I was extended a job offer. I asked two previous managers and three co-workers for references for this job. All five agreed, filled out the references (a survey) and they all came back clear. I was cleared to onboard and I just had to show up for orientation. One day after signing required documents for employment, I got a call from HR at the new job and was told one of my references sent a separate narrative email that was then sent to the department head. The dept head decided to rescind my offer "based on the contents of the email." I am shocked, betrayed, and confused.

UPDATE:

OK to respond to some things:

"Why did you quit your job before receiving a final offer, you idiot?"

I had already quit my job. My family is in the middle of a huge crisis and I am panic moving back across the country to be with them. Conditional offer or not, quitting was happening either way. Thanks to the commenter who told me this was an "excuse". I'm glad for you that your life has been just peachy so far.

Secondly, several of you posed that he may have been pulling my leg. I am grateful to say that you are mostly correct! I was finally able to get him on the phone, and while he did embellish some things, it was nowhere near to the lengths he had told me.

So, all in all, my first day at my new job is confirmed as of today, so, I had a nice big freakout over nothing.

ORIGINAL POST:

So, I received a conditional job offer from a company stating that I have the job as long as my references and background check come back clean. No problem, right? I went ahead and gave my 2 weeks' notice at my current job and sent in my references.

One of my references is still a really good friend of mine. We worked together a couple years back and just hit it off. He was fine with being a reference for me and I sent in his information.

I hadn't heard from the new job for a bit so I asked my friend if he had heard anything on his end (should I have asked? Not sure if that's bad job etiquette or not). He said something along the lines of "Oh yeah, I sent that in yesterday, don't worry man I left you the PERFECT review!" And then proceeded to tell me everything he said about me...y'all.

So in summary, he:

-said I singlehandedly saved our company from ruin (NOT true)

-listed my biggest weakness as "being too kind and working too hard"

-said I travel to developing countries to volunteer in my free time (not true, again)

-mentioned without prompting that I "saved his life" by "giving him hope for the world" (never happened, he has always been fine)

-a whole bunch of other white lies that I would never be able to corroborate or keep track of.

No recruiter is going to hear this shit and immediately believe all of it. What the fuck do I do now??? I've already quit my job. Thankfully the other references I sent in were from former supervisors who would never pull this shit in a million years. Do I email and apologize to get ahead of it? Or send in a replacement reference? Low key I'm freaking out and scared to death I'm about to be unemployed. It took me six months to find this job.

Is no one going to explain to corporate why this is happening? I’ll volunteer.

1. Applying to jobs is a pain in the ass. You don’t apply, you fight the computer program which is janky, confusing, forces you to type out everything in your resumes and frequently deletes your work.

2. You use ATS. After all the hair pulling, stress and fighting an outdated and badly made computer system, you get an email six seconds later saying “Thanks but no thanks.” What happened? Did you not have enough keywords? Did you choose the wrong ones? Did you not format your resume correctly?

3. You expect everyone to be a Jack of all trades. No one, not even you, can do everything. That’s why you have multiple people on a team. Expecting them to be able to do everyone else’s job and things that aren’t in the job description leads to unhappiness and stress, which causes you to lose talent.

4. You don’t hire people without those magical two years of experience (even if the software has only existed for six months) because they haven’t shown they can do the job. Well of course they can’t. They haven’t gotten a chance. Is it always someone else’s responsibility to show them the ropes? No. That’s your job. You can’t claim that employees need mentoring if you’re not willing to offer it.

5. You expect loyalty from them but don’t give it in return. You’re concerned about job hopping, but don’t promote your employees or give them pay raises. If they found another job that does both of those things, why WOULDN’T they leave? At the same time, they feel that their job is always in jeopardy because of mismanagement, restructuring or whatnot. If you feel like you can cast them aside at a moment’s notice, why shouldn’t they do the same thing.

