinsing it. Before getting a straw cleaner and removing 9 years of chunky black mould I had been enjoying with my daily iced coffees.

My girlfriend and I just moved in together, and I had the brilliant idea to wake up early last weekend and make her breakfast in bed. Real wholesome shit. I made pancakes, scrambled eggs, coffee. Even warmed the plates like I saw in some Gordon Ramsay video. I was proud.

I get everything onto a tray and start walking up the stairs. What I didn’t realize is that our cat had left one of her little rubber mouse toys right on the third step. One of those tiny bastard ones that looks like lint until it's under your foot.

I step on it. Instantly lose my footing. Tray launches. Food is airborne. I go down like a sack of wet laundry. Pancakes fly. Coffee explodes on the wall. I hit the bottom of the stairs in a twisted pile of regret and syrup.

My girlfriend runs out of the bedroom like she just heard a home invasion. She finds me groaning on the floor, holding my wrist, with a pancake stuck to my back like some kind of domestic shuriken. I tell her I think I broke something.

We go to the ER. X-rays confirm: fractured wrist. The nurse doesn’t even react when I explain what happened. Just writes it down and moves on like she’s heard this exact story before, which honestly makes it worse.

Now my wrist is in a brace, my girlfriend has banned “surprises of any kind,” and the cat is still loose, presumably planning her next attack.

10/10 would not recommend.

TL;DR: Tried to be sweet, stepped on a cat toy, flew down the stairs, broke my wrist, and now I’m banned from being thoughtful.

So I workED at this small car dealership in Reno, Nevada. Nothing fancy just me three other sales guys, and our manager Rick who thinks he is a wolf of wall street but drives a busted Tacoma

We got this new receptionist last month. 22, quiet always reading during lunch. I decided I was gonna be that mysterious confident dude not the usual clown version of me. I watched a bunch of cringe alpha male garbage and thought yeah less talking, more eye contact act like I have options.

Here is where I cooked myself

I started ignoring her on purpose like full on hot and cold. One day super friendly next day barely looking at her I thought it would make me seem busy and high value or whatever

Instead she went to Rick and said I was making her uncomfortable.

I did not even know that part yet

yesterday Rick calls me into his office. He has this weird disappointed dad face he tells me there has been feedback about my behavior. says I am acting hostile and creating tension.

I panic my brain goes into survival mode. Instead of saying sorry and explaining I was just being awkward and stupid I double down.

I tell him she is the one acting weird and maybe she is projecting because she likes me yes I actually said that.

Rick just stared at me like I had grown a second head. He tells me this is not high school and that he cannot have drama in the front office.

This morning I get called in again. They are letting me go. Official reason not a good culture fit

All because I tried to play some dumb psychological game instead of just being normal.

TL;DR: Tried to act mysterious and hot and cold to impress a coworker she reported me I blamed her, now I am unemployed

So this happened yesterday and I’m still cringing so hard I might never step into that gym again.

I (22F) recently started going to this new gym, and there’s this insanely cute guy who works out around the same time as me. I’ve been trying to find the courage to talk to him for a couple of weeks. Yesterday, I finally decided it was time.

I saw him doing deadlifts and I thought, “okay, casual compliment, easy in.” So I walked by, smiled, and said, “Your lats are majestic.” Wtf? Majestic?? What was i thinking(???) 😭😭😭 Idk why I said that. I meant to say “You’re lifting a lot” or “Nice form” or literally anything else.

He looked confused, said “uh… thanks?” and I panicked and decided to just walk away and die in the locker room. While trying to speed-walk away in embarrassment, I tripped over a medicine ball someone left in the way, my face-planted into the floor, and I knocked the wind out of myself so hard I couldn’t breathe for like 20 seconds. A trainer saw it happen, thought I was having a heart attack, and started actual CPR protocol before I could wheeze out “I’m fine.”

That same cute guy helped hold my legs up while I got oxygen. Pretty sure I died inside. Anyway, now I’m the “CPR girl” at the gym. And yes, I still plan to go back (I cannot😭).

