I made a comment similar to this earlier and it made me want to rant a bit. I have seen so many DMs give players shit for playing the classic Human Fighter or some completely remove humans from their setting because "Why would you wanna play a boring human when you could be something fantastical?"

This has always irked me because, why are your humans boring? You're the DM, why aren't your humans just as unique as Elves or Dwarves? We should seem just as alien to them as they are to us.

For example, in my main setting I use, Humans are the only race that can have viable offspring with non-humans. So all Half races are always half human, any other combo wouldn't make it to birth. It's to explain their hardiness, ability to survive and expand so fast.

Idk man I'm just tired of the Human slander, what do you guys think?

Did you ever see Deborah Ann Woll adlibbing a D&D opening scene for Jon Bernthal?

Could you do something similar; DM for about 30 minutes for someone (or even a small group) who has never played. Just an index card for character notes, and a d20. No special effects, not much more than a coffee table to play on?

Do you have a specific module virtually memorised, or could you freestyle a short session off the top of the dome!?

What kind of thing would you run?

[Edit: What great answers, everybody is like "Yes, Easy!" which warms my chaotic heart. I have a follow up question but I need to work out how to phrase it]

Personal triggering issue for me: artificial excuses why characters can't use their abilities. I started noticing it reading through Vecna- Eve of Ruin, but now I am noticing it in nearly upper tier adventure I see. It even shows up when I ask other DMs to give me feedback on a chapter I have written. The usual comment is "Better come up with a way to block teleportation or they are going to skip half the dungeon!"

No. If they want to use one of their precious high-level spell slots to skip a trap or even jump to the boss monster, they can do that. That's what epic adventurers do. Level 12 PCs are threats to evil kingdoms, they shouldn't have the same kind of adventures as lower tier PCs. Forcing them to play as lower tier PCs with more hit points is boring.

Write better stories that allow your powerful PCs to use their powerful abilities, don't take their abilities away with artificial silliness and re-tell the same old story. If you want them to be in danger from pit traps and slowly walk their way across the mystical forest of the pouty pines, then write your adventure for lower level PCs. The level high level heroes have got better things to do and more important things to deal with.

Thank you for tolerating my venting.

I'm really bad at making interesting puzzles that challenge my players without being impossible. Usually they are too easy.

One time though, my players were struggling with a puzzle, and one of the players proposed a solution that was logical, thematically appropriate, and simple. The perfect answer to a puzzle. It was wrong, but I accepted it and let them pass.

After that I started making my puzzles more challenging, with the understanding that I could just let the players pass if I liked their solution or it was clever or whatever.

One day though I was having trouble with designing a puzzle and an appropriate solution when a stray thought hit me. The players aren't even going to figure it out, they'll make up some other solution that I'll let them through on. Why bother adding a solution at all. I can just add a bunch of random elements to the puzzle to make it seem more complicated, and let them find their own solution.

It's been five years now, and the players haven't caught on. My puzzles don't have solutions. The players seem to prefer it though, as long as I don't tell them.

I just needed to tell someone who won't turn around and tell my players that I've been cheating them for 5 years.

I have a new guy in my campaign who has pumped everything into stealth. He has +16
His words "i'm practically invisible"

I keep saying that's not how it works but he gets stroppy if there's either nothing to hide behind or if I say you just attacked and then didn't move, they know where you are no matter how you hide.

I don't want to remove his agency by always making stealth useless but I'd also like to attack him without feeling like a jerk.

I just wanted to give a PSA for all the stressed DMs out there. It’s really crazy that this culture has gone the way it has from all of the professional actual plays out there.

I often compare it to the NFL or professional adult videos - that they create a really crazy standard for and entirely different product than what most people are going for in their own games.

You don’t have to be a professional NFL player - before we saw the professionals we didn’t know that were had to agonize over “our players liking our campaign.”

Please give yourself a break, dnd and being a dm should feel like playing Nintendo 64 with your friends as a kid - it’s not stressful just because you are the one with the gaming system.

I hope the culture changes from these crazy standards and “am I good enough” feelings that seem so common for DMs these days.