6. You don’t pay enough. This is the big one. Your employees are people. They get married, have families and other responsibilities. Their lives aren’t their job. So don’t send “that one last email” after work. Unless you’re a doctor or in international business, this can wait. When they’re on the clock, they do the job. Once they leave, THAT’S IT. If their salary doesn’t match up to what others are making doing the same job, it should be no surprise that they leave.

7. You lie about workplace culture. If you claim to be a laid back office but then expect them to never work from home or can’t take time off for a sick kid, they have every right to quit. And they have the right to be treated with respect. Don’t take credit for their work, don’t insult them, and don’t expect them to read your mind.

8. You want someone who can stand out from the pack, yet you don’t reply to those who message you directly, try to network with you or ask if you know anyone who can help them find work.

9. You want “new talent” but are unwilling to mentor them or even read their resume. No one, and I repeat, NO ONE is going to have EXACTLY what you are looking for. I once inquired about an ENTRY LEVEL copywriting position. I have been running a movie review site for more than a decade. That didn’t count because I wasn’t paid for them. The recruiter didn’t even look at them. If this sounds familiar, then you only have yourself to blame for your inability to find talent.

10. Recruiters, don’t send clients to jobs you know are terrible or run by people who are incompetent. And when someone messages you about the job directly, the least you can do is answer them.

11. You expect people applying to an entry level position to have already done that exact position. It doesn’t work that way. Those are qualifications for other people. And if you want that experience, you gotta be willing to pay more for it.

Spare me from replies that start with “our policy is” blah blah blah. It’s a crock of shit. People are resigning because it’s no longer the Great Recession and they’re lucky to have any job. They have the bargaining room now.

I’ve never heard nor experienced this in my life. One of my job references called me and told me how the phone call with a potential employer went. He told me that she was very thorough with her questions and even asked him if he could give her the contact of anybody that knew me so that she could call to ask more about me. Is this a new practice or an overreach by her? It’s for a part time to supplement my current income but I’m considering withdrawing my application because of this. I have not received an offer and they asked my to bring references to the first interview after I told them that I only provide references upon a job offer. It’s for an accounting position.

I really need a job. I have been trying so hard. Please don’t judge me. I lied on my resume only about the dates but the employment jobs were true. I have been a sahm for a long time and have no references. Please don’t tell me to be honest and put that I have been a sahm on my resume or leave a big gap. I did that for over a YEAR and I got nothing. I’m finally getting calls I went to two interviews but I can’t get past this. I do not have close connections with anyone. I moved away from most people and I don’t keep in touch. How do I get passed this? I’ve been crying all morning. I need a job so bad and I am a very hard worker

What the actual hell is wrong with the job market? Asking for references I get, it gets irritating when they want emails since that's not commonly exchanged anymore unless you're in a professional setting actively emailing them. But *addresses?* Requiring the *addresses* of job references to submit the application?

No thank you and screw you.

Learned that on my first interview. They said they have contacted "people they know" at my previous employer (which was their client at one time) upon reception of my resume to ask about me. Also said they will contact another person to get additional feedback.

When I told them none of those people are my references, that I didn't view their possible assessment as objective, and I can provide them with a list of references of my previous jobs, they basically hinted did I have something to hide.

Am I right to be uncomfortable here? Or is this common practice now?

As the title says, I have applied for multiple jobs recently that have wanted my current boss as a reference. How does this make any sense?

I work/ed for a small business where the only possible referee is the ceo/director/manager/boss himself. It was a team of only 4 people including me and we recently agreed mutually to have me leave the company after many clashes between the boss and I when it came to multiple issues within the business.

In one scenario where everything was going good, why would I use my boss as a reference for him to receive a call from another workplace asking about me? For one, he'd try and retain me as he would be blindsided that i'm looking elsewhere and tell the other job multiple things that would scare them off and the other thing is he'd see that as me not being committed and likely let me go anyway??

It just makes no sense to me. In this case I have already left this job but businesses still want him as my reference. He would ruin any chance I have at getting these jobs based on us now having bad blood. Is there a way around this? I have had some luck using my most recent boss before this one and giving commentary as to why i'm not using my current one but I think this is hindering my chances at getting asked for interviews.