TL;DR: Tried to flirt with hot guy at the gym, said something incomprehensible, tripped, and ended up getting nearly resuscitated in front of him.😭🙏🏻

My family and i moved into a new house in a predominantly white neighborhood in the southern US. A while after we moved in, the vacant house next door finally got filled by a family! Now, we all have adhd and just time blindness in general, so 2 months have gone by since they moved in and we just thought to bring over flowers and a fruit tray to welcome them. We all went over to say hi, and noticed the father (the only one to come to the door) was laughing uncomfortably the whole time. A few hours later, I realized today is Juneteenth. The new neighbors are a black family. We are painfully white. There's no way they think we chose this day at random to bring them a fruit platter and flowers.

TL;DR: My white ass family likely alienated our black neighbors by choosing Juneteenth to welcome them to the neighborhood.

How long will this last?

Why are they allowed to sell this as a fucking normal fruit juice drink along with all the other normal juices?

Why isnt there a warning label or prescription required?

Our food shopping got delivered and they didnt have beetroot juice in stock so they swapped it with prune juice.

I opened it this morning and drank half a pint glass and thought, mmmm that's nice, maybe ill have another.

Now it sounds like world war 3 is happening in my stomach. In my near 40 years on this planet I have NEVER heard my body male these noises.

I literally feel like im being turned into liquid like that guy from x men 1.

I have so much to do today and I have a flight to catch tomorrow.

Has anyone else made this mistake?!

WHEN WILL THIS END.

Tl;DR: Drank what is apparently a well known fruit juice laxative and now paying the price.

Update:

Made the flight and didnt shit my pants.

Poos are back to a normal consistency and I have regained full control over my bum.

Prune Juice Review:

Taste 7/10

Consistency 8/10

Laxative Effects 10000/10

Chance of drinking it again 0/10

Obligatory not today, this happened last week. But the after effects are still very much ongoing.

We've had a wasp nest in the side of my house for a while now. Last week they stung one of my friends, so it was time to get rid of them.

Given the amount of wasps in and out, it seemed like a big nest. To guestimate the size, I would say a wasp entered or left the nest once a second, all day. I didn't want to just squirt poison down the hole - that would just piss them off and not reach most of it. So I decide to seal the nest with expanding foam sealant. I snuck out in the dead of night, and stuck enough foam in that hole to seal half a construction site.

Little did I know how terrible of an idea this was.

APPARENTLY, there was another exit to the nest - going inside the house.

This nest is ENORMOUS. Average size for a nest this late in the season is 2000-4000 wasps. Half our house is currently inaccessible. I sneak down to the basement at night to change the traps. I keep a hand vac next to my work station. Our cats are NOT happy they've been locked into a single room, and are pissing everywhere to show their discontent. Doing my best Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonation, I've gone through ~7 magazines on the bug assalt shotgun, with maybe 40 shots per magazine. These fuckers are amor plated, and do not die easily. I've injured my arm, pumping the shotgun so many times.

I think the most disconcerting thing is how normal it's become. I wake up, grab the shop vac on the 60ft extension cord, and just clear the house as a matter of routine. Its part of rising and shining for the day. Coffee, breakfast, wasp vacuuming, kiss the wife goodbye - time to work! The cold is going to kill them at some point....right?

TL:DR - Sealed a wasp nest on the side of my house. Now the buzzing is coming from inside the house.

Most of us have a name for our spouse or significant other. Playing with Siri one day, I changed my wife's name on my phone to "Tits McGee" and never bothered to change it back. Obviously, when you change the name of someone on your phone, that name is associated with all the contact information for that person. So even though my wife's name isn't a part of her email address, every time I'd email her, the name shown would be "Tits McGee".

For 14 years, I thought I was the only one that saw that. However, every email I've ever sent that had my wife copied on, the recipient saw "Tits McGee". EVERY. FUCKING. EMAIL. Including our daycare center.

I'd like to thank the wonderful team at Chuck E. Cheese event planning for pointing this information out to me in an extremely professional manner.

TLDR; I thought I was the only one that saw my wife's contact info as "Tits McGee" when emailing literally everyone for 14 years.

I've been at my current Medical Scribing job for about two weeks. The Physician I'm scribing for is actually a pretty nice person, but I still get that "don't say anything stupid" anxiety around her. And I want to make a good impression since I wanted her to eventually write my letter of Rec for Med School.

So anyways, last night I couldn't sleep, so like always I chose to doomscroll on Insta.