I know it would be evil, but I am so tempted. Please help.

*in before "You guys actual get to play?"*

For me: I don't enjoy players who only ever want to *just peek*. They don't want to open the door, no no no, they just want to *peek* (which at this point I just run as Perception at disadvantage + a flat stealth check in most situations) So, unless it's a moment where we explicitly **need** to be sneaky, I just open doors or if there's an expectation of privacy, I knock.

I also don't love when a table isn't really interacting with one another and are all kind of doing their own things, so when I'm playing I make a point to have my character speak with everyone else's at least once in a session, especially if I know they might have some knowledge on a subject. I'll also use downtime to invite other players to join me for shopping or whatever so that *we* can have antics occur not just me and an NPC.

So my party just reached level 19 last session and the party’s Druid pulled me aside to ask if his character could wish to make the effects of his current casting of Regeneration permanent and I told him I’d think about it, should I allow this?, what do you think?

There are three things that worry me about this.

1.) I know that this piece of paper is significant to the plot

2.) I know I didn't make up an entire cypher for the English language because that's entirely too much work.

3.) this language is not in any of the D&D books that I own.

If you are able to help please do so, if you're not able to help I openly look forward to people joking about my incompetence as a DM... But be clever and I will upvote anything funny that is posted.

Because apparently "chaotic neutral" wasn’t chaotic enough.

One of my players is a Wild Magic Sorcerer, so we all decided to make a custom 1–100 Wild Magic Surge table. Everyone got to add a few entries. It was democracy in action. It was beautiful. It was stupid.

Some of the entries were weird but manageable.

“You float 2 inches above the ground for the next hour.”

“You sneeze fire every time someone says your name.”

“You grow a mustache that grants +1 Charisma but whispers insults.”

Then someone—someone who will not be named but knows what they did—added:

“You turn into a pickle. No powers. No benefits. You are just a pickle.”

We laughed. We moved on. And then last session… the sorcerer rolled a 57.

It happened. He’s a pickle now. A literal, non-magical, brined cucumber.

He can’t walk. Can’t talk. Can’t cast. I gave him limited telepathy so he could at least sass the party, but that’s it. The barbarian immediately put him in a mason jar, tied it to his belt, and now carries him around like a weird keychain. They used him as bait for a mimic. It worked. He was not happy.

So now the party has committed to a full-blown quest to un-pickle him. Do I know how that’s going to work? Nope. Not even a little bit. I'm just hoping divine inspiration hits me before they get to the next town.

Until then, we're officially playing: “The Pickled One: A Briny Tale of Regret and Spells Gone Wrong.”

BUT IN ALL HONESTY— JESUS. CHRIST. ALMIGHTY. I don’t know what to do. I am hanging on by a THREAD. This was supposed to be a dark, morally complex, gods-are-dead type campaign. I was aiming for Grimdark Arcane Apocalypse and they brought in Looney Tunes sound effects. Literal slip-on-a-banana-peel energy. The vibe has died. It was buried in a shoebox behind the tavern 10 sessions ago.

And you want to know the best part? You want to know the cursed cherry on top of this clown sundae?

THEY KILLED THE GOD OF MAGIC. In a one-shot prequel. They did it. THEY. DID. THAT. And now, in the world of this campaign, magic is in shambles. Just straight-up busted. Every time someone casts a spell, they’re gambling with the universe. Because there are no rules anymore. Because the players deleted the rulebook from reality.

So now we have a world with broken magic, arcane fallout, unstable ley lines, and the first major result of this magical catastrophe is that one of the party members rolled “turn into a goddamn pickle.”

I have no plan. I have no map. I have no idea where this is going. I’m DMing from the gut. I am improvising lore faster than my brain can keep up. I am a raccoon in a lab coat holding the fabric of the multiverse together with chewed bubblegum and fan theories.

Pray for me. Or send salt. Because the pickle is starting to ferment.