Thanks for reading, any help appreciated.

Had a final round interview on Tuesday. Everything went great, the team seemed chill, and the hiring manager said they were ready to move forward. Then HR reaches out today asking for three references.

Standard stuff, right? Except the email specifically states that one of them HAS to be my current, direct supervisor. Not a former boss. Not a coworker. My actual boss at the job I am currently sitting at right now.

i emailed back politely explaining that I haven't given notice yet because there is no signed offer on the table, so contacting my boss would put my job at serious risk.

The recruiter replied in ten minutes saying its company policy to verify current performance and went "if you have a transparent relationship with your manager, this shouldn't be an issue."

Are you kidding me? Who in their right mind tells their boss "hey I'm trying to leave this company, please tell this other place if I'm good so they can decide if they want to hire me"? What planet do these HR people live on?

Do very many companies actually do background checks? I’m in sales, but I hear horror stories abt requirements. Like proof of paystubs. 1099 or tax documents. This is crazy in my opinion. Do most companies really do this?

My job was just rescinded due to a reference check and I want to know how I can prevent this from happening again.

I received a full job offer for a GS-9 position only to get the rescind letter a few weeks later. I was told it was because of a reference check.

I do not know who gave a bad reference but I have an idea of how it could have went down. Basically at one point I had a job that I was just not a good fit for at the time. I admit I wasn't the best employee but over the last several years I have done everything I can to do better for myself and my family.

I do not want to hide my previous employers or omit anything that should be on a job application/form. At the same time, I do not want this employer or experience to hold me back from having stable employment.

What should I do?

I am 52 years old female African immigrant, left my son in Africa to work and get paid to improve both my son’s and my life. My degree and all my job experiences aren’t relevant here in the USA. Currently I live with my sibling in a city with little job opportunities and, no public transport. I tried to work in Macy’s for a while but with the earnings and not having a reliable transport I couldn’t continue to work for them. I am desperate and frustrated with my conditions. I used to be a fast learner and good at understanding many things. But now I often feel I have no place in this fast moving world. Anxiety and depression kicks me out. I don’t know what to do, or where to start.

Please, any suggestions/recommendations would be greatly appreciated. Including where to start to ease my living conditions and other accommodations cities with a reliable means of transportation.

NOTE EDIT: THANK YOU! I am so grateful for all comments and thoughtful support I got here. I read every word of your comments and tried to reply for most of the advices. All advices are very useful and a new insight to improve my status, I really appreciate what you spent here. I took notes from the comments and will continue to search every valuable advice you gave me. I didn’t expect this much support and encouragement, very uplifting and showing a glance of hope.

Hi everyone,
I’m a 20 year-old woman currently living in the UAE and going through a difficult time. After converting to Christianity, I was kicked out by my family and have been trying to find a safe housing or support until I can land a job

I’ve been actively spending my days from metros to metros handing out CVs across Dubai hotels and doing everything I can to become financially independent.

I’m not looking for big financial help—just advice, job leads, or support from anyone who may know of opportunities or resources that could help. If anyone has suggestions or is willing to help in any way, I’d be incredibly grateful.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Hi everyone,

I am 19 years old (F) and have handed in my resignation for my most recent job that I have been at for the last 8-9 months.

I was moved departments about a month or two ago and it was the biggest eye opener to how unhappy I was. I am neurodivergent and was moved to the customer service calls department in work , and was having major anxiety and crying almost every day with the stress and dread of logging on each morning and having a major existential crisis with where I am in life at the moment.

My parents have a habit of being too involved, I started looking for new jobs and they contacted a family member who has an opening in their company, and to be honest at the start I was genuinely interested in the topic. However, as time has gone on, it feels as though I am trapping myself in another office job while my parents are pushing me to envision it as my job for the rest of my life, to progress within the company and nothing fills me with more dread and unhappiness then envisioning my future stuck where I am for the rest of my life.