Eventually I decided I should find some similar topics to talk with my physician about so that she has a more favorable opinion about me, and so that we don't have any awkward silences in our conversations.

So I ended up looking at her profile because they'd mentioned a hiking trip during a meeting, and I was curious where they'd gone. It started innocently enough as I looked at a few recent hiking pictures and they turned into older posts, then somehow I was looking at photos from 2018.

Then I accidentally double tapped...

On a beach vacation photo from eight years ago...

I IMMEDIATELY unliked it, closed the app, and stared at my ceiling wondering if deleting my account would be enough or what the hell I should do.

Right now I am PANICING because I have a shift tonight, and I have no idea what the hell to expect. What do I even say?

Not sure if it's relevant, but she is single, so it probs looks like I'm flirting with her.

But if I admit it was an accident and that I was stalking her account for talking points, I feel like I look more like an idiot.

What do I do???

TL;DR: Couldn't sleep, accidentally liked my boss's 8 years-old Instagram bikini photo

It all started innocently enough. I saw a lone crow in my yard and tossed it a cracker. Harmless, right? Wrong. That single act of kindness seems to have spread through the crow grapevine, and now I have a full-blown murder of crows as my constant companions.

Every morning, I step outside, and they’re there—perched in nearby trees, cawing like they’re clocking into their day jobs. They follow me on walks, and yesterday one even dropped a shiny gum wrapper at my feet. I think they’re trying to pay me in crow currency, which is both endearing and slightly unnerving.

At this point, I’ve accepted my new role as their unofficial snack provider and accidental overlord. I’m genuinely curious to see where this goes. Maybe I’ll end up with a crow army or a collection of shiny gifts. Either way, it’s a wild ride, and I’m here for it."

TL;DR: Tossed a cracker to one crow; now there’s a whole squad treating me like their leader. My mornings involve cawing, shiny gifts, and embracing the chaos.

Every month, my team and I hold a DEI meeting to plan events for our employees. We do this so employees feel more engaged and appreciated. Before the meeting, I jotted down some ideas which included no shave November and a mustache growing contest. Everyone was sharing their ideas and then it was my turn. I am going on a 2 week vacation starting tomorrow so I’m basically mentally checked out at this point. Instead of sharing my no shave November/mustache growing contest idea, my mind shit itself and I said “It would be cool if all the men in the office participated in no nut November”. The second those words left my mouth, my body completely froze and I realized what had just happened. Thankfully, everyone laughed about it knowing it was a honest mistake. Although, one of my douchey managers looked at me as if I killed her first born. Let’s see if I have a HR meeting scheduled soon.

TLDR: I blurted out that all the men in the office should participate in no nut November instead of no shave November.

I just got home and I genuinely don’t know how to process what just happened. Currently debating if I should move to the mountain by myself.

So here’s what just happened:

My wife’s out of town for the week and since I’ve been working crazy hours (an overnight shift straight into a morning one). I asked my mom to stop by the house, let the dog out, feed him, and keep him company until I could get myself home.

Now here’s where it gets mortifying.

When my wife is away for extended periods, I have a personal “toy” it’s blue, hourglass shaped and let’s say ergonomically designed. My wife is fully aware and even jokingly nicknamed it my Kong.

Anyway, before I went to bed after my last shift, I washed it and left it on the dish rack in the kitchen. Usually I put it away immediately, but I guess I was overworked and I passed out without thinking twice.

So fast forward to today. I come home after 16 hours of nonstop work. I’m exhausted, dead on my feet, and just ready to fall into bed. I walk in and there’s my mom on the couch, happily playing with the dog.

And in his mouth?

The KONG

Covered.

In peanut butter.

I freeze. Just completely short circuit. She gets up to greet me and goes, “He just LOVES his Kong!” Immediately she can tell something up and asked “Is everything ok sweetie?” I mumbled something like, “Yeah just a long day,” and stumbled off before I could burst into flames on the spot.

She didn’t stay long, thank God just left me a plate of food and went home. As soon as the door closed, I sprinted around the house trying to catch my dog, finally wrestled the “Kong” from him and chucked it in the trash like it was radioactive.

Now I’m lying in bed, sleep-deprived and emotionally destroyed, trying to decide if I’ll ever be able to look my mother in the eye again. Or if I should tell my wife. Or if I should just disappear.