Edit:

Okay so I had to get to my pc for this—
As the great Brennan Lee Mulligan once/many times had said

TO BE CLEAR!
To the hundreds of you saying “Just have the player roll a new character who eats the pickle” or “Make the new PC their own pickle handler”… I love you all deeply. You're hilarious. But also:
NO. I CAN’T. I AM TRAPPED BY THE LORE.

Let me explain.

This campaign didn’t start yesterday. We’re not just out here doing a goofy summer one-shot. No no. This is a narrative odyssey. A cursed tapestry. A tragicomedy woven from chaos and commitment.
We’ve been playing every week, all summer, for 2 and a half months straight.
We are DEEP in this campaign. I have spreadsheets. There is a relationship map. One of the players has a private war crime subplot that hasn’t even triggered yet. We are past the point of no return.

The Plan™️ Before Pickling:

Thumbs—aka Egregious Thumblesnort III—was meant to have a redemption arc that would slowly peel back his snobby, nose-in-the-clouds upbringing and reveal his true destiny:
He’s the only member of his bloodline who isn’t a soulless magical trust-fund baby.

His family, the Thumblesnorts, were once chosen by the God of Magic himself to guard a collection of failsafe artifacts—a magical reset button of sorts—in the event that the god ever perished.

AND THEN.
In the prequel one-shot…
The players killed the God of Magic.
By accident.
Kind of.

So Thumbs was supposed to be the key. The narrative hinge.
His ancestral vault contains the location of one of the last magical stabilizers, a relic called “The Core of Constancy,” which could help return balance to the world’s magic—or even choose a new God of Magic to take the fallen deity’s place.

Thumbs is THAT GUY.
He’s not just a side character. He is the fail-safe.
He is the plot glue holding the arcane apocalypse together.

The Player Behind Thumbs:

The player? Totally on board.
They love this dumb British nose-in-the-air bastard.
They’re roleplaying the telepathy scenes from the mason jar like they’re in a Broadway show. They told me, and I quote:

“If I have to play a sentient salad ingredient for the rest of the arc, I will. But I will be the Pickled Messiah.”

So no, they don’t want to roll a new character.
And honestly? Neither do I.
Because if they do?
The plot collapses like a flan in a cupboard.

So What Now?

Now we’re in limbo.
They have to find a way to de-pickle Thumbs, break into his family estate, and retrieve the Core of Constancy before the arcane instability rips the continent in half.
Meanwhile, I, the DM, am here with a whiteboard and a prayer, figuring out how to make that happen when one of my most crucial characters is trapped in a briny prison of his own Surge’s making.

This ENDS asking MY PCs help in making the CAMPAIGN FOREVER!!!!

Right now at least. I love them to death but this really fucked everything up.

TL;DR:
The pickle stays.
The plan remains.
We’re not switching characters.
We’re unpickling a prophecy.

Send help because I have a week to plan and school just started!!!!

No matter how many of your fellow DnD friends you invite to go to this movie… all of them are going to cancel at the last minute…

As the title states I do not feel that my DM is putting in the work that I expect of him to. He never has an answer for when I ask about things like NPC family trees or the lore behind the naming of his cities. And when he does have an answer, it is extremely flat and never satisfies my love for good lore.

Also, the other day he didn't have full sized a map in TaleSpire for the capital that we were about to enter. I asked him why he didn't have one and he started complaining about things like school, a job and something called a personal life. This honestly seemed absolutely outrageous.

He said that maybe he could cut down on his hours at work if we (the players) were willing to give money to him so he could pay for his tools that he uses for our sessions, things like, DnDbeyond master tier, Inkarnate, TaleSpire and something like 6 other websites that he used. I didn't really like his attitude, so I politely refused the offer and softly told him just to cut down on his expenses.

My fellow players say things like "He's trying his best" and "Oh my god, why do you even wanna know that?" I personally am just interested in his world and what he has created for us.

So, what are some things that I could do to motivate my DM to actually put in some work for our sessions?

This happened with a long running campaign that I currently am running. The problem player that we will just call “A” has been a good friend outside of DND but inside DND they are to put it lightly, a problem. They like to blame their ADHD and various mental issues for the way they are the way they are. And I’m not casting aspersions on other people for this behavior who also have mental issues or ADHD. That’s just been their excuse for what’s been happening.