Anyway to the point, my manager called me just to sort out details about my last day and at the start of the call it felt like he was waiting for me to give an explanation for why I was leaving, so I said roughly " While I appreciate all of the support you have given me during my time here and this has nothing to do with the company, I have not been doing well and need a change" . He said fair enough, if its for personal reasons we are not going to pressure you for anything, that was fine.

It also makes sense because a few weeks into this change I did message my manager about how I was feeling, not expecting a huge change but with delusional hope I would be moved back to my old department, and he told me to give it time, I was doing really well and will get used to it, so my reasoning does have support behind it, no matter how embarrassed I am to have went to him about it at the time .

However, I was feeling anxious about it afterwards and spoke to my mum about it. She didn't sound too impressed when I told her what I said so I pushed her to say what she thought and she said she thinks I should watch my words and should have just said I found a better opportunity, which I have in a literal sense, it does not feel that way personally however and I did not feel comfortable outright saying to my manager i have found something better. She started asking what if I ever want to return to that job or what about the references they give me, how will that look when I tell someone i need a change after a couple of months.

But it is simply the truth, I am in an unhealthy routine at the moment, and this job, working from home full time with no hobbies or healthy habits/routine is really tearing me apart and I feel so uncertain about my future and university. I feel really shameful as I understand the disaster that is trying to get a job at the moment but I cant control feeling this way, I am 19 and when I see my future it is everything I swore to myself It would not be.

Did I make a mistake saying I needed a change for my personal wellbeing? or is it me and my parents thinking too much into it. I don't plan on ever returning to that job and hope I wont be at my upcoming job for as long as I was there, I want to start moving in terms of university, etc. but did I make a mistake in regards to my reasoning? What should I say in future, if anything at all? Could this reasoning affect the reference my current job gives me, especially because I didn't reference any place new.

My supervisor at my assistantship is leaving their job, and they asked me to be a reference. I said to give me a day to think about it because I wanted to do my own research before saying yes.

I would LOVE to be a reference for them. They were a great boss, and the role they're applying for would suit them really well. They sent me the link, and they're perfect for it. It involves supervising others and managing projects, both of which they have done with me in the year we worked together.

Again, I was a Graduate Research Assistant who worked for/with them. They were basically my boss. I am the only person in the department, besides one other, who can vouch for their work because they're leaving without telling the director. The other person has equal authority in the department and knows their work as well.

Would it be okay to be a reference for them? Or is it a red flag? I no longer work there because I graduated and my contract ended. I am currently working somewhere else, but related to the field I was previously in. We're also friends now because we trauma-bonded over our job.

Edit: This will also be the first ever reference I have done for another. So, any advice on how references like this work would be appreciated.

Update: I decided that I will be a reference. Thank you everyone for your responses! I really was overthinking it. I just didn't want to decrease their chances of getting hired because I used to be their employee.

I had one of my references reach out to me stating that he filled out a reference check request and wished me luck. I told him how I had one interview the week prior, but had not yet heard back about a follow up or that they would be checking my references yet.

He sent me a picture of the email and the reference check was for a job I applied for a few weeks ago and haven’t even had an interview scheduled or anything yet.

I’ve never had this happen before. What would lead a company to check my references before even doing an initial screening?

Ugh I'm so embarrassed I got a conditional job offer and I had to ask my current manager for a reference and he said yes and then I just burst into tears and said "I'm so sorry I didn't realise I was going to cry" I'm so embarrassed no I feel like if I cry how can I do this new job 😭 any tips to stop myself from crying at work I feel like such a baby 😭 I'm a 27 year old woman I shouldn't be crying like a teenager

im a 2026 new grad and im in reference check round before the offer. they asked me for 2 references, with one being a former manager so i gave them a former internship manager and for my second one, i gave them the president of my college club bc i didn't have anyone else more senior to put down. the company said both of my references mentioned great things about me but they still want to speak to one more person that's more senior... i don't have anyone else more senior though so i literally don't know what to do. im scared im going to lose my offer bc i don't have another senior reference but im also straight out of college so i don't have that many connections yet. please help!!!

context: i never got close to any professor in college bc my classes were always minimum 2k people. i didn't end on great terms with my very first internship manager either so that's not an option. my clubs in college were all student run so we had no advisor either... i truly don't know what else to do but i don't want to miss out on this opportunity :(

I’ve been unemployed for the past three months, and the job search has honestly been much harder than I expected.