TL;DR: Left my sex toy on the drying rack. Mom mistook it for a dog toy, filled it with peanut butter, and gave it to my dog.

Update/Edit: Just told my wife…….., after almost passing out from laughing so hard, through a smile she scolded me for leaving it in dish rack. Admittedly it wasn’t the first time she has told me to not leave it in there, somehow I think this time the lesson has stuck. Also wow came back to this blowing up hope y’all enjoyed my misery. Edit: Along—> A long

Edit 2: I can’t believe I am answering this right when I wake up. It is not a toy that I insert into me, I insert myself into it (might be a link in the comments)

Edit 3 (hopefully final) Ok wow now my biggest post and first ever awards thank you!! For those who keep asking how my mom knew the name and can’t be bothered to just read the comments “KONG” is a well known dog toy brand, my toy looks similar to it which is why my wife gave it the nickname.

So this is definitely embarrassing but thankfully nobody I know in real life knows about my reddit account, so I feel pretty safe sharing some of my more embarrassing moments.

Anyways, I've heard mixed things about what to do with pimples, but I just can't resist the urge to pop pimples when I spot them. Maybe it's related to my skin picking problems but I just can't seem to leave scabs and pimples alone. Today while in the bathroom getting ready for bed I noticed a weird pimple on my boob. It looked like one of those pimples that wasn't quite ready to pop, but the skin around it looked kind of bruised and it was raised quite a lot. For some reason instead of just leaving it be I became determined to pop this boob pimple.

So I start squeezing as hard as I can to pop it and eventually it bursts. Violently. Blood and whatever else was in that pimple shot out and hit my glasses. I clean up my glasses and finish getting ready for bed, thinking about how crazy that pimple pop was. As I'm brushing my teeth I notice some splatter got on the mirror and quickly cleaned it up. After finding splatter on the mirror I decided to more thoroughly check the bathroom for anymore blood to clean up.

I scan the bathroom and eventually look up. That's when I see it. The pimple burst so violently I got blood on the fucking ceiling. Now my short ass has to find a stool and somehow clean blood off the ceiling. Fuck my life.

TL;DR:

I popped a huge pimple on my boob and the splatter hit the ceiling.

Update:

Wasn't expecting so many people to see this but I'll keep the update short. First of all thank you for all of the concern, but it's been a couple days now and so far it's healing like a pimple would. No signs of infection or any pain but I'm keeping it clean. I don't love going to the doctor so I haven't yet, but if anything changes I'll be sure to get it checked out. Also thanks to everyone who shared embarrassing similar stories in the comments, makes me feel a little better about it. Finally, someone had mentioned my post reads like AI, I promise it's not. I just write a lot in my spare time so my writing is a bit wordy and I like to tell stories in an interesting way. I also have a picture of the aftermath on the ceiling which I can maybe put in the comments (not sure how reddit works lol)? Anyways that's all.

It all started when my cat Schrödinger got sick a few days back. This morning, when I was looking forward to a lazy day after two super busy ones, he started pooping blood again. So back go the vet we went.

He’s fine, he just once again ate something he shouldn’t. It is that cat’s goal in life to find things on the floor he shouldn’t eat just so that he can eat them. Menace.

But while we were there, the vet enquired about his size, saying he was very large for his age. I explained that he was a Maine Coon, and that they get really big, and that his dad Hades had a really broad heavy bone structure and that Schrödinger had inherited it. She just gave me a look and told me to watch his weight. And I just stood there for a second and then said “Well, you know, weight gain does run in my family.”

The silence was deafening. Even Schrödinger looked up from his current position in the sink.

Me: (sigh) “It’s OK. I heard it too. I’ll just see myself out.”

TL;DR: My cat got sick so I took him to the vet, where I accidentally implied he was my genetic relative.

This happened today and I’m honestly mortified.
I took what I thought was a cute selfie with my dog and uploaded it to my Instagram story without looking closely enough. Somehow, half my nipple was visible in the bottom left corner of the photo and I had absolutely no idea.