A, will often get distracted themselves or distract other players while lore is being explained, that player is taking their turn, or is purposefully antagonizing me as the dungeon master in an attempt to piss me off. They treat the latter as winning at d&d. Previously, I had a long conversation with them about how wanting to piss me off when I’m just trying to run a fun and engaging game makes them a bad friend. They seemed to understand and the behavior died down. Until today.

While describing a scene to the table, A, wadded up their straw wrapper and threw it at my face while I was looking away. I froze, turned to look at A, and stared at them for a very long moment. They giggled and waited for me to explode. Part of me wanted to get up and walk out right then and there. But I said enough was enough. I looked right at A and said

“Your next turn is skipped. Do not throw anything at me.”

They argued that it didnt hurt me at all and I was taking things too serious. I told A that we talked about this before and that their behavior was unacceptable, and there would be consequences. A then flicked their straw at me, but it only hit my DM screen.

“That’s two turns skipped. Do you want to go for three?”

A got red in the face and argued some more but settled down after. They did not interrupt again or distract anybody while the consequences played out and when it was their turn again, two turns later, they participated accordingly and the session finished with everyone having fun. So, was I wrong?

So a player wants to play as a warlock. Genie’s vessel states that the player can decide what the object is. A spyglass sells for 1.000GP and according to the PHB “If the vessel is destroyed or you lose it, you can perform a 1 hour ceremony to receive a replacement from your patron”

I think the idea to sell the item and create a replacement is creative and although I want to reward creativity I also don’t want my low level group rolling in money.

So do you have some ideas how to prevent this “inifinite money glitch”? I was thinking that the replacement will be something of less value each time the player tries to exploit this. Maybe the patron gets annoyed and the replacement is something impractical (eg something loud or smelly which would give disadvantage on stealth or social rolls?)

Would you allow it? How would you deal with this?

So I’m dming a campaign, and one of my players seemed upset at the result of a Nat 20

For context, they entered a dungeon, which then after they exited it became a regular wine cellar. That’s what it was at the moment. Player rolled investigation and got Nat 20. Told him he found a gamblers coin he can exchange for a large sum of money (400+ gold, and was even thinking I could lead it into some kind of subplot or side quest.)

Now said player seemed bummed out. Saying “I’ve seen a campaign where someone rolled a Nat 20 to breed w a dragon!” (I think they’re referring to critical role or some kinda dnd show) and was basically implying how the Nat 20 was underwhelming.

I don’t know what I could’ve realistically put or improvised in that Win cellar (which I kinda meta gamed and told them straight up it’s a regular wine cellar now that the dungeon is completed) than woulda satisfied him.

I do wanna mention that this player has had similar reactions in the past to passing checks not going as expected, for example he tried to intimidate guards but I told him that intimidating them isn’t automatically gonna make them run away, rather just hold a defensive stance

idk what to do cuz I did talk to him briefly and told him that whatever his expectations of passed checks or Nat 20s might be kinda high and unrealistic but like he kinda starts comparing to the aforementioned campaign shows and what Nat 20s can do

Help🙏

I was DMing for the first time a few weeks ago and during a battle with a monster I knew they couldn’t beat (the fight helped move the plot along so it was necessary), one of the players looked up how many hit points it had and told the others to give up fighting because of this.

This feels like cheating to me? I had another DM at the table (as a player) and they didn’t do this or even comment on how hard they thought the monster was. So…have you had players do this? And do you tolerate it?

im planning on having a shop in my campaign that sells magical items, except the shopkeeper is a swindler and the items are a lot less impressive than what their description would entail, i got the idea from a tiktok where an item is basically a ball with a goldfish inside that would answer any yes or no question once a day except the hidden detail is that the yes or no answer is completely random, i want more items like that and i wonder if you guys got any ideas

EDIT: thanks guys for your suggestions, im taking notes of my favorite ones, and to the new ppl reading this post i will also take suggestions of potions with the same premise

I’m trying to introduce my friend to D&D, but his family is very religious and he is convinced that the game is bad because there are multiple gods, black magic, the ability to harm or torture people, and other stuff like that. How can I convince him that the game isn’t what he thinks it is? I am not able to invite him to a game because of his resistance.