I’ve applied to hundreds of positions but received fewer than three interview calls so far. At this point, the constant applying without getting any response is becoming really frustrating.

For those who have gone through a similar phase, what actually helped you get out of it? Did you change your approach, resume, networking strategy, or start looking somewhere differently?

I’d genuinely appreciate any advice or experiences you’re willing to share.

I’ve been through 2 rounds of interviews for and everything has been going well. The interviewer and I have gotten along well and she mentioned that she thinks I make a good candidate and the managers would like me. But now for the final interview with the other managers, she’s asking that I have 3 professional references. I’ve only had 2 brief jobs before this: a remote freelance job where there was basically no contact with workers and supervisors, and one where I’m sure my supervisor won’t remember who I am since it has been a few years.

Can I tell them that I don’t have any references, but say something along the lines of “I always put in 100% of my effort and have never had any issues at any job…”, or is that pointless?

I landed an interview for a position with a local office of a quasi-governmental agency in the US. They asked me complete a lengthy Word doc application that asked for six references (three professional and three personal).

I only have four references I have vetted and am currently in contact with via phone. Over a 20 year career and disruptive pandemic, I simply lost track of people and am not considering stalking people down through social media.

Similarly, I don't want to engage my personal friends and family in my job search. I feel most comfortable with boundaries between my professional and personal networks.

I am taking this as a sign from the universe that this position is not the right move.

Can anyone convince me I'm wrong?

I'm trying to plan for my future career. I want to work with good people I want to make a livable wage And I want to have a sense of pride in what I do If you feel like that's the situation you're currently in, I would love to hear from you

I'm a 28-year-old somewhat recent college grad. I used to work part-time at a company, was unhappy and looking for a real job, and had an interview with another employer lined up. I was convinced I had a new job at a nice non-profit in the bag. I gave my boss at the part-time place my 2 weeks notice, and long story short, they did not respond to my leaving very well, there was quite a lot of screaming and yelling. Well, the non-profit job I had lined up was a valuable learning experience for me in how to spot a scam, cause that what it turned out to be. Now whenever I try to apply to a position and they ask for 3 professional references, I'm screwed cause I have only one recent enough employer who both remembers and liked me enough to act as one. I would use my past college professors, but my last 2 years were very rough; I graduated by the skin of my teeth, and there are only 1 or 2 professors who I feel I can rely on to act as a good reference. I'm currently working a contract job that both sucks and will only last the current school year. I'm kinda out of ideas, and it feels like a circular loop: I can't get a job without references, but you can't develop relationships with people without a job, which I can't get without said references. I've been working dead-end, minimum-wage nonsense jobs for years, and now that I finally have a degree, I can't seem to get a career of any kind off the ground.

I just got cold called from someone who saw my LinkedIn. They're from a hiring company trying to fill roles in my area. They asked if I'd do a teams meeting to learn more about some roles they have available, and I said yes.

The email they sent is asking for 2 managerial and 2 coworker references to be sent before our teams meeting.

I personally feel like references are outdated. But what do you guys think? If pressed, I could get 2 coworker references, but I have zero managerial. I also feel like this would just give them more people to cold call too.

I am also currently unemployed.

Should I just ignore the entire thing? Should I respond saying I don't have any references?

I just got home from getting hired at a retail store. Before I could get through the door they called and asked me to provide 2 references that I just don't have. The managers and bosses at my last job don't work there anymore, they pretty much replaced the entire staff. I don't have any references to give let alone 2. I have a lot riding on this and I just don't know what to do.