The worst part is that I have Instagram notifications turned off, so even if someone messaged me to tell me, I never saw it. The story stayed up for around 12 hours before I finally realized and deleted it.
By then it was too late. Around 100 people had viewed it, including some of my husband’s friends. They apparently told him about it before I even knew what had happened. He’s really upset and I feel awful because I never meant for any of this to happen. It was a complete accident, but I still feel like I’ve embarrassed both of us.

When I found out, I had a full-blown anxiety attack. I’ve deactivated my Instagram because I’m so embarrassed that I don’t even want to log back in. Right now I genuinely want the ground to swallow me whole.

Has anyone else ever done something this embarrassing? Please tell me I’m not the only person who’s accidentally posted something they really, really shouldn’t have.

Edit: my husband just came back from his holiday, i picked him up and he was pretty sympathetic and was comforting me, i think i expected the worse as he was initially pissed off when he first saw it but when he came to think about it, its just nipples…

Update: its been 36+ hours since the incident and its still keeping me up at night, i can’t sleep and i can’t stop thinking about it. It undid 3 weeks of progress on my anxiety & depression medication and i’m spiralling.

TL;DR: Accidentally posted a selfie to my Instagram story with half my nipple visible in the corner. It stayed up for 12 hours, around 100 people saw it, including my husband’s friends, and I only found out after they told him. I’m absolutely mortified and deactivated my Instagram.

I am not a morning person. My girlfriend is. She loves waking up to a sweet good morning text. The problem is I don’t wake up until like 10 and she’s up at 6.

Lately I’ve been getting really into using AI for random life stuff and I asked ChatGPT if there was a way to automatically send a text at a certain time every morning. It walked me through setting up Shortcuts on my iPhone. Basically I made a list of like 30 good morning messages I wrote myself — things like “good morning beautiful, hope your day is amazing” and “thinking about you first thing 💛” — and set up an automation that picks one at random and sends it through iMessage every day somewhere between 6:15 and 6:45 AM.

I thought I was a genius. She’d always reply with hearts and I’d see them when I actually woke up. Everyone wins.

This went on for four months. FOUR MONTHS. Not a single hiccup.

Yesterday she slept over and my phone was on the nightstand. At 6:30 AM my phone screen lit up, she watched it open Messages by itself, type out “rise and shine beautiful ☀️ you’re my favorite person” and send it. To her. While I was snoring next to her.

She shook me awake and I have never seen that look on someone’s face before. It’s like confusion and hurt and trying not to laugh all at the same time.

Her argument is that the messages meant nothing. My argument is that I literally sat down and personally wrote 30 heartfelt messages and set this whole thing up because I care about her. She said “you automated love.” I still don’t have a comeback for that.

We’re currently in a “space” situation. My buddy said I should post the Shortcut to r/shortcuts since I’m apparently single now.

TL;DR: Used AI to help me set up an iPhone automation that sends my girlfriend a random good morning iMessage every day at 6:30 AM. She was sleeping over, watched my phone send it by itself while I was asleep right next to her, and now we’re on a break

I was in Target with my 4-year-old daughter. I swung by the Starbucks for coffee. She asked for a lemonade and a snack. I saw they had lemonade refreshers- some with strawberries and some with acai. She got super excited, so I thought I’d get her a large strawberry lemonade refresher. She loved it and chugged the whole thing before I finished my coffee.

 Well about 20-30 minutes later she is sprinting up and down the aisles, not listening to me and being generally difficult. She is a strong-willed child and what 4-year-old doesn’t have tons of energy… so I didn’t think much beyond it. I was getting frustrated though.

 My wife showed up a few minutes later and immediately noticed the wild child squeezing every stuffie she could fit into her tiny arms. She also noticed immediately the 2 drinks in the cart. She quizzed me on what I got her. Her face pretty much summed it up. She knew right away that we had a child hopped up on caffeine.

 Apparently, Starbucks refreshers have about 45-55 mg of caffeine in them. I had no idea. Through my ignorance she got her first boost.

 Well, suffice it to say, one tantrum later, we were headed home.

TLDR; Starbucks puts caffeine in Lemonade and I gave it to a small child.

I booked an international flight with one change in a major city. I decided a few days later that I wanted to spend the night in that city before carrying on. I called the airline but they said my basic fare couldn't be changed. Oh well, I thought, I really want that extra night to visit family, and if it can't be changed then so be it. So I skipped the second segment of my flight and found another flight the next day. This was one week ago.