Making this on a throwaway just to get it off my chest. Hopefully this post can help me to just move on.

I put out the last session of my campaign last year. I was really proud of how it turned out. I wasn't getting famous off it but the show was fun and my players were genuinely incredible. We had so much fun that we spent almost 4 hours after the game just chatting it up about the characters and the story. It's one of my favorite memories. Recently, someone put out a 2 hour video analyzing the final combat and it was... rough.

It was every intrusive thought or speck of imposter syndrome I've ever had - personified into a cinema-sins type experience.

"I talk too much."

"I'm nagging the players."

"I'm ruining the viewing experience."

"I've never been a good DM."

I'm not enough of a masochist to watch the whole thing... but damn. The video was fair game. I put out my session on the internet and I have a presence online. People have the right to critic it however they choose. But fuuuuuuuuuuck. It still sucked ass. I can't stop thinking about it and now its starting to affect my DMing. I'm second guessing myself way more and I'm way more nervous about running combat - a part of the game I used to be very confident in.

I love being a DM and I love this game. I just hate the idea that my self-esteem is so fragile that some dude can tear down all those good memories with a single video.

Update: I'm checking this post a couple days later and I am BLOWN AWAY by the support. I'll be frank, I made this post hungover and tired. The stupid video had just reentered my exhausted mind and I frantically grabbed my throwaway to rant about it. I woke up a little later, responded to a few comments, and didn't really pay the situation any thought.

Now, I never expected to see so many people jump into my corner. Thank you all so much! I just ran a home game (no recording) and I felt great about it! It's important to keep in mind that you can't (nor should you try) to please everyone. The people at your table or in your community are all that should matter.

Been DMing for 15 years and I think I just played my last session of DnD. I just don't want to do it anymore. Built a world and no one remembers any details. Add a puzzle and no one even tries.

It might seem minor but this last session frustrated me more then it should have. Players walk into room. Huge obvious McGuffin in room. Only detail provided is a bunch of books are also in the room. No one explores. No one tries to read a single book. "I'd like to examine the bookcases" is literally all they had to do to get the knowledge they needed for the knowledge puzzle. Could have also examined the floor or climbed a staircase but that was less obvious. But no one bothers to do any of it.

I end up trying to change the encounter last minute to prevent a party wipe because they didn't get a piece of info they needed. Whole encounter ends up being clunky and bad because of it. This is a constant thing.

I don't want to DM if I have to hand feed every detail to the players. I also don't want do nothing but create simple combat encounters. So I'm gonna take a week and think it through but I think I just don't want to play anymore. Sucks.

Heys guys,
I’m a new DM and I need help (or at least advice on) what to do about my players who constantly only ever try and fight at ranged in every encounter.

The warlock has the Eldritch Evocation that lets him hit an enemy 300ft away and the party fighter uses a heavy crossbow (100ft or up to 400 with disadvantage) and they’ll constantly sneak up at the enemies to get advantage on said attacks and also to begrudgingly get me to count it as a surprise round. This basically leads to a boring battle where they’ll attack from far away and dash away while the enemy can do nothing but either keep dashing and get fired on or just give up.

The reason my enemies do this is because they all have short bows (goblins and bullywugs) and thus don’t have the range to really fight back.

Are there any enemies you guys would recommend that could definitively stop this from occurring? Or should my enemies just start bunkering down in towers. Thanks

• In fact, you cannot fart that much.
• You want to use ball bearings to trip up... snakes? I will allow you an intelligence check here.
• ...okay, I'll admit this is the first time you guys have actually stolen a boss.
• Your roll to assess bitch level is high enough to tell you she's not that much of a bitch.
• Explain to me how you intend to sufficiently disguise yourself. You have a tail.