Supposed to go home tomorrow but couldn't check in. Turns out that if you no show you forfeit ALL REMAINING FLIGHTS on the booking. I need to get back. Just spent £5k booking new homeward flights.

Anyone commenting, I would love to know if you knew about this. Did you learn it the hard way?

TL;DR, I didn't know about the no show rule and it cost me £5k

ETA: The £5k was a panic buy and was for two people anyway. Luckily that was a flexible fare, so I have now changed for something closer to £2k. Lesson learned though!

This happened approximately 36 minutes ago, and my embarrassment is fresher than the questionable sushi I ate last night. I was in a virtual meeting with my boss and a few bigwigs from corporate. Everyone was tossing around phrases like “circle back,” “low-hanging fruit,” “synergy,” and my personal favorite, “make it pop.”

Little did I know, I was not muted. So while the rest of the team diligently nodded, I loudly muttered (to my cat, ironically), “If I hear ‘let’s pivot’ one more time, I’m gonna pivot straight into another dimension.”

My boss went quiet. The bigwig from corporate started chuckling. And I realized everyone had, in fact, heard my borderline meltdown.

Everyone tried to play it off politely, but I’m pretty sure I just blacklisted myself from any future “synergistic pivoting.” Moral of the story? Always double-check the mute button, folks.

TL;DR: Forgot my mic was on during a virtual meeting and accidentally ranted about how much I despise corporate buzzwords. Everyone heard, including my boss and higher-ups, and now I’m mortified.

My wife is pregnant and she is a saint. Shes done everything for me and turned my life around. She supported me when I was just a POS without a job. Shes shown me what family means.

She is so strong and she works so hard even while pregnant and I try to get her to slow down but she won't.

We even spent the last two weekends ripping out the carpet and painting our sons nursery to get prepared. My wife had this old snow globe that looked like a duck in a bathtub that she got from her mother as a little girl. As I was moving the furniture back into our sons nursery after we finished painting it fell and broke. She broke down and shes pissed and I cant blame her.

I looked everywhere for one and the only place I can find it to buy (and its not even the same, its a cheap replacement) is in Singapore and it won't ship to the US.

I dont know how to make it right. Ive apologized it just meant so much to her.

I really hate myself so much right now

TL;DR: Broke my wifes favorite present from her mom as a little girl and dont know how to fix it.

Edit 1: Thanks everyone for your thoughtful posts and good ideas. One helpful redditor led me to a replacement product that is the same thing that I bought off eBay. I also salvaged the parts like you guys said and im going to have her dad 3d print a bathtub and put the intact duck into it and then like you guys said there is both....thanks again. Ill update how she reacts

So I'm a fan of meteorology and lightning storms, so when I was renovating my Twitter account, I put two lightning strikes next to my username. I thought nothing of it, really. I thought it was cute, if anything. So when I'm swarmed with a dude calling me a Nazi, I was so confused, because I never stood for anything hateful or discriminatory. So then one of my friends, they come up to me and tell me about the lightning strikes in my username, asking me about the bolts. I thought they were talking about literal bolts, like nuts and bolts. And I shook it off until it hit me. I'm looking up "two lightning bolts" and I get results for supremacy and neo-Nazism and my face instantly turns red, I was so fucking embarrassed, I'm still embarrassed. I'm glad someone got my head out of the clouds, because that was so stupid of me.

TL;DR Everyone thought I was a Nazi because I had no idea that my username icons were a hate symbol

EDIT: No, they never taught me about the "SS" symbol at school. I was a huge sucker for world history, so I definitely would've known if I were taught. I graduated in 2023

Today I fucked up. I recreated my grandma‘s house from memory in The Sims. She has been gone for many years and her house was sold. When I finished the design, I went to Zillow to make sure I got the roof line & the exterior right.

At first i was really pleased because i got almost all of the details like trim and scale right- but then i looked at the interior photos.

Oh God, someone has flipped it, and taken out all her 1950s appliances and painted everything gray and put up some god-awful kitchen tile.

I wish I had never seen that. Kind of damaged my memories of spending my childhood there.

I didn’t really think about what I’d see - i should have known it was not a museum or time capsule.

TL;DR: i wish i hadn’t seen how flippers ruined my grandma’s house

I have twin 3YO boys, and they’re very active and silly. Well the other day, I was doing some yard work and using my leaf blower to clear away some grass and dirt. Naturally they’re infatuated so I use the leaf blower on them, and they love it. Started chasing them around the neighborhood with the leaf blower pretending they were leaves. Good ol’ wholesome father son fun, right? Well, naturally now they want me to use the leaf blower on them all the time. No biggie, it’s a fun game and I like playing with my electric leaf blower. Only now it’s everywhere, including places where I don’t have my leaf blower, so instead I have to pretend to blow them away like I’m blowing out a candle. Still fine. All day for the last 3 days it’s been “dad, can you blow me away?”. Very cute stuff. Well, this morning we’re at target and the kids are getting a tad squirrely. They wanted to go to the park, and I said we can go after we finish up here. They’re dancing around the aisles being toddlers. Then my son comes up to me in the main aisle, and in his biggest toddler yell shouts “DADA CAN YOU BLOW ME????”

Cue 5 people turning around to look at me and my kid. You’d think by now I’d be immune to toddler based embarrassment, but nah. So me, in my quietest voice, face feeling redder than a Macintosh Apple, respond “buddy, inside voice. Do you mean you want me to blow you away?” Son 1: YES! BLOW ME BLOW ME! excited toddler jumping Son 2: YEAH BLOW ME TOO DADA! Me: boys, inside voices please. You mean blow you away, right? How do you ask for that? Sons: please may you blow us away??

I blew them away and they go dancing off like leaves. The others who were watching snicker and giggle. One of the other guys nearby gives me a knowing smirk that clearly said “been there.” Proceed to finish the quickest target run of my life.

TL;DR using a leaf blower on my kids leads them to yell at me to blow them in public

I’m a mid 30s Female. last night I went out for a Halloween dance party. I worked really hard on my costume. I was the perfect combination of warm and slutty and i was excited to strut my stuff.

The way that this bar is set up is that there is a main level upstairs, and then you can walk downstairs to go to the dance area. it’s a pretty small place so it gets crowded.

I had taken some mushrooms earlier in the evening. And I was feeling good.

At some point in the night, I had to “cut the cheese.” I thought it would be a small one. I thought I could just crop dust it . but it was the most silent/deadly/toxic/foul mushroom stink bomb of my life.

The smell from my ass destroyed the Dance floor. People cleared out! It was so bad people thought that someone had an accident on the floor. like they turned up the lights a little bit to see and make sure that there wasn’t a health hazard. Even the DJ made a comment.

I went upstairs because I couldn’t stand the smell of my own ass. I was up there for about 30 minutes. And when I came back down, I could still smell my ass.

It’s all anybody could talk about. They thought someone had an accident . I had to play dumb. I was so embarrassed.

TL:DR my mushroom gas smelled so bad that it cleared out a Halloween party and the DJ even made a comment about how bad it smelled

For some context, I play Far Cry 5. If you haven't played it, the basic premise is that you're fighting an insane cult to free the local community, with hunting and other side activities mixed in.

When my 4-year-old is watching me play, I try to avoid filling the screen with people getting shot in the face. So instead, I run around with a melee weapon and smack the local wildlife (mostly predators) on the rear end, then sprint away while they chase me. My daughter thinks it's the funniest thing she's ever seen and has affectionately dubbed it "the spanking game."

Fast forward to today.

We're sitting in a restaurant when our waiter comes over, introduces himself, and before I can say a word, my daughter looks him dead in the eyes and proudly announces:

"My dad plays the spanking game with me."

The poor guy froze. I froze. Time itself froze.

Now I'm desperately trying to explain that I'm not playing some bizarre game with my child and I'm playing a video game about fighting an evil cult, except instead of shooting cultists while she's watching, I spend my time running around smacking black bears on the butt with a shovel because my daughter thinks it's hilarious.

I don't think my explanation helped.

I'm pretty sure the waiter wrote down my license plate before I even got the check.

TL;DR: I tried to be a responsible parent by avoiding violent gameplay in front of my daughter. Instead, I accidentally taught her that we play "the spanking game," and she proudly informed a complete stranger that "my dad plays the spanking game